I'll give you the Title - you give me the Poem

[Angeline]

Goodnight Sweet Ladies

And to give credit where credit is due, T.S. Eliot and that sick insightful puppy Lou Reed both got the line from Shakespeare's poor mad Ophelia!

Hamlet Act IV, Scene V


OPHELIA
I hope all will be well. We must be patient: but I
cannot choose but weep, to think they should lay him
i' the cold ground. My brother shall know of it:
and so I thank you for your good counsel. Come, my
coach! Good night, ladies; good night, sweet ladies;
good night, good night.

 

[JUDO]

Window On The Third Floor


An old dorm with peaked roofs
And walls coated in white.
We discovered it quite by accident
On a boring, lonely night.

Two girls, alone, on Saturday's eve
With mischief on their minds.
We turned up the music too loud
And danced above ivy vines.

From three floors up, the concourse
Was empty, dark and hollow
But above the din of Annie Lennox
Grew a sound that we couldn't follow.

We turned off the music - ears cocked
To hear the slightest sound,
And in through the window, it echoed -
A moan quite distinct and round.

I pushed up the glass and we searched
Each light 'cross the quadrangle's air.
We gasped as we found the culprit
In the jock's wing, quite sweaty and bare.

His name was Tommy or Bobby -
A hunk from the football squad.
On his back in bed, he was stroking
The stalk from his magnificent bod.

My roomie and I just panted
At the hot scene's acceleration.
A magazine his one hand was shaking -
In the other, a divine incarnation.

Before I knew it, I'd joined him.
Two fingers in my panties quite busy.
Heart pounding with my breasts on the sill
At this height, I felt quite dizzy.

A flash, quite incongruous,
Blanked my eyes for just a sec.
I turned 'round and saw the camera,
Hanging from my roommate's neck.

FLASH! went the camera again.
I really tried to halt my hand,
But I'd gone too far to stop now
As I twisted to look at the man.

A blur where his cock should be...
He shouted to the slumbering sky.
His hips jumped like an anaconda
And shot streams of white so high.

I buckled beneath the weight
Of a spasm, then two and three
My roommate recorded them all,
Then dialed a number with glee.

"We got her, I told you she'd do it."
She waved to the jock's endzone.
I looked and there 'cross the quad,
Waved Bobby or Tommy on the phone.


- Judo

 

[Angeline]

This is Wonderful, Judo!

from Judo's poem~

"We got her, I told you she'd do it."
She waved to the jock's endzone.
I looked and there 'cross the quad,
Waved Bobby or Tommy on the phone.

I love surprise endings! You're a regular O Henry!

 

[JUDO]

Thanks, Angie. I had a lot of fun-loving friends in college. This ain't too far off.


- Judo

 

[karmadog]

Since we're into truth and college, I'll try a few impressionist facts.

Window on the Third Floor

Standing on high as the storm rolls in
Wind sucks smoke from stone hole pores

Sparks lightning feeds thunder

Co-lessee bitch screams Too High
Tree tops wriggle as they split by light

Electric-blue glowing fingertips

No fear no shelter no heart
No soul no love no more

Smoking shit on the third floor
Of a two story building

 

[Senna Jawa]

Re: Re: I'll give you the Title - you give me the Poem

Window On The Third Floor

the saddest of times
that invisible pivot
at the end of the party
of silent concurrence
everyone collects
their belongings
their lighters and jackets
their raincoats and dates
one last beer hanging
from plastic rind's five fingers
perfunctory remarks
seemingly insincere
acknowledge the hostess
and leave
shutting the door

and in the utter silence
the party's wake
as voices recede down the hall
she sits facing west
perched in striated light
and considers a leap of faith

I agree with Eve and the rest of Literotica that it is a nice poem. Let's get more ambitious anyway. The title should be

        Window On The 18th Floor

or else it mocks the poem.

