In the beginning...the importance of a strong start to a story

[manyeyedhydra]

Adverbs are a huge roadblock for me. OK, honestly, more so on Lit than in a novel - though most published novels have editors so that's not usually an issue. Actually, today I am going to flip through my book shelf and see if I can find any novels with adverbs in the opening line.

I'd say, in the first sentence, if you can't express what is happening clearly without the use of the adverb then you need to come up with a different opening. That's my take.

Take your "nervously" for example, there are actions and descriptions you can use to show me someone is nervous. Maybe he has to take deep breaths to control his racing heart? Maybe his eyes are wide? Maybe he wipes sweat from his brow? Yeah, these are lame but there are lots of ways to show me nervousness.

I'm pretty forgiving as a novel reader but bad mechanics pull me right out of the story.

Ah ha, showing versus telling. A very good point.

I'm always on the fence with adverbs. On the one side they exist, so it seems a little perverse if their use is forbidden.

On the other side I know using them is lazy.

I wasn't thinking of the show vs tell aspect for some reason though. Something to think about anyway.

 

[CWatson]

I'm quite forgiving when it comes to the mechanics. Awful spelling or grammar might kick me out, but I'm usually more focused on the story. There are plenty of famous writers that are mechanically rather medocre, but they happen to be brilliant storytellers. I normally read to the point where it's obvious the story is running down the same path as many others or if the main character is a blatent Mary Sue/Gary Stu.

That is a very good point. Can--or does--quality of storytelling compensate for lack-of-quality of writing? And the answer is, yes, very much so. J. K. Rowling is a good example. Her prose lacks the snappy, punchy quality so prevalent in modern fiction; it's much more staid and plodding in comparison, though the fact that she's British may have something to do with that. But you know what? The story is so enthralling that very few people care. And why should we? True, she's never met an adverb she didn't like (to quote Stephen King), but wasn't that true of all of us at one time? And back when we were in love with adverbs, we were not doing plot development, world-building and character growth to the level that Jo Rowling was.

I know it happens (it has to if saomeone's job is to slog through hundreds and hundreds of manuscripts), but it seems wasteful to kill a script after only reading the first couple of lines.

Unfortunately, that's the problem. It does happen. And since the person whose job it is to slog through hundreds of manuscripts is also the person who decides whether we get published, we have to play by his rules. Sucks, but there it is.

 

[driphoney]

That is a very good point. Can--or does--quality of storytelling compensate for lack-of-quality of writing? And the answer is, yes, very much so. J. K. Rowling is a good example. Her prose lacks the snappy, punchy quality so prevalent in modern fiction; it's much more staid and plodding in comparison, though the fact that she's British may have something to do with that. But you know what? The story is so enthralling that very few people care. And why should we? True, she's never met an adverb she didn't like (to quote Stephen King), but wasn't that true of all of us at one time? And back when we were in love with adverbs, we were not doing plot development, world-building and character growth to the level that Jo Rowling was.


Unfortunately, that's the problem. It does happen. And since the person whose job it is to slog through hundreds of manuscripts is also the person who decides whether we get published, we have to play by his rules. Sucks, but there it is.

I agree with you. Storytelling trumps. And don't judge Brit writers by Rowling (I refuse to read her, I admit, as I think she's a bit of a plagiarist and it bugs me, but I'm weird.) But you can see this point right here on Lit. There is a writer currently raging with high votes in one of the genres whose storytelling is what has everyone living for the next chapter to be posted to the point of obnoxiousness, but the writing quality is weak. It's a lesson. Wish I could learn it! Think Doc brought this point up earlier.

[Sucking thumb, wishing for great storytelling ability to spontaneously take hold of my brain.]

 

[Penelope Street]

Our response was, "True, but there is a limit to what The Reader will believe." And that was where he got off the Clue Bus.

Was he was ever on this bus?

Storytelling trumps.

I agree, but is it really good story-telling, or is it more like good story-conceiving?

Ah ha, showing versus telling. A very good point.

I'm always on the fence with adverbs. On the one side they exist, so it seems a little perverse if their use is forbidden.

When is showing versus telling not the underlying issue with adverbs? Regardless, you're right, they do exist and forbidden is such a strong word. Rather than thinking them forbidden, I consider adverbs to be big red flags pointing me to where my writing might be weak.

Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them.

That is a powerful image, on multiple levels. I agree the vague first line is a good setup. To me, this opening is way scarier than the one about the old house on a hill.

First the colors.

