I have been thinking about TPE lately.

[Daedalus77]

Thank you MsWorthy.....I see where you are coming from.

As I said you just made me think, which isn't a bad thing at all.


dixi

dixi is so right, being made to think is a good thing. TPE is so hard for me to define and if I could many folks would say "that's not real tpe" and others would say "you are a control freak". If we keep learning and growing it gets harder and harder to say what tpe means because we keep evolving.

Is there anyone out there that has remained the same and is doing what they thought would do at the start of a bdsm relationship?

 

[lasavane]

MsWorthy, looking back at this thread i feel that i misrepresented myself. i got caught up in comparing what goes on in my relationship, and forgot the original question. i actually don't consider myself to be in a TPE relationship for reasons that i stated in my post to Willfulbrat's Question for Dominants thread.

However, i don't exactly agree with your definition of TPE. Please understand i am not argueing with you, i just want to give a different perspective. The way TPE has been explained to me (in real life, not online, but even in real life people can be wrong ) is that in the begining, it works very much as you stated. However, it should be the goal of the submissive to learn what the Dom/me wants, so that the Dom/me does not have to constantly regulate everything. For example, the sub does not necessarily learn what you would want her to wear on a particular day, but what you like in general. Certainly, the Dom/me can ask the sub to change if they have something else in mind, but in general the sub should dress in accordance to what they have learned that you like.

Additionally, it has been stressed to me that the most important role of the sub is to make the Dom/me's life easier not more difficult and by learning what the Dom/me expects the sub is giving the Dom/me more freedom/time because s/he doesn't have to manage every little detail. Does this make sense or am i just rambling?

lasavane

 

[MsWorthy]

MsWorthy, looking back at this thread i feel that i misrepresented myself. i got caught up in comparing what goes on in my relationship, and forgot the original question. i actually don't consider myself to be in a TPE relationship for reasons that i stated in my post to Willfulbrat's Question for Dominants thread.

However, i don't exactly agree with your definition of TPE. Please understand i am not argueing with you, i just want to give a different perspective. The way TPE has been explained to me (in real life, not online, but even in real life people can be wrong ) is that in the begining, it works very much as you stated. However, it should be the goal of the submissive to learn what the Dom/me wants, so that the Dom/me does not have to constantly regulate everything. For example, the sub does not necessarily learn what you would want her to wear on a particular day, but what you like in general. Certainly, the Dom/me can ask the sub to change if they have something else in mind, but in general the sub should dress in accordance to what they have learned that you like.

Additionally, it has been stressed to me that the most important role of the sub is to make the Dom/me's life easier not more difficult and by learning what the Dom/me expects the sub is giving the Dom/me more freedom/time because s/he doesn't have to manage every little detail. Does this make sense or am i just rambling?

lasavane

Yes, Lasavane, that makes perfect sense.

I think you are describing what I commented on to Dixi:

"If your dom/me has an opinion on every aspect of your life, then it is TPE. That doesn't necessarily mean she/he has to make every decision, every day, but it does mean that you can not choose. You have her/his guidelines on everything you do. This is TPE, to me."

 

[artful]

Re: Des

I can only define TPE as it applies to MY relationship with a sub. It won't be found elsewhere in an accepted dictionary definition.

A "Total Power Exhange" relationship to ME,...is one where there is an ABSOLUTE trust from the sub, for me to make the FINAL decision on matters where
there MAY be disagreement.

To ME,...TPE is 24/7. Does that mean I control EVERYTHING? No,...but IF,...I have made a decision on a matter, it WILL stand.

I am re-posting <snips> from my prior post,...hoping to clarify what I stated previously.

I in no way believe I HAVE to make decisions on EVERY aspect of my subs day to day routine.

IF,...however,...SOMETHING should present itself in her actions or manners that I *DON'T* agree with, I will instruct her how I want it changed, and why.

She MAY want to discuss the issue and open up a dialogue,...if she does,...she will ask my permission to do so. I MAY agree to discuss the matter THEN,...or at a later time.

I WILL,...discuss it with her,...but maybe later, at a more convenient time. After the discussion, ...I *MAY*,...change my mind,(just a possibility).

I fully realise THIS,...may not fit a "Dictionary"
definition of "Total Power Exchange",...but it fits MY definition of it. IF,...I make a decision, ...it WILL stand.

This does not mean that ANYONE elses defined "TPE" is not a valid "TPE".

I suggest there are MANY "TPE'S" that are satisfactorily pursued and entered into, that fit their OWN variations,...but their is NO WAY I could handle the "Dictionary"~TOTAL~.

Nor would I even WANT to. The bottom line is,... "It's MY decision, as to whether or not I~WANT~... to make a decision.

To ME,...in MY relationship,...THAT is total power.(JMHO-YMMV)

 

[A Desert Rose]

TPE was a 24/7 environment for me. Although we did not live under the same roof or even, sadly, in the same town, our communication lines were open most of the time. I think that clear communication is the real key to making it work and keeping it working. Unfortunately, unlike Art's relationship, I was not allowed to question or discuss. If I felt that He was making unreasonable and irresponsible demands or decisions, I was not allowed a voice in that. Many times I had to "sit in the back seat" and watch while he made mistakes that not only hurt me, but worse, hurt Him.
Thank you, Art for your thoughtful and thought provoking post.

 

[Desdemona]

Art, I don't think anyone would dispute that there is more than one way to have a TPE. It's just interesting to find out how it works for different couples.

I think it must take a very special, very strong person to responsibly handle that much power within a relationship. Obviously, it works for you and your Dream.

 

[mskittykatt]

been thinking a lot about this - and the rules thread too, just thought i'd *bump* and see if there is more experiance out there!!!!!!!!!!

