How to console a man after 8-second sex

[TarnishedPenny]

Don't let go of him. Wrap yourself around him. Don't let him emotionally disconnect from you.

Grasp his penis when it emerges, and tell him you're not going to let him get away. Tell him you want him to stay with you longer and not run off.

Tell him it's good to get the first one out of the way, and you will be with him for the second and third one when they come.

Tell him how sexy you feel because he got so worked up.

Tell him you should have realized how worked up/close to the edge you got him and that he was going to pop. Try and share responsibility for the uncomfortable moment. Say that you should had sucked/jerked him to completion first.

Gently suggest something to do until he's ready again. It may be enough just to put his fingers on your pussy. Start kissing him, and after a while, direct his lips elsewhere. Or direct you lips down his body eventually to his cock.

You may have a teachable moment here -- his embarrassment can be redirected into motivation for him learning how to please you.

Finally, even if all you want to do is laugh at him, take one for team women. Good karma will come back to you.

This.

 

[Jessie_Pinkman]

This.

She just described a fuck session with rough foreplay, wrestling, with him pinning her down and overpowering her.

Not exactly a "cuddle me" kind of moment.

If it were me, I'd then go down on her, roughly eat her until she came. But some guys have an issue with a cum filled pussy.

 

[twister947]

She just described a fuck session with rough foreplay, wrestling, with him pinning her down and overpowering her.

Not exactly a "cuddle me" kind of moment.

If it were me, I'd then go down on her, roughly eat her until she came. But some guys have an issue with a cum filled pussy.

This. And even if I had problems (I don't), I'd go there anyway. Penance and redemption, yanno?

 

[Bill_Cosplay]

So, a bit more detail.

This has been a recurring problem, but we control it when we follow the game plan (I blow him, he cums- he eats me while recovering- then we fuck, he lasts longer).

It's when we have more spontaneous sex, or divert from that game plan. Like, a few days ago, I am getting out of the shower, he's coming in from a run, we engage in a bit of rough foreplay, and he fucks me- and it's over as quick as that.

I've read your responses, and yes- "we could have cuddled, engaged in more foreplay". But that wasn't exactly the dynamic of the moment- we had just wrestled, he pinned me, "overpowering me" (all completely consensual, mind you )- then he goes into a funk because he came in two strokes.

I had a friend - a lady friend - in college whose new boyfriend at the time had a problem coming fast with her the first time - maybe he always came fast the first time - so, what he would do was pull out and grip his cock in a certain way and kill the oncoming orgasm and then he could get back in there and go to town.

She asked me if I had ever done that - I asked, "Come quick?" and she said, "No, stop your orgasm by grabbing your cock?" ... I thought about that, during sex? No, if I'm coming, I'm coming, but when I had masturbated before, I had.

So, you two can have spontaneous sex often until he builds up some stamina, or he can try a pullout method and a hand grip that stops the oncoming orgasm ...

I'd tell him this though (in a nice way) if he starts to act sullen: Stop it! So you came quick, so the fuck what. Don't act like a baby afterward, you're going to kill my mood and I'm going to stop wanting to have spontaneous sex. You'll either get better at it, or you won't.

Has he ever played sports or done anything competitive? If you fuck up, you pretend it didn't happen and you keep playing, because if you dwell on it, nothing gets accomplished. - Tell him that.

 

[ElectraRex]

To be honest, at a certain point it isn't your problem to fix. Let him know that a quickie is fine too, then it's on him to mend his own ego.

Agree, why is it on her to coddle his ego when he's a two pump-chump? Dude should be on message boards asking how to last longer and make good if he can't handle his shit.

OP, this isn't your problem to fix. You can help and be nice, but this is a him problem and if he doesn't want to be embarrassed he should stop embarrassing himself.

 

[ChasingAnna]

If she has feelings for him and wants to stay in that relationship - it's as much her problem to fix as his. You can't just advice to break up a relationship based on that, or seek sexual gratification outside. It's not a sex novel, it's life.

I've been around long enough to know that you can't ever really fix another person. You can be there for them, you can help them on their way, but in the end it's up to them. You can't hold yourself responsible for how someone else feels about themselves (unless you've actually done something to cause it of course).

Her wanting to help him is great, but she can't feel responsible for fixing it.

 

[Nezhul]

Agree, why is it on her to coddle his ego when he's a two pump-chump?

Because she, you know, loves him? And when you love somebody, you don't really care what they did wrong or right.

