If I had my way...

[Shadowsdream]

I have never bottomed..submitted or felt the need. I have Dominated safely and joyfully for..well never mind...but more than a dozen years...wayyyyyyyyy more!
I know many wonderful Dom/mes in RT who have never submitted and I doubt they ever will.
People are diverse...we will all find our own way...not because anyone thinks we need lessons but because of who we are.

 

[Pure]

Dom/mes who have subbed...

I agree with Netzach. In my opinion, it's a measure of versatility or, if you like, the polymorphous perverse. The truly versatile, kinked, and wicked dom/mes I've encountered are such, as was the Marquis himself.

Too, there are the psychoanalytic reasons: Can a person accept his/her 'deviant' impulses? Doesn't a sadist identify at some level with the flesh s/he tortures?

While there may be 'born' or 'natural' dommes-- just as there are
naturally mascluline men-- part of the historical 'thrust', if I may call it that, of SM is to be 'unnatural'. Against nature's 'bent.'

Looking at Shadowsdream

...we will all find our own way...not because anyone thinks we need lessons but because of who we are.

Yes, to my respected discussant, in a sense. But most have no real idea who they are. "Who I am" for most, imo, is just a mishmash of inherited and conditioned stuff, or facile 'alternative' stereotypes, the 'born gay' or '100% straight' or 'born dom/me'.

None of us comes to adulthood without kinks; some just do not want to admit it. A dom/me whose thought is only of domming, a straight man who's thought only of 'straight' sex with his wife, etc.... I simply don't believe it. Let life fuck that person in a few additional orifices and then have them 'check back.'

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have never bottomed..submitted or felt the need. I have Dominated safely and joyfully for..well never mind...but more than a dozen years...wayyyyyyyyy more!
I know many wonderful Dom/mes in RT who have never submitted and I doubt they ever will.
People are diverse...we will all find our own way...not because anyone thinks we need lessons but because of who we are.

Amen.

 

[Ebonyfire]

To Each His or Her Own

What I find obnoxious is when opinions become pronouncements on how things should be, rather than how things were for the individual.

 

[Quint]

My experiences:

I was T's first submissive; he'd played with the thought with a previous girlfriend but it was obviously staged and didn't go far, so I feel rather justified in considering myself the one who "broke him in."

However, he had a history of many submissive activities that fell into our brand of BDSM, again under the category of "staged kinky fun." He'd been fucked up the ass with a rather enormous strap-on; he'd been slapped and called derogatory names. Did this influence his ability to do these activities to me? I don't really think so. His ass can take a LOT more abuse than mine; he experienced anal sex but not how my body is going to take it. The sensations he received from being slapped and insulted, as he IS dominant, were far different than the ones I receive from those activities. The most I can say that he got out of those experiences was knowledge of them and the thought of doing them in the future--no more. Empathy only goes so far.

The flip side of this case is kind of interesting, though: how being a sub has influenced my potential as a Domme. Often, I will experience life as if I'm writing it; I frequently take note of T's traits and create a "Dominant" character based off of them. What this means for me is that although I'd be a rather pathetic Domme if T and I ever switched, since I have no interest in male submissives, I'd be a pretty terrific D/s coach. I know a lot of the "hows" and such even if I'd derive no pleasure from inflicting them.

To a male. Heh heh heh.

We played with a female friend about a week ago and I found myself enacting upon her *not* the activities T had done to me, but the *way* they were done, with amazing results. I identified strongly with the character I had created from T and became it for purposes of dealing with her. So to that degree, I can see how being a submissive to T made me a rather enjoyable Domme to her.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

sounds like me and my bf but us being tamer LOL
I really start to wonder sometimes about him lol
I have no idea how his sex life with his ex was I dont care to ask but I do know she was very verbal. something I have SEVER trouble with.. Like in middle of fucking her shed be like "FUCK MY ASS!! FUCK IT HARD THATS IT YEH STICK IT IN MY ASS!" no matter how much work he does with me that will NEVER happen LOL
For one thing if he wants to fuck my ass.. he can but I sure wont encourage him LMAO

anyway he thinks of some of what we do as a little "kinky"
but most of it just normal.
but I can assure you I dont think the average male when a girl is bitting and pinching there nipples I dont think they moan and ask for harder. Especially on the first night your with him (first night with a man period lol)
I just dont think so LOL

thing is I know for a fact he was takin it easy on me when we met LMAO

wonder if I should be worried

anyway must of our "kinky" sessions werent "staged" they just happened.
only really 2 pretty kinky ones one in person and one on the phone.
2nd time I wasnt so surprised by now I know how he is sexualy alot more.
But first time
I so didnt expect it. I should have.. I mean he did let me use a toy on his ass and when I asked why he said "Because you wanted to. because it would turn you on. anytime you want to use a toy on me go ahead"

shoulda have seen it comming but.. all the facts.. everything I tried to ignore it all.. because it made the relationship more complicated. Hed complain how I never take intiative he was angry about that. anyway I finally decided to not ignore it anymore. ignoring doesnt make things GO away lol

BF is very alpha male type but like you said we have different reactions to different things.. but see everyone is different you know??? no one reacts the same way to things...
and what one may like another may not.


what maybe abusive to a person may not to on...
its all on the situation everything is.

pretty much to each his own.

 

[psiberzerker]

Hey pix, I see you went back to your old avatar. I for one applaud it, nudity is nice, but mystery is exquisite.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

Hey pix, I see you went back to your old avatar. I for one applaud it, nudity is nice, but mystery is exquisite.

I have a bunch of avs LOL
and very true. I tend to think that "Sexy" is not naked. Naked is just that.. NAKED>
Its BLAH... nothing its naked its exposed. Now.. if your wearing something that is shaped to your body but hides it... now thats sexy. wearing less doesnt make it more sexy.

 

[psiberzerker]

That the breast picture you got ;?

 

[Pixie Mischief]

That the breast picture you got ;?

yes LOL