In need of advise on men and their fantasies

[RandallKinds]

I'm in a relationship with a guy at the time being and he says he loves how openminded I am about most sexual things.
However, a few weeks ago he mentioned the standard male fantasy; the threesome with two girls, one guy.
He knows I'm bi, and in theory I'd love to do a threesome - actually I'd love to do two, one of each kind. But since he's straight and seems to be stupid enough to think that being in the same room as a naked man would make him gay, he wont do a MFM for me and he wont share me.
Then I suggested a MFMF as a compromise, but he wont do that either.

So, now I'm really in doubt if I want to do it or not.
Should I let him fuck somebody else when he wont allow me?
Or should I get into it and have a great time?

Well, you know, we all have our limits. Some are just drawn in the sand and some are carved in stone. And we all reach varying levels of sexual adventurousness at different speeds - you might be a bit ahead of him. Any successful relationship where non-monogamy is on the table requires a lot of communication and trust. And rules. If you love each other then you try to live within those rules. Maybe, after time, he'll loosen up a bit when he's no longer threatened by the idea.

 

[malstroem]

I haven't read all the replies but I would take into account how much he means to you and how his behavior could affect your future relationship. Me? I'd say no to him. But that's just my humble opinion. Unless its something you really want to do, that is.

It is something I want to do, it's been a fantasy of mine for a while but I've always known that I'd prefer it if I wasn't in a relationship at the time being. Even if I'd love a threesome, it doesn't mean I'd love him being in it.

Sounds to me like you two need to do some more talking. Perhaps you could each pick a fantasy that is mutually acceptable and start from there. Maybe he just gets to watch you and a woman or something. Perhaps you can get one of your fantasies in return. If you tell him you aren't comfortable with him doing a woman, he has no leg to stand on.

I know that I can tell him no. The MFF isn't such a big deal to me, it's the fact that he wont consider a MMF or even a MFFM that creates the frustration.
As for the fantasies, both him and I are into BDSM and our sexlife is rather kinky as it is. It's the fact that he has certain limits which - while I accept them - can be a frustration as they in my mind seem to go against his wishes too and makes it all rather selfish.

I think a lot of people assume FFM is a common, and, for a lack of a better word, reasonable, fantasy for a guy. But I don't buy it.
I think most people don't take into account that, bisexual or not, YOU are the one accommodating for the experience. Just because you are bisexual, doesn't guarantee you're going to enjoy a particular situation, or girl, or that it may not change your attitudes on sexuality after the experience. I think you're taking more of a risk than him by entering a FFM. So therefore, yes, it is a bit one-sided.
I don't know, I have never had a threesome, and don't have much of a sex life, so I am not speaking from experience. However, as a guy, I know that there are a LOT of pressures growing up to make sure that FFM makes a guy a hero, and more of a man, whereas a MMF makes you gay or queer. It's not based on anything, only beer ads and advertising in general. And because of that I get kind of frustrated.
If a guy really wants to please his girl, he will compromise, in my opinion. A MMF does not make a man gay, and I don't feel like a guy has to be considered bisexual for this to happen.
If this has to do more with jealousy and monogamy, then I wouldn't know what to say. But like I said, as far as sexuality, a lot of it, especially with guys I've known, is superficial and created and supported by patriarchal societies.
Hope that helps a bit. Just my opinions, especially considering I was always fond of the short, but extremely fun chats we had a while back...
Hope it works out!

Actually, he has had at least one MFF already that I know of.

I can understand the jealousy and monogamy aspect but if it's due to that, then I can't understand how he dares suggest that I should share him with another girl.

Wow mal, I almost feel like I could have written your posts for you.

My husband is extremely uptight but we have had MFMF and FMF. When we were with the other couple hubby made sure that he was very far from the other guy. Both the other girl and I are into pretty much anything and both of us would have loved loved loved dp. The other hubby was open to it. Mine was not. Since then I have realized that it pisses me off that he gets what he wants and i can't get what i want because of his hang-ups. And that is what really pisses me off ... not that he isn't interested in being with a guy (I'm not asking him to), but to not allow me to be with two men and pleasure them and have them pleasure me at the same time totally sucks and is totally a double-standard.

