I want to lose my virginity

[Marquis]

What is it that you want exactly?

"To lose my virginity" cannot be all. You can just walk outside and do that.

I think you're getting a lot of good advice in this thread but is there anything that resonates with you in particular?

 

[sardoniclaugh]

YAAAYYYYYAAAYYY I am not the 22 year old virgin on this site. *High fives through the computer* The only difference between us though, is that I am in noooooooooo rush to get rid of it anywhere time soon, especially with the men I keep running into. With all the shit that comes out their mouths I run the other direction. I will say first, at first wanted to get rid of it and believe me I had some volunteers who wanted take it, but once I got to know those people I didn't want to be bothered anymore. I actually had one guy that told me he really wanted to date me because I weighed 91 pounds, and not only that he would call me 2 or 3'oclock in the morning drunk screaming at me.

He was not the only one that made me be grateful that I was still a virgin and that I give up my precious gift as my mother would say I had more encounters than that.

I am to say something that my mother told me "don't give your pussy some busted ass nigga that end up you some nasty ass disease and leaving dirty that don't give a shit about you" She said this when we're talking about a family friend who was getting married at 26 and she was also a virgin at that time. My point is don't put a rush on things just slow down and smell the roses.

P.S. when I say nigga me and my family and other people where I live use it more as a noun just in case anybody was wondering.

Good. Nothing pisses me off more than when people use nigga as a preposition.
But it does raise the question of the quality of the man you (anyone, really) wants to lose your virginity to.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

What is it that you want exactly?

"To lose my virginity" cannot be all. You can just walk outside and do that.

I think you're getting a lot of good advice in this thread but is there anything that resonates with you in particular?

I guess what I really want is to feel like I've learned how to connect to another human being. In some ways I'm more innocent than a high school freshman. I've never been touched in a sexual way by anyone and vice versa. I've done a little drunken making out, but for the most part I've never even kissed someone I've been really attracted to. I feel like I've built this wall around myself and that it will begin to crumble if I get close enough to someone to lose my virginity to them. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like losing my virginity will make it easier for me to form relationships, and maybe it will even bring me out of my shell. But then again, I'm probably just deluding myself. There's always the possibility that nothing will change.

 

[Marquis]

I guess what I really want is to feel like I've learned how to connect to another human being. In some ways I'm more innocent than a high school freshman. I've never been touched in a sexual way by anyone and vice versa. I've done a little drunken making out, but for the most part I've never even kissed someone I've been really attracted to. I feel like I've built this wall around myself and that it will begin to crumble if I get close enough to someone to lose my virginity to them. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like losing my virginity will make it easier for me to form relationships, and maybe it will even bring me out of my shell. But then again, I'm probably just deluding myself. There's always the possibility that nothing will change.

Yes, there is that possibility.

I don't think there are any easy answers here. If you lose your virginity suddenly and meaninglessly, I imagine it may leave you feeling just as vulnerable as before. If you go into a relationship with the express purpose of losing your virginity, you may be disappointed with the act, and ultimately with the relationship as well.

Unfortunately, sex and relationships are largely about putting yourself in a position to be vulnerable to disappointment. There is no way around this.

I really don't know what to tell you.

 

[CutieMouse]

I guess what I really want is to feel like I've learned how to connect to another human being. In some ways I'm more innocent than a high school freshman. I've never been touched in a sexual way by anyone and vice versa. I've done a little drunken making out, but for the most part I've never even kissed someone I've been really attracted to. I feel like I've built this wall around myself and that it will begin to crumble if I get close enough to someone to lose my virginity to them. I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like losing my virginity will make it easier for me to form relationships, and maybe it will even bring me out of my shell. But then again, I'm probably just deluding myself. There's always the possibility that nothing will change.

