VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
nh23 said:
£10 says he is. That's $20!
In love? or not? what to expect?
- Thread starter trueandyou
- Start date
£10 says he is. That's $20!
trueandyou
Virgin
- Joined
- Oct 25, 2007
- Posts
- 4
Update
Hi everyone.... I can't tell you how glad I am to have posted here. I really felt foolish at first - but it's been incredibly helpful to have input from people who can understand the D/s subtext.
Yes, there is definitely an element of "dominance" in all our conversation. We work together in a consultant capacity, and I have recently brought a large project to the table and he is bringing the years of experience. We accomplish a lot together, and he does point out how much I've helped him (i.e., "I wouldn't be at this point in the case without you...").
Some other factors:
There have been several times where he gets angry with me when I question the status of our relationship and he won't respond to me for a day or more. The last time he was here I walked out on him because he got angry when I opened his business portfolio - I was pretending to look in it as part of a running joke between us since he won't tell me his middle name. I couldn't believe how he reacted.... "I don't look through your stuff..." I was standing right behind him and unzipped it loudly near his ear and clearly wasn't looking through it (he as at the computer)... this is a person that I know such intimate details about and yet... So he grabbed it away from me and I laughed, thinking we were just kidding around, but quickly realized he was angry. I went and set on the couch and started to go through a box of case files - reviewing what I had already started to look at the day before. He walked over and grabbed the box from me.
That's when I got up and said "if you don't trust me I'm leaving. This is ridiculous, I was only kidding around with you." He said something about me "changing the rules" and I said, "no, it's always been your way or no way" and I walked out.
I didn't contact him for several days. But then I missed him terribly and after a week of him not responding to about 10 emails he finally responded. I know this was childish of me given how far he drove to see me, but... I guess it was a culmination of how I feel he disregards what I want or need. I know I should appreciate him driving so far to see me, and I do, but what about the everyday stuff?
We are both in a situation we can't change right this minute. We work incredibly well together as far as the end results go. I guess I just feel like I can't trust how he feels about me or understand how he feels about me without some more input from him. It really became worse after we went to a college ball game and the ticket seller thought I was one of the students and that he was a senior citizen. Which to me is stupid. I don't care what others think and he says he doesn't but ever since then it's almost as if he deliberately does things to hurt me.
I'm giving so much information here but I want you all to understand the complexity of it.... it's not that he's simply an arrogant ass (or maybe I'm blind to it?) or that he doesn't in any way reciprocate my feelings. One of you commented about a book ... something to the effect of him just not being as "into" me as I am with him, and I think that all the time. And yet he periodically does or says things that negate that.
When we reconnected after the last time I asked him if he had missed me and he said "does a one legged duck swim in a circle?" It's almost like... he is afraid to admit he cares for me.
Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.
Sometimes I think this is so pathetic. I'm such a strong person in so many ways. The other thing is we both struggle with the "cheating" aspect... neither of us have loving relationships at home so it's not "guilt" but it's the integrity issue, you know? I just mention this here but I don't think this is a real obstacle to us.
I know this may sound ridiculous to all but one of you who have commented above, but sometimes I agree that I love him, so I shouldn't have expectations.... but I do. I can't help it.
-dazed and confused
Hi everyone.... I can't tell you how glad I am to have posted here. I really felt foolish at first - but it's been incredibly helpful to have input from people who can understand the D/s subtext.
Yes, there is definitely an element of "dominance" in all our conversation. We work together in a consultant capacity, and I have recently brought a large project to the table and he is bringing the years of experience. We accomplish a lot together, and he does point out how much I've helped him (i.e., "I wouldn't be at this point in the case without you...").
Some other factors:
- Yes, he is married but is a "caregiver" (she is terminally ill).
- I've given him the opportunity repeatedly to have just a "professional" relationship and he says I am being pushy.
- He no longer posts on any site that I can see. He says he is not "bored" with me so doesn't need to look elsewhere.
- Says he will never meet someone like me and vice versa.
