I dont understand

[SexyChele]

It's a little odd that you'd know this guy well enough to call him Master, yet not know that he recently got out of a long relationship.

I don't know that I would call it "odd", but unfortunate. I think for folks who have been involved in the lifestyle for quite some time, they might have difficulty understanding this reasoning. Most of the long time lifestylers I've met originally met their partners through munch groups, and they had flesh and blood, real life people to ask what people were about. Also, they could see the person, and get a feel for their emotional well-being.

With the advent of the machine-induced way of meeting people, all too often subs or Doms think they know what they want, but are unsure of how to attain it. They meet some one online, chat for a bit, meet in real life, and bam! Suddenly the sub has a new "Master" - and she doesn't even know when his birthday is.

It's unfortunate and sad. And another reason why I think people need to connect with communities and support groups outside of the internet medium.


(And, Pet, yes, I realize you have broken it off with this guy. My statements are general, not directed at you. )

 

[TheWanderer]

This sounds very much like LittleGirl's experience, if you happen to find some of her posts. A fellow she knew from work went overseas, they started to talk, he had an interest in D/s - found someone there who was a married Dom to consult with - and the foundation was laid for what should have been one HELL of a good relationship.

But the problem was, this man didn't have the kind of self-control and self-awareness needed to accept another's gift of submission. And she felt 'locked in' on him, even though she knew perfectly well this man did not have the Dominant qualities he seemed to express so well while he was overseas. It wasn't until she talked to him and he gave her back her Gift that she was finally able to let go of it all.

It's been about a month now, and I can still see the effects this has had on her. Her appetite was whetted, but there was no real fulfillment, and while she gives herself time to heal emotionally and spiritually, I know she still hungers to try it for real, to delve into something and find some fulfillment, even if only for a while.

Ironically, I work with a woman who has expressed deep submissive desires in the bounds of a relationship - however, she too is with a man who seems to 'have it' in the bedroom (meaning a Dominant-style and kink), but severely lacks the self-control needed to make a relationship function properly. I've expressed that she can do better, but all I can do is show her the door - it's up to her to go through it.

You certainly have my sympathies, not so much about the break up, but for the lack of fulfillment - of finding what you want and losing it. But it sounds like you've figured out the truth - now you just need time, like LittleGirl, to recover and decide what to do next in your life.

Wish you the best!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Thats the thing, I completely still adore him and idolize him. He means so much to me. I keep telling myself if I just hadnt asked why that day he wouldnt be upset like this and because I questioned him I was a horrible pet. I feel like this must have been the way he felt the whole time and I was just bothering him. I tried so hard, I feel like I failed miserably. And I still miss him. I just dont know what I did. This being my first D/s relationship I feel like I dont deserve to get in another one because I screwed this up somehow. He wont even tell me its over, and that gives me all sorts of time to think "well maybe it isnt" or "maybe he'll suprise me tomorrow and show up" but its all a joke. I just dont understand what I did. I cant say it enough.

Oh, so are you saying it is your fault? Does anyone deserve verbal abuse?

I have dismissed a sub or two in my day, and I have never done it in anger. I have not shouted and screamed either. It i sone thing to be angry, but it is another to be verbally abusive..even over the phone. It is intolerable behaviour in my humble opinon. I would not tolerate it.


Ebony