In The Hands Of Another

[lil_slave_rose]

like others who have posted, I am unwilling to submit to someone sexually who I don't trust and would be frightened if my husband gave me to someone else without discussing it with me first.

on the other hand, to serve my husband as I want to I am expected to express my sexuality with other people. because he wants to experience my desire for other men, he allows me near freedom in choosing partners. if the situation were not ultimately in his control, though, he would never consider giving me the chance to play with other people.

maybe we have one of those relationships that falls between the cracks . . . are you being given away if you have the power to choose your playmate? or are you being given permission to do something you want to do but think you can't?

when I return, I am duly punished and rewarded

i don't understand your last statement, could you expand a little on that? you are punished AND rewarded? for doing what?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

this was a great bump. as for the answer to the question as it applies to Master and i. given away to another? no, never (i know never say never). loaned out? no, to that too. now letting another Dom inflict pain on me? yea He'd be up for that (i think) i know P and He'd have to be there, watching making sure all limits were respected and i know i'd want Him there also. as far as sexually pleasing another Dominant, He has told me before He would not like this we've discussed maybe oral but no actual penetration. i'm fine with whatever He would choose to do with me other than giving me away, i would not enter into a relationship with anyone who would 'give me away' to someone else.

As for Him playing with another submissive, this is something we discuss all of the time. we've talked about Him owning another even, but it would be hard to find one who is 'ok' with me being first in His life and honestly i'm not sure on how i feel about this anyway. He has said if it happens, it will be someone who *i* choose first. that her and i will be friends first and it will go from there. but that is and always has been a 'maybe, we'll see kind of thing' but we would love another 'play partner' to just 'play' with now and then.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Catalina when you bump old threads, it is always interesting to see whose views have changed and how.

I really do believe in the line 'Never say never'

Oh, so true...I find the journey so interesting in all it's twists and turns. For me I have moved from being wary of being shared in an SM sense to actually thinking it could be interesting at the very least, and also think it would be interesting to see him with someone else in more than an advisory or helping role as he has been in the past. The one thing that has remained constant is that if sharing ever takes place, it is with both of us present, and if sexual contact is involved, even oral (M/f; f/M; f/f), protection is a part of the deal as we are well aware of the hidden risks, particularly where oral is concerned (and which many think of as safe to take risks), and as much as it inhibits some of the fun, long term we don't particularly want to live with the constant reminder if there was cause for caution where none was seen and taken. I only wish more people realised the risks involved with oral sex before they got caught out and left with a lifetime STD as a souvenier.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

Rose, I love your new av! (This has shit to do with the original topic, but since I've already posted my views, I thought I could get away with a mini-hijack.) Carry on!

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Rose, I love your new av! (This has shit to do with the original topic, but since I've already posted my views, I thought I could get away with a mini-hijack.) Carry on!

*grins and looks around* thank you BB....it's one of my favorites *runs outta the thread before getting caught for hijacking*

 

[catalina_francisco]

this was a great bump. as for the answer to the question as it applies to Master and i. given away to another? no, never (i know never say never). loaned out? no, to that too. now letting another Dom inflict pain on me? yea He'd be up for that (i think) i know P and He'd have to be there, watching making sure all limits were respected and i know i'd want Him there also. as far as sexually pleasing another Dominant, He has told me before He would not like this we've discussed maybe oral but no actual penetration. i'm fine with whatever He would choose to do with me other than giving me away, i would not enter into a relationship with anyone who would 'give me away' to someone else.

As for Him playing with another submissive, this is something we discuss all of the time. we've talked about Him owning another even, but it would be hard to find one who is 'ok' with me being first in His life and honestly i'm not sure on how i feel about this anyway. He has said if it happens, it will be someone who *i* choose first. that her and i will be friends first and it will go from there. but that is and always has been a 'maybe, we'll see kind of thing' but we would love another 'play partner' to just 'play' with now and then.

