I'm back with my questions.

[artful]

Perse

No, you're not dreaming...and I do very strongly believe that everyone should be true to their nature.

It's just sometimes you have to challenge yourself as to what that nature really, really is.

I'll put it this way -- up until about two years ago (and I'm 37) and I really didn't think, or rather wasn't *sure* I could separate love and sex. Now I know I can. However, I don't ever want to separate sex and affection and respect. So, well, lol -- we can talk about it more one on one...(and I'm saying that also because I have to cut this short and run...) but sometimes you're boundaries can be wider than you realize. And sometimes when you risk -- you find so much more than what you bargained for. There's just a huge difference between compromise and settling -- settling isn't what you want to do. You might have to make some compromises though. But not to sound corny -- never give up on your dreams, they're what are feeding your soul.

I SOOOOOOOOO agree with your post!

 

[Daedalus77]

One more view

You are having a problem many new subs have--You would like simple, black and white answers so you would know exactly what to do when X happens. If I were to ask you to tell me how to have a love relationship could you do it?

The best thing you can do is set some hard limits (know yourself) and gently put your feet in the water. You are asking very good questions but they can only go so far. Is anyone ever sure how a relationship will go? Bdsm does not change the odds. Some of the best dom/mes started as subs so who knows where you might end up.

No offence I hope,

 

[intrigued]

No, you're not dreaming...and I do very strongly believe that everyone should be true to their nature.

It's just sometimes you have to challenge yourself as to what that nature really, really is.

I'll put it this way -- up until about two years ago (and I'm 37) and I really didn't think, or rather wasn't *sure* I could separate love and sex. Now I know I can. However, I don't ever want to separate sex and affection and respect. So, well, lol -- we can talk about it more one on one...(and I'm saying that also because I have to cut this short and run...) but sometimes you're boundaries can be wider than you realize. And sometimes when you risk -- you find so much more than what you bargained for. There's just a huge difference between compromise and settling -- settling isn't what you want to do. You might have to make some compromises though. But not to sound corny -- never give up on your dreams, they're what are feeding your soul.

I understand, and agree. I'm not certain what you mean by making compromises with regard to sex, how does that work?

Thank you, you are being very helpful, as always.

 

[intrigued]

Re: One more view

You are having a problem many new subs have--You would like simple, black and white answers so you would know exactly what to do when X happens. If I were to ask you to tell me how to have a love relationship could you do it?

The best thing you can do is set some hard limits (know yourself) and gently put your feet in the water. You are asking very good questions but they can only go so far. Is anyone ever sure how a relationship will go? Bdsm does not change the odds. Some of the best dom/mes started as subs so who knows where you might end up.

No offence I hope,

Hello again.

Well, no...I really don't want black and white answers, I don't believe there are any. But on the other hand, I liken my questions and thirst for understanding to walking into a French lesson and never having taken french. Will I have a clue?
I would like a basic understanding, and a great deal of knowledge. I need to know why certain things are as they are, to benefit the most from them, see?

And yes, its going to take experiencing it to know best, but one has to start somewhere, and I am trying very hard to do just that.

Thank you.

 

[boz]

I'll put it this way -- up until about two years ago (and I'm 37) and I really didn't think, or rather wasn't *sure* I could separate love and sex. Now I know I can.

Persephone, if you don't mind my asking, how/what led you to this point of separating love and sex?

It seems somewhat more common for males than for females, so I am curious how yourself arrived at that point.

 

[Persephone36]

Persephone, if you don't mind my asking, how/what led you to this point of separating love and sex?

It seems somewhat more common for males than for females, so I am curious how yourself arrived at that point.

LOL, you know -- that's a really good question Boz -- I just want to think about it and *try* to give a succinct response. I will say, I think I was always able to...but I was somewhat conditioned to think that it was wrong. Hmmm, although I want to be really honest and not give you a pat response. So let me think some more.

And intrigued...let me think on how to clarify what I meant about compromise and how it relates to sexual exploration.

I shall return!


P

 

[boz]

Graciously awaiting your clarifcation ....

 

[artful]

Re: Re: Just food for thought

I like the aspect of control, but only to a degree...in teasing, seducing, tempting, as that is a manner of expressing my sexuality. And when you get right down to it, that is a desire to please, no?

IMHO, vanilla is not plain.

I see it as a desire to PLEASE yourself. Not a desire to please someone else.

Vanilla may not be plain to you,...but to ME,...I need OTHER flavors mixed in.

(JMHO)...but it's mine,...and I own it!

 

[intrigued]

Re: Re: Re: Just food for thought

I see it as a desire to PLEASE yourself. Not a desire to please someone else.

Vanilla may not be plain to you,...but to ME,...I need OTHER flavors mixed in.

(JMHO)...but it's mine,...and I own it!

Well, you would be wrong in your assessment of me.

Apparently you don't feel that being teased, tempted and seduced will create arousal for the intended?

Wow...thats a first.

 

[artful]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Just food for thought

Well, you would be wrong in your assessment of me.

Apparently you don't feel that being teased, tempted and seduced will create arousal for the intended?

Wow...thats a first.

I am sorry,...I apologise,...I didn't assess you,..and if you took my post that way,...evidently I didn't make my message clear."Well, you would be wrong in your assessment of me."

I didn't make any such statement. What I said was:

"I see it as a desire to PLEASE yourself. Not a desire to please
someone else."

Still Friends ?

 

[intrigued]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Just food for thought

I am sorry,...I apologise,...I didn't assess you,..and if you took my post that way,...evidently I didn't make my message clear."Well, you would be wrong in your assessment of me."

I didn't make any such statement. What I said was:

"I see it as a desire to PLEASE yourself. Not a desire to please
someone else."

Still Friends ?

And I am repeating myself, it is a desire to please others.

Since its my desire, I certainly should know.

Regardless of friendship, posters can disagree with eachother and its all cool. However, you did a bit more than that.
Theres is no point in going further with this particluar issue....thank you.