I'm going to give you the same advice I give my teenage children -

The only way to make the walls crumble, is to make the walls crumble. Sex might not do that any better than living life - making mistakes, getting a bit messy, being vulnerable, learning that life continues on post-vulnerability stuff... being [somewhat] messy and living a full [but ethical] life is more likely to result in a happy healthy sex life/relationship, than worrying about having sex with the idea it will end in a happy healthy relationship. Subtle, but important.

If you find someone interesting enough that you want to be intimate - kick ass, be safe and enjoy yourself. But don't assume sex is a magic pill to learning how to relate to people/breathe the air outside the box and form relationships... IMO* the "forming relationships" stuff (even if the "relationship" is a friend with benefits) is ideally the step A part of the ABC of having a functioning, intimate, meaningful interaction with someone else.

*I should probably note I suck at one night stands. They annoy me and I always find myself thinking "Dude... you seriously consider this your A game? Really?" nut a lot of that is probably because I've been accused of building a few [12" thick] walls myself over the years. LOL

 

[RuneBlade]

Sex is sex. Relationships are relationships. There are many kinds of each, and they don't necessarily have to have anything to do with eachother.

I think most of us look back upon our first times and just shake our heads. There's no real reason to rush out and lose your virgin status, but no real reason to keep it either. I've never been with a virgin, myself. What guy hasn't dreamt, eh? I think once you get past it and go for it, you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, and why the heck you didn't start doing it sooner!

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like losing my virginity will make it easier for me to form relationships, and maybe it will even bring me out of my shell.

I think that's a dangerous thought trail. If you equate sex with relationships then you may start thinking that sex equals love and you open yourself up to a bad cycle of dudes that will treat you poorly, and you'll be okay with it because they're "loving" (fucking) you.

Love yourself, it shouldn't take someone else to make you feel worthy. To me, sex is just about the fun. I'm a single guy that got out of a 6 year relationship a while back. I'm testing the waters and finding out who I am. Don't get me wrong, when you're with someone you care about, you'll find that making love and sex are two very different things. But if you're not in love, just find someone to rock your world and have fun with it! Find out what you like, what you don't, explore. Just do it safely. Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

Then when you DO find someone you really care about, you'll have a little experience under your belt and can sock it to 'em!

But, everyone's different. Maybe you'll get the guy in the tux, go for the wedding, the picket fence, and lose it on your wedding night.

In any case, be safe


edited to add:

Also, I think fetlife is a bad way to start if you have no experience in the scene and are a virgin, it can be dangerous. There's alot of cool people in the scene, but there's alot of wack-jobs that will see you as prey. It's cool to check out a local fetish party or something, but use the buddy system and take a friend to anything like that. Be careful.

 

[Nameless_Rose]

*****

 

[Commedia]

I'm going to give you the same advice I give my teenage children -

The only way to make the walls crumble, is to make the walls crumble. Sex might not do that any better than living life - making mistakes, getting a bit messy, being vulnerable, learning that life continues on post-vulnerability stuff... being [somewhat] messy and living a full [but ethical] life is more likely to result in a happy healthy sex life/relationship, than worrying about having sex with the idea it will end in a happy healthy relationship. Subtle, but important.

If you find someone interesting enough that you want to be intimate - kick ass, be safe and enjoy yourself. But don't assume sex is a magic pill to learning how to relate to people/breathe the air outside the box and form relationships... IMO* the "forming relationships" stuff (even if the "relationship" is a friend with benefits) is ideally the step A part of the ABC of having a functioning, intimate, meaningful interaction with someone else.

*I should probably note I suck at one night stands. They annoy me and I always find myself thinking "Dude... you seriously consider this your A game? Really?" nut a lot of that is probably because I've been accused of building a few [12" thick] walls myself over the years. LOL

I would go with her advice on this one. I've built a few walls over the years as well; and I've torn a few down. Sex is fun, and you should enjoy it (safely), but it doesn't have much to do with forming an intimate relationship. It is important to be happy with your sex life, but you should not expect it to be the foundation of a meaningful relationship.

