I need some support/advice.

LostBabygirl3489

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Hello everyone. I've been laying low because I am currently going through a horrible time. Someone I met from online last year catfished me and I found this out when we met up unfortunately. I stopped talking to him afterward. This was around September of last year. Unfortunately, I had sent him some risque photos before we met and I found this out. Ever since then, he's been cyberstalking me, on Facebook, my emails, on my Lit page (with my other username), cell phone, and he's threatened to call me on my parents' home. After that last message yesterday, I replied to him saying to leave me alone. Now he's saying that he's going to send my photos to my house. I just went to the police and they told me to contact them again if he sends the photos. I have been having worsening depression, thinking that suicide is the best option. I'm only staying for my friends and family. I don't see how anything is going to get better. I'm sorry I'm being depressing. I'm so tired of this crap. This doesn't help my paranoia, my issues with trust now. I've met some lovely people on here, though, and I guess I'm just scared because my anxiety makes me think the worst of every situation, and I feel like a huge dumb ass for trusting people so easily in the past, making it easy for anyone to find me, but I guess I keep trying to tell myself that this happens to a lot of people and it's not their fault. I love you guys. :heart:
 
Hello everyone. I've been laying low because I am currently going through a horrible time. Someone I met from online last year catfished me and I found this out when we met up unfortunately. I stopped talking to him afterward. This was around September of last year. Unfortunately, I had sent him some risque photos before we met and I found this out. Ever since then, he's been cyberstalking me, on Facebook, my emails, on my Lit page (with my other username), cell phone, and he's threatened to call me on my parents' home. After that last message yesterday, I replied to him saying to leave me alone. Now he's saying that he's going to send my photos to my house. I just went to the police and they told me to contact them again if he sends the photos. I have been having worsening depression, thinking that suicide is the best option. I'm only staying for my friends and family. I don't see how anything is going to get better. I'm sorry I'm being depressing. I'm so tired of this crap. This doesn't help my paranoia, my issues with trust now. I've met some lovely people on here, though, and I guess I'm just scared because my anxiety makes me think the worst of every situation, and I feel like a huge dumb ass for trusting people so easily in the past, making it easy for anyone to find me, but I guess I keep trying to tell myself that this happens to a lot of people and it's not their fault. I love you guys. :heart:

Wow. That really sucks!

There are people like that around here, and I am sorry for your troubles. It sucks that people choose to be like that to each other.

As for the checking out aspect, don't give that little prick the satisfaction. Keep your head up and know that we're not all like that! From someone who had a huge relationship implode because of a decision I made in here, try and do what you can to relax. I know, easier said than done, but trust me. A year from now, you will wonder why you ever gave that asshole the time of day. We're all thinking good thoughts for you.
 
Hello everyone. I've been laying low because I am currently going through a horrible time. Someone I met from online last year catfished me and I found this out when we met up unfortunately. I stopped talking to him afterward. This was around September of last year. Unfortunately, I had sent him some risque photos before we met and I found this out. Ever since then, he's been cyberstalking me, on Facebook, my emails, on my Lit page (with my other username), cell phone, and he's threatened to call me on my parents' home. After that last message yesterday, I replied to him saying to leave me alone. Now he's saying that he's going to send my photos to my house. I just went to the police and they told me to contact them again if he sends the photos. I have been having worsening depression, thinking that suicide is the best option. I'm only staying for my friends and family. I don't see how anything is going to get better. I'm sorry I'm being depressing. I'm so tired of this crap. This doesn't help my paranoia, my issues with trust now. I've met some lovely people on here, though, and I guess I'm just scared because my anxiety makes me think the worst of every situation, and I feel like a huge dumb ass for trusting people so easily in the past, making it easy for anyone to find me, but I guess I keep trying to tell myself that this happens to a lot of people and it's not their fault. I love you guys. :heart:

Babygirl, I'm only new to the forum, despite signing up years ago, in the short time I've been here I've started to look forward to reading your posts. They are always open, honest and intelligent.

Done let an asshole bring you down. I know it's difficult when your brain is telling you to make the worst of every situation but there are people here that obviously care for you and will support you, no matter what happens
 
I'm really sorry that some creep has done this to you but your only mistake was trusting someone...the rest belongs to him. JustaLass
 
You should be able to have facebook deal with them. You can either block his number or ask your carrier for a new one.
If you know his true name and an address you can go to court and get an order of protection.
Also a nice letter from a lawyer advising him of blackmail penalities can work.
Never let another human being make you feel you have no choice but to end it. Lately people are reading in the news about bullies pushing people to end their lives.

DO NOT let this happen to you!
You have too many people around you who need you in their lives alive and well
 
You've likely already taken some steps, but this article might have some more to suggest:

https://www.apc.org/en/pubs/issue/how-avoid-becoming-cyberstalking-victim

There is some great advice in this link, written by women, for women. Remember - in many states, impersonating someone with the intent of committing blackmail or similar subterfuge is illegal, and using information (ex: photos) that was obtained from you under such pretext is violation of still more laws.

Use your family and your closest, most trusted REAL friends to help you. You are not alone!
 
Thank you so much everyone. I love you guys. This has been really traumatizing, but you're right, I won't let him win.
 
Alright you done somethings wrong but something many have done. Do not get upset as we all screw up. By him being an ass he thinks he own you wrong. Catfish has had problems and can be called on this. They have before. Chill there are many here to help you. Tell the guy you will chat and take your time to get back to meeting them.
 
