How To Orgasm

[Lucy_Lastic]

Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

You said it all so much better than me.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

You said it all so much better than me.

Thank you so very much. I appreciate it.

 

[Desiree_Radcliffe]

Oh my god you've bought into all the myths.

All people sometimes need time to get aroused. Most people can crack out a quickie if they feel that way inclined. With my new wand I can make myself cum hard in less than 2 minutes. Clit sucker usually 2-3. Fingers 5. That's if I'm in a hurry. If not I can stretch it out, but I never often go more than about 15-20 minutes.

I'm amazed some guys on here aren't virgins, with some of the shit you come up with. Don't watch girls on porn sites masturbate and think it's real. Try talking to women.

This, this, this!

 

[coati]

The key for my partner and me is to build up a charge all week long, with words and acts of respect and affection as we go about working in separate counties, and then let the passion explode on the weekends when we get together.

I always make sure she gets off first before I even start to enter her. She likes to have her whole body and soul stimulated, and all initial genital stimulation involves lubrication, either from our mouths or from a lubricant.

Vocal cues are important during PIV sex. And, after that, I stay inside her for as long as possible. After-glow lasts a long time.

Orgasm is something we build toward all week long, throughout the year.

 

[SPARTAN047]

I do edge. I rarely came with a man or woman IRL, I suspect it's because they were too rough.

 

[LargoKitt]

Oh my god you've bought into all the myths.

All people sometimes need time to get aroused. Most people can crack out a quickie if they feel that way inclined. With my new wand I can make myself cum hard in less than 2 minutes. Clit sucker usually 2-3. Fingers 5. That's if I'm in a hurry. If not I can stretch it out, but I never often go more than about 15-20 minutes.

I'm amazed some guys on here aren't virgins, with some of the shit you come up with. Don't watch girls on porn sites masturbate and think it's real. Try talking to women.

Okay, Lucy_Lastic, God bless the sex toy industry for unleashing women from guys' dominating dicks or their own 'be a good girl' mind blocks, free to bounce out as many quickie or serial Os as they choose. Big honest cheer. OTOH, I'm trying to write stories that appeal to women, and it seems in the stories written by women like the more the writer talks about feelings and little personal stuff and 'doubts' the hotter the payoff when the actual rumpty-bumpty happens. So my 'apprenticeship' here is to learn how to concocts stories that really crank a woman's engine. Curiously, the top of the 'erotica for women' list is 'non-consent in a public place.' What? That scary street where you don't feel safe is actually your biggest fantasy? Or fucking dad? So, #3, getting it on with your BFF is more where I can go in good conscience.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

Read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It's about women's sexual fantasies. Some may surprise you. Yes, some of us fantasise about rape. Kinky shit. Animals. Anything. If you want to write good erotica for women, just write good erotica. We aren't a separate breed.

 

[drobert44]

Read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It's about women's sexual fantasies. Some may surprise you. Yes, some of us fantasise about rape. Kinky shit. Animals. Anything. If you want to write good erotica for women, just write good erotica. We aren't a separate breed.

Good tip, I am working on my granny.

 

[LargoKitt]

Read "My Secret Garden" by Nancy Friday. It's about women's sexual fantasies. Some may surprise you. Yes, some of us fantasise about rape. Kinky shit. Animals. Anything. If you want to write good erotica for women, just write good erotica. We aren't a separate breed.

Have read Nancy Friday, and Anaïs Nin, and Barbara Cartland, and plenty for ovary owning writers here. Some of it caters to the 'here you go, Big Guy, this ought to turn you on' genre. Some of it appeals to the 'this is how my girlfriend fucked me...up' crowd. The daddy fantasies gross me out because, for me, that stuff is too close to how my sisters were used. I think I understand the submissive stuff. There is freedom in someone else being the boss; especially if you were brought up religious and you want your lust to be someone else's fault. Exhibitionist fantasies? Sure. Rape fantasies? WTF?! All the other variations of human coupling that people play. That's why this place exists. BTW, have a look at some of my stories: "Come Aboard", "Speak Low When You Speak Love","Diversity Twins", "A Crafty Woman","Patience and the Pearl" and please let me know how you feel. LK

 

[Misty_Arias]

Not a woman here, but you said "mostly," and I have paid a lot of attention to my partners over the years, and I'm a fan of omgyes.com (the latter item is highly relevant to this conversation)
1) Women vary widely in how they are wired sexually, both in the physical to mind wiring and in the way their neuro-pathways have developed. As I guy who has had an average-ish number for my age, I have noticed that women can be very different from each other. Some women can roll through orgasm after orgasm, others get so hyper-sensitive after one good one, that they have to take a break. Some women can get there pretty fast, others totally need to simmer a while. Some women are just more expressive and demonstrative when they cum, others are quieter, but no one has a calibrated cum-seismometer on the side of their head to say that the louder O's are innately better.
2) Everybody here knows the anatomy: the clit, the crura, g-spot, a-spot, & cervix. Women I have known have been differently wired into these parts. I know one woman who was really, really responsive to a-spot stimulation (a-spot, aka ae-spot). Another has her best O's when both her clit and g-spot are being stimulated. Numerous women told me their most intense orgasms are from anal penetration (my hunch is that this is indirect a-spot stimulation.) Some women do NOT like their cervix stroked, others enjoy it.
3) Squirting. I've been with a few women who squirted and discussed this with others. It doesn't seem to be a universal thing at all. I can say that it was not synonymous with orgasm; it could happen separately. It didn't seem like the squirting was some kind of super-orgasm either (again, no cum-seismometer).