I had mixed feelings about this opening, including the subsequent lines. On the one hand, it's really well done, including what I take to be a condescending tone. It's totally appropriate, but a total turn-off too- kinda like one of those 'deep' books we all had to read in school.

If “First the colors” was the opening of a book about a painter, well, maybe it wouldn’t have been so exciting.

When I first read this line, I thought it might be related to fashion- which isn't dissimilar to the painting angle. I also considered that colors might refer to a flag, and maybe this line was a military phrase meant for a select audience, but lost to me.

Back to the Reverend Billy Wanker…

I think Reverend Willy's tale would be more interesting if it was not an erotic story- much in the same way 'First the colors' is more interesting for not being about a painter.

In fact, one of my favs from a year or so back, I realized later had no description of the physical nature of the two primary characters. Didn't need to because the reader developed those in one's mind.

You're not the only one who thinks less can be more when it comes to physical descriptions. If the appearance of the characters is not relevant, then why include them at all, in the opening or elsewhere?

My pet peeve in erotica here is that many openings start with describing the characters physical traits. Really? Because we're all 'face whores' and don't want to imagine someone who doesn't look 'pretty'?

It's only natural to want an attractive partner in real life, why not in a story too? I think unattractiveness can add tension to an otherwise dull erotic tale. This is the opening line from my most recent submission:
Want to know what it's like to be the chubby, spectacled, second-chair trombone player with a unibrow?

 

[Verdad]

Fun topic!

First, I think it was said already, but it is a bit of an overstatement that a writer has only one line to hook the reader. Sure, it's better to have them from the first word than not, but most readers give it a couple para's rather than a single line, and too, a bombastic opening followed up by backtracking is the best way to scream "contrived!" Ever since the first line became a 'rule', one sees only too many screaming openers without a story to follow.

I find the concept of a hook as a question one eases into in the course of a few para's more important, and as for strong writing, well, that should apply throughout the story. It's not like a story should begin in one voice, one style, one tempo, and continue in some other.

That said, opening lines are important, so here's my take on the examples.

My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie.

I, too, liked this one the best. There is that past tense going on, making one wonder what happened in the meantime, but there's more than that, too.

Names are often symbolic, so a story that points out the unusualness of a character's name as good as says there's something unusual about the character as well. Or at least, that her name is important. The tension is set between the name and how well it's going to fit the character, and the resolution can go in either direction; she can turn to be a Susie Salmon to a t or her name can turn to be a gross mismatch. The fact that the name was compared with something, fish in this case, introduces another symbolic element we expect to see explored.

It's also of interest that she mentions her last name first—why?—and that she herself feels compelled to mention the fish. Whether these have relevance of their own, we've yet to find out, but they voice Susie and say something about how her mind works.

That's many questions raised by a single, unobtrusive line, all of which make it a great opening. If, however, the name turns to have no relevance for the story, I'd consider it disappointing. It would be a case of the proverbial gun that was set on the table but never fired.

They're out there.

First the colors.

These two share the second place for me, though they're obviously not masterful prose in and of themselves. They're appealingly enigmatic, though, and promise ambitious writing to follow. At least, they should.

The way they work is they suggest to the reader he's going to be forced to orient himself. Clearly the narrator won't go out of his way to clue us in; he's just letting us go along for the ride. We have to keep our eyes open and figure out where we are because no one's going to tell us. It's as if we've been transported inside another mind, poof, and we have to figure out simultaneously what's the deal with what we're seeing and from behind whose eyes we're watching.

Such openings and such approach in general might not work for someone who wants to immediately see Joe holding a gun while sneaking up to a bad guy, but I find it compelling. It probably goes with my love of sci-fi, which accustoms a reader to decipher two things at the same time, the plot and the setting, i.e. the story and the universe in which it occurs.

There's also a subtle difference between the two lines. The first is a complete sentence, and its brevity, as well as the ominous 'they', confers a sense of urgency, or maybe finality. The second is a fragment and suggests a fragmented perception. It's likely to be followed up by other patchy pieces of the picture before we're allowed to make sense of the whole. The approach suggested by these two lines is slightly different, but both have potential for starting a gripping puzzle.

On the morning of the eclipse, Doreen McCloud hurried from Starbucks with the Chronicle tucked under her arm.