So, long story short ... I don't think you are being unreasonable at all and agree with everything you have said here.

I wouldn't mind doing a MFFM with him, even if I didn't get DP'ed, it's the idea that he gets to fuck a girl when I don't get to fuck a guy that I don't like.
But tell me, will you do a MFF with him again or is it a "been there, done that" thing now after you've seen his reaction to the other way around?

I personally think it would only be fair that he shared you with another guy, if you were to share him with another girl.

If you were my partner, I don't think I would mind sharing you at all, but there might be something that only you and I would do together, to keep that special.

Yes, I get why threesomes can been seen as more intimate than an open relationship as both people are there, both participate (to some extend) and both can set limits.
Always fun to hear from a Dom perspective

Well, you know, we all have our limits. Some are just drawn in the sand and some are carved in stone. And we all reach varying levels of sexual adventurousness at different speeds - you might be a bit ahead of him. Any successful relationship where non-monogamy is on the table requires a lot of communication and trust. And rules. If you love each other then you try to live within those rules. Maybe, after time, he'll loosen up a bit when he's no longer threatened by the idea.

Him and I haven't been together for that long, there's no love there at the moment. It's pretty much a relationship based on sex.
As for limits, I cannot understand why a guy can wish to be Dominated by two Dommes without being willing to do a vanilla mfm where he doesn't even have to be active. But maybe that's just me

 

[DoverTomo]

Its all about give and take. If you do this for him....and yes, you're doing this for him, your enjoyment or not...what's he doing for you? If nothing then don't.

It sounds like you had your mind made up before you asked, did you need validation more thanopinion?

 

[TanyaH]

Him and I haven't been together for that long, there's no love there at the moment. It's pretty much a relationship based on sex.

For me this is the key statement. Your relationship is based on sex and there is no love, so just do what feels right for you. Would you enjoy an MFF, if so do it, if not, then don't do it just for him. He won't reciprocate, so why should you always give, give, give, with no take? On the other hand if you would enjoy it, just do it because you would enjoy it.

I don't really see this relationship getting any deeper in the future so just do what's right in the moment.

 

[MrRetro]

I'm in a relationship with a guy at the time being and he says he loves how openminded I am about most sexual things.
However, a few weeks ago he mentioned the standard male fantasy; the threesome with two girls, one guy.
He knows I'm bi, and in theory I'd love to do a threesome - actually I'd love to do two, one of each kind. But since he's straight and seems to be stupid enough to think that being in the same room as a naked man would make him gay, he wont do a MFM for me and he wont share me.
Then I suggested a MFMF as a compromise, but he wont do that either.

So, now I'm really in doubt if I want to do it or not.
Should I let him fuck somebody else when he wont allow me?
Or should I get into it and have a great time?

Well I for one don't have the 'standard' male fantasy, so I find it difficult to see your partner's point of view... I think your man needs to question what is 'truly' a pleasure for him... Surely your pleasure is important to him...

I think if he expects you to have a MFF with him, it is perfectly reasonable to expect a MFM as well...

 

[Emerald_Lilly]

It I wouldn't mind doing a MFFM with him, even if I didn't get DP'ed, it's the idea that he gets to fuck a girl when I don't get to fuck a guy that I don't like.
But tell me, will you do a MFF with him again or is it a "been there, done that" thing now after you've seen his reaction to the other way around?

No, but not for this reason .... I would do another MFF with him because I like it and want it. But I wouldn't be as "giving" if something else came up that he wanted that didn't interest me.