Dude should be on message boards asking how to last longer and make good if he can't handle his shit.
OP, this isn't your problem to fix. You can help and be nice, but this is a him problem and if he doesn't want to be embarrassed he should stop embarrassing himself.

Are you sure he isn't/wasn't?
Chances are he was on forums many times, but as I mentioned before, 99% of times you get advice from people who know next to nothing themselves. Try, for the heck of it, to search google "how to last longer in bed", and see how many of the points from the post I've linked you find in the first 10-20 articles? Chances are, you won't get much father than "thinking of baseball" and maybe "Kegels". As well as recommendations to use thicker condoms.
People don't know SHIT about lasting longer in bed. And that's a real problem for someone who struggles with it. It may seem as if there's simply nothing else to know.

You make it sound so simple, you know. I'm sure you yourself have many flaws that your close ones would rather you go and handle, but you don't. Or even worse - you try to handle them but you can't.
It seems to me that from the very beginning of this thread you are just using it to assert some kind of grudge or hatred that you have towards all men.

I've been around long enough to know that you can't ever really fix another person.

I've been around not so long, and I already know that you can.

You can't hold yourself responsible for how someone else feels about themselves

Who says that OP is holding herself responsible? She merely sees her loved one's distress and wants to help and make him feel better. It's a totally legit thing to do - if you ever loved anyone in your life you know it.

It's not like she can do much else to help with the problem. And it's not like she should push all blame on him and distance herself, waiting for him to "fix his shit", as previous poster bluntly suggests.
That's not how good relationship works.

 

[ElectraRex]

Because she, you know, loves him? And when you love somebody, you don't really care what they did wrong or right.

Are you sure he isn't/wasn't?
Chances are he was on forums many times, but as I mentioned before, 99% of times you get advice from people who know next to nothing themselves. Try, for the heck of it, to search google "how to last longer in bed", and see how many of the points from the post I've linked you find in the first 10-20 articles? Chances are, you won't get much father than "thinking of baseball" and maybe "Kegels". As well as recommendations to use thicker condoms.
People don't know SHIT about lasting longer in bed. And that's a real problem for someone who struggles with it. It may seem as if there's simply nothing else to know.

You make it sound so simple, you know. I'm sure you yourself have many flaws that your close ones would rather you go and handle, but you don't. Or even worse - you try to handle them but you can't.
It seems to me that from the very beginning of this thread you are just using it to assert some kind of grudge or hatred that you have towards all men.

I've been around not so long, and I already know that you can.

Who says that OP is holding herself responsible? She merely sees her loved one's distress and wants to help and make him feel better. It's a totally legit thing to do - if you ever loved anyone in your life you know it.

It's not like she can do much else to help with the problem. And it's not like she should push all blame on him and distance herself, waiting for him to "fix his shit", as previous poster bluntly suggests.
That's not how good relationship works.

She has posted twice and never mentioned loving him. Project much?

It sounds like you know a whole lot about premature ejaculation, but you are just assuming he's doing something and that nothing works when her posts make it sound like he hasn't even tried.

No, I don't have massive sexual dysfunctions that my spouse has to check on message boards to see how best not to shatter my fragile ego. Again, you're projecting here.

I do have a problem with male fragility. At best it makes women responsible for things that aren't their fault and at worst is physically dangerous for women. You seem to have the stance that she should bend over backward to coddle him in his failures, probably because that's what you want and need, while protecting that she loves him and then claiming loving someone gives them a pass on letting you down.

My advice to you: stop giving advice. You suck at it.

 

[Nezhul]

ElectraRex
Ooo! I heard pure ad hominem makes you look good and instantly proves your argument.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

what

What Electra Rex and Chasing Anna said, hands down.
Or, "Is that all you got?" Don't make another person's problem yours.

 

[tiny_tits]

What Electra Rex and Chasing Anna said, hands down.
Or, "Is that all you got?" Don't make another person's problem yours.

Is that what you would recommend to my boyfriend if I was the one with the problem?

If I was ready and willing to have sex, but some issue kept me from being able to do so?

 

[Nezhul]

Is that what you would recommend to my boyfriend if I was the one with the problem?

If I was ready and willing to have sex, but some issue kept me from being able to do so?

Don't mind them - they are just nihilistic and radical masses of the internet, who can't put themselves in your place. For them your situation is as emotionally rich as a math problem, and that's why their answer is simple and inflexible.
You get that a lot on the internet. After all, instead of a person they see merely a few lines of text.
Just don't mind it. I really hope you two can resolve it

 

[ElectraRex]

ElectraRex
Ooo! I heard pure ad hominem makes you look good and instantly proves your argument.