This is a good, solid opener. It's not overly enigmatic, but neither does it have to be. It does a good job of setting the scene and introducing the protagonist, which is really everything a writer should do unless he has some special effects, as in the above examples, in mind. Who, what, and when are answered in a clear and direct manner, with just the right amount of info to orient us, while leaving us with enough of the why. There's the why of Doreen's hurrying, and there's the symbolism of the eclipse to say that today, out of all days, something out of the ordinary is about to happen. The rest are concrete details which promise a solid, concrete storytelling. Many stories would do great with an opening that does exactly that and nothing more.

“Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh and knew it was his own.”

Atrocious. Worthy of the Contrived Opening of the Month Award. Sticking both the character's full name and his profession in the first line tells us this is going to be a clichéd story and a story that relies on telling.

If Vetra's being a physicist is important, the reader should be able to find that out soon enough, and if not, why even mention it? It looks as though the author is trying to impress us in order to cover up some other lack ("this is about a physicist, you know, not just about anybody") or as though he just wants very badly for the character to be a physicist, whether it's important for the story or not. At the very least, the writer tells us he'd rather present us with a ready-made cut out and be done with it than bother himself with building something dynamically. "Burning flesh" bespeaks the same lack of concreteness and fails to engage our senses, so by now we're pretty sure the writer won't do much to draw us in.

He relies solely on the cheap shock factor of the content ("oh my god, someone's flesh is burning!") which tells us we're being lured in by a big neon sign behind which there will be nothing or possibly something totally unrelated. I even have this image of the author cackling like a cartoon villain: "Got you hooked with that line, didn't I? Now I'm going to tell you all my random ramblings and you're going to listen because you're hopelessly curious why his flesh burns!"

The "knew it was his own" part tries to further raise the tension in a way that's downright comical. Unless this is a pulp parody and it says so on the cover, this opening is enough to stop me from reading even the full first para. Which, I'm willing to bet, abandons our physicists and his poor flesh for two full pages of flashback.

Reverend Billy Washburn sat at his desk, one hand gently rubbing the erection growing down his long, muscular thigh, the other hand thumbing through the concordance in the back of his bible.

Not as comically atrocious as the previous one, but not too promising either. Stylistically, the sentence is clunky, burdened by participles (rubbing, growing, thumbing) and modifiers (gently, long, muscular). It's both inelegant in style and overwritten in content, as the detail of the thigh is neither necessary nor well presented, and it contains altogether too many hands. Provided one even wanted to begin with this sentence, it ought to read something like this: "Reverend Billy Washburn sat at his desk, thumbing through the concordance in the back of his Bible as he fondled his cock."

That, or some other cleanly written variation would make this a much better opening, but still not one I'd be overly interested in, due to content. The problem is not that I wouldn't enjoy a story about a dirty priest; it's that I feel cheated knowing what it is right from the first line.

For that's what that line does. It says, quite unambiguously: this is a story about a dirty priest. It doesn't promise I'd get to know Washburn or get to be involved in his situation. It doesn't look like the situation is going to matter, either, or like there'd be conflicts to overcome or character development to follow. He's a dirty priest, ready made, and he's just going to do whatever dirty priests do.

In niche writing, this might not be a problem. Someone looking for exactly that kind of thing might be delighted to know from the first sentence that yes, this is about dirty priests. As far as the undecided audience goes, though, it's kind of like saying, "Nothing to see here; you know how this one goes."

Of course, I might be wrong, and this might not be a porn story at all (well, not when you eliminate the long, muscular thighs). As an opener for something else, a thriller or something, it could be a good piece of character development. If it is porn, though, it spends its tension before it ever built it up.

I guess I blathered a lot. Thanks for the fun, Keroin!

 

[driphoney]

“Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh and knew it was his own.”

I wasn't going to comment specifically, but since Verdad mentioned this one line, I have to add that my first snap-me-immediately-out-of-the-story thought was, "You don't first notice you're on fire by smelling it! Holy crap!" Then I had a second thought, "Well, maybe the character has some affliction in which his sense of touch is gone!" Either way, this was too much distraction when trying to get into a story.

I rarely give up on a story in the first sentence, or even the first paragraph. But, ah, when you find those gems that make you swoon at the first sentence! Isn't it a bit like a whisper of young love? That moment when your whole body feels alive?

 

[zex95966]

I noticed the same thing reading a book from my shelf. It started with:

It was an odd-looking vine.

It grabbed my attention and never lost it. so when I write, i always try to grab them with the first sentence.

out of the list I voted for "they're out there"

What can I say, it sounds good. I already want to know what its from, what kind of story it is, and what the heck is out there?!?!?