 

[muffalo]

I guess what I was trying to say, in shorter form, is that just because a FFM might be a "standard guy" fantasy, doesn't mean you don't have a right to have your fantasy of MMF or MFMF.
I just have this weird feeling that a girl as cool and fun as you that is open-minded sexually, may find a guy trying to take advantage of that to get more of what HE wants.
I'm not trying to make drastic judgment calls about him, or you for that matter. I just think if you say you're open-minded, or describe your sexuality in a similar manner, he should be ready to examine his own sexuality too, or at least his fantasies, that's all.
Maybe there are some ways to warm him up to FMFM or FMM situations, or at least, as I said, warm him up to examining his own fantasies more. Kinky trivia/board game night with another couple, quality movies with group sex situations( Y Tu Mama Tambien deals with two friends that become bi when they share a woman...there are probably some other good foriegn films with better examples) or maybe share Lit with him?
Ok, I'm done.
Again, good luck, and great topic for the forums! I love hearing other peoples opinions! We all learn from it in a way

 

[promod01]

my personal thought on a mfm three way is as long as i don't have to do anything to him and he don't have to do anything to me its all good

 

[just4friends]

try this....

Since you want someone to fuck you and he's opposed.....
Then do the ffm if you both get to take a strap on to him......
If he really really wants the ffm at least you get something in return...
(and along the way... the she in question can fuck you)

I can see why he's nervous..... but aren't you just as likely to fall in love with a woman as another man? That said, he should do the mmf because he loves you and wants you to be happy. (at least to offer...... and then he at least be fair)

 

[draconus_infernus]

I'm in a relationship with a guy at the time being and he says he loves how openminded I am about most sexual things.
However, a few weeks ago he mentioned the standard male fantasy; the threesome with two girls, one guy.
He knows I'm bi, and in theory I'd love to do a threesome - actually I'd love to do two, one of each kind. But since he's straight and seems to be stupid enough to think that being in the same room as a naked man would make him gay, he wont do a MFM for me and he wont share me.
Then I suggested a MFMF as a compromise, but he wont do that either.

So, now I'm really in doubt if I want to do it or not.
Should I let him fuck somebody else when he wont allow me?
Or should I get into it and have a great time?

My wife is bi, and we're polyamorous. In fact, we've shared quite a few lovers. We've done several FFM threesomes, but no MMF yet. I have no problems being in the same room with a naked man, and I have no problems with my wife fucking said naked, as long as I knew who he was. That's our rule; if a potential lover comes onto the scene, that person has to get the other spouse's permission before sex can happen.

Hell, there's a male friend who I would have no problem being in a MMF threesome with. He has a lady friend (who my wife and I have had a threesome with) who has suggested a full on four way. The only reason we haven't done that is because she lives out of the area, and coordinating schedules isn't always easy.

My wife pointed out to me that some guys think that if another guy is there, it's a challenge to their masculinity. I've never seen it that way. I guess having sex in front of a room full of people can kind of desensitize you. Or maybe it's just me.

The way I see it, if your guy wants to have sex with other women, it's only fair that you be able to have sex with other men. Just set up rules beforehand, and keep the communication lines open.

 

[BertrandVA]

Over a fairly long marriage, I started out feeling like your boyfriend seemingly does. I was in my mid 20s a the time. Adding a female sounded great, but I was both jealous and a wee bit homophobic about adding a guy to the equation. Now on the current end of it, I spend 3x as much time fantasizing about a guy fucking my wife vs. a lesbian scenario. I still feel some jealously when I imagine my wife with another guy, but now I'm also imagining watching her receive pleasure from him as well. Fact is I would have been totally unprepared for sharing back in those days.

Unfortunately we've never had anyone join us yet, even after a decade and a half of dirty talk and pondering it; although we got really, really close once. I still hope we'll take the plunge someday, both MFM and FMF!

 

[RandallKinds]

Him and I haven't been together for that long, there's no love there at the moment. It's pretty much a relationship based on sex.
As for limits, I cannot understand why a guy can wish to be Dominated by two Dommes without being willing to do a vanilla mfm where he doesn't even have to be active. But maybe that's just me

*shrug* I can't answer that for him. I will say that for him you are asking him for something different than just some new kinky sex. It's a taboo he's not wanting to cross. For instance, my spouse can have sex with some other man but it's not something I actually want to see. If it was seriously important to her perhaps I might bend on it but, so far, it's not been.

