In the shower

[christcat69]

very nice

I like steamy interlude alot. Thanks guys.

 

[_Land]

My pleasure................

 

[jen72]

Re: Christcat? You have written

one inspiring thread, girlfriend! Seems that many of us fixated with gusto on the sexy shower concept By God, we're sexy AND clean, aren't we?

Well, I'm gonna take a bath.

Sea of Soapy Love

Step delicately in, back straight,
hair pinned with tortoiseshell
in raven twist atop my head.
My hair is as you wanted.
Well I know that your delight
is in the artifice we make tonight,
this lovers’ game, this waterplay
in sloping clawfoot porcelain.

The Nag Champa burns sweet,
its mild scent imbues the humid air,
and all the room aglow in candlelight
reflecting on the bubbles, fair and
insubstantial prismic orbs that
foam in fragile rainbow eddies,
clinging drifting every tiny breath
or shift revealing or concealing
tender heat-pinked shining flesh.

The rivulets are slipping, sliding
snaking beads of steaming moisture
streaming down the arc of silk
or pattering in drip and drops of
gentle sparkling rain that falls in
plips and plops of little splashes
from the sponge you hold above.
And Oh your eyes are shining on
my arching smile seraphic senses
swimming in a sea of soapy love.

This is definatly my favourite poem here. Keep writing.

 

[Angeline]

Thank You Jen!

Re: Sea of Soapy Love

Thanks for the kind words. It sure was fun to write, though looking at it now I see it needs some editing. I can also tell you that the object of that poem's affection was a damn happy camper upon reading it! (He may be out buying more Nag Champa incense even as I write this!)

 

[christcat69]

Re: Re: Christcat? You have written

This is definatly my favourite poem here. Keep writing.

I have to agree with Jen. This poem is phenomonal. I love the smell of Nag. It reminds me of Venice Beach and drum circles, basically it retrogresses me into thoughts of good vibes and good times.

 

[