satindesire
Queen of Geeks
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2005
- Posts
- 13,101
how to explain I'm not freakin out
- Thread starter blackdragonfly
- Start date
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
LOL!!
Have any of you really tried to explain what you want. Or even demostrate as far as you can?
I have been a sadist all my life, but none of us can read minds. The hard part is the communication between the sadist and his other. Unless the sadist just don't care (and I have known more then a few) a bond can never be formed. Sooner or later the desire turns into fear and the relationship falls apart. It took me and my partner a long time to get to where we are now and it was all done through conversation.
I have been a sadist all my life, but none of us can read minds. The hard part is the communication between the sadist and his other. Unless the sadist just don't care (and I have known more then a few) a bond can never be formed. Sooner or later the desire turns into fear and the relationship falls apart. It took me and my partner a long time to get to where we are now and it was all done through conversation.
astralkiss
Phoenix Rising
- Joined
- Nov 5, 2002
- Posts
- 881
I have, and I think the source of this discontent may just stem from incompatibility of our BDSM "styles" so to speak. I have a tendency to be bratty and he finds it annoying, he has a tendency to use more mental domination and words than physical, and I crave physical....
unpredictablebijou
Peril!
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2007
- Posts
- 5,507
As long as he doesn't think you're tapping your fingers like you're bored with what he's doing and want him to ramp it up.
I've always found "red" to be very simple and easy for even a novice to use (with one notable - and hilarious - exception {It wasn't that she wanted to safeword, she was thrilled with what was happening. We were using green-yellow-red and when, checking up on her, I asked for a color, she was so deep into subspace she said, "purrrrrrplllle." When I specified "green, yellow or red?" she replied, sloooowwwwlllyyyy, "Ohhhhh... greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnn."}).
*laughing*
That's excellent.
And actually, one of the tools we use is purple. This might really help in the original situation.
"purple" in our lexicon means 'You could do that harder" so it's a good one for 'teaching' a dom just how far you're able to go. It indicates that you can handle taking it up a notch.
Another one that I find works nicely for the same effect is "You hit like a girl."
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,579
Another one that I find works nicely for the same effect is "You hit like a girl."
And people call me sammy.
unpredictablebijou
Peril!
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2007
- Posts
- 5,507
And people call me sammy.
Heh. Yeah, that tends to get a very immediate and decisive response...
blackdragonfly
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 6, 2004
- Posts
- 350
Well fuck it all went pretty poorly just cause (murphy's law) both the kids were sick and the very little play time we did have was spent just vanilla sex *sigh* So I'm praying for some more alone time, but we shall see.
I'm thinkin bout puttin on my very see through thermal shirt, no bra, and my tight jeans with the thong he got me as we run to the store w/o the kids and see what he does. Even if it doesn't fallow the BDSM line I will take what i can get atm! But you know naughty girls DO need to be punished. Heh
I'm thinkin bout puttin on my very see through thermal shirt, no bra, and my tight jeans with the thong he got me as we run to the store w/o the kids and see what he does. Even if it doesn't fallow the BDSM line I will take what i can get atm! But you know naughty girls DO need to be punished. Heh
A short story from a long life story.
When I met my now wife and slave, she was the victom of severe spousal abuse by her X husband. He had actually locked her in the house, and at one point shot her. (Short not so detailed version)
That brings on a lot of emotion and "baggage". When we started into Bondage, we of course started with a "safe word" and system for her to let me know slow, or MORE! Her wanting to please me combined with the lessons from her X often led her to "step out of herself". I learned right away to watch her eyes and her body language. There were subtile changes that would alert me to the times when she was just not there.
SO yes safe words are important, BUT lets not forget as a Dominant < I > am responsible for ALL that goes on.
I communicated my concerns with her and with time and patience I found the triggers and overcame some of her fears and nightmares. She has even said it was theroputic( sp?) and Now we are much stronger than ever.
We also have used a GAG at times, so other than verbal safe communication were used. This was also useful at clubs where music or others at a near bye station would sometimes make verbal communication difficult.
When I met my now wife and slave, she was the victom of severe spousal abuse by her X husband. He had actually locked her in the house, and at one point shot her. (Short not so detailed version)
That brings on a lot of emotion and "baggage". When we started into Bondage, we of course started with a "safe word" and system for her to let me know slow, or MORE! Her wanting to please me combined with the lessons from her X often led her to "step out of herself". I learned right away to watch her eyes and her body language. There were subtile changes that would alert me to the times when she was just not there.
SO yes safe words are important, BUT lets not forget as a Dominant < I > am responsible for ALL that goes on.
I communicated my concerns with her and with time and patience I found the triggers and overcame some of her fears and nightmares. She has even said it was theroputic( sp?) and Now we are much stronger than ever.
We also have used a GAG at times, so other than verbal safe communication were used. This was also useful at clubs where music or others at a near bye station would sometimes make verbal communication difficult.