LOL I'm a bit like him - being with a dominate woman sounds like fun, crossing swords with some other dude not so much.

 

[malstroem]

No, but not for this reason .... I would do another MFF with him because I like it and want it. But I wouldn't be as "giving" if something else came up that he wanted that didn't interest me.

That's the thing, refusing to do something fun just because of the principle behind it seems rather stupid too. I'm almost certain I'd enjoy it, I just don't like the idea of him enjoying it when he wont do the MMF for me

[...]
I just have this weird feeling that a girl as cool and fun as you that is open-minded sexually, may find a guy trying to take advantage of that to get more of what HE wants.
I'm not trying to make drastic judgment calls about him, or you for that matter. I just think if you say you're open-minded, or describe your sexuality in a similar manner, he should be ready to examine his own sexuality too, or at least his fantasies, that's all.
[...]
or maybe share Lit with him?

That's how I feel from time to time, that I end up in "relationships" which are only based on sex which would be fine if experimenting was mutual instead of onesided.

As for Lit, he knows I'm here, he knows about all my pictures and, uhm, "enjoy" them too when we aren't together

Since you want someone to fuck you and he's opposed.....
Then do the ffm if you both get to take a strap on to him......
If he really really wants the ffm at least you get something in return...
(and along the way... the she in question can fuck you)

I can see why he's nervous..... but aren't you just as likely to fall in love with a woman as another man? That said, he should do the mmf because he loves you and wants you to be happy. (at least to offer...... and then he at least be fair)

I don't mind not fucking somebody else, I just don't think it's fair if he gets to and I don't.
As for the strap on, that's nothing new to him

Somehow the men I talk with seem to think that most bi girls wont fall in love with another woman, that it's only about the sexual thrills. But yes, it's just as likely.

My wife is bi, and we're polyamorous. In fact, we've shared quite a few lovers. We've done several FFM threesomes, but no MMF yet. I have no problems being in the same room with a naked man, and I have no problems with my wife fucking said naked, as long as I knew who he was. That's our rule; if a potential lover comes onto the scene, that person has to get the other spouse's permission before sex can happen.
[...]
The way I see it, if your guy wants to have sex with other women, it's only fair that you be able to have sex with other men. Just set up rules beforehand, and keep the communication lines open.

That sounds pretty perfect to me, that - while she doesn't have to be with another guy - it goes both ways. I'm not suggesting any sneaking around behind each others back, I think that's the best way to break up a relationship, but I like the openness you two seem to have.

 

[malstroem]

*shrug* I can't answer that for him. I will say that for him you are asking him for something different than just some new kinky sex. It's a taboo he's not wanting to cross. For instance, my spouse can have sex with some other man but it's not something I actually want to see. If it was seriously important to her perhaps I might bend on it but, so far, it's not been.

LOL I'm a bit like him - being with a dominate woman sounds like fun, crossing swords with some other dude not so much.

Out of curiosity: How does DP'ing a Domme to give her pleasure sound to you?

 

[draconus_infernus]

That's the thing, refusing to do something fun just because of the principle behind it seems rather stupid too. I'm almost certain I'd enjoy it, I just don't like the idea of him enjoying it when he wont do the MMF for me

That's how I feel from time to time, that I end up in "relationships" which are only based on sex which would be fine if experimenting was mutual instead of onesided.

As for Lit, he knows I'm here, he knows about all my pictures and, uhm, "enjoy" them too when we aren't together

I don't mind not fucking somebody else, I just don't think it's fair if he gets to and I don't.
As for the strap on, that's nothing new to him

Somehow the men I talk with seem to think that most bi girls wont fall in love with another woman, that it's only about the sexual thrills. But yes, it's just as likely.

That sounds pretty perfect to me, that - while she doesn't have to be with another guy - it goes both ways. I'm not suggesting any sneaking around behind each others back, I think that's the best way to break up a relationship, but I like the openness you two seem to have.

It's taken a lot of work, but it's worth it. Like I said, keeping those lines of communication open is the key. Right now we've got a pretty good balance.