I think it is natural to have reservations about many of the things which come up as possibilities. As for the female choosing thing, we tried that and it didn't work that well, partly because I think most of the females I chose were looking for or hoping to be closer to the male Dominant, perhaps with a view to having him to themselves at some point....lol, call my suspicious, but I find a lot of women who say they are open to poly and come in on an established relationship are actually hoping to get rid of the primary and have the man to themselves. Now we are working on him doing the looking, though he usually comes to me to see what I think before contacting anyone. I am not sure where we will find the time or energy, but as nothing is forthcoming as yet I guess we will worry about that when the time comes.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

I think it is natural to have reservations about many of the things which come up as possibilities. As for the female choosing thing, we tried that and it didn't work that well, partly because I think most of the females I chose were looking for or hoping to be closer to the male Dominant, perhaps with a view to having him to themselves at some point....lol, call my suspicious, but I find a lot of women who say they are open to poly and come in on an established relationship are actually hoping to get rid of the primary and have the man to themselves. Now we are working on him doing the looking, though he usually comes to me to see what I think before contacting anyone. I am not sure where we will find the time or energy, but as nothing is forthcoming as yet I guess we will worry about that when the time comes.

Catalina

I've found this to be true, too, only in the reverse. My girlfriend and I have been half-assed trying to find our own male sub for a little while now. They all want one or the other of us, instead of both of us. I'm sure it'd be true if we were a M/F couple looking for another female, too.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've found this to be true, too, only in the reverse. My girlfriend and I have been half-assed trying to find our own male sub for a little while now. They all want one or the other of us, instead of both of us. I'm sure it'd be true if we were a M/F couple looking for another female, too.

LOL, you need to come to Europe....we have no problem finding male subs, and they don't even get sex!! The thing I have found is the male subs in these parts are serious for the most part (always a bad apple in any bunch), and are willing to do what they say they are and then some...the females on the other hand seem to be very flaky and more interested in getting emails and adoration than submitting to anything which doesn't mean they are running the show.

Catalina

 

[BiBunny]

LOL, you need to come to Europe....we have no problem finding male subs, and they don't even get sex!! The thing I have found is the male subs in these parts are serious for the most part (always a bad apple in any bunch), and are willing to do what they say they are and then some...the females on the other hand seem to be very flaky and more interested in getting emails and adoration than submitting to anything which doesn't mean they are running the show.

Catalina

Finding the subs is no problem, but dealing with them often is, LOL. The majority are do-me subs, I'm afraid. Maybe we're just not looking at the right kinds of places.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I think it is natural to have reservations about many of the things which come up as possibilities. As for the female choosing thing, we tried that and it didn't work that well, partly because I think most of the females I chose were looking for or hoping to be closer to the male Dominant, perhaps with a view to having him to themselves at some point....lol, call my suspicious, but I find a lot of women who say they are open to poly and come in on an established relationship are actually hoping to get rid of the primary and have the man to themselves. Now we are working on him doing the looking, though he usually comes to me to see what I think before contacting anyone. I am not sure where we will find the time or energy, but as nothing is forthcoming as yet I guess we will worry about that when the time comes.

Catalina

i agree, and is a problem we've discussed as well. we did have one submissive online who wanted to 'join' us..but she eventually became all about Him and barely talked to me, so He ended it quickly. i guess i wouldn't say it's all about me finding her, we'll find her together, but we've also decided we're waiting until we are settled ourselves before trying it again. i am suspicious also and also a bit jealous *gasp* but it's something i'm working on funny thing is, the one person i do not have a problem with and who i would be ok with sharing our bed is His (ex) submissive who still calls Him Daddy P...but she is great....and has saved 'us' many times ..she's just not a threat.....

 

[eastern sun]

. . .

i don't understand your last statement, could you expand a little on that? you are punished AND rewarded? for doing what?

I imagine I meant for it to be ambiguous. sorry about that.

I am "punished" for having sex with a man other than my husband - for wanting the other man, offering myself as a submissive to him, sharing pieces of myself that I may have not shared with my husband - and by "punished" I mean I am tied and beaten and therefore rewarded since I enjoy that sort of "punishment."