If you're looking for real intimacy, then, as CutieMouse put it, you should go through the ABC's of the functional and emotional aspects of the relationship first.

If you're just looking for sex....well it honestly isn't that hard to find for a young girl...I imagine you probably got a few pm's about that already

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sex is sex. Relationships are relationships. There are many kinds of each, and they don't necessarily have to have anything to do with eachother.

I think most of us look back upon our first times and just shake our heads. There's no real reason to rush out and lose your virgin status, but no real reason to keep it either. I've never been with a virgin, myself. What guy hasn't dreamt, eh? I think once you get past it and go for it, you'll look back and wonder what all the fuss was about, and why the heck you didn't start doing it sooner!


I think that's a dangerous thought trail. If you equate sex with relationships then you may start thinking that sex equals love and you open yourself up to a bad cycle of dudes that will treat you poorly, and you'll be okay with it because they're "loving" (fucking) you.

Love yourself, it shouldn't take someone else to make you feel worthy. To me, sex is just about the fun. I'm a single guy that got out of a 6 year relationship a while back. I'm testing the waters and finding out who I am. Don't get me wrong, when you're with someone you care about, you'll find that making love and sex are two very different things. But if you're not in love, just find someone to rock your world and have fun with it! Find out what you like, what you don't, explore. Just do it safely. Condoms! Condoms! Condoms!

Oh man, that's one of the best elucidations of this I have read.

Also, I think fetlife is a bad way to start if you have no experience in the scene and are a virgin, it can be dangerous. There's alot of cool people in the scene, but there's alot of wack-jobs that will see you as prey. It's cool to check out a local fetish party or something, but use the buddy system and take a friend to anything like that. Be careful.

Yes to this as well-- I recommend fetlife as a way to find out where the munches are, what demos are going on. Don't start off looking for the One and Only. Meet your community, meet people face to face in company.

 

[BertrandRussell]

When doing anything for the first time, start with the basics. When learning to ride a bicycle, you start by riding around the block, not by competing in the Tour de France. When you start cooking, you don't try a soufle, rather you learn to boil water without burning it. When you learn math, you start with addition, not calculus.

Keep it simple. Learn the basics about sex. Don't try to incorporate sex as part of a deep relationship. Don't try to do the exotic stuff like B&D. Just stick to the basics; learn those, then later you can expand and diversify.

Keep your choice of a partner simple too. It doesn't have to be someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just someone who is fundamentally sane and who respects you, and who knows what to do with a condom.

 

[radepor]

This guy is partially wrong

There ARE guys who will reject free sex; I'm one, albeit, an older one. I don't feel it's necessary to explain myself.

I'd recommend you look a little harder for the right person before diving in.

The right person is out there.

If you're adventurous, go ahead a dive in. My life's experience is you never learn any lesson better than a failure - problem is, some failures can kill you.

Silly girl, but I love the perverting of the innocent. Soo...

Before I say anything, no guy in the history and future of the world will ever reject free sex because of the girl. It’s impossible. The only reason a guy would turn such an offer down is because he has other thing going on that don’t fit will with fucking you. Like a girlfriend, or being a monk.

1st you have got to prep, no question about it.

Get on birth control, and be on it for a while before you start fucking.

Get condoms in case he don’t have his, and make sure he uses them. And make sure he uses it right. If it looks wrong on him, it probably is wrong. And if he can’t get on a condom the sex is probably gonna suck anyway.

Lube is also a good idea, especially for anal, and toys if you you’re up to it. Find your local sex shop and go shopping. It’s fun.

2nd pick out your guy

If you want good sex you’ll need to find a guy who has experience. You can probably figure that out by talking to him about sex.

This guy should be a trustworthy friend, or a trustworthy friend of a friend, so not that pervert at the bar. You want to be able to get a trustworthy history on him, especially STD wise. If you feel like he’s not telling you everything, don’t fuck him, plenty more where he came from. Also make sure he's not gonna get all lovey and needy if you fuck him.