 

[~Dream~]

TPE and me..

Art, I don't think anyone would dispute that there is more than one way to have a TPE. It's just interesting to find out how it works for different couples.

I think it must take a very special, very strong person to responsibly handle that much power within a relationship. Obviously, it works for you and your Dream.

WORK it does..always? well if You want 'honesty,come to me!!"
Being in the TPE means alot to me ,being Master Artful's submissive slave..I KNOW intellectually that He has All the control ,it's just getting used to the different behaviour from me ,from within ,that sometimes causes us problems..
Do I trust Him? implicitly...Do I ever cause Him "headaches' from
my sometimes"stubborn ways?' You betcha!! But I AM learning and I do't inted to stop ..ever..always searching,yearning to find even MORE ways to please Him..HE HAS ALL THE power..I just get to sit back and watch him use it ..for the betterment of 'Us'.
I know it's an awesome responsibility He has taken on(be happy you dont gotta train me!) lol ..but it's one we both take VERY SERIOUSLY and go in to whole heartedly..


What minor decisions, if any, are left to the sub's discretion?
since we currently have an LDR ,i'm Not moving to Arkansas till next summer(maybe sooner hopefully) anyways.. I have to make decisions regarding my children,my bills,my education ,my health,but when and after I move,, His decision will be FINAL on all..it IS right now,as regards our relationship ..
As He has said,He DOES allow questions by me at times but I am Not to question His authority..at all..WE COMMUNICATE THROUGH EVERYTHING THO..


How do you work it out if/when there is significant disagreement about an issue?
talk talk talk talk...MORE MORE TALK "Communication is the key to success"

How does this differ from a Master/slave relationship?
i feel they are both the same thing I am Master's slave ,for instance..

 

[quietwillow]

TPE is one of my favorite things to do and read about. I think it is interesting to find out what others do in what their relationships are as it gives us ideas to learn and grow from.

I define TPE as a 24/7 relationship. I also believe each couple's TPE should be and often is defined by the couple as they perceive it to be for themselves.

Sometimes I think I want more TPE but as WE define it... with Master's wisdom and guidance and my input which He always asks for The main objective is His power is His and what He decides is what happens. He has an awesome responsibility in "owning me". Since I like and agree with His style that kinda is a good thing <grin>

quiet

 

[MzChrista]

TPE is one of my favorite things to do and read about. I think it is interesting to find out what others do in what their relationships are as it gives us ideas to learn and grow from.

I define TPE as a 24/7 relationship. I also believe each couple's TPE should be and often is defined by the couple as they perceive it to be for themselves.

Sometimes I think I want more TPE but as WE define it... with Master's wisdom and guidance and my input which He always asks for The main objective is His power is His and what He decides is what happens. He has an awesome responsibility in "owning me". Since I like and agree with His style that kinda is a good thing <grin>

quiet

Look at the big brain on the newbie!
You right on the dough, QW.
Heres what Im saying, you cant have power without information, so the domme that gets the most info from her sub is able to not only have the power but USE the power right.

 

[quietwillow]

Ms Christa:

I hope that was a compliment... and You are correct in that using the power in the way it is meant to and communication are essential parts of TPE!

quiet

 

[Desdemona]

Thank you all for your responses. I'm learning more from each of you every day.

Quiet, let my add my voice to the others who are welcoming you here.

 

[Soron]

One Perspective

TPE in it's purest sense draws everything D/s is all about. Communication, honesty, trust. If those things are not there I see no power exchange taking place. A submissive has to be able to communcate her needs to her Master, she needs to always be honest with him whether it's something pleasant or not. And, if he does not take the time to earn her trust how can she totally give him that power?
A Master/slave TPE is the ultimate for me. But, with it come tremendous responsibility. You better know your slaves limits, hard and otherwise. She is giving up all of her rights to you the Dominant, and you damn well better be able to see where to draw the line in things like bondage and s/m. It takes COMPLETE trust to pull it off right. And, I'm talking about everyhing from how she wears her hair to the clothng she will wear for you. If I take a slave she totally belongs to me and she better trust my judgement, trust that I will keep her safe and trust that I will give her the best direction and guidance I can. Otherwise she needs to submit herself to someone else. Period.
Disagreents can be worked out by talking honestly with each other, with respect coming from both sides. If it can't be worked out then the relationship will suffer and finally die all by itself.
TPE is all about emotion, she giving herself totally to him and then getting it right back in teaching, guidance and love.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Good bump?

 

[FurryFury]

Good bump?

*smiles*

Um, um, good.

*winks and nods*

Fury

 

[i_love_myself76]

hmmmm

Maybe it is because Im a femdom but I find 24/7 relationships dont have to be TPE I prefer not to worry about what he wears to work or what he has for lunch I would rather spend time deciding which punishment he will enjoy today. I guess it is because Im a woman but All major decisions are to be made by me.How much we save how much we spend who does the house work (him btw). But I always allow him to chime in not that I always listen to him. But find that our relatioship works better when I let the small stuff go Takes too much time

 

[Netzach]

Maybe it is because Im a femdom but I find 24/7 relationships dont have to be TPE I prefer not to worry about what he wears to work or what he has for lunch I would rather spend time deciding which punishment he will enjoy today. I guess it is because Im a woman but All major decisions are to be made by me.How much we save how much we spend who does the house work (him btw). But I always allow him to chime in not that I always listen to him. But find that our relatioship works better when I let the small stuff go Takes too much time

I'm with you, sister. It's all the macro for me.

I don't think we're totally anything though, me and mr. netz. Except hot. yeah we're totally hot.

 

[Quint]

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