I would like to improve as a writer

[Areala-chan]

There is no such standard or rule, so you didn't break anything.

Agreed. I'm not sure where this idea that third-person is best for short stories came from, but perspective and tense should be dictated by the story's needs, not some arbitrary rule. Third-person, past tense might be the most common way of telling a story on the site but that doesn't make it ideal for all circumstances.

 

[Lavender10]

I'm not sure where this idea that third-person is best for short stories came from, but perspective and tense should be dictated by the story's needs, not some arbitrary rule

Agree.

Dialog is the heart of a story

I agree with that too, but the word is spelled "dialogue".

 

[sr71plt]

I agree with that too, but the word is spelled "dialogue".

Yes, "dialogue" is preferred in U.S. style, but "dialog" is also accepted by Webster's.

 

[ElectricBlue]

analogue, analog
catalogue, catalog
labour, labor
harbour, harbor
liquor, licker, wait, no, not that one....

No right, no wrong, just geography!

 

[sr71plt]

analogue, analog
catalogue, catalog
labour, labor
harbour, harbor
liquor, licker, wait, no, not that one....

No right, no wrong, just geography!

No, dialogue/dialog isn't part of the U.S./UK style difference. "Dialogue" is preferred in both U.S. and UK style for formal writing. "Dialog" is used in technical language enough to be tolerated in informal writing--such as on this forum.

 

[ishtat]

Robert Burchfield - Arrogant Know all.

So can I.

If you can hack the convoluted, but correct, latch onto Fowler's Modern English Usage (an Oxford book and good for both U.S. and British styles because it notes the differences--the 1996 or earlier editions are best as someone less intelligent but more arrogant took the series over after that).
.

I don't think Robert Burchfield was unintelligent but I think he was even more arrogant than you suggest. Not only did he produce an inferior version of Fowler (1996) his work on the OED was counter productive in that in his 'second supplement'(1986) he, capriciously in my view, deleted far too many dialect words. His argument for deleting words was invariably that there was only one or two literary(ie written) sources, completely missing the point that dialect words tend to persist in rural less literary communities; but the fact that they may only be written rarely, didn't make them a less important component of the language

 

[8letters]

I did't even know I broke the rule for that, I'll look into it. As for the second I just sat down and started writing and it turned out to be third person and I was comfortable with it so that's what I used. I agree first person is more intimate but I'm not sure how that would work later in the story as it's mostly Mindy's point of view but it's Arianna's in places as well. I will give first person a try in another story.

If you don't mind reading brother-sister incest, compare Heather and Michael and My Sister Set Me Up on a Blind Date. They are very similar stories but H&M is third person and "Blind Date" is first person.

To me, your story would better if there is quite a bit of Mindy reflecting on her incredible experiences with Arianna. That works much better in first person.

So have my characters help describe things more instead of having it mostly in the narrative?

No. what you did with Mindy's workplace was the literary equivalent of a drive by (As StrangeTamer drove us to Mindy's bedroom, he pointed to a small building and said, "That's were Mindy works."). Either you should have had a scene at Mindy's work place with a setting and dialogue or you should have just mentioned it in passing in another scene.

I almost put it in lesbian I know it would get more views there, but dealing with mythical beings and Arianna's pet vine monster I thought Sci-Fi/Fantasy would be a better fit.

I'd post something in the Author's Hangout and get opinions there on where it would be best located.

That's like me, I mostly don't like chaptered stories on here. When I started writing I said I wasn't going to write one and now look what I'm writing lol. I tried to get this at least from a beginning to an end. The more I wrote the more the ideas piled on top of ideas. The next 2 chapters are going to be stroke stories while I settle my thoughts and notes for ch.4 that will continue the story line.

For my first story, I was going to write a massive, multi-chapter story that covered a period of over 25 years. I was going to write the whole thing before I started posting it. At some point, I decided to post a separate story (Heather and Michael) to get some feedback on my writing. It was a great idea as eventually realized the my massive opus wasn't a very good story. It's never going to make it off my hard drive. Sigh.

My advice - focus on stand-alone stories. Your first few stories are going to be poorly-written. Mine are. I'm going to take down "Heather and Michael" soon and publish a better version of it because I'm tired of people leaving comments telling me the writing is lousy. If you have a poorly-written first chapter, you aren't going to have much of an audience in the ensuing chapters. No one is going to struggle through a few poorly-written chapters on the hope that the writing gets better further on.

 

[Kantarii]

Writing can be improved with practice. What can't be improved is the limitations a writer places on their own imagination. Either you have an imagination or you don't Kant.

Everything beyond the imagination is just you trying to materialize it to share with others so they can experience what you've already visualized in your head.

 

[StrangeTamer]

There is no such standard or rule, so you didn't break anything.

I've think I've seen this discussed on the site before. Thank you for clarifying this.

 

[StrangeTamer]

If you don't mind reading brother-sister incest, compare Heather and Michael and My Sister Set Me Up on a Blind Date. They are very similar stories but H&M is third person and "Blind Date" is first person.

I've read first person and third person before, incest doesn't appeal to me but you tried to read mine so I'll try to read yours lol. It probably wont be till this weekend but I'll give them a shot.

No. what you did with Mindy's workplace was the literary equivalent of a drive by (As StrangeTamer drove us to Mindy's bedroom, he pointed to a small building and said, "That's were Mindy works."). Either you should have had a scene at Mindy's work place with a setting and dialogue or you should have just mentioned it in passing in another scene.

Yes, but I needed Rachel implanted in the readers mind as she's an important part of the story later. After Mindy is turned she takes Rachel as her first. It turns out why she is a bitter person is Rachel is a lost hermaphrodite that can't find anyone to accept her the way she is, Arianna and Mindy do and eventually take her home with them.

I'd post something in the Author's Hangout and get opinions there on where it would be best located.

Why argue about it? They're mythical beings I think it belongs in Sci-Fi/Fantasy.

My advice - focus on stand-alone stories.

Lol, this was supposed to be a stand-alone story it's to late now.

 

[StrangeTamer]

Writing can be improved with practice. What can't be improved is the limitations a writer places on their own imagination. Either you have an imagination or you don't Kant.

Everything beyond the imagination is just you trying to materialize it to share with others so they can experience what you've already visualized in your head.

Thank you Kantarii, in doing this I am rediscovering my imagination. I'm just having trouble translating it through the keyboard, and only practice and patience will solve that.

 

[StrangeTamer]

I don't know if I ever said this here before, but I had never read an erotic story before I started writing them.

I'd read some brief sex scenes in horror novels and when I was in my teens maybe a couple of penthouse letters type things, but I started writing erotica twenty five years after that. So everything I wrote had no influence whatsoever other than my imaginations.

Now that I think of it I did read 120 days of Sodom in my early twenties, but as some can attest some of that material was far from erotic

I'm the opposite, after trying to read a lot of stories on here and just clicking off of them not being able to finish them I got the idea of trying to writing a story of my own.