3rd Flirt
This is very, very simple.

Wear something that hints at sex, like something that shows leg, or a little boob, or anything that makes you look sexual. Ask your friends what fits on you. That is the big flag that says, “sex is a topic I’m ok with”.

Have your friend introduce you, or talk to him if you know him, and smile lots. Look into his eyes slightly longer than normal. If it makes you turn red don’t worry about it, that only adds to the flirting. Basically put all your attention on him like he is the most awesome dude alive. He’ll probably try and show off, at which point a “wow” or something like it will make him think he can have you.

Ultimately bring the conversation towards “sex”, and how you are “single”. Very important key words to drive home.

The experienced guy will have your number at this point with plans to invite you over. The boys will need more reassurance.

4th
No matter how hot things are and how much you need it, don’t forget the fucking condom. Clean up and use a new one with each go.

Don't focus on the moment, just let yourself get lost in it.

Say/ beg what you want and where you want it, out laud. Really does up things.

Make sure you get it in your ass and try deep throat all during your first time. You will be my hero and statues will be made.

Oh and if you swallow his cum it can't get your pregnant. It's fact.

Now go and be slutty.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

Just wanted to thank everyone once again for their advice. Your help has given me sort of a new perspective on things.

 

[AngryWhiteSemen]

I (male) also went through this period of never getting laid. Hindsight (a wonderful thing) tells me that there were women sending me signals all the time, but I just didn't GET it! If I have some 'instant advice' - probably no better than instant coffee is to the real thing - it is that you should simply be more seductive. Don't be afraid - I was. Men (boys) are less understanding of their feelings than women are. Choose a nice one and make up to him. He will respond.

On a long term solution, we should perhaps adopt the 19th century French approach. Girls had 'uncles', boys had older ladies to teach them the finer things. If you (or anyone else) would like an uncle, please PM me. I will not bite. I will treat you with respect and I will shower you with gifts as well as turning you on and satisfying you every need. Then I will release you to fly freely and find the boy of your dreams, passing on your knowledge and living a wonderful life. Is that not what you really want?

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

double post

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Do so with someone you love and who loves you back, so you can enjoy the special moment and cherish the memories of it forever!

If I could take the time back I would keep my virginity for my A., as the bitch aka my exhusband didnt deserve me at all and I will always regret that.

 

[Que]

being vulnerable, learning that life continues on post-vulnerability stuff... being [somewhat] messy and living a full [but ethical] life is more likely to result in a happy healthy sex life/relationship, than worrying about having sex with the idea it will end in a happy healthy relationship.

Honestly everyone's full text quote was GOLD..I mean it, I cannot believe the caliber of advice you are getting here.

Sex doesn't make the relationship any more than gas makes a car move. It takes compression, spark, a vessel to hold the compression, a harnessing arrangement to convert the explosion into rotating motion...thousands of parts.

Sex is just the most volatile and explosive part of any relationship. Lots to think about, but thinking about sex gets one no where. When you finally are on the threshold of losing your virginity however that happens, the mechanics will be there. I'd encourage you to work on feeling comfortable with intimacy, which I define as letting someone inside the you that is you, more than inside your body.

If you lose your virginity suddenly and meaninglessly, I imagine it may leave you feeling just as vulnerable as before.

Unfortunately, sex and relationships are largely about putting yourself in a position to be vulnerable to disappointment. There is no way around this.

Is there some way to stress this more than italics, underline and bold?? hit the mark exactly.

If you equate sex with relationships then you may start thinking that sex equals love and you open yourself up to a bad cycle of dudes that will treat you poorly, and you'll be okay with it because they're "loving" (fucking) you.

Love yourself, it shouldn't take someone else to make you feel worthy.

But, everyone's different. Maybe you'll get the guy in the tux, go for the wedding, the picket fence, and lose it on your wedding night.

