How would you feel?

[chronicle_tenko]

So Ice. To answer that question in general. I ask if you want to sit with me during lunch, cause we both have thirty minutes to eat with, before getting back to work.

What do you say to me?

 

[Light Ice]

So Ice. To answer that question in general. I ask if you want to sit with me during lunch, cause we both have thirty minutes to eat with, before getting back to work.

What do you say to me?

No. Because I'd probably assume you were a homosexual and coming on to me and I'd not want to lead you on.

 

[Veroe]

Should. They make pleasant company.

Oh the ones I already know, are pleasant enough, CT, they've helped me out of alot of tough times back in my school days.

they're plenty nice until something irks their feminist sense of justice. (Can't hardly blame them, though, women have been fairly repressed by mankind since the age of the caveman) It's unfortunate though that their zeal, their passion, for the cause of feminism tends to cloud their method, so rather than trying to affect the change DA was talking about they much rather cut any man nearby down for the sins of his gender.

Please don't misunderstand they're not as horrible as that sounds. They just let their passion for the cause get away from them.

So, I have no oppinion on feminism.

 

[Drunken_Angel]

Its really difficult to discuss sexism, especially masculinity's role in it without the male with whom you are speaking feeling attacked. Its a very delicate line to tow.

 

[chronicle_tenko]

No. Because I'd probably assume you were a homosexual and coming on to me and I'd not want to lead you on.

Fair. Arrogant but fair.

I think. More than any other issue that's a problem. We have a million reasons to distrust an invitation. Or feel bad, or assume the worst.

And this makes us all insular and avoid each other.

Makes it really hard to live with people, when we don't want to know any of them. For whatever reason. Ah well, time for a midnight walk around my neighbourhood.

Night people.

 

[Veroe]

Its really difficult to discuss sexism, especially masculinity's role in it without the male with whom you are speaking feeling attacked. Its a very delicate line to tow.

Yeah, the problem is its so deeply embedded into human society. I believe it's changing, lord knows the roles of women and their place in society today are much more equal than they were yesteryear. However the point where sexism is no longer an issue is decades if not centuries into the future. That's the only way to change it without throwing pretty much the entire race into chaos as that change is forced on them.

 

[Drunken_Angel]

Yeah, the problem is its so deeply embedded into human society. I believe it's changing, lord knows the roles of women and their place in society today are much more equal than they were yesteryear. However the point where sexism is no longer an issue is decades if not centuries into the future. That's the only way to change it without throwing pretty much the entire race into chaos as that change is forced on them.

You summed that up beautifully Veroe.

 

[marauder13]

In response to the original post, and the scenario there in. In food halls, or other public places that are quite busy, I am not afraid to as if I can sit with an established group is a seat is available. I am more than happy to let someone else sit with me if there is a space spare. I will chat to the other people if I feel comfortable that I am not encroaching, and I will respond politely if someone speaks to me.

And I don't care what they look like either. But I don't look on someone and think "oh, they look alone, maybe they'd like some company" and make it appear that I was doing them a favour.

As for the rest of the thread, and the interesting paths it has taken, I look forward to chatting to some of those people privately to learn some more about their PoV, and expand my understanding of certain subjects.

 

[marauder13]

Its really difficult to discuss sexism, especially masculinity's role in it without the male with whom you are speaking feeling attacked. Its a very delicate line to tow.

Well, in no particular order, how the subject is presented is have a major impact on that, as well as the recipients ability not to feel personally responsible for the sins of the father, so to speak. I have seen arguments presented excellently, where the subject matter was spoken of in an objective manner. Any questions were answered with an even tone. The speaker remained calm, and ignored any real or perceived slights and kept it objective.

Also, the recipient needs to be able to listen, to be confident that they are not the point of attack, blame or fault. That the intention is to inform, educate and enlighten is made clear as well.

On many occasions, on both sides, I have seen ridiculous behaviour and arguments made, as well as neither side willing to listen, compromise or even work together.

Do I have my thoughts and opinions on this matter? Yes I do. Am I willing to share them? Yes I am, just not in a public forum. I have done so in the past, and I have got the scars to prove it (physically and emotionally).

But, thank you to everyone here who was more courageous than I for sharing their thoughts, and sparking some serious thinking on my part.

 

[Light Ice]

Fair. Arrogant but fair.

I think. More than any other issue that's a problem. We have a million reasons to distrust an invitation. Or feel bad, or assume the worst.

And this makes us all insular and avoid each other.

Makes it really hard to live with people, when we don't want to know any of them. For whatever reason. Ah well, time for a midnight walk around my neighbourhood.

Night people.

I treat people how I wish to be treated.

In this particular instance the -only- reason I would approach the woman is because I found her attractive and was curious to see if I would still find her attractive after a dialogue was initiated. I'm not a sympathetic human being. A lonely human, male or female, wouldn't turn my head simply out of pity's sake.

So, naturally, my response to a woman approaching me would be to assume she was undergoing much the same. My response to the man wouldn't be different. I'd assume he was a homosexual coming over to feel me out.

To the former, if attractive, I'd allow it and see where things headed. If not? I'd dismiss her.

In this particular instance I'm not sexist. I'm simply a pig.

But there are plenty of instances in which my motivations can be construed as sexist with some validity.

 

[Rayne_Clowd]

I just took my wife out for lunch, and while we were enjoying our meal. A very attractive lady walked in, I mean this girl was CUTE!!! And sadly all by herself. My wife and I wanted so badly to go over and invite her to join us for lunch, but we respected her privacy and let her dine alone (Silk Scarlet always hated when people come over and hit on her while she was trying to eat)

But it got me to thinking, if you where eating alone, how would you feel if a couple came over and politely invited you to join them. I myself wouldn't mind at all.

Well reading this I see two points...one is you didn't want to invite her because she was lonely or because it was to be courteous. two is that it seems it was more of a sexual reason motivating or at least one based on attraction and there for, if I was the girl I would say NO unless for some reason I was attracted to you both and thought it might be fun.

Otherwise I would probably feel like the couple were coming on to me and if I was wanting to be alone and giving off no sign of wanting attention then I would probably be creeped out and offended. Given your appraisal of her looks and that it was posted as part of your explanation on what went on...I would assume she would pick up on the vibe.

So Ice. To answer that question in general. I ask if you want to sit with me during lunch, cause we both have thirty minutes to eat with, before getting back to work.

What do you say to me?

I see this as a different reason for asking ...or at least it is worded as motivation based upon curtisey rather then of an attraction or sexual response to someone and how they look.

I would most likely be a little surprised that you asked but only because people just don't seem that considerate of others now days. But I like meeting new people and would see no harm in sharing a table for lunch.

I know that I do things like offer my seat to others on the bus or train especially if I am about to get off or they are older then me or pregnant or have some impairment. I see your offer as no different its just courtesy.

I have also told people looking for a table at a food court before that they can sit with me if they like...no point one person taking up a whole table if there is not enough chairs or tables for others......

So I think that is the three threads of conversation going on, one based on attraction and appropriate behavior towards a person you are attracted to and wanting to approach the based on that. I don't think being in a couple or not a couple affects that and the second thread is about being courteous and just polite in your offer without sexual motivation or attraction.

and the last about the sexism about it being deemed a woman is needy of courtesy simply because she is alone. And that this has been deemed more so because she was attractive or cute...not just simply because she was someone alone and it would be kind to offer.