The first line of the poem is pathetic. Something should be done about it. Also weak are "silent concurrence", and "utter" near the end of the text.

Adjectives should carry information (and only artistically relevant information, of course). Avoid opinions and propaganda   (like "utter" in the given context).

Similarly, lines:

    perfunctory remarks
    seemingly insincere

are "talk" not "show". Again, they present author's opinion rather than information.

Word "considers" in the last line is uninteresting. The same for "everyone" near the beginning. "guests collect" perhaps would fix it.

On the other hand the "pivot" from the second line is very good. It would be still way better to have a parallel thread/construction which would have an obvious, natural pivot, thus suggesting the "invisible" pivot in the given situation (and there would be no need to call it "pivot" explicitly). Well, that would amount to a new, different poem, on a way higher level. Perhaps I am asking for too much for now. The "pivot" moment of the poem is very strong all the same.

The poem has enough of the relevant small details, action, movement, contrast, changing mood, that it is still a very good poem, and by the Literotica standards it is suberb

Regards,

 

[Rybka]

Constructive Criticism

Since we're into truth and college, I'll try a few impressionist facts.

Window on the Third Floor

Standing on high as the storm rolls in
Wind sucks smoke from stone hole pores

Sparks lightning feeds thunder

Co-lessee bitch screams Too High
Tree tops wriggle as they split by light

Electric-blue glowing fingertips

No fear no shelter no heart
No soul no love no more

Smoking shit on the third floor
Of a two story building

I like it Kdog! Like mine it approaches the theme from a different perspective. I have been where you were. Have you ever been where I was, viewing humanity from on high, not while high?
(Be glad S.J. did not read our posts!)

I agree with Eve and the rest of Literotica that it is a nice poem. Let's get more ambitious anyway. The title should be

Window On The 18th Floor

or else it mocks the poem.

The first line of the poem is pathetic. Something should be done about it. Also weak are "silent concurrence", and "utter" near the end of the text.

S.J. You get me hot when you do that!


Regards, Rybka

 

[_Land]

Re: Constructive Criticism

S.J. You get me hot when you do that!


Regards, Rybka [/B]

What a turn on event, Senna is getting Rybka all hot and bothered on the forum boards

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Thank you for the comments and critique, SJ. Some of your points are very well taken. On others, our interpretation varies: Utter holds no judgemental value whatsoever – it is what it is; perfunctory remarks / seemingly insincere, similarly, are not opinions of the author, but perceptions of the central character, elements of her depiction.

I've submitted a revised version (today's poems were approved much earlier than usual, I was too late to edit it before it was out), following some of your indications and recuperating a few words of my original draft (like unspoken accord for silent concurrence and the expanding / white V of utter silence). Here it is:


Window On The 23rd Floor

embedded
in its choreography
that invisible pivot
of unspoken accord
at the end of the party
guests collect
their belongings
their lighters and jackets
their raincoats and dates
one last beer hanging
from plastic rind's five fingers
perfunctory remarks
seemingly insincere
acknowledge the hostess
and leave
shutting the door

in the expanding
white V of utter silence
as voices recede down the hall
she sits facing west
perched in striated light
and considers a leap
of little faith



*Your point about the pivoting structure has its merits, but if I had made it coincide with the "invisible pivot" referred to in the (now) third verse, the whole focus of the poem would shift from the duality between the end of the party and its subsequent moments to the duality between the party itself and its end. Not a very interesting change in my opinion.

 

[Senna Jawa]

[...]Utter holds no judgemental value whatsoever – it is what it is; perfunctory remarks / seemingly insincere, similarly, are not opinions of the author, but perceptions of the central character, elements of her depiction.

It's hard to buy it here for several reasons. I think that 2-3 phrases from guests, each consisting of 2-3 words, would be preferable.

"Utter" is a nice word in that it is not used often while it is still a common word, not fancy (not "sophisticated"). It means roughly the same what "absolute", "complete' and similar words do. In Nature there are no absolutes, and absolutes are not appeailing. Thus it is very nice that you avoid "utter silence", you actually mention "voices recede down the hall".

