I used to be so into this forum

[pensivepoet]

I like the way you said that.

I personally feel that human sexuality is very liquid and evolutionary. Our interests and turn ons change and vary with age, new experiences, etc. Nothing wrong with that!

A confession~
Lately i've been stalking Raynie posts.
Not creepilly
Just enjoy her attitude and outlook.

 

[RaynieJ]

A confession~
Lately i've been stalking Raynie posts.
Not creepilly
Just enjoy her attitude and outlook.

Well thanks for the compliment, sugar.

Read all you want. It IS a public forum, after all.

 

[shy slave]

My interest in BDSM hasn't changed all that much in the years I've been here, but I find it difficult to get interested in talking about it anymore. I feel like I've already said everything there is for me to say about BDSM and I could just as well quote my old posts to answer threads. That wouldn't be fun for anybody, so I just keep quiet on Talk for the most part.

Maybe I am stuck in a rut and not having any fun at all, but that's how it is.

Back in the day when I first started posting here I remember wondering why some people come here only to post in threads that have nothing to do with BDSM. I get that now.

I understand this Seela, I feel I have said all I want to, whether on here or elsewhere.
I actually don't give a damn about my privacy, I am too old to care whether people think differently of me, or not.
My previous work place (directors, managers etc) found out, they didn't bat an eye lid. One colleague said they had only ever seen me as a serious middle aged manager and now found his of me assumption funny and a lesson in 'you never know people...'

I can honestly say I get bored talking about kink now.
Being single and meeting vanilla men whose eyes light up but never want to understand the risks, or who vanish in fear is utterly dull.
As is speaking to Doms who are idiots and have little respect for all kink is.

I never thought I would prefer celibacy to kink!

 

[Kim_Burly]

I pop in every now and again to read and look for new ideas. Sir and I have gone through some significant changes of late and we are both very happy. We have settled into what I consider to be the perfect balance of D/s, S&M and "normal" life. My only fear is that it could grow stale, thus my ongoing quest for fresh ideas.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

I'll stick my head in at Lit now and then, more often than not it's because someone sent me a message. Frankly, I'm a busy guy, and my online interactions go where I get far more traffic, mainly FetLife for my BDSM connections, and Facebook for Leatherfolk and my vanilla friends.

And I'm busy. Tori and I usually travel 2 - 3 weekends a month to some Leather or kink event, a bar night, a conference, Pride events, BDSM groups we've been invited to teach at... And those places communicate through FL or FB, not Lit.

I'm not so much about reading or writing about this stuff as I am in living it. And for the most part, the circles I travel in don't use Literotica.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'll stick my head in at Lit now and then, more often than not it's because someone sent me a message. Frankly, I'm a busy guy, and my online interactions go where I get far more traffic, mainly FetLife for my BDSM connections, and Facebook for Leatherfolk and my vanilla friends.

And I'm busy. Tori and I usually travel 2 - 3 weekends a month to some Leather or kink event, a bar night, a conference, Pride events, BDSM groups we've been invited to teach at... And those places communicate through FL or FB, not Lit.

I'm not so much about reading or writing about this stuff as I am in living it. And for the most part, the circles I travel in don't use Literotica.

but I miss you

 

[Marquis]

I could see it coming back in the next year or two.

Although I am getting to be an old man now.

 

[gypsy*seer]

I understand this Seela, I feel I have said all I want to, whether on here or elsewhere.
I actually don't give a damn about my privacy, I am too old to care whether people think differently of me, or not.

I never thought I would prefer celibacy to kink!

I understand and relate this on many levels, shy.

Too old to care what other people think regarding the sexual aspect, but I've really come to miss the interaction and the valuable knowledge so freely given in all manner of forums. I've been away due to my mothers illness, and a few other distractions (oy vey!), but what I've gained in knowledge and friendship here has finally brought me to rejoin the circle of, yes, friends.

 

[Kajira Callista]

I could see it coming back in the next year or two.

Although I am getting to be an old man now.

a distinguished older gentleman?

 

[cookiecat]

Although I'm not much for reviving old posts, this is a subject that's been on my mind lately.

