Hypersonnets

[Lauren Hynde]

Oh My God! A devilish Hypersonnet!

That's superb, Carrie. Thanks for bringing this thread back to life.

 

[Nick Urfe]

Hypersonnet thoughts

Urban Ubiquity

The baked sun-city storms into the night,
Knife drawn, neck sizzled, seeping onto streets
Where barely-clothed and just-exposed meet
And mingle where they're safely out of sight.

Night done, day begun, night again ... Pretend
the turning globe doesn't challenge balance
Drunk without the key to the apartment
When she's there, inside, sleeping with your friend.

Turn and look around; try to comprehend
Why vapor trails seem more real than future plans,
And why the brown town moon never clears,

And life has to feel like wounds on the mend,
Always reopened with no chance
to heal the feeling of seeing her tears.

Each day the world is built just right,
And their job complete, the workers retreat
To watch TV and drift off to sleep
While their labors are devoured by the night.

Why work so hard to make a dream appear
Only to wake up and see it isn't here?

-----------------------

The trouble with these hypersonnets that you have invented is the sonnet part. The splitting of the octave into tercets makes an orderly transition of theme ... difficult to translate into the form? Something like that. I reworked some old sonnets to make this one, and I noticed the rhyme scheme keeps you on one theme and prevents a really good saltation.

If it matters at all, which, who knows, it might ... my opinion of form is that it develops theme. Repetition of sounds is repetition of ideas. Poetry defies entymology by associating things that have no immediate association. Form forces a pattern for that association, so I agree with the comments people have made about the importance of form.

No poem is ever perfectly formed, but I think the difference between a free verse concept and something like the hypersonnets in this challenge is one of attitude. If you go into reading or writing one knowing its okay to break the form, it seems to me the illusion is somehow cracked. Form is the illusion of order that makes a poetic theme work, you have to go with it.

So now that I have babbled for a very long time, I will stop babbling and post something less serious.
-Nick

 

[Nick Urfe]

Sexy Hypersonnet

Ballad of a Bank Robber

She's sexy, chesty, looking her best,
Her legs are gliding, hips are swaying,
Her curvy ass has people saying
While passing by, "o my god" under their breath.

Her hot C-cups are filled to the brim,
Thanks to the midriff her tummy is bare,
Her lips are glossed and glittered for flare ...
How they stop and stare when she walks in!

She looks around with a bit of a grin,
Climbs on a desk and calls out her dare:
"Ten thousand bucks, I'll fuck anyone here."

Chaos broke out! Amidst the din,
She strokes her breasts and compares
The mad display to a chinese new year.

The Bankers and tellers and guards and the rest,
Both women and men, pounding with feeling,
Busy themselves with lust-driven stealing,
Taking it all just to pay for her sex.

After she fucks them all, it is quite clear,
This is the sexiest bank heist you'll ever hear.

------------------------
Just because it is, after all, Literotica.
-Nick

another poem

 

[Nick Urfe]

the long silence

hello, ello, lo, o
any, e, e
one, un, n
there, ere, ere?

Guess not.

 

[Vixen-XXX]

I'm going to try to create a hypersonnet! I will be back with the material! Wish me luck!!!

 

[Eumenides]

Question for the more seasoned poets on the board:

I'm taking this challenge and making it an even greater challenge for me by taking a sonnet I wrote in my high school days (full of cliches and is dismally lacking in originality, but i'm more focusing on working with the form) and turning it into a hypersonnet, and perhaps a better poem.

I noticed that there was a little discussion regarding iamb and how "sticky" we'll get as we evaluate these, and I was wondering how that would extend into rhyme. Specifically, I was wondering if "quit" and "unkempt", being near rhymes rather than exact rhyme, would be considered one of those sticky issues.

That's all.

 

[Cordelia]

Question for the more seasoned poets on the board:

I'm taking this challenge and making it an even greater challenge for me by taking a sonnet I wrote in my high school days (full of cliches and is dismally lacking in originality, but i'm more focusing on working with the form) and turning it into a hypersonnet, and perhaps a better poem.

I noticed that there was a little discussion regarding iamb and how "sticky" we'll get as we evaluate these, and I was wondering how that would extend into rhyme. Specifically, I was wondering if "quit" and "unkempt", being near rhymes rather than exact rhyme, would be considered one of those sticky issues.

That's all.

Eumenides,

In my opinion, a great near-rhyme is better than a bad exact rhyme. But there are always purists.

If you use all exact rhymes, and one near-rhyme, it may jar the reader. I suggest using several near-rhymes in a poem if you are going to do this. It sets the stage for a more casual poem, and "informs" your readers of your style.

A good way to judge how well they work is to read them aloud. I do this with all my work - rhymed or not.

Hope this helps.



Cordelia

And I am so glad Lauren's great form is getting put to the test! Ummmmm......wait. That didn't sound right...

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Yes it did.

 

[Eumenides]

Thank you, Cordelia.


Okay, so here goes nothing. Rip me apart, Lauren.

Remember that I said I knew it was cliche and all. *grits her teeth before hitting submit*







Crimson and Rose

The crimson hue of morning's first faint light
Is seen inside the richly blossomed rose
That's grown from seeds an angel only sows
With wings that hide the sowing in her flight

But take good heed of roses quickly bloomed
For they shall be the blossoms soonest quit
With petals falling to the ground, unkempt
Decidedly, the human heart is doomed

The love deserving of a flower's guise
Is nurtured, left to grow at its own pace
And then, may humans gasp in greatest awe

As man and woman scan and scrutinize
Just how the angels sow their seeds with haste
Without one folly, fault, forsaken flaw

And green-thumbs try to replicate the sight
Of simple petals only heaven grows
A picture-perfect sight for men to own
Cliche, perhaps, but beauty's never trite

Until we learn to nurture nature's law
The beauty of the rose shall just withdraw

 

[Angeline]

Look Lauren! I found the dayum thread. Now I have to do it, don't I?