To have "utter siloence" and right after it another sound description is a bit too crowded (it's better to vary things like in radio each other item is read by a woman, and every other by a men).

You're saying that the hostess sits in "utter silence" but it's never true. There are always sounds, even if her breathing is real quiet. If not a fridge or airconditioner then some sounds come from outside, through the windows, and the building always makes some too.

Thus you're saying that this is how she feels after a party, that now she feels like surrounded by "utter silence". Is such a statement, even on the character's behalf, poetic? It is certainly on a lower poetic orbit than certain other possibilities. (Unfortunately, those on the lower orbits are much easier to insert into a poem). "But that's how it was" is no excuse for a poet.

I've submitted a revised version [...] following some of your indications and recuperating a few words of my original draft (like unspoken accord for silent concurrence and the expanding / white V of utter silence).

Is "white V" white noise? "expanding white V" is very nice. (It is at odds with "utter silence" though. You are going after a paradox but it is not worth it. To create in a reader an impression that the hostess feels utter quiet around her, without saying it, would be great). I said a lot here about this place. I do not mean that it is bad. It's quite good, just not perfect. This whole part of the poem is certainly strong despite a small blemish.

Here it is:



Window On The 23rd Floor

    embedded
    in its choreography
    that invisible pivot
    of unspoken accord
    at the end of the party
    guests collect
    their belongings
    their lighters and jackets
    their raincoats and dates
    one last beer hanging
    from plastic rind's five fingers
    perfunctory remarks
    seemingly insincere
    acknowledge the hostess
    and leave
    shutting the door

    in the expanding
    white V of utter silence
    as voices recede down the hall
    she sits facing west
    perched in striated light
    and considers a leap
    of little faith



*Your point about the pivoting structure has its merits, but if I had made it coincide with the "invisible pivot" referred to in the (now) third verse, the whole focus of the poem would shift from the duality between the end of the party and its subsequent moments to the duality between the party itself and its end. Not a very interesting change in my opinion.

As the poem is now, you may remove the first four lines, and it will gain.

Is there any danger in a possible reader's mishap of "she sits" versus "she shits"?

"little" at the end is too complicated. Simple "leap of faith" seems better. (Somehow you decided to keep "considers". Too bad. Oh well).

Your "pivot" is a valuable concept, admirable, and you should get more milage from it than you did in either version. Perhaps in a completely new poem. But there should be a way to get it in this one. If you take a (huge) step back, several steps, perhaps it will come to you at one moment. I believe that you will give your concept full justice by using a juxtaposition rather than a metaphor or simile.

Good luck

(BTW, which floor is it going to be in the next reincarnation)?

Regards,

 

[lickmyboot]

3rd Floor Window

I realign to your axis marks
three rows up,
second from the left.
We are marble-flung like planets.
The space between us cold
and ever-growing.
As I watch you now, the light
dappling across your face,
not from the lamp—but from her.
Orbiting around you, where I once stood
your star, your light made whole.
I survey as you draw her close.
The gravity between you
heavy.
Sudden you are pulling--
pulling her red dress
pulling her bottom lip
pulling her hair.
Clothes shed like layers of atmosphere
penetrated, discarded, like me.
I am reeling—
A distant moon
thrown off course.
Watching you collide I want to scream
"I AM YOUR SUN!" Not her.
The cold settles in
and I am forever falling outside
your ellipse.

 

[_Land]

Great poem, Love the metaphorical imagery.............