Maybe i'm easy to appeal to.

second place goes to:
"First the colors."

then:
“On the morning of the eclipse, Doreen McCloud hurried from Starbucks with the Chronicle tucked under her arm.”

all the others, I have to admit I am uninterested in.

Edit: till now i didn't read where these lines came from. so my initial reaction still stands.

you can see why that "they're out there" and "First the colors." are in the same category though?

they both do the same thing.
reading the whole opening part of the colors does hook me the most now.

 

[JoshuaGlynn]

“Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh and knew it was his own.”

This one caught me first, but it might have been for the wrong reason, as mentioned above. I would have wanted see why he was smelling and not feeling it... what caused it?

"It was an odd-looking vine."

Is that from Wizards First Rule?

“My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie.”

I have to say did not notice the 'was' in the first read, so I glossed over this one, but it does strike a question. However is that question too subtle?

"On the morning of the eclipse, Doreen McCloud hurried from Starbucks with the Chronicle tucked under her arm. "

This one would have been my second pick. Eclipse? is there something about the eclipse that has her hurrying? Something in the newspaper?

I have been really intrigued with story opening since I started writing. I have spent a lot of time on creating a good opening hook.

Here is the opening line to one of mine:

"The unknown fills the night. Since the beginning of time, people have both feared and worshiped the nocturnal. The darkness is ruled by the supernatural and the occult. It holds the basis for every person's primal childhood fears. I was never afraid of the night myself, but it changed my life forever."

This is a fascinating discussion, I have been on these boards for a few years now... and I'm a bit shocked to say this is the first time I have noticed this section of the forum. I hope to join in more.

Joshua

 

[Keroin]

This one caught me first, but it might have been for the wrong reason, as mentioned above. I would have wanted see why he was smelling and not feeling it... what caused it?

I have to say did not notice the 'was' in the first read, so I glossed over this one, but it does strike a question. However is that question too subtle?

This one would have been my second pick. Eclipse? is there something about the eclipse that has her hurrying? Something in the newspaper?

I have been really intrigued with story opening since I started writing. I have spent a lot of time on creating a good opening hook.

Here is the opening line to one of mine:

This is a fascinating discussion, I have been on these boards for a few years now... and I'm a bit shocked to say this is the first time I have noticed this section of the forum. I hope to join in more.

Joshua

Nice to have you here Joshua. I've been playing hooky for a few weeks because of some pressing RL matters but I'm back! Yikes, I have two story discussions to catch up on.

I meant to fill in the missing titles and forgot! The burning flesh line is from Dan Brown's Angels & Demons. The full first paragraph is:

Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own. He stared up in terror at the dark figure looming over him. "What do you want?"

I think the opening line actually works better within the whole paragraph. Is it my favorite? No.

The line about the eclipse is from Deep Fathom by James Rollins. This is a novel that I actually stopped reading about halfway through. The story was interesting enough but he crammed so many characters into it that I found I couldn't connect with any of them, so the action became meaningless. Too bad, I've read another of his books and it was a fun, hard sci-fi romp.

And now, since you've put your opening on the sacrificial alter...

"The unknown fills the night. Since the beginning of time, people have both feared and worshiped the nocturnal. The darkness is ruled by the supernatural and the occult. It holds the basis for every person's primal childhood fears. I was never afraid of the night myself, but it changed my life forever."

The opening sentence is not bad. It doesn't jump out at me or make me ask any questions but I'd probably keep reading. The second sentence is where you lose me. "Since the beginning of time..." is too cliche. Also, (pet peeve alert), "I was never afraid of the night myself", you don't need to add "myself", it's redundant.

There's too much exposition in this opening, for my taste. Seriously, I think the entire opening would read much stronger as a single sentence: "I was never afraid of the night but it changed my life." Or even, "The night changed my life."

Just my two pesos, anyone else?

 

[Firebrain]

I'm really surprised at the result of this poll. The Doreen line - which is winning so far - is so far from being a hook that it probably wouldn't recognise one. It's up there with "Gina awoke on the sunny morning and brushed the hair from her face..." and "...and then I woke up, and it was all a dream."

Harumph.

 

[manyeyedhydra]

I meant to fill in the missing titles and forgot! The burning flesh line is from Dan Brown's Angels & Demons. The full first paragraph is:

Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own. He stared up in terror at the dark figure looming over him. "What do you want?"

I think the opening line actually works better within the whole paragraph. Is it my favorite? No.

Hee hee. I picked the Vetra line and it's so memorable I don't even remember it from a book I've actually read

I'm not sure what exactly that says about the line or me, but probably not much good.