I saw a Marquis post from a few days ago in a Pissing thread. I recall his posts from a million years ago so I was surprised to see him back at all and really surprised his one comment this year was "I can't believe this thread is still going."

The oral servitude thread from a long time ago was one of my favorites. It hit 5000 posts so I started a "part two" servitude thread. I believe it was Primalex who wondered why this thread was even revived. Another "old-timer" made a comment about the glut of bj's around.

I've been hearing this here and there - little comments in the wind, I guess. How the bdsm board used to be. Where did everyone go?

Isn't that the nature of the beast? We "grow up" with the group of internet folks we land with. 10 years ago - even 5 years ago - bdsm wasn't as mainstream. Maybe that's part of it? It isn't as shiny and new to talk about??

Is the bdsm board missing that "something" it used to have? Or is it just the way it goes? Things ebb and flow. People come and go and come back. New people wander in.

You find threads about birdwatching, music, blurts, what made you happy, glitter, cooking... This is where I find friendships and connections.

Why do you stay here? What do you find here? If you've been here a while, what is missing? What do you like?

 

[Shankara20]

Is the bdsm board missing that "something" it used to have? Or is it just the way it goes? Things ebb and flow. People come and go and come back. New people wander in.

You find threads about birdwatching, music, blurts, what made you happy, glitter, cooking... This is where I find friendships and connections.

Why do you stay here? What do you find here? If you've been here a while, what is missing? What do you like?

I'm not as active as I was early on. I even left for a year or two. Life just got complicated and old Lit friends dropped out. Some of the humor had its run and got stale for me. Many of my early on BDSM questions were answered and I just was not driving to find anything.

But after being away I found I missed this place as it was the one place in my life I can be fully open about who I am at my core. I need this connection to keep embers alive. I use the pics threads to keep connected without having to have a lot of conversation. Conversation is work right now for me, but connection is important. I know some other dear friends might like more discussion but I have little to offer. And yet I need to be here.

Having real life BDSM experiences changed me. Added something HUGE to my life. I like being around others who have also had BDSM changes. I feel a bond, even with those who have had very different experiences than I have had.

This place is safe for me. I love it here.

 

[cookiecat]

I'm not as active as I was early on. I even left for a year or two. Life just got complicated and old Lit friends dropped out. Some of the humor had its run and got stale for me. Many of my early on BDSM questions were answered and I just was not driving to find anything.

But after being away I found I missed this place as it was the one place in my life I can be fully open about who I am at my core. I need this connection to keep embers alive. I use the pics threads to keep connected without having to have a lot of conversation. Conversation is work right now for me, but connection is important. I know some other dear friends might like more discussion but I have little to offer. And yet I need to be here.

Having real life BDSM experiences changed me. Added something HUGE to my life. I like being around others who have also had BDSM changes. I feel a bond, even with those who have had very different experiences than I have had.

This place is safe for me. I love it here.

 

[HisArpy]

Way back in the dark ages of the internet, I used to be a member of a woodworking forum. I started with questions and progressed to one of the higher skilled people on the forum.

I left after a few years because, for the most part, I'd outgrown the membership. I was building period reproduction furniture as well as custom cabinetry while most of the members were having problems finding wood to build a birdhouse.

I believe it is the same for most MB's regardless of what your interest is. You begin with questions, progress by learning and then move on when you get bored with the same repetitive threads year after year.

The membership changes because there are always new people to replace the old. It is the way of the world.

 

[Conager]

Way back in the dark ages of the internet, I used to be a member of a woodworking forum. I started with questions and progressed to one of the higher skilled people on the forum.

I left after a few years because, for the most part, I'd outgrown the membership. I was building period reproduction furniture as well as custom cabinetry while most of the members were having problems finding wood to build a birdhouse.

I believe it is the same for most MB's regardless of what your interest is. You begin with questions, progress by learning and then move on when you get bored with the same repetitive threads year after year.

The membership changes because there are always new people to replace the old. It is the way of the world.

Does this mean that when you acheive Grand-Dragon Level mastery of the dark, Domly arts you will simply abandon us, taking all of that gained wisdom with you?

That's disappointing.

 

[cfuhrer]

This place is safe for me. I love it here.

For me the experience is reversed.

