I have questions about the effects of fear on the Dom/ly Toply sort of person, please

[snowy ciara]

Thanks for your responses folks.... Please pardon the snippage on some of the quotage. I don't want to make a whole book here.

I hear you both.

I'd never go there without the trust first.

Fury

Me either, which is why this person's sudden interest was unnerving! He's not a total stranger, but more of a casual aquaintence. He's very nice, but not edge play material for me.

Actually, as the question is about the fear, if I can relate to Top I can get turned-on, if I start to relate to the fearful bottom it is limp-dick time for me. I'm not saying I won't enjoy it, I'm saying it won't be a sexual turn-on.

When you're on Top, does this make you more or less likely to play with the fear? And now I have another thread idea..... muahahahahaha!

Recognizing the fear exists rather than missing it, or worse, ignoring it in pursuit of personal "uuuhhh" deserves a little credit. i enjoy twisting a feared "thing" into something pleasureable for both parties in spite of a partner's misgivings. On occasion, you (Netz) might also get the cherry on top for your partner experiencing humiliation at having enjoyed something that frightens said partner.

Recognizing the fear and being able to decide when to leave it and when to twist it deserves a LOT of credit.

On the humiliation angle, do you find that humiliation follows the fear? It seems odd to me. Are you referring to the embarrassed "OMG, I can't believe I was afraid of that!" sort of shame or am I missing something? Or is it the sort of humiliation that comes from oh, forced fem for example? I mean, say I'm a guy who's afraid to be sissified, and Netz sissifies me, and I enjoy it, even though I was terrified of being a sissy? Because in the second case, it seems as if the humiliation is more related to the activity that seemed shameful, rather than the fear. Would you mind eloborating a little bit more when you have the chance, please?

Don Francisco, thank You for your well thought out post! I'm still pondering it here, but I'm sure I'll have more questions for You too, if you don't mind.

The first thing that comes to mind though, is a scene from a book, I think it was called "Hawaii" or "the Cay" or something, but it was an epic of colonialization. Anyway, this young man (I think he was a slave or a native) is tossed into a pit to face a mad dog or something (sorry, I read it when I was about 7 and I don't remember a whole lot of it. But this scene popped into my head when I read your post.). His reaction to the fear of his situation was an erection, and the more the onlookers jeered, the more impressive this erection gets. The book seemed to play it off as a biochemical reaction. (From what I remember. I was too young to really see it in that sense. I was really too young to be reading stuff like that, but my mum felt that I understood enough to be able to read it.) So when You speak of using the fear to arouse Yourself or your victim, I wonder if it's the physical reaction that's gaining the victim's arousal, or the mental/emotional response? Somehow, when I think of it in a more primal, "fight or flight" reaction, it seems more predatory and intimidating.

Thanks again everyone. I'll be back after more pondering.

 

[Shankara20]

When you're on Top, does this make you more or less likely to play with the fear? And now I have another thread idea..... muahahahahaha!

Less likely - I pay attention to my fear and am willing to confront it and will do that as bottom if I trust Top. As Top I would interact with my bottom's fear as s/he moved past a limit as part of a scene, but I don't seek out fear just for the turn on.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

... do you find that humiliation follows the fear?

Depends on the partner and the chink in the armor.

... it seems as if the humiliation is more related to the activity that seemed shameful, rather than the fear.

i rather like the stunned "Oh my God, i can't believe i just did that." If i get the humiliated "Oh my God, i can't believe i enjoyed that," all the better.

Would you mind elaborating a little bit more when you have the chance, please?

i can work with a non-hard limit. Overcoming one doesn't necessarily rain on my sadism parade because people are infinitely complex. Another chink can be found if one puts in the time to look. Therein lies the twist.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I do not think that having an erection is necessarily directly linked to being sexually aroused. There are many situations where men have erections which are not sexually linked, men can get erections during normal sleep and these are not related to erotic dreams.

It is quite well known that if a man experiences great fear, (while sleeping or awake), he may get an erection. I believe it is a quite well known by war-veterans. When a person is faced with an extreme situation that makes that person extremely afraid, the body betrays its owner and anything (Faeces, urine and erection) is possible.

So I would say the sexual arousal is more connected to a mental/emotional response, but just my opinion of course.

Francisco

 

[catalina_francisco]

Interesting bump perhaps....

 

[TenJed69]

I do like some fear, mainly from blindfolding. When she can't see and doesn't know what is happening, when the next strike will land on her rosy cheeks, whether I'm about to ram something (me) up her ass or slap her in the face.

I think a lot of doms are into mind fucks which I suppose are essentially fear based. For instance, I once placed a mattress in a room and lead her in blindfolded. She had no idea it was there, so when I pushed her over (bound hand and foot) onto it her scream was quite satisfying and she was a puddle afterwards. Not a wreck, just a nice docile puddle

When creating fear however, trust is E S S E N T I AL . I would never try to induce fear in someone who didn't absolutely positively know I would never (knowingly) go beyond their limits, and would do everything possible to make sure that never happened (pretty sure being pushed over onto a hard floor is a limit for most ).

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Master does enjoy my fear. Just a basic fear of not knowing what he's going to do next takes us both to a special place at times. He enjoys being unpredictable and unreadable during a scene.

He's got no interest in things like blood play and knifeplay beyond a desire to scare the crap out of me. He would never cut me for its own sake but he will put me in a situation where I will effectively cut myself on a well placed blade if I disobey an instruction to stay completely still.

I agree with TJ that the trust has to be there or the fear would be way beyond anything I could handle or gain a degree of satisfaction, achievement from handling.

He has put me into situations that have appeared dangerous or inordinately painful as mindfucks and how he manages to convince me that he's deadly serious at the time I'll never know.

 

[Primalex]

Fear.

It's a wide area.

There is the simple fear, I guess most Doms enjoy inflicting, like the fear when blindfolded, restrained; the fear the moment before the pain; the fear of getting caught in public while doing naughty things. This is the kind of fear where the enjoyment for both is (usually) overcoming that particular fear, recognizing the trust of the pyl.

Then there is the complex fear, the nagging fear, the blackmailing fear. Will he still love me when I deny him to rape my ass? Will he be satisfied or will he dump me? This is the kind of fear that is used to make another person do something. The enjoyment lies in the power, the corruption of the other person.

Then there is the cruel fear, the trauma. The "I tied you up, now I'm going to rape your little daughter in front of your eyes, you shouldn't invite internet strangers, I'm a convicted rapist" fear. The enjoyment is the causing of pure emotional pain.

Note that these are not levels of intensity! There is intense simple fear and mild cruel fear and vice versa. But the reasons and the effects make the difference. You could also apply other labels to these three:
Simple Fear - The Daddy Dom flavor.
Complex Fear- The Dominance flavor.
Cruel Fear - The Sadist flavor.

HTH