Might want to look up the definition of ad hominem next time you're googling premature ejaculation remedies

 

[ElectraRex]

Is that what you would recommend to my boyfriend if I was the one with the problem?

If I was ready and willing to have sex, but some issue kept me from being able to do so?

Except he can have sex. He just can't do it well. It's nice that you want to make him feel better about his inadequacies, but this isn't a medical condition for which he has no control.

I've heard Dan Savage cover this on his show, the two-pumper problem not how to inflate a male ego. There are cock sleeves, basically hollow strap ons that would allow him to fuck until YOU were ready for him to cum. If this is actually about being a good sexual partner to you, he'll be willing to wear one. If he's only sad he's not being called a sex god after a pitiful performance and the idea of wearing a sleeve to prevent his control issue from becoming your problem threatens his fragile ego, then he'll throw a tantrum when you suggest it.

https://www.adameve.com/adult-sex-toys/penis-enhancers-c-1009.aspx

There, I even did the leg work for you on finding products. Took me about as long as your boyfriend can last.

 

[twister947]

Jesus.......

 

[ChasingAnna]

Just wanted to make one thing clear as I'm seeing my posts getting grouped in with people that I don't really agree with.

I'm approaching this from the perspective that a quick shot now and then is not intrinsically a big deal. Even if it's a quick shot every time, mouths and hands aren't affected, so there are still ways for everyone to get satisfied. The question asked was how to console him, not how to make him last longer.

The central issue seems to be that it's playing hell with his ego and is making him feel like a failure in bed. His reaction to the PE is the central issue, not the PE itself.

Towards that end:
Being there for him is good. Wanting to help him find solutions is good. Loving him, sticking by him, comforting him, all good.

I 100% disagree with belittling him about it as a few posters have suggested. That will almost certainly make the problem worse. The over the top, "hold him close and don't let go" is unlikely to be much better, as it's reinforcing that this is some 'Huge Dramatic Thing' but but not to worry because 'you will cling to him even as your sex life spirals the drain into the dark void of eternal bad sex!'

I 100% disagree with anyone approaching this as there is something "wrong" with him and it's his fault and he needs to fix his dick.

I also 100% disagree with the idea that something you do can MAKE him feel better. People who are depressed are generally not helped by being told they should be happy. People with body self image issues are not helped by simply heaping praise on them. As such, I doubt people with established performance anxiety will be helped by being instructed as to how they should feel. These issues come from inside and must be solved from inside. You can be there supporting him as he works through it, but he will have to make peace with it himself before her can really move forward, and that's something someone else can't do for him.

Be there for him, but don't make it a big deal. Let him realize it's not the end of the world.

 

[Nezhul]

ElectraRex
You are so full of hate and shit, I pity you.
I really hope your close ones never act towards you how you suggest to act towards others.

 

[ElectraRex]

ElectraRex
You are so full of hate and shit, I pity you.
I really hope your close ones never act towards you how you suggest to act towards others.

Awww I don't give a fuck what you think, old man. Sorry you seem to think I should. Your male fragility and sexist little portrait are so pathetic, as is how transparent you are in identifying with a guy who cums too quick and desperately needs consoling afterward.

Did you look up ad hominem? Because you just did one on top of the begging the question fallacy from earlier.

 

[bone251]

Simple.
Say "eat me"
Or
Sit on his face.

And if the issue continues, start training him with tease and orgasm denial.

 

[amofiga]

I agree with all the comments about not making a big deal about it and making him feel stupid or inferior. I haven't read each and every comment so please forgive me if I repeat.

1) Is this the first time it happened or have you been having sex for a while and it happens every time?

2) Has it happened with all of his partners of just you? Ask him to be honest and be receptive. Some guys can say, have great long sex with a prostitute or hold off a long time with jerking off but have a problem with certain partners with whom they feel awkward or rushed. Is there a "rushed" situation or are you relaxed and have time? I can tell you this, many years ago when I was a stupid teenager, sex was over too quickly because it was a mentality of "get it in her and get off before she changes her mind." Sex wasn't a shared event but something you "did to a girl". Stupid youth.

3) Does it happen with every form of sex or just conventional PIV fucking? Some guys have a problem with one form of sex and not another for what ever reason.

General sex therapy approaches talk about trying things other than PIV sex to get him relaxed and comfortable with you and the situation.