I have found that in recent months aspects of who I am that are apart from my sexuality have come under fire on the board. At first staying out of general chat was sufficient but then in the isolated blurt thread people started making "those people" type comments about sections of society that I hail from and am proud of.

So I have stepped away. While I know my sexual identity is safe here there are other, equally important aspects of my make-up that are not safe.

Does that make me weak? A coward? I don't know. But knowing I cannot control the words and actions of others I have opted to control my own and take a break from Lit.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[Marquis]

I have mixed feelings about my experience with BDSM in general.

I've been on this board a long time and I've gone through a lot of changes in that time.

I'm disappointed to be in my mid-30s and single. If you had asked me what my life would be like 15 years ago, I am sure I would imagine myself with a family by now. I don't blame BDSM, or this board, for that. I'm sure they could have been parallel paths, but in some way I feel I went into a dark place with my sexuality in my 20s that I'm not sure is helpful for me now.

I have many of the same urges and cravings as I did then, but my interest in fulfilling them is very low. To the contrary, I believe I've fulfilled most of my fantasies and desires.

My remaining unfulfilled desire is to be in a happy and uncomplicated relationship with a stable and healthy woman that I can share mutual love, affection and respect with.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

I have mixed feelings about my experience with BDSM in general.

I've been on this board a long time and I've gone through a lot of changes in that time.

I'm disappointed to be in my mid-30s and single. If you had asked me what my life would be like 15 years ago, I am sure I would imagine myself with a family by now. I don't blame BDSM, or this board, for that. I'm sure they could have been parallel paths, but in some way I feel I went into a dark place with my sexuality in my 20s that I'm not sure is helpful for me now.

I have many of the same urges and cravings as I did then, but my interest in fulfilling them is very low. To the contrary, I believe I've fulfilled most of my fantasies and desires.

My remaining unfulfilled desire is to be in a happy and uncomplicated relationship with a stable and healthy woman that I can share mutual love, affection and respect with.

There are people here with young children who I think might describe their relationship as pretty much that

I would, minus kids, and later thirties

Agree with Elle - there are some folks around here who have really interesting, solid yet evolving relationships and I enjoy reading about that evolution.

I know for myself, I had to go through the crazy fucked-up, dark stuff to get to a place I realized it was fucked up. I bounced around like a pinball from one person to the next, trying to find my place. Was I bi? (no) Was I poly (no) Did I like pain (yes) Edge play (yes) Was I a little girl / a slut / a rope bunny?

Now, I still like dark edgy stuff but I want that within a solid relationship. With - to quote Marquis - an uncomplicated partner. Once the shiny distraction of this stuff wore off, I found it. Or him. It took a while but I had a more clear vision of the person I wanted in my life vs. the person who could simply deliver the activity.

For me, I now have the time to be here. Lit offers a connection... to kink, to people, to new perspectives and to plain 'ole fun.

 

[SpunThings]

I have mixed feelings about my experience with BDSM in general.

I've been on this board a long time and I've gone through a lot of changes in that time.

I'm disappointed to be in my mid-30s and single. If you had asked me what my life would be like 15 years ago, I am sure I would imagine myself with a family by now. I don't blame BDSM, or this board, for that. I'm sure they could have been parallel paths, but in some way I feel I went into a dark place with my sexuality in my 20s that I'm not sure is helpful for me now.

I have many of the same urges and cravings as I did then, but my interest in fulfilling them is very low. To the contrary, I believe I've fulfilled most of my fantasies and desires.

My remaining unfulfilled desire is to be in a happy and uncomplicated relationship with a stable and healthy woman that I can share mutual love, affection and respect with.

It's possible, and you don't have to leave kink behind

 

[Etoile]

For me, I think the internet has moved from forums to social networking. I'm more active on Fet than I am here. I'm also active in my local kink scene, including volunteering for my local organization. I also grew away from Lit because of getting burned out from being a moderator, but I've found comfortable places elsewhere that keep me from "needing" to be here. I do like checking in occasionally.