I am also really punished when I return if I fail to adhere to the limits that my husband has set, regarding sexual activity, safe sex practice, etc. which means that he may refuse to have sex with me until I take a battery of STD tests, take control of my orgasms until I'm able to enjoy them without seeking penetration, or otherwise restrict my "freedom."

I am "rewarded" if I serve him well both domestically and sexually, which means I will be allowed to meet others and have sex with them.

The funny thing is that though I crave the sensation of a man's power and will, I am highly resistant to authority and consistently fail to follow my husband's directions. I am slowly. . . very slowly. . . learning, and as a result, my life is becoming more orderly, more disciplined, more productive, and more exciting.

(is that less ambiguous? I hold back a lot because I'm afraid of being pinned down, isn't that ironic. . .)

 

[serijules]

Ma'am has had me fucked anally by another man for her pleasure, and I enjoyed that very much. I am rather naive when it comes to sexually pleasing men OR women really, so it is a bit humiliating and I have performance anxiety, but I also know Ma'am finds that a bit attractive too, so that helps. Being "borrowed" or ordered to pleasure another with her present is very attractive to me and I enjoy serving in this way. I'm not sure how I would feel if it were done WITHOUT her there; that would be a bit harder, but I know I would do my best and I know that the feeling of ownership would be strong.

Ma'am has allowed her other sub, C, beat me on occasion. I find it harder to hurt at someone else's hand than I do to pleasure. Again, if Ma'am is there, it doesn't matter who is beating me or hurting me, my focus is on entertaining her. If she were to loan me out to someone else to be beat on without her being there, I would have a harder time with it, but any decision she makes I would attempt to handle with the mindframe that she expects me to perform well and please her, no matter where she is.

I am her property to do with as she pleases, so my focus is more on what SHE would like and want than how I would feel about it. Being borrowed out in general is a bit of a struggle though....part of me would feel a bit insecure that she would want to share me, and part of me would feel intense pride that she knows I would serve her well and make her proud.

 

[Inconsequential]

Not to derail the thread, but I'm curious about this 'school' you speak of, since I've only heard of them in fiction and roleplay/online-type "academies" (it's kind of like slave auctions in that respect). If you don't mind sharing some of the details with an inquisitive mind... What's it called? Was it voluntary or forced? Did it have a physical location, or was it online? Was there tuition, or was it free? How many teachers and students on average? What did you learn there?

It's physical. I didn't even know there was an online Bdsm world til after I was in the physical world for at least a decade. The school is in Sorbonne France, it's voluntary, there is a tuition but it works more like rent and board. Teachers depended on the subjects you took it was ran very much like a college. Just a specialized college for bdsm people who were wanting to learn and take the next step.
the classes on average were small and then there were private parties and events that we held where there were demos and various things provided to show off our knewly learned skills. A lot like the way captains wench explained.

 

[Inconsequential]

hiccup

 

[ownedsubgal]

Is that unusual? I mean, a Dom ordering his sub to play with others while not playing with others himself? Or is that more the norm?

it's uncommon, but not unheard of. my Master lends me out to other men regularly, has done so since the very start of our union, but he has rarely "played" with or touched another female. He's extremely picky, and only attracted to certain types of women. part of me wishes that he would find more women who attracted him who could serve and please him, and part of me (a much smaller part) is afraid that since he is so picky, and into such a specific type, that the few women he does find who meet his needs will be more appealing to him than i am, or just as appealing, and he'll all of a sudden want 2 slaves. a poly situation would devastate me so it's hard to let go of that fear. yes, irrational i know, but eh, i'm human.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I imagine I meant for it to be ambiguous. sorry about that.

I am "punished" for having sex with a man other than my husband - for wanting the other man, offering myself as a submissive to him, sharing pieces of myself that I may have not shared with my husband - and by "punished" I mean I am tied and beaten and therefore rewarded since I enjoy that sort of "punishment."

I am also really punished when I return if I fail to adhere to the limits that my husband has set, regarding sexual activity, safe sex practice, etc. which means that he may refuse to have sex with me until I take a battery of STD tests, take control of my orgasms until I'm able to enjoy them without seeking penetration, or otherwise restrict my "freedom."