3rd Floor Window

I realign to your axis marks
three rows up,
second from the left.
We are marble-flung like planets.
The space between us cold
and ever-growing.
As I watch you now, the light
dappling across your face,
not from the lamp—but from her.
Orbiting around you, where I once stood
your star, your light made whole.
I survey as you draw her close.
The gravity between you
heavy.
Sudden you are pulling--
pulling her red dress
pulling her bottom lip
pulling her hair.
Clothes shed like layers of atmosphere
penetrated, discarded, like me.
I am reeling—
A distant moon
thrown off course.
Watching you collide I want to scream
"I AM YOUR SUN!" Not her.
The cold settles in
and I am forever falling outside
your ellipse.

 

[HomerPindar]

Window In The Third Floor (paired cinquains)

homes hole ..................................splinters
hard wood, lips pinched ..................tension, watching
you under me alone .......................moving, teasing, dressing
high cieling below my own floor ........a captivated audience
I watch .......................................through wood

HomerPindar

 

[_Land]

Ya know Homer If i took you the second Cinquain and turned it sideways, I would think you were flying the Bird..............


LOL

Window In The Third Floor (paired cinquains)

homes hole..................................splinters
hard wood, lips pinched.................tension, watching
you under me alone .......................moving, teasing, dressing
high cieling below my own........a captivated audience
I watch.......................................through wood

HomerPindar

 

[lickmyboot]

um...Homer?

OKay...I really liked what you wrote, and I'll be the dumb blonde in the room...I'm guessing that a cinquain is not the formal name for my banana.

*blinking big baby blues*

Could you please explain the rules around cinquains? Does it have something to do with the number 5?

Um...like, thanks *twirling blondie locks*:rolleyes.

lickmyboot :

 

[HomerPindar]

Re: um...Homer?

OKay...I really liked what you wrote, and I'll be the dumb blonde in the room...I'm guessing that a cinquain is not the formal name for my banana.

*blinking big baby blues*

Could you please explain the rules around cinquains? Does it have something to do with the number 5?

Um...like, thanks *twirling blondie locks*:rolleyes.

lickmyboot :

LOL.. I love the banana reference! have to write a fruit flavored cinquian hmmm

the cinquain is a five line poem, the first line is 2 syllables, the second 4, then 6, 8 and then back to 2. Simple enough. In this case, too simple. I got the image in my head of the window IN the floor. Perhaps as broken glass..? the next image was of a window through the floor into the second floor... but I couldn't fit the peeping tom poem into the poetic form. Two cinquains, perhaps? Sure, but that wasn't right either, why not a sonnet then? or a villanelle? Ah, how about pairing the cinquains? Either read each of the two poems as seperate poems, or read each line across as a five line poem. of course, as a five line poem read across it isn't technically a cinquian...

Now - something fruity -

Peel me,
slowly pulling
downward like a zipper
revealing a treasure within
taste me

HomerPindar

 

[Rybka]

Poem Form Forum

LMB wrote:

Could you please explain the rules around cinquains? Does it have something to do with the number 5?

HP explained the form and mentioned a couple of others

why not a sonnet then? or a villanelle?

.

Maybe somebody should start a new thread and lay out the forms, rules and requirements of different poetic forms.
Then perhaps they could all be collected, edited into uniform presentation, and posted on a website as a resource. - If there is already such a handy resource does anyone have the URL?


Regards,                 Rybka

 

[karmadog]

Yeah. What the hell is a ghazal? Gazhal? I think it's the first one.

 

[_Land]

a gazelle is a prong horned animal that is quite tastey served with leeks and asparigus.....


Ghazal !
The word originates from arabic, meaning, "way or mannerism of talking to or talking about women." Thus in fact it s an expression of love! But in this ever changing world the ghazal has become a reflection of the life around us, and now there is hardly any sphere of human interaction which the ghazal hasn't touched.

To better understand the finer nuances of Urdu ghazal it is imperative to understand the structure around which a ghazal is woven!

Classical Definition of Ghazal
Briefly stated Ghazal is a collection of Sher's which follow the rules of 'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'. So to know what Ghazal is, it's necessary to know what these terms mean.

To understand these terms easily , we will take an example.