 

[Penelope Street]

This is a fascinating discussion, I have been on these boards for a few years now... and I'm a bit shocked to say this is the first time I have noticed this section of the forum. I hope to join in more.

Hi Joshua! I hope you join in more too.

I was never afraid of the night myself, but it changed my life forever.

I like this line. The rest of that opening paragraph feels a tad preachy.

My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie.

I have to say I did not notice the 'was' in the first read, so I glossed over this one, but it does strike a question. However is that question too subtle?

If you missed the 'was', then I can see how it wouldn't work for you. Whether it's too subtle might depend on whether you'd still read the second line, which is:

I was fourteen when I was murdered on December 6, 1973.

The line about the eclipse is from Deep Fathom by James Rollins. This is a novel that I actually stopped reading about halfway through. The story was interesting enough but he crammed so many characters into it that I found I couldn't connect with any of them, so the action became meaningless.

So within this story, how important are Doreen, her coffee, the eclipse, and the newspaper?

Physicist Leonardo Vetra smelled burning flesh, and he knew it was his own. He stared up in terror at the dark figure looming over him. "What do you want?"

I think the opening line actually works better within the whole paragraph.

It's even funnier. Does that count?

Hee hee. I picked the Vetra line and it's so memorable I don't even remember it from a book I've actually read I'm not sure what exactly that says about the line or me, but probably not much good.

I think it says writing isn't all about following rules. I think CW touched on this earlier. If you have a compelling story you can tell it poorly and still be successful. So was Vetra's story compelling?

 

[manyeyedhydra]

I think it says writing isn't all about following rules. I think CW touched on this earlier. If you have a compelling story you can tell it poorly and still be successful. So was Vetra's story compelling?

It was very short if I recall as he gets murdered most foully somewhere around page two

The book as a whole isn't bad. I can see why Dan Brown has sold so many books. It moves along at a fair old clip, although I remember it chiefly for having to forcefully defenestrate suspension of disbelief through the nearest window around page 50.

 

[Raine D8]

You didn't include the first three sentences from any of these passages, so making a choice is a bit difficult. Bearing in mind that I can only judge the first sentences, my choice would have to be: "They're out there."

Reason :
It's the only sentence on this list that leaves me with burning questions. 'Who are they and where are they, how will they get here and what is going to happen when they get here?

Despite the brevity, it's also the only sentence that tells me everything I need to know to be interested in the story. It tells me that there is a conflict between them and (either the character or us). Whether the sentence turns into sci-fi, a political, spy or war drama, or simply a story about someone so paranoid about leaving the house that they can't, the sentence itself speaks to something almost anyone can relate to ... at some point in time, everyone one can relate to 'us vs. them'.

The other sentences don't especially do anything for me at this point, but then I don't know the other two sentences that go with them.

 

[Keroin]

So within this story, how important are Doreen, her coffee, the eclipse, and the newspaper?

It's even funnier. Does that count? Sure, why not? LOL

I think it says writing isn't all about following rules. I think CW touched on this earlier. If you have a compelling story you can tell it poorly and still be successful. So was Vetra's story compelling?

To be honest, I gave up before Doreen could make a second appearance...and that was half way through the book! Like I said, way too many characters shoved into this one.

Dan Brown understands "hooks", I'd say that's the secret behind his books. Action, action, action...cliffhanger. Rinse and repeat. Hey, good for him. I read The Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons, I found the latter more enjoyable. They were fun romps.

It's perfectly fine to break the rules in writing...as long as you know what the rules are.

You didn't include the first three sentences from any of these passages, so making a choice is a bit difficult. Bearing in mind that I can only judge the first sentences, my choice would have to be: "They're out there."

Reason :
It's the only sentence on this list that leaves me with burning questions. 'Who are they and where are they, how will they get here and what is going to happen when they get here?

Despite the brevity, it's also the only sentence that tells me everything I need to know to be interested in the story. It tells me that there is a conflict between them and (either the character or us). Whether the sentence turns into sci-fi, a political, spy or war drama, or simply a story about someone so paranoid about leaving the house that they can't, the sentence itself speaks to something almost anyone can relate to ... at some point in time, everyone one can relate to 'us vs. them'.

The other sentences don't especially do anything for me at this point, but then I don't know the other two sentences that go with them.

The original question only concerned the first sentence, so I'm not sure why you need the other two? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding something.

 

[jacks4u]

I tend gravitated towards the Reverend, perhaps it's the dichotomy of the situation.