There have been several times where he gets angry with me when I question the status of our relationship and he won't respond to me for a day or more. The last time he was here I walked out on him because he got angry when I opened his business portfolio - I was pretending to look in it as part of a running joke between us since he won't tell me his middle name. I couldn't believe how he reacted.... "I don't look through your stuff..." I was standing right behind him and unzipped it loudly near his ear and clearly wasn't looking through it (he as at the computer)... this is a person that I know such intimate details about and yet... So he grabbed it away from me and I laughed, thinking we were just kidding around, but quickly realized he was angry. I went and set on the couch and started to go through a box of case files - reviewing what I had already started to look at the day before. He walked over and grabbed the box from me.
That's when I got up and said "if you don't trust me I'm leaving. This is ridiculous, I was only kidding around with you." He said something about me "changing the rules" and I said, "no, it's always been your way or no way" and I walked out.
I didn't contact him for several days. But then I missed him terribly and after a week of him not responding to about 10 emails he finally responded. I know this was childish of me given how far he drove to see me, but... I guess it was a culmination of how I feel he disregards what I want or need. I know I should appreciate him driving so far to see me, and I do, but what about the everyday stuff?
We are both in a situation we can't change right this minute. We work incredibly well together as far as the end results go. I guess I just feel like I can't trust how he feels about me or understand how he feels about me without some more input from him. It really became worse after we went to a college ball game and the ticket seller thought I was one of the students and that he was a senior citizen. Which to me is stupid. I don't care what others think and he says he doesn't but ever since then it's almost as if he deliberately does things to hurt me.
I'm giving so much information here but I want you all to understand the complexity of it.... it's not that he's simply an arrogant ass (or maybe I'm blind to it?) or that he doesn't in any way reciprocate my feelings. One of you commented about a book ... something to the effect of him just not being as "into" me as I am with him, and I think that all the time. And yet he periodically does or says things that negate that.
When we reconnected after the last time I asked him if he had missed me and he said "does a one legged duck swim in a circle?" It's almost like... he is afraid to admit he cares for me.
Or maybe that's just wishful thinking.
Sometimes I think this is so pathetic. I'm such a strong person in so many ways. The other thing is we both struggle with the "cheating" aspect... neither of us have loving relationships at home so it's not "guilt" but it's the integrity issue, you know? I just mention this here but I don't think this is a real obstacle to us.
I know this may sound ridiculous to all but one of you who have commented above, but sometimes I agree that I love him, so I shouldn't have expectations.... but I do. I can't help it.
-dazed and confused
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
*****
Last edited:
VelvetDarkness
Polysyllable Whore x
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Posts
- 6,521
I wonder if this is necessarily a good thing as it does appear that he's using the D/s dynamic to avoid frank conversation. In my opinion, if he wants the D/s thing to stand with you most of the time then he has a responsibility to at least make sure you know where you stand.trueandyou said:
I have to say that I really don't get this. You suggest backing off and he says it's pushy? Does he think you're ultimatuming him in order to get him to commit?trueandyou said:
Well that's one thing but I can't help thinking that all he has to do is post under a different name and open a new email account if he wants to deceive you.trueandyou said:
All of this communicates your frustration at not knowing where you stand. Are you planning eventually to be together (after his wife has died and you have left your husband)? If so then it really does seem to me that a little clarity and respect is the least this man can offer you in the meantime. You remember Patrick Swayze in 'Ghost' who only ever said 'ditto'? Sometimes you need to hear 'I love you' or at the very least 'I am committed to you.'trueandyou said:
'I am not actively seeking someone else and I am happy with the way things are.' doesn't add up to either of these.
I guess it depends on what you're prepared to settle for. I wish I could be more positive but I really think that this is not the kind of man to pin your future on. The fact he's so secretive into the bargain just rings huge alarm bells for me.trueandyou said:
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Is this making you happy more often than not?
Y/N?
Sounds like a no to me. My criteria are as simple as that, really. More happy with the headache you overlook or more headache with the happy once in a while to keep you wistful for the last time it didn't suck?
Y/N?
Sounds like a no to me. My criteria are as simple as that, really. More happy with the headache you overlook or more headache with the happy once in a while to keep you wistful for the last time it didn't suck?
LindaSue28
Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 29, 2007
- Posts
- 32
You're not foolish...
but he is the tiresomely classic emotionally unavailable male. Kick him to the curb, and be prepared for him to want you again when it becomes clear you are done with him. You can do better.
but he is the tiresomely classic emotionally unavailable male. Kick him to the curb, and be prepared for him to want you again when it becomes clear you are done with him. You can do better.