Women masturbating. I discovered that I really like when a woman knows her own body well and can articulate what is working or not in detail. Usually, these women have been frequently savoring the delights of self-pleasure. You still can discover new things together, but you can start at a higher place. I get a lot of feedback during sex that is non-verbal, but it helps if she can also communicate specific things, even if it has to be afterward (because some women get incoherent at a certain level of arousal).

Men. I can only speak for myself. Men vary too. When I was in my 20s and 30s and married, I struggled often with premature ejaculation. I think this was somehow psychological and related to shit in that marriage, but that's speculation. When we got divorced and I was back on the market in my early 40s, the opposite happened. It was only a short time later, but magically I was able delay my orgasm almost indefinitely. The sex was 10x better and much more exciting to me, far more erotic and stimulating, and yet I could delay, and sometimes I couldn't even cum. That was weird because I was very, very aroused. Not cumming was, however, not as horrible as you might think. Those were such rich erotic experiences. I was finding partners who were more compatible and my ability to delay was really a very good thing. I found that I was able to savor and enjoy the entire experience, enjoy all the little spots along the way, and able to learn all the cues and triggers of each partner, so I was generally much better at helping them find pleasure. As a result, I begin to view my orgasm as merely the exclamation point at the end of a chapter in a really good book. Don't get me wrong, not cumming was maybe 5-10%, but occasionally, even with some really good sex, I couldn't cum. Twenty years later, it's a little more often, but now it is more age-related.

Did it just get really hot in here!?! {gulp}

 

[jehoram]

The daddy fantasies gross me out because, for me, that stuff is too close to how my sisters were used.

That's the thing. When these things happen IRL, and somebody's hot fantasy becomes somebody else's cold reality, then there's a huge gap in appreciating stories like this. I wouldn't let it worry me overmuch. These things are fantasies for a reason, and should stay fantasies unless all the participants are on the same page.

 

[Coquetteprincess]

If I’m horny/ wet, I can cum in like 5-15 minutes just by touching myself. I don’t need a whole day… is that really true for some people?

 

[emme8]

At 25 I had a some absolute mind blowing orgasms and some sex that was without orgasms.
Then between hormones, stress, and medicine orgasms were very rare in my 30's.

As I become more comfortable with myself I can come nearly every time now. I don't expect every orgasm with be my best ever, but all are good.
My husband learned I need a little pain. This morning I came from just nipple stimulation. Usually the nipple attention makes me beg for sex.
I wish I learned earlier in life to focus less on the destination and to enjoy the journey.

 

[Britva415]

If I’m horny/ wet, I can cum in like 5-15 minutes just by touching myself. I don’t need a whole day… is that really true for some people?

I think some people don't get to the actively aroused stage without preamble.

Even if it's just theirself and it isn't foreplay with another person we're talking about.

"Horny" starts earlier in the day and they anticipate, plan and then spend time playing in order to get to the aroused stage where it then takes 5-15 minutes.

Going from utterly un-horny to orgasm in that space of time seems unusual to me.

 

[Coquetteprincess]

I think some people don't get to the actively aroused stage without preamble.

Even if it's just theirself and it isn't foreplay with another person we're talking about.

"Horny" starts earlier in the day and they anticipate, plan and then spend time playing in order to get to the aroused stage where it then takes 5-15 minutes.

Going from utterly un-horny to orgasm in that space of time seems unusual to me.

Oh, I see. Yeah, I mean I guess I’m usually relatively horny during the day so whenever I get in bed it’s easy for me to just be quick about it if I want to be.

If I’m un-horny then I just don’t do anything so idk how long it would take to finish like that lol. I think I’d just read a book or watch TV instead XD

 

[SPARTAN047]

That's true. Women and men can fantasize about literally anything. Rape, animals, forced pregnancies, rape and gangbangs by their own family members, rape in war which might include everyone in their household, etc.

I've written stories about Dead or Alive characters being raped or losing bets, and even women ask me to continue them and maybe make the rape stories darker.

 

[Vivian251]

I am lucky, I guess, that orgasms come easily for me. In fact, I try to prolong the arousal so as not to cum to fast. Kissing, touching, sexy talk keep me simmering and makes the orgasm more powerful. Erotic massage is a wonderful way to build sexual tension. A quicky is nice at times, but I think I just enjoy getting really really horny. I clears my mind and lets me be more "in the moment."