1) By letting the reader know he's a man of the cloth, the reader gets one idea in his head, but that's immediately dashed to bits, because: 2) he's stroking his meat, which is not something you'd expect from a Reverend.

The fact that he's reading his bible adds intrigue and really begs several questions - is his mind so twisted that religious text strokes his imagination, or is he really thinking of something in the recent past that got him all hot and bothered? or is there something in the moment the reader isn't seeing yet? I want to know the answers, and will certainly read further.

 

[Raine D8]

The original question only concerned the first sentence, so I'm not sure why you need the other two? Sorry if I'm misunderstanding something.

No problem, Keroin. It's good to clarify. When I read and re-read your initial post regarding the poll, the following sticks out, "Got your attention? Well, that was the idea. I’d like to talk about the importance of a strong beginning to a story. Do you know how long you have to hook the average reader? A chapter? A page? A paragraph?

Nope.

Three sentences. That’s about it. Not much."

IMO, one sentence isn't 'typically' enough for me to make a decision on whether or not I will be interested in, or keep reading reading a story. Asking to make an assessment about one sentence, especially when you make a point of saying it takes three sentences is akin to asking me to assess a movie by the end of the opening credits. I can't. Even in your own words, it's not enough.

With this in mind, I would read more of every single one of these sentences before making an actual assessment on the story. However, in my previous post, I did point out that if I only had one choice and one sentence to assess a story, then it would be, "They're out there." I gave my reasons succinctly and thoroughly.

 

[jomar]

You guys might enjoy reading through some of these: Grab them by the balls!. It's an AH challenge to grab the reader in the first 300 words. The entries start on page 5.

There are several rounds and a quick glance looks like we changed the word limit on some.

 

[Raine D8]

You guys might enjoy reading through some of these: Grab them by the balls!. It's an AH challenge to grab the reader in the first 300 words. The entries start on page 5.

There are several rounds and a quick glance looks like we changed the word limit on some.

Fantastic! Thanks for the heads up. Edit to add: the challenge is two years old. Booo!

 

[jomar]

Fantastic! Thanks for the heads up. Edit to add: the challenge is two years old. Booo!

Haha! Forgot to mention that. I should have said 'was a challenge.' But it's a fun read.

 

[penandpaper]

Chose: "My name was salmon, like the fish." It think it was the quirk factor. Also, let's not forget style. I think the style of the author comes through, where say the Leonardo quote doesn't. It felt like it could have been written by anyone.

Nice discussion. Thanks for posting.

 

[cyravance]

I'm working on a story that begins with a very graphic description of a torture slaying. Pretty gruesome, but the 'victim' is no victim, and totally deserves what he gets.
The thing is, how many people would be turned off by this? You have to read a bit further to see why the murder occurs, and I don't think anyone would be sympathetic to the 'victim' after reading about what he did to deserve this treatment.

 

[Seurat]

I think the relevance of the first line (and the second) to the expected plot is what either hooks me or doesn't.

A (single) case in point:

My name was Salmon, like the fish; first name Susie.

...in a sex story leads you to wonder what her name (obviously a reference to both 'fish' and the color pink) has to sex. Is she a stripper? Somebody cursed (or blessed) with an unusual name that brings about an erotic situation? Or is she going to lead us on a Sam Spade genre detective story?

...in a sci-fi story would make me think she studies fish, or is about to tell me she studies something completely different than fish, in which case she has lost me already.

...in and art history preface makes me wonder if she thinks that her name somehow gives her a qualification that I wouldn't normally think she has.

...in a humorous book makes it sound like she is about to drop a barrage of one-liners on me.


I have to compare what I am expecting with what I see in those first lines, and judge whether or not any disparities are great enough for me to hit 'next' instead of looking at the next paragraph.

 

[storyreader84]

I agree that it has to grab ones attention early but not at the expense of failing to set the story line up, ya know? A lot of great stories begin in the early parts of some heated action with dialog or thoughts and then elegantly infuse great detail in the next couple paragraphs. This gets me going and really into it but allows me to really feel what the characters are feeling and expressing... hope that makes some sense

 

[TGC140]

Opposite Viewpoint

What makes me quit on a story in the first paragraph.

First if it is written as a "I did such and such and she did such and such. (First person?) I need to know who the characters are and what their relationship is.

Second is the misuse of there, their, they're or your, you're etc. I may be able to understand the flow of the story, but it makes me stop and reread the sentence to follow what the author is saying.

Third is if the story starts in the middle of the action. Give me some background, but don't take too long to get into the action.