1) Make him understand that you are going to put any pressure on him and you're there to share and work with him. It's something you WANT to do and he can feel comfortable with you.

2) Perhaps work with him to get you off first via oral or manual stimulation if he's uncomfortable with oral. This way, he doesn't feel like he has to be a superman and fuck you for an hour to satisfy you.

3) AFTER you've had at least one orgasm, given that most women are multi-orgasmic, take your time to work with him and slowly stimulate him with your mouth or hands. Do it for a few seconds and back off to let him "subside". Kiss, fondle, hug, other things other than direct stimulation and then go back to it. It's even ok to let him masturbate while you watch and tell him how cool it is to see how he does it. Believe it or not, sometimes focusing on him helps to let him relax and not get overly excited.

Eventually, he'll be able to hold out longer. Perhaps even if he has one ejaculation in 8 seconds, you can go back to letting him do you orally or manually or with a vibrator till he's ready to try again. Good luck

 

[CandiCame]

So, a bit more detail.

This has been a recurring problem, but we control it when we follow the game plan (I blow him, he cums- he eats me while recovering- then we fuck, he lasts longer).

It's when we have more spontaneous sex, or divert from that game plan. Like, a few days ago, I am getting out of the shower, he's coming in from a run, we engage in a bit of rough foreplay, and he fucks me- and it's over as quick as that.

I've read your responses, and yes- "we could have cuddled, engaged in more foreplay". But that wasn't exactly the dynamic of the moment- we had just wrestled, he pinned me, "overpowering me" (all completely consensual, mind you )- then he goes into a funk because he came in two strokes.

This probably isn't helpful, but I read this and my first response, as someone with a dick, is "I would fucking die". So I totally get why he felt bad and also why he isn't screaming it from the rooftops even on anon. Everybody shitting on this guy put yourself in his position. Can you imagine how awful that would feel? How bad it would affect you?

I honestly don't know, continuing the whole 'putting myself in his shoes' thing that I would want to be consoled? That honestly just sounds like it'd be calling more attention to it and honestly? Too soon. Like it's something that would make you feel SO bad that you'd know you had to talk about it eventually, but these suggestions about hugging and cuddling- if it was me I would need a minute and I don't think I'd want anyone to touch me. I'd be like, "Ok, I fucked up, I know I fucked up, can I have like a SECOND to come to terms with the fact of how bad I fucked up BEFORE we make the whole big thing about it? Please? Can we not for like five goddamn minutes?"

He might be different, I'm just trying to put myself in that situation. Like I'm sure he knows, he doesn't really need to hear anything anybody could say. Like talk about it later, come up with a game plan later, but give somebody a minute to process and wallow and then move forward.

It's one of those social situations where you, the guy, would have to know that you fucked up a situation to the point that it can't be unfucked and every second you dwell on it or talk about it or call attention to it you're just digging that hole deeper, you know?

And again, I'm not saying I wouldn't want to talk about it EVER I know it's a relationship issue to be worked through but I imagine the last thing someone needs after that is somebody hanging off of him talking about how it's ok when it VERY CLEARLY is not ok and it's gonna feel patronizing no matter how sincere it is.

 

[bone251]

Very true. When you lose it like that you feel terrible. And the reality is when it happens to you, you just do not know what to do.

When I was young I had the good fortune of dating a modestly older girl. On the third play time I just lost it. Barely got in all the way. Two seconds! She was wonderful about it because she made sure she was taken care of.
First she drained me on her clit.
Then I was told to lick her clean and do not stop. Her nice grip on the boys made it real clear what I needed to do. I was given wonderful instruction and learned a lot about giving a girl oral.
Then the next time she told me I was going to be trained. Basically tease and orgasm denial. My instruction continued and I learned how wonderful it is to have a happy girl. Her teasing sessions went longer and longer. She taught me to enjoy waiting and taught my little head to wait.
The instruction continued............
I got really good.

 

[Cumference]

Found this today:
https://amuse.vice.com/en_us/article/59xze5/taoist-sex-history

 

[Eli_Dreams]

How old is he? At under 30 I would guess "It was fun! Let's go for round two!" should work just fine. Just don't dive for his dick right away, he might be sensitive for a while. But you can stimulate all other parts of him, so he will be ready in no time.

If he is older and second round is not an option, at least not in the next couple hours... Did he get you off first? If not "Now it is my turn!" would be quite appropriate and help him figure out how to go about it. His dick is not the only tool he can use

 

[Snowbunnie12]

Just try not to laugh, honestly that sounds like a problem for him to address and not you