Oh Fooly honey baby? Wanna write a hypersonnet? You'll love it--it's like a sonnet, but more.

 

[perks]

I feel a STC coming on... we're due for another, now.

 

[Angeline]

I feel a STC coming on... we're due for another, now.

Lauren will love it if we do hypersonnets. Maybe we can do ho-ku, too.

 

[Angeline]

Lauren mentioned she wanted to start a thread about hypersonnets, so I am taking the initiative here. (Is that okay, Lauren?)

I will begin by stating Lauren's definition here:

It is a freakish mutant fusion of the classic and english sonnets, and this 20 iambic pentameters estravaganza, respects a very tight rhyming scheme: ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE. As you can see, each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times.

A fine example is Romeo Is Bleeding: a hypersonnet by The Poets

Having said this, I am going to sumbit my attempt at this form. The title is a working title (I suck at titles.....any ideas?).

******************
Appraisal

You store me in your crystal-covered days A
and take me out to catch the light of you. B
I keep a polished gleam of amber hue B
and hope for a magnanimous display. A

Opalescent words drip with such art, C
rendering my protest useless, mired. D
I see the velvet knife I once desired. D
It feels like retribution’s counterpart. C

Shards of broken baubles bite my heart -- C
Enter rationalizations uninspired. D
Polish me again with harsher grit. E

Anxious not to see resentment start, C
I lower flags of truce as I’m required – D
Bitter ice as diamond’s counterfeit. E

A silver setting of reluctant praise A
gives background for the facets you subdue – B
a touch of inhibition, sapphire blue B
enameled cool as careless cloisonné. F

Familiar play of smiles, I submit E
that touch of jewels worn so exquisite. G

**********************

It needs polishing...any ideas? Thanks in advance,

Cordelia

PS.....my first attempts at posting links, too!

Ok. I have deconstructed this baby (in my head anyway and counted with my fingers--ee laughed at me) and this is what you do.

Write in iambic pentameter* with ten syllables per line and the following formatting and rhyme scheme.

Two quatrains (4 lines each)

Quatrain 1: ABBA
Quatrain 2: CDDC

Two triplets (3 lines each)

Triplet 1: CDE
Triplet 2: CDE

Another quatrain
ABBF

A couplet (2 lines)
EG

Right Lauren?

*Iambic pentameter is a way of positioning the sounds of syllables in a rhythmical pattern. It sounds almost like a drum. The rhythm goes like bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM. Say the following sentence out loud.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day”

In Iambic pentameter, there are 5 stressed syllables per line.
1. Shall-I
2.com-pare
3. thee-to
4.a-summ
5.er’s-day”

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Re: Re: Hypersonnets

Right Lauren?

Hmm... Not really...

Two quatrains (4 lines each)

Quatrain 1: ABBA
Quatrain 2: CDDC

Two triplets (3 lines each)

Triplet 1: CDE
Triplet 2: CDE

Another quatrain
ABBA

A couplet (2 lines)
EE

ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE - each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times (as said and decomposed already in the first post of the thread)

**

And yes:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day
bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM

 

[Angeline]

Re: Re: Re: Hypersonnets

Hmm... Not really...

Two quatrains (4 lines each)

Quatrain 1: ABBA
Quatrain 2: CDDC

Two triplets (3 lines each)

Triplet 1: CDE
Triplet 2: CDE

Another quatrain
ABBA

A couplet (2 lines)
EE

ABBA CDDC CDE CDE ABBA EE - each of the five rhyming sounds appears four and only four times (as said and decomposed already in the first post of the thread)

**

And yes:
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day
bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM

Great. Now I have no excuse.

And I don't care about the meter! I'll try but if I can find a better word that doesn't fit, I'm goin for it.

 

[Guest]

So....is this a formal challenge? Any specifics? Inquiring minds and all that.....

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Yes. Hmm. Write one.

 

[Guest]

Yes. Hmm. Write one.

A Hypersonnet or the challenge?

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Blah! I'll post a new challenge thread.

 

[Guest]

Blah! I'll post a new challenge thread.

Thank you

 

[Cordelia]

Re: Re: Hypersonnets

Ok. I have deconstructed this baby (in my head anyway and counted with my fingers--ee laughed at me) and this is what you do.

Write in iambic pentameter* with ten syllables per line and the following formatting and rhyme scheme.

Two quatrains (4 lines each)

Quatrain 1: ABBA
Quatrain 2: CDDC

Two triplets (3 lines each)

Triplet 1: CDE
Triplet 2: CDE

Another quatrain
ABBF

A couplet (2 lines)
EG

Right Lauren?

*Iambic pentameter is a way of positioning the sounds of syllables in a rhythmical pattern. It sounds almost like a drum. The rhythm goes like bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM bomBOM. Say the following sentence out loud.
“Shall I compare thee to a summer's day”

In Iambic pentameter, there are 5 stressed syllables per line.
1. Shall-I
2.com-pare
3. thee-to
4.a-summ
5.er’s-day”

Ack!

Don't use MY hypersonnet to deconstruct. I have a penchant for near-rhymes that make all those dead poets kick slats outta their coffins.

Also, my iambs are fast and loose. (Are we what we write?)

Sheesh. Now I gotta go try to write a good one.



Cordelia