Yes, I agree!

 

[LoneMilf]

I've found that a lot of guys tend to overestimate the importance and effect of penetration. Probably because that's a part that feels great to them.

After talking to quite a few guys about it, I've found that the following description helps them understand: "Imagine that you're getting a blowjob. Then she cups your balls and squeezes gently, while still sucking. The added stimulation from the hand feels good and makes you cum faster - but it wouldn't make you cum on it's own, unless you're already extremely worked up. Penetration is like that hand to us - it feels nice, but isn't strictly needed."

 

[nothingatall27]

I've found that a lot of guys tend to overestimate the importance and effect of penetration. Probably because that's a part that feels great to them.

After talking to quite a few guys about it, I've found that the following description helps them understand: "Imagine that you're getting a blowjob. Then she cups your balls and squeezes gently, while still sucking. The added stimulation from the hand feels good and makes you cum faster - but it wouldn't make you cum on it's own, unless you're already extremely worked up. Penetration is like that hand to us - it feels nice, but isn't strictly needed."

Thank you, that is helpful.

 

[Hipshot1554]

I've found that a lot of guys tend to overestimate the importance and effect of penetration. Probably because that's a part that feels great to them.

After talking to quite a few guys about it, I've found that the following description helps them understand: "Imagine that you're getting a blowjob. Then she cups your balls and squeezes gently, while still sucking. The added stimulation from the hand feels good and makes you cum faster - but it wouldn't make you cum on it's own, unless you're already extremely worked up. Penetration is like that hand to us - it feels nice, but isn't strictly needed."

No two women are the same, so given the time available, I want to know what she likes. Hopefully, she'll tell.

 

[ericalauren]

I've found that a lot of guys tend to overestimate the importance and effect of penetration. Probably because that's a part that feels great to them.

After talking to quite a few guys about it, I've found that the following description helps them understand: "Imagine that you're getting a blowjob. Then she cups your balls and squeezes gently, while still sucking. The added stimulation from the hand feels good and makes you cum faster - but it wouldn't make you cum on it's own, unless you're already extremely worked up. Penetration is like that hand to us - it feels nice, but isn't strictly needed."

I’ve had tons of people (and especially cis men) ask me how I orgasm even though I’ve never had sex. I guess that they assume that AFAB people need vaginal penetration to orgasm. On the rare occasion that I masturbate, I use an external vibrator (a Hitachi magic wand).

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

I've found that a lot of guys tend to overestimate the importance and effect of penetration. Probably because that's a part that feels great to them.

After talking to quite a few guys about it, I've found that the following description helps them understand: "Imagine that you're getting a blowjob. Then she cups your balls and squeezes gently, while still sucking. The added stimulation from the hand feels good and makes you cum faster - but it wouldn't make you cum on it's own, unless you're already extremely worked up. Penetration is like that hand to us - it feels nice, but isn't strictly needed."

Also, for males, arousal comes quicker than for females. The time to orgasm is 13 minutes on average for females. However, for males, the average time between the beginning of sexual penetration until ejaculation occurs is 5.6 minutes. Since females take much longer to achieve arousal, foreplay before penetration sex is very important. However, it is true, only 18% of women can orgasm from penetration sex alone. This makes it important to include clitoral stimulation during penetration sex. For more about orgasm, you can click on the "About me" link in my signature below; and look for the link to my non-profit, information only website.

 

[Raybies93]

I had mediocre, silent sex when married.
After a 3some with his best friend, the friend commented about not knowing when I was cumming.

Then I had sex with 2 very different men. One was a big grizzly guy, much larger than my ex.
Damn, I came around his cock every time he swelled and came on me.

Then I was with my Master. 5'8" respectable size.
He had me so aroused, and had been edging me blindfolded, that the moment his cock entered me I was screaming, bucking, and cumming. Squeezing him so hard he came pretty fast. Fast, but long enough I had another orgasm as he came.

With good foreplay and a man who appreciates my arousal, I cum 80% of the time we have sex. Sometimes more than once.

That was my first screaming orgasm. It was so raw and organic. It was amazing

I can’t recall a time when the woman I was with didn't cum either from vaginal or oral stimulation by me. Unless they are good actors and liars!! But I faked it once just to see if I could. It wasn’t mentioned by my lady so I assume it worked.

 

[TruthSeeker12345]

The 18% figure does not count oral stimulation. Note that the statement is:

"Only 18% of women can orgasm from penetration sex alone."

A sex educator from another website said:

"The thing is that anatomically, the vagina, all by itself, isn't particularly rich with sensory nerve endings, the nerve endings other, much more sensitive parts of the body -- like the external portions of [the] clitoris -- possess. Most of the sensation people feel in the vagina is actually more due to the parts of the clitoris inside the body than the vagina itself. And in order for that to feel like anything, it tends to require a lot of pressure and very specific targeting of some places inside the vagina . . .

My point is, it is important to add clitoral stimulation during penetration sex.