Talk to a lawyer. There may be options beyond the police since he has been stalking you.
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when someone attempts to prey on another. You have some options for sure. The letter from a lawyer isn't a bad idea but you will have to have his address. Everything sort of hinges on having his real info.
As another said don't ever let someone make you question your worth or the thought of checking out. No matter how dark and alone you may feel you are NOT alone and there are people out there who care and love you.
You can get through this. Don't give the ass hole the satisfaction !!!
 
Some more advice, admittedly several years old:

http://www.pcworld.com/article/155823/stop_cyberstalking.html

Here's where it gets really interesting:

"But you're really in luck (if that word can be applied to stalking victims) if the perp has moved to another state. Then the FBI can get involved. According to Moretti, they might go so far as to seize the suspect's computer to do a forensic search.

What does your ex have to look forward to? 'Under federal law,' says Moretti, 'I believe it's 5 to 10 years in prison, plus a $250,000 fine. Most states have similar criminal law.'"
 
Depending on where you live, so-called 'revenge porn' is against the law. It also violated the terms of service for most major email services like Hotmail/Outlook and others.

Take a multi-front approach. Go to his email providers - you should be able to search for "abuse @ email provider" and get information.

Let him know that you are not one to be fucked with, that LE is involved, etc.

Hope it works for you.
 
Make the asshole pay!!

As for desperate feelings .. Nothing would piss off loved ones more than finding out that this was a cause for that. Let them know of the threat.. And be careful from here on...

Make the asshole pay !!
 
Hang in there. Don't allow him to bring you down. If he is dumb enough to try and cause you pain he will eventually get what is coming to him.
 
Probably, the best thing to do is going to be the hardest. In the short term.

Bring those close to you into this problem. Suffer the short term indignities or whatever else you fear and take his power over you away. Secrets only have power as long as they are secrets.

And, as inconceivable as it may seem, this will all pass. It will ultimately only do the harm you let it do. I'm sure you have people in your life that you love and that love you in return. I would like to believe that love is unconditional. I know my parents forgave and forgot a LOT of things that I thought were catastrophic life altering situations of my own making. Turns out, they don't even remember half of them. But I know they helped me get through ALL of them once I let them.

Don't let him make you miserable. He only has power over you as long as you let him. But I think you need help from the people closest to you getting past this. Let them know. Let them help you.
 
I hate people like that.

The best way to deal with them is to stand up to them. They only have the power to hurt you if you fear them.

I recommend the Kaiser Soze approach: when someone has the potential to hurt you, do it yourself so that he can't. In other words: publish the photos yourself.

No, I'm not looking for jerkoff material. I'm offering sincere advice that will make him leave you alone.
 
I recommend the Kaiser Soze approach: when someone has the potential to hurt you, do it yourself so that he can't. In other words: publish the photos yourself.

That's fairly dumb.

You lose any leverage, because he can then legally point to those pictures at every opportunity. Every job with a morality clause will be gone. He will just find a different approach to harass her, which will be even more difficult to prove in court. He can mail these pictures then to anyone and his lawyer will easily defend him, because anyone could have downloaded, printed and mailed the pictures - they are public. All damage done and nothing gained.
 
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That's fairly dumb.

You lose any leverage, because he can then legally point to those pictures at every opportunity. Every job with a morality clause will be gone. He will just find a different approach to harass her, which will be even more difficult to prove in court. He can mail these pictures then to anyone and his lawyer will easily defend him, because anyone could have downloaded, printed and mailed the pictures - they are public. All damage done and nothing gained.

We are not looking at this in the same manner. You - and other well meaning posters - are trying to win the game. I'm talking about flipping the board upside down.

As long as the asshole has the photos, and the OP is scared of their public release, then he has power over her. Maybe he is delayed by courts or lawyers, maybe he is punished by them, but that still does not change the fundamental character of the problem.

The asshole is interested in power. That is how he gets off. If the OP gets lawyers and courts involved, he will love it. It will just reinforce his warped perception of himself. It will make him feel important. The OP will be playing his game.

And regardless of the final result, he will be back for round two. And round three...

The best way is to totally cut his feet out from under him. He is like a harpy: once the OP makes him realize that she doesn't fear him, then he will leave.
 
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We are not looking at this in the same manner. You - and other well meaning posters - are trying to win the game. I'm talking about flipping the board upside down.

As long as the asshole has the photos, and the OP is scared of their public release, then he has power over her. Maybe he is delayed by courts or lawyers, maybe he is punished by them, but that still does not change the fundamental character of the problem.

The asshole is interested in power. That is how he gets off. If the OP gets lawyers and courts involved, he will love it. It will just reinforce his warped perception of himself. It will make him feel important. The OP will be playing his game.

And regardless of the final result, he will be back for round two. And round three...

The best way is to totally cut his feet out from under him. He is like a harpy: once the OP makes him realize that she doesn't fear him, then he will leave.

The end goal of the above post also gets accomplished with the below post, without publishing photos that were taken for an intimate partner.

Probably, the best thing to do is going to be the hardest. In the short term.

Bring those close to you into this problem. Suffer the short term indignities or whatever else you fear and take his power over you away. Secrets only have power as long as they are secrets.

And, as inconceivable as it may seem, this will all pass. It will ultimately only do the harm you let it do. I'm sure you have people in your life that you love and that love you in return. I would like to believe that love is unconditional. I know my parents forgave and forgot a LOT of things that I thought were catastrophic life altering situations of my own making. Turns out, they don't even remember half of them. But I know they helped me get through ALL of them once I let them.

Don't let him make you miserable. He only has power over you as long as you let him. But I think you need help from the people closest to you getting past this. Let them know. Let them help you.
 
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