1.
koi ummid bar nahin aati
koi surat nazar nahin aati.

2.
aage aati thi haale dil par hasi
ab kisi baat par nahin aati

3.
hum wahan hain, jahan se humko bhi
kucch hamaari khabar nahin aati

4.
kaabaa kis muh se jaaoge 'Ghalib'
sharm tumko magar nahin aati


What is a Sher ?
It's a poem of two lines. This definition is deceptively simple. Please note that, every Sher is a poem in itself ! A Sher does not need, anything around it, to convey the message. All the 4 stanzas in our example are independent poems, Sher's.

So Ghazal is necessarily a collection of two-line-poems called Sher. [ So the Rafi solo "rang aur noor ki baaraat kise pesh karu" is NOT a Ghazal, as every stanza is of 3 lines, and not 2. ]

What are other restrictions ? Many, and important ones.
[ Any collection of Sher's is not Ghazal. Some good examples are ; the famous Mukesh song from Yehoodi, "yeh mera deewaanaapan hai" ; and the title song of "dil apana aur preet parayi". Each stanza in these songs can be considered as an independent Sher, but they are NOT Ghazal's. To understand, why, we have to wait till 'Kaafiyaa, 'Radif'. ]

What is 'Beher' ?
'Beher' is the 'meter' of the Sher's. It can be considered as the length of the Sher. Both the lines in the Sher *MUST* be of
same 'Beher'. And all the Sher's in one Ghazal *MUST* be of the same 'Beher'. There are 19 (!!) kinds of 'Beher'. But in simple terms, 'Beher' is categorized in 3 classes. Short, medium, long.

Small :
ahale dairo-haram reh gaye
tere deewane kam reh gaye
[ Also Talat song, "dil-e-nadan tuze hua kya hai" ]

Medium :
umr jalwo me basar ho, ye zaruri to nahin
har shab-e-gam ki seher ho, ye zaruri to nahin
[ And by Gulzar, "ruke ruke se kadam, ruk ke baar baar chale" ]

Long :
ai mere humnashin, chal kahin aur chal, is chaman me ab apanaa guzaaraa nahin
baat hoti gulon ki, to seh lete hum, ab to kaaton pe bhi haq hamaaraa nahin
[ The filmfare winner, "Manzile apani jagah hai" !! Yes ! It IS a Ghazal. And the Shayar is Prakash Mehra !! surprise , surprise !! ]

So Ghazal is a collection of Sher's of SAME 'Beher'.

What is 'Radif' ?
In a Ghazal, second line of all the Sher's MUST end with the SAME word/s. This repeating common words is the Radif' of the Ghazal. In our example, the 'Radif' is "nahin aati".
[ Sometimes, the Ghazal becomes known by its 'Radif'. eg. "jaraa aahista chal" sung by Pankaj Udhas. On RMIM we all know one Ghazal by the 'Radif' as "aahista aahista", don't we ? or is it 2 or 3 ? ]

What is 'Kaafiyaa' ?
'Kaafiyaa' is the rhyming pattern which all the words before 'Radif' MUST have. In our example the 'Kaafiyaa' is "bar", "nazar", "par", "magar" etc. This is a necessary requirement. Something which is followed even in the exceptions to all these rules.

So Ghazal is a collection of Sher's of same 'Beher', ending in same 'Radif' and having same 'Kaafiyaa'. [ That's the reason, why "yeh mera diwanapan hai" etc. are NOT Ghazals. There is no common thing which can be called 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'. ]

What is 'Matla' ?
The first Sher in the Ghazal *MUST* have 'Radif' in its both lines. This Sher is called 'Matla' of the Ghazal and the Ghazal is usually known after its 'Matla'. There can be more than one 'Matla' in a Ghazal. In such a case the second one is called 'Matla-e-saani' or 'Husn-e-matla'. In our example, the first Sher is the 'Matla'.