ABSOLUTELY worry about a bad cycle of dudes treating you poorly. Not only is there a LOT of that going around (and always has been so.) but it tool me years to understand why it is that the biggest assholes get the best girls. They seek you out..they sense your vulnerabilities.

I dragged my ex kicking and screaming out of an abusive relationship. (and I don't mean name calling, I mean showing up at work bruised and battered) When she hit her mid-life crisis and decided being a party girl and going to bars while I'm working, guess who she met...meet John, 1.5 ex wifes. Domestic violence charges from each, as well as a girlfriend. His son recently (20 year old) convicted of beating up a 16 year old girlfriend..

I think her belief that guys will like you if you are sexual with them led to her whole pattern of dysfunction starting for her at age 13...you are no where near that level of danger, having been at least secure enough with yourself to not choose to be sexual up to this point

I was the guy in the tux losing it on my wedding night she was not. I didn't mind then or now her choices, but I think it skewed the dynamic a bit.

When doing anything for the first time, start with the basics. When learning to ride a bicycle, you start by riding around the block, not by competing in the Tour de France. When you start cooking, you don't try a soufle, rather you learn to boil water without burning it. When you learn math, you start with addition, not calculus.

Keep it simple. Learn the basics about sex. Don't try to incorporate sex as part of a deep relationship. Don't try to do the exotic stuff like B&D. Just stick to the basics; learn those, then later you can expand and diversify.

Keep your choice of a partner simple too. It doesn't have to be someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. Just someone who is fundamentally sane and who respects you, and who knows what to do with a condom.

If you decide you are open to and ready for casual sex, keep in mind that you are starting from a place where you aren't even versed in making out as of yet...look for a guy or a string of guys (over time!) that you can express intimate feelings with in a physical way, starting with a kiss, then move on to what comes naturally.

It will come naturally, else humankind would have extincted itself.

You and I, after all are nothing but mammals, so go out there and do it like they do on Discovery channel. To coin a phrase. er I mean shamelessly ripped off.

I feel like I could go on for a page on just about each sentence posted by previous posters on this thread so I resigned myself to just a handful of the most recent.

It is heartwarming to see someone so intent on really knowing themselves. I think you will "turn out" just fine. As if you are not already an amazing person. Be you and you will live the life you are best in.

 

[nfrrdscnnr1]

Cutie

What Cutie had to say is hard to beat.
Sex is not going to be very fulfilling in and of itself. So, search for a relationship and let the sex follow. To do otherwise is to put the cart before the horse--WAY before the horse.
N

 

[subwannabe]

I have known a whole lotta girls in my life who found their first experience unpleasant or unfulfilling. I'm not sure if that can be considered a pro or a con but I think the moral of the story is if you wait for someone special, hopefully it will be special - whereas those who just wanted to get it over, well, were glad it was over.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Speaking of which, I recently got contacted via facebook-- by the first guy I ever had sex with, when I was technically (PIV) a virgin.

Almost forty years ago!

I picked him out of lust. He was involved with another girl and I knew that. She also knew that I wanted to "do it" with him. No problem.

Life was so simple back then... damn.

 

[Inquisitive_Mind]

another question

Ok, so here's another thing I've been wondering about: when is the appropriate time to tell an interested party the extent of my inexperience? Do I let them know right off the bat? Right before we fuck for the first time? After we fuck?

 

[Bandit58]

Ok, so here's another thing I've been wondering about: when is the appropriate time to tell an interested party the extent of my inexperience? Do I let them know right off the bat? Right before we fuck for the first time? After we fuck?

My daughter told her partner before they did anything sexual together. That way they both knew what they were getting into and she could control the pace of the relationship (although I believe it was only a few days before they "did it"

 

[pussylvr1]

I think you should probably meet me! I'm not really the dom type but prob could be and i'm nice and easy to get along with