I need some ideas people.

[Kain]

No I wouldn't ask that question but I understand what you're getting at. You're assuming that 'Dom' means someone with more than a bit of real world experience under his belt as the dominant partner in a sexual relationship. I'm not.

I'm treating the word 'dom' the same way as I would the word 'lesbian'. As more an expression of someone's nature than their life experience or expertise in an area.

AngelicAssassin,
It's odd what gets lost in translation.

Yeah you got the meaning, more of a comment on my personality than a statement of my prowess. I see alot of people commenting on what I want. I was always under the impression that sex of any kind should be enjoyable for all involved. I know what I want, and how to get there. Thanks to everyone for the suggestions, I'll make sure to let you all know how things go. If your lucky you might even get some pictures.

 

[Pure]

Never, the qliphothic said,

//No I wouldn't ask that question but I understand what you're getting at. You're assuming that 'Dom' means someone with more than a bit of real world experience under his belt as the dominant partner in a sexual relationship. I'm not.

I'm treating the word 'dom' the same way as I would the word 'lesbian'. As more an expression of someone's nature than their life experience or expertise in an area.//

I don't think you know your 'nature' apart from living it.

Using your lesbian example:

Suppose a young woman writes:

"I am a lesbian; I've had some sexual experience, but no intercourse, mostly with men; with a woman, I have never, in real life, gotten past a little kissing when we were high. I am 18 years old. I'll be in a cabin with my girlfriend this weekend, and I'd like to hear in detail of how to engage in lesbian lovemaking."

My reply: "Don't assume what you are; experiment, live life and over time you'll find 'what you really are', your 'true nature.'"

What would your reply be?

 

[Kain]

Never, the qliphothic said,

//No I wouldn't ask that question but I understand what you're getting at. You're assuming that 'Dom' means someone with more than a bit of real world experience under his belt as the dominant partner in a sexual relationship. I'm not.

I'm treating the word 'dom' the same way as I would the word 'lesbian'. As more an expression of someone's nature than their life experience or expertise in an area.//

I don't think you know your 'nature' apart from living it.

Using your lesbian example:

Suppose a young woman writes:

"I am a lesbian; I've had some sexual experience, but no intercourse, mostly with men; with a woman, I have never, in real life, gotten past a little kissing when we were high. I am 18 years old. I'll be in a cabin with my girlfriend this weekend, and I'd like to hear in detail of how to engage in lesbian lovemaking."

My reply: "Don't assume what you are; experiment, live life and over time you'll find 'what you really are', your 'true nature.'"

What would your reply be?

So are you implying that I don't know enough about myself to know what my "true" nature is, or are you saying that I don't know enough about BDSM, to know my place in it. I never said I had no experience, I stated that it was limited.
If you had nothing constructive to say, why did you say anything at all? So I don't live life by a certain lifestyle, so what? I think that some people put too much energy into trying to categorize and label things, instead of enjoying life. If I have offended you in some way by calling myself a Dom, I apologize. Maybe there is a reason thought that more people aren't into the "lifestyle", because pricks like you judge them and tell them their ideas and feelings are wrong. I'm willing to bet you weren't born with a riding crop in your hand or a ballgag in your mouth. You learned somewhere just like I am trying to do now.

 

[Never]

Pure:
"I don't think you know your 'nature' apart from living it.

Using your lesbian example:

Suppose a young woman writes:

"I am a lesbian; I've had some sexual experience, but no intercourse, mostly with men; with a woman, I have never, in real life, gotten past a little kissing when we were high. I am 18 years old. I'll be in a cabin with my girlfriend this weekend, and I'd like to hear in detail of how to engage in lesbian lovemaking."

My reply: "Don't assume what you are; experiment, live life and over time you'll find 'what you really are', your 'true nature.'"

What would your reply be?"

I'd say, "Have fun."

Pure, I've considered myself queer since I was 12 but I never kissed, dated, hugged, touched, or had sex with either a man or a woman until I was 21. I don't agree that you have to experience sex to know your sexuality.

 

[niteshade]

Not to start a pissing match or anything, but why is there so much crap on the boards lately about who is really what and who is doing it right, and are they really a sub, or are they really a Dom?

I think that too often we forget that all people are different, all truths are subjective, and everyone sees things differently. One woman's asshole is another woman's hero. Yall need to get off the G.D. high horse, and concentrate on the question that is being asked.

Ok, rant over. Sorry for high jacking your thread, Kain.

To answer your original question, I am new to all this as well. I will tell you that the first time we scened, N had it planned very well, but it still seemed spontaneous to me. He started out "vanilla" then all of a sudden reached down to the floor, grabbed his belt, and before I knew it had my hands bound and was holding them above my head. He used a sheet as a makeshift blind fold (and yes, that scared the s#%@ out of me, worse than the belt) and told me not to make a sound, or he would punish me. Didn't say what he would do, just that he would punish me.

I will tell you, that may not be the way to go for you, but it sure worked for us. We didn't have any awkwardness about the new way we were going, cause we started out in familiar territory. I think that helped a lot with the transition. Just my two cents.

 

[Never]

niteshade:
"Not to start a pissing match or anything, but why is there so much crap on the boards lately about who is really what and who is doing it right, and are they really a sub, or are they really a Dom?"

I wouldn't characterize Pure's question as 'crap'. If people are to have dialogues they must have a similar definition for important terms. I'd say that for the BDSM community the question of what really makes one a 'dom/me', 'sub', or 'switch' is an important one.


"I think that too often we forget that all people are different, all truths are subjective, and everyone sees things differently."

People are different and everyone does see things differently (I don't think truth is subjective), that's why it's so important for people to have a common ground. Otherwise, communication becomes one series of misunderstanding.

 

[Netzach]

I think if someone's headed for an early-ish to first time out the door, and this is someone you want to play with again, there's nothing wrong with viewing it through a somewhat mutualistic lens.

In fact, I never really gave up that idea, personally. I proudly stick my "top" sticker on my forehead, even though I have wonderful forays into the world of "we do things my way, get it?"

I don't think being a Dom as in the only one with any control in the relationship (pretty narrow def) is the ultimate in relationships, lifestyles, or even necessarily in power play activity. So there. It's out there, it's AN option among many, it works for some people and if someone says they are a Dom but they express interest in their sub partner having a good time, well...

I chalk that up to the dominant's discretion.

If I want M to have an orgasm and feel great, he shall have and feel. Screw anyone who comes to tell me that because he's the sub he should suffer and go without because that's how THEY'd do it.

Would I really be that much of a Domme if public opinion was so critical to what I do?