As for being in one's mid-thirties and seeking happy uncomplicated relationships - well, no relationship is uncomplicated. But I'm 35, and I am goddamn thrilled with my relationship status. Kinkwise, I've been with Sir for nearly a year, and he is such a stable and healthy person that my wife commented the other day she sees him as a major good influence on my communication skills, and my long-distance boyfriend said recently that Sir is good for me, too. This relationship is incredibly stable, incredibly happy, and incredibly kinky. And yeah, he's told me about having to look in the mirror back when he realized he was a sadist. That "dark" place, maybe. But our relationship is fundamentally kinky, there's no fantasy fulfillment, it's just how we relate. And, yes, we share mutual love, affection, and respect.

I hope you find what you're looking for, Marquis. I think it's possible to integrate the things you're looking for. I hope you find happiness.

 

[DVS]

I must agree with the bulk of these posts, but maybe I'm wrong. Still, we all knew what it was like back in the beginning, many of us, and a couple of you were even mods.

I think there's still hope, because it's not a bad place, it's just not the same. It still has time to get back to the ways of old, and it can stay the way it is, too. But, it can also end up going the wrong way, and that would just be sad.

I don't say this to be hateful, because there are still good things going on here. But, when you leave and come back, you see it a lot clearer than to someone who stays and doesn't see it change, because the change is more gradual for them.

Maybe it's just a sign of the times and it will never be what it once was. I've been told it's just a "you can never go home again" thing, and that might be part of it. But, there's more to it than that.

Oh, and Marquis, this thread should have been started in the cafe. Just saying.

 

[cookiecat]

I must agree with the bulk of these posts, but maybe I'm wrong. Still, we all knew what it was like back in the beginning, many of us, and a couple of you were even mods.

I think there's still hope, because it's not a bad place, it's just not the same. It still has time to get back to the ways of old, and it can stay the way it is, too. But, it can also end up going the wrong way, and that would just be sad.

I don't say this to be hateful, because there are still good things going on here. But, when you leave and come back, you see it a lot clearer than to someone who stays and doesn't see it change, because the change is more gradual for them.

Maybe it's just a sign of the times and it will never be what it once was. I've been told it's just a "you can never go home again" thing, and that might be part of it. But, there's more to it than that.

Oh, and Marquis, this thread should have been started in the cafe. Just saying.

What are the "ways of old"that were so special?

Never mind, I read your post in the other thread.

 

[DVS]

What are the "ways of old"that were so special?

Well, that's the difficult part. You might have to leave for a while and come back to even notice. And I don't know that for sure, but that's how I noticed it.

I've seen threads in the Talk forum that should be in the cafe, for one thing. That might just be my opinion and the present mod might disagree, but that mod is also a part of the new ways, too.

Maybe it's the members who left? I know I miss quite a few of them. I'm sure some of them left for vaious reasons, but one of them very well could have been that the site just wasn't the same any more.

And I could also be completely wrong, but the only way to find that out is to stick around for a while. And who knows how long of a time frame that should be?

I'm not trying to be a bad guy here. I have a soft spot for this place. And maybe I haven't been back long enough to tell, but I've been posting from time to time for a few months, and lurking, too. The main thing I've noticed is a coldness. That could be because I'm not recognized, just like how a newbie would feel.

Everybody seems to be involved in their own posts and threads. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, but that's what I've noticed. There's a lot of socializing, and that's OK, because that's a large part of what the site should be. But not at the expense of another part of the site, education, knowledge, and just being friendly to new people.

And I hope people don't take this personally, because if there has been a change in this site, it's been so gradual that nobody has noticed it. Every time a regular leaves, and a new poster comes in, it's very easy to lose some of the warmness that was there.

And I wanted to be sure to say it could just be me, but then I found this thread. Everybody here were long time regulars. A couple posters in here were mods. You'd have to ask these posters why they don't feel the place is the same, then extrapleate all of those answers and maybe there would be an answer.

Shit, maybe I'm just an old fart and people don't see me as a vital any more. But I know that can't be the only thing. First, my farts don't stink (good food and exercise ) and while I'm not young, nobody can tell your age in a post.

I could be feeling sorry for myself, but I think that would go back to the part where newbies feel kind of lost that way, too.

If any of the people in this thread are still around, maybe they can add their two cents. Maybe some of them could even add a nickle's worth and clear this all up.