How to deal with menopausal changes?

Yzwoman

Experienced
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Aug 5, 2013
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33
I realize this is not a new topic, but I've been experiencing some changes in my early menopausal days and I would love to hear from others who may have had similar problems.

Intercourse has gone from being something that just a year ago I craved and could not get enough of to something that is incredibly painful. Yes, we've tried various lubricants, and I've tried using Replens (although not within a few hours of intercourse). It does become somewhat less painful after the initial penetration, but now matter how hard I try, I cannot hide that initial discomfort from my husband, which often causes... wilting. He's never been one to initiate sex, and now he has even less reason to want it, it seems.

I've mentioned this problem to my doctor. She recommended lubricants, which don't seem to really help that much. I've asked to try some low-dose vaginal estrogen products, but she is reluctant to put me on these given my history of migraines. I have a doctor's visit scheduled but it is not until November. I had a fairly normal gyno visit in the spring of 2015 (they had been watching a small ovarian cyst, but it seemed to be getting smaller). Everything else was normal then, and I don't have any other symptoms related to a cyst or tumor or any other health problems. I exercise regularly, eat well, don't smoke, and am not under undue stress or anything.

I hate feeling like my sex life is over, thinking of my vagina atrophying away. I still dream of sex, and masturbate semi-regularly, but I feel like a fraud in a way and sometimes have difficulty getting as aroused as I used to because of this problem. I miss that part of my life so much.

Is this normal?? Is there anything that might help?
 
Your sex life doesn't have to be over if you can find a way to enjoy each other sexually without focusing on vaginal intercourse as the only yard stick. More to the point, I think finding a way to maintain a healthy sexual relationship is important for keeping your marriage healthy, in spite of sexual challenges. But intimacy can be found other ways. Are you (both) willing to re-think sex in terms of other ways to give each other pleasure (mutual masturbation, blow jobs, etc) and even just a sexual connection with a good old fashioned bottle of wine and massage?.
 
Thanks very much, Twister and pplwatching. It is somewhat helpful to realize we are not alone. And the ideas to keep the sexual connection going are very good. I think we have a very good relationship and we do spend a lot of time in physical (not really sexual) contact, snuggling, holding hands, kissing. We also talk: he admits as he's gotten older he wants actual sex less, and I think I am becoming that way because of all the changes. But it makes me think of myself as an almost asexual person, an old woman, and I don't like that. I'm still in my early 50's!!
 
But it makes me think of myself as an almost asexual person, an old woman, and I don't like that. I'm still in my early 50's!!

To borrow a well worn phrase, "Asexual is as asexual does". Keeping the sexual part of your marriage simmering is both mental and physical. If you are both honest with each other and feel like you are meeting each others needs, then you are doing better than many couples. Your Dr. may be able to help with hormones, if you feel that path to be necessary and worth the risk. A therapist might be able to help too. Otherwise, enjoy giving each other pleasure in ways that work for both of you, and don't let the physical changes make you feel like less of a lover or person.

Best to you both
 
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