I am "rewarded" if I serve him well both domestically and sexually, which means I will be allowed to meet others and have sex with them.

The funny thing is that though I crave the sensation of a man's power and will, I am highly resistant to authority and consistently fail to follow my husband's directions. I am slowly. . . very slowly. . . learning, and as a result, my life is becoming more orderly, more disciplined, more productive, and more exciting.

(is that less ambiguous? I hold back a lot because I'm afraid of being pinned down, isn't that ironic. . .)

*grins* i understand now perfectly, thank you for explaining further even though it may have been hard for you to 'air it out' so to speak and the difference i was getting was exactly what i thought, meaning i don't see 'punishment' as any type of reward...beating the hell out of me? yep, that's a reward...not beating the hell out of me? that's punishment for me *smiles* OR using the 'crop' on me is also punishment as it is something i get NO pleasure from. so we see 'punishment' differently and that's where i was confused which i figured. i hope i'm not rambling..LOL

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh, so true...I find the journey so interesting in all it's twists and turns. For me I have moved from being wary of being shared in an SM sense to actually thinking it could be interesting at the very least...

Catalina

Hmmm, did I say that?!! Funny how scary it feels now it is about to become a reality in the not to distant future!!

Catalina

 

[Puman]

safety, health and more safety

Having grown up in a country where 1 in 4 people are HIV positive, it is INGRAINED in both of us not to share. Out of the question.

 

[ecstaticsub]

I love being shared sexually. My husband is very into sharing me in that he wants me to go out and have sex with others than come back and tell him about it. We always looked at it as a one-sided open marriage (I do not share him, his choice- but one that I am grateful of) We have very strict guidelines. The two most important being following safe sex practices and I must always being totally honest when telling him what goes on both from a physical and emotional standpoint. But my husband is not my Dom.

I met my Dom on a wifesharing site. Over the course of getting to know each other before I was collared and our first meeting I told him fantasies I had about being with him and shared with his friends. About 2 months before we met I had said that I would not want to be shared the first time we met. But that was before I was collared.

The first time we met he had me caned by a female friend of his while he interogated me in front of two male friends. Then I was was shared sexually with the two men with my Dom joining in. Though it sounds totally insane it was one of the most sexually exhilerating nights in my life. I absolutely loved it. Though I much much prefer being disciplined/punished by him. But I leave that choice up to him. I am not allowed EVER to bottom for anyone else unless he orders it to be so.

There was one occasion where he ordered me to meet and have sex with a friend of his who was in town on business. The idea totally excited me and I was more than willing to obey but the plans fell through. Hopefully I will get another chance soon.

I have been shared with another friend of his while he was having sex with a mutual female friend next to us. That was a little difficult emotionally but then we moved to more of a 4-some and that was easier. The sex after the two left was very sensual and erotic for both of us.

Having said all that he tends to be very possessive of me. He doesn't like me flirting with others. He won't let me have sex with anyone but his friends or people he chooses (and my husband, of course).

He has the freedom to have sex with whoever he wants whenever he wants to, but as far as I know he doesn't (except with his wife) .

Being traded or otherwise given away permanently is a hard limit. I can't imagine him ever having me serve anyone in anyway except sexually.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Having grown up in a country where 1 in 4 people are HIV positive, it is INGRAINED in both of us not to share. Out of the question.

That doesn't concern me when talking of SM only sharing.

Catalina

 

[Puman]

HIV factor

That doesn't concern me when talking of SM only sharing.

Catalina

I hear you.
It is more than likely a mind-set which we've grown up with - that exchanging bodily fluids in any form, including accidental blood transfer (and excluding kissing), with people whose medical background you don't know is exceptionally risky....I guess it's become like a knee-jerk reaction.
Hell - in SA even contact sports (like boxing and rugby etc) are stopped/paused at the first sign of blood.

We don't live there any more, so who knows....maybe we will relax about it in the future...