What is 'Maqta' ?
A Shayar usually has an alias ie. 'takhallus' eg. Mirza Asadullakhan used 'Ghalib' as his 'takhallus' and is known by that. Other examples are 'Daag' Dehlvi, 'Mir' Taqi Mir, Said 'Rahi', Ahmed 'Faraz' etc. There is a Sher in a Ghazal, the last one, which has the Shayar's 'takhallus' in it. [ A Shayar, can use the 'Maqta' very intelligently. He can "talk to himself" like one in our example. I have lots of favourite Sher's which are 'Maqta' of some Ghazal. Some gems are

koi nam-o-nishan puchhe to ai kaasid bataa denaa,
takhallus 'Daag' hai, aur aashiqon ke dil me rehte hai

and

jab bhi milte hain, to kehte hain, "kaise ho 'Shakil'",
iske aage to koi baat nahin hoti hai

The first one uses the meaning of the 'takhallus' to create the magic, and the second one is just simple, simply beautiful. ]

To summarize, Ghazal is a collection of Sher's (independent two-line poems), in which there is atleast one 'Matla', one 'Maqta' and all the Sher's are of same 'Beher' and have the same 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'.

Dr. Arshad Jamaal
English translation and comments by Mr Abhay Avachat

Yeah. What the hell is a ghazal? Gazhal? I think it's the first one.

 

[_Land]

Urdu Ghazal : An introduction






(Excerpts from Masterpieces of Urdu Ghazal - From 17th to 20th Century, by K.C. Kanda)
Ghazal originated in Iran in the 10th century A.D. It grew from the Persian qasida, which verse form had come to Iran from Arabia. The qasida was a panegyric written in praise of the emperor or his noblemen. The part of the qasida called tashbib got detached and developed in due course of time into the ghazal. Whereas the qasida sometimes ran into as many as 100 couplets or more in monorhyme, the ghazal seldom exceeded twelve, and settled down to an average of seven. Because of its comparative brevity and concentration, its thematic variety and rich suggestiveness, the ghazal soon eclipsed the qasida and became the most popular form of poetry in Iran.

The ghazal came to India with the advent and extension of the Muslim influence from the 12th century onwards. The Moghuls brought along with them Iranian culture and civilization, including Iranian poetry and literature. When Persian gave way to Urdu as the language of poetry and culture in India, the ghazal, the fruit of Indo-Iranian culture, found its opportunity to grow and develop. Although the ghazal is said to have begun with Amir Khusro (1253-1325) in Northern India, Deccan in the South was its real home in the early stages. It was nursed and trained in the courts of Golconda and Bijapur under the patronage of Muslim rulers. Mohd. Quli Qutab Shah, Wajhi, Hashmi, Nusrati and Wali may be counted among its pioneers. Of these, Wali Deccany (1667-1707) may be called the Chaucer of Urdu poetry. Wali's visit to Delhi made in 1700 acquires a historic significance. This visit was instrumental in synthesizing the poetic streams of the South and the North. Wali's poetry awakened the minds of the Persian-loving North to the beauty and richness of Urdu language, and introduced them to the true flavor of ghazal, thus encouraging its rapid growth and popularity.

In its form, the ghazal is a short poem rarely of more than a dozen couplets in the same metre. It always opens with a rhyming couplet called matla. The rhyme of the opening couplet is repeated at the end of second line in each succeeding verse, so that the rhyming pattern may be represented as AA, BA, CA, DA, and so on. In addition to the restriction of rhyme, the ghazal also observes the convention of radif. Radif demands that a portion of the first line -- comprising not more than two or three words -- immediately preceding the rhyme-word at the end, should rhyme with its counterpart in the second line of the opening couplet, and afterwards alternately throughout the poem. The opening couplet of the ghazal is always a representative couplet: it sets the mood and tone of the poem and prepares us for its proper appreciation. The last couplet of the ghazal called makta often includes the pen-name of the poet, and is more personal than general in its tone and intent. Here the poet may express his own state of mind, or describe his religious faith, or pray for his beloved, or indulge in poetic self-praise. The different couplets of the ghazal are not bound by the unity and consistency of thought. Each couplet is a self-sufficient unit, detachable and quotable, generally containing the complete expression of an idea.

