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A Reluctant Teenage Sex Instructor - Feedback Please

Summary: A teenage virgin was asked to have anal sex with his crush. But first, he needs to be comfortable living with hot girls prancing around naked and learn to enjoy regular sex. With enough practice, he became good at it. Until he eventually became known as a sex instructor in campus.

Tag: First time, polyamory, anal sex, 18-year-old, college, group, bisexual, cream pie, threesome, exhibitionist

Link: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6757257&page=submissions

I’m looking to improve my writing. So any feedbacks on how I can improve are welcome.

But in particular, here are some questions:

(0) Hook - Are the title, descriptions, and premise interesting to capture attention?

(1) Characters - I want to create memorable and engaging characters. Are the characters boring?

(2) Dialogue - I tend to write dialogue-heavy stories. Are the dialogue sboring?

(3) Details of personal lives - I generally dislike stories that have 500 words every chapter on what the author did every day. e.g. I wake up, take a shower, eat toasts, drink coffee, go to school. Yada yada. Whenever I read stories like this, I would skim through these paragraphs that don’t reveal the character or advance the plot. So in my story, I focused mainly on interaction and only include details that (a) reveal the character or (b) advances the plot. But I’m not sure if it would be useful to include what the MCs do outside of those interactions. Would it be better to have more of such life details?

(4) Pacing - Is it draggy?

(5) Sex stuff - As a smut writer, I want to make those sex scene ‘pop’ while also advances the plot. Are the sex scenes arousing? Or are they boring? I know this is a very subjective question, but I want the reader to visualize the scene like how I visualize in my head.

(6) Plot - Personally, I think the plot is fine. I have an outline for the story and it seemed to be working, for now. But any comments on that would be helpful as well.

Regarding technical writing, I know I break away from a lot of conventional sentence and paragraphing rules. I focus on readability rather than grammar. I want to make it easy to read.

Still, I’m worried that people might find them off-putting. Let me know what you think.

P.S. I know there are some grammatical errors, especially ch1 and ch2. I’ve been made aware of those.
 
If you're still bored I wrote some trashy nonsense last year that might amuse you: A Sordid Arrangement

It's a bit fucking long though, so I'll understand if you give it a miss. Life is short, after all!
 
KyleTaylee said:
A Reluctant Teenage Sex Instructor - Feedback Please

Summary: A teenage virgin was asked to have anal sex with his crush. But first, he needs to be comfortable living with hot girls prancing around naked and learn to enjoy regular sex. With enough practice, he became good at it. Until he eventually became known as a sex instructor in campus.

Tag: First time, polyamory, anal sex, 18-year-old, college, group, bisexual, cream pie, threesome, exhibitionist

Link: https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=6757257&page=submissions

I’m looking to improve my writing. So any feedbacks on how I can improve are welcome.

But in particular, here are some questions:

(0) Hook - Are the title, descriptions, and premise interesting to capture attention?

(1) Characters - I want to create memorable and engaging characters. Are the characters boring?

(2) Dialogue - I tend to write dialogue-heavy stories. Are the dialogue sboring?

(3) Details of personal lives - I generally dislike stories that have 500 words every chapter on what the author did every day. e.g. I wake up, take a shower, eat toasts, drink coffee, go to school. Yada yada. Whenever I read stories like this, I would skim through these paragraphs that don’t reveal the character or advance the plot. So in my story, I focused mainly on interaction and only include details that (a) reveal the character or (b) advances the plot. But I’m not sure if it would be useful to include what the MCs do outside of those interactions. Would it be better to have more of such life details?

(4) Pacing - Is it draggy?

(5) Sex stuff - As a smut writer, I want to make those sex scene ‘pop’ while also advances the plot. Are the sex scenes arousing? Or are they boring? I know this is a very subjective question, but I want the reader to visualize the scene like how I visualize in my head.

(6) Plot - Personally, I think the plot is fine. I have an outline for the story and it seemed to be working, for now. But any comments on that would be helpful as well.

Regarding technical writing, I know I break away from a lot of conventional sentence and paragraphing rules. I focus on readability rather than grammar. I want to make it easy to read.

Still, I’m worried that people might find them off-putting. Let me know what you think.

P.S. I know there are some grammatical errors, especially ch1 and ch2. I’ve been made aware of those.
Click to expand...
I'll look at it and I'm not the grammar person. But the other stuff I could do.
 
SimonDoom said:
If you are bored, then I will guess that you might easily be bored, so I won't link you to a long story. Here's a 750-word story I published earlier this year: https://literotica.com/s/california-dogging.

It requires no more than a few minutes of commitment as a reader, and you can get a flavor of what I write.
Click to expand...

This was awesome like a great one shot story. I loved it honestly I'd love to see you take on something longer and I'd love if we stated chatting I'd love to bounce ideas off you. But this was awesome.
 
Cobaltofdark said:
This was awesome like a great one shot story. I loved it honestly I'd love to see you take on something longer and I'd love if we stated chatting I'd love to bounce ideas off you. But this was awesome.
Click to expand...
Thanks! I have 50 other stories, most of which are quite a bit longer. I'm happy to take ideas, but I've got a backlog of almost 40 unfinished stories so it may take me a while to get to them.
 
Hey Cobalt, You read Ch.1 of my stories earlier this year. I've since written a bit more. There's been a lot of developments since the first chapter if you were interested lol
 
Whanmore said:
Hey Cobalt, You read Ch.1 of my stories earlier this year. I've since written a bit more. There's been a lot of developments since the first chapter if you were interested lol
Click to expand...

Sure you know you could read mine as well but yeah post the link lol.
 
Cobaltofdark said:
Sure you know you could read mine as well but yeah post the link lol.
Click to expand...
I did read yours. Did you not get my message? I'll go back and read it again. I don' do a lot of reading for critiques. Busy. I like your characters but to be honest My brain has a hard time reading Present tense. My brain has a hard time visualizing the setting and actions. No really anything there. It probably is just because of the books I read. I can only do past tense. Having said that I think the strongest thing about your stories are the characters. They seem to have realistic reactions to some of the crazy shit you put them though. I'll go back and try to get some more poignant critiques when I get some time. I love a plot with characters that react to past situations. My stories are here
 
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