 

[catalina_francisco]

I hear you.
It is more than likely a mind-set which we've grown up with - that exchanging bodily fluids in any form, including accidental blood transfer (and excluding kissing), with people whose medical background you don't know is exceptionally risky....I guess it's become like a knee-jerk reaction.
Hell - in SA even contact sports (like boxing and rugby etc) are stopped/paused at the first sign of blood.

We don't live there any more, so who knows....maybe we will relax about it in the future...

I'm from Oz and very aware of the risks...it bothers me, but he has final say in what happens and how. I trust him to not take unnecessary risks, as well as remind myself when I get in panic mode that there could just as easily be a new disease develop that is transferred in some other way which like HIV before we were aware of it, is unnoticed at anypoint in time before discovery and identification, and therefore also a risk. My son was cut at a project he was working at recently and apparently their response to it was to grab toilet paper from the toilets to wrap around his hand to stop bleeding and then no antiseptic or disinfecting of any kind, just a plaster applied....I was horrified, especially given some of the people he was working with have been in prison and could be high risk for HIV...I was told by the men in this household I was panicing unnecessarily, just like a girl.

Catalina

 

[wenchhh]

This is not the first timet hat I've thought this.... Ecstaticsub, you're one lucky lucky girl!
HUGS!

I love being shared sexually. My husband is very into sharing me in that he wants me to go out and have sex with others than come back and tell him about it. We always looked at it as a one-sided open marriage (I do not share him, his choice- but one that I am grateful of) We have very strict guidelines. The two most important being following safe sex practices and I must always being totally honest when telling him what goes on both from a physical and emotional standpoint. But my husband is not my Dom.

I met my Dom on a wifesharing site. Over the course of getting to know each other before I was collared and our first meeting I told him fantasies I had about being with him and shared with his friends. About 2 months before we met I had said that I would not want to be shared the first time we met. But that was before I was collared.

The first time we met he had me caned by a female friend of his while he interogated me in front of two male friends. Then I was was shared sexually with the two men with my Dom joining in. Though it sounds totally insane it was one of the most sexually exhilerating nights in my life. I absolutely loved it. Though I much much prefer being disciplined/punished by him. But I leave that choice up to him. I am not allowed EVER to bottom for anyone else unless he orders it to be so.

There was one occasion where he ordered me to meet and have sex with a friend of his who was in town on business. The idea totally excited me and I was more than willing to obey but the plans fell through. Hopefully I will get another chance soon.

I have been shared with another friend of his while he was having sex with a mutual female friend next to us. That was a little difficult emotionally but then we moved to more of a 4-some and that was easier. The sex after the two left was very sensual and erotic for both of us.

Having said all that he tends to be very possessive of me. He doesn't like me flirting with others. He won't let me have sex with anyone but his friends or people he chooses (and my husband, of course).

He has the freedom to have sex with whoever he wants whenever he wants to, but as far as I know he doesn't (except with his wife) .

Being traded or otherwise given away permanently is a hard limit. I can't imagine him ever having me serve anyone in anyway except sexually.

 

[BiBunny]

Can I bring up another weird twist on this subject? B. has a man from our hometown whom he bottoms to on occasion. A couple of times, he's brought up the idea of me joining their play. Sometimes, he likes the idea of me and this other guy Topping him. Sometimes, he likes the idea of both of them Topping me. And, sometimes, he likes the idea of both of us being Topped by this guy. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it since I haven't met the guy yet, but the THOUGHT is a nice one.

Can I possibly make it any more complicated?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Can I bring up another weird twist on this subject? B. has a man from our hometown whom he bottoms to on occasion. A couple of times, he's brought up the idea of me joining their play. Sometimes, he likes the idea of me and this other guy Topping him. Sometimes, he likes the idea of both of them Topping me. And, sometimes, he likes the idea of both of us being Topped by this guy. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it since I haven't met the guy yet, but the THOUGHT is a nice one.

Can I possibly make it any more complicated?

Could be fun says she who is trying to get used to the idea of being the victim of 2 sadistic men at the same time without shaking to bits first.

Catalina