Some poets including Hasrat, Iqbal and Josh have written ghazals in the style of a nazm, based on a single theme, properly developed and concluded. But such ghazals are an exception rather than a rule, and the traditional ghazal still holds sway. However, we do come across, off and on, even in the works of classical poets, ghazals exhibiting continuity of theme or, more often, a set of verses connected in theme and thought. Such a thematic group is called a qita, and is presumably resorted to when a poet is confronted with an elaborate thought difficult to be condensed in a single verse. Although the ghazal deals with the whole spectrum of human experience, its central concern is love. Ghazal is an Arabic word which literally means talking to women.

 

[Rybka]

HUH?

Classical Definition of Ghazal
Briefly stated Ghazal is a collection of Sher's which follow the rules of 'Matla', 'Maqta', 'Beher', 'Kaafiyaa' and 'Radif'. So to know what Ghazal is, it's necessary to know what these terms mean.

To understand these terms easily , we will take an example.

1.
koi ummid bar nahin aati
koi surat nazar nahin aati.

2.
aage aati thi haale dil par hasi
ab kisi baat par nahin aati

3.
hum wahan hain, jahan se humko bhi
kucch hamaari khabar nahin aati

4.
kaabaa kis muh se jaaoge 'Ghalib'
sharm tumko magar nahin aati

It's as clear as mud but covers the ground!

I like the antelope definition better! Is it pronounced the same way?

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[_Land]

Re: HUH?

Well read the non arabic part Maybee someone can interpret.
and i think they are pronounced the same...



hey rybka, ya need a litttle cream and sugar with your Mud?

It's as clear as mud but covers the ground!

I like the antelope definition better! Is it pronounced the same way?

Regards,                 Rybka

 

[Rybka]

hey rybka, ya need a litttle cream and sugar with your Mud?

Maybe a little milt!

I am not Senna Java! I am the most beautifully gorgeous fish!

Regards,                 Rybka

PS: AVATAR is my 'merican unca".

 

[HomerPindar]

wow.

that was one helluva indepth reveiw of the ghazal, thanks _Land.

one question, since it was mentioned in another thread that sonnets are flexible and the rules can be used or not as the poet experiments, is it also possible to experiment within the structure of the ghazal? Now, obviously, no one can stop me from writing up a ghazal that challenges, or simply breaks the form, but is there a level of significance to the structure of the form that makes this hard to accept?

As for pronouncing the aforesaid words - I have a dictionary! (and yes, I use it often )

Ghazal (gah-ZAHL)
Gazelle (ge-ZEL)

Now, mind you, the Gazelle 'a' is a flat sound, like in gazebo, and not an actual 'e' sound, but I can't seem to convince the editor to turn the letter over as it should be to show that. The important part here, as I see it, was in the differnence between ZAHL and ZEL, subtle perhaps, but yeah... I think there's a slight difference.

Mind you... that wasn't hardly as silly as it should have been.

HomerPindar

 

[stargirl32]

my attempt !!!!!!!!!!!

Third floor window

orange lights.
Strung out on the pearl necklace ,
of the city.

Lit squares.
Stacked TV's, playing out a nightly,
Soap opera..


moon rising .
No longer seen Over a forest ,
of chrome aerials.

plastic stars
Draped over the facade of buildings
faked illumination.

Huddled bird life,
Wing to wing on a ledge ,
Man made branch.

Contorted trees,
Roots in-cased in concrete restraints,
Limiting their growth .

Desperate attempts,
Of green warriors, to bring the country side,
To the city.

Clean air
I remember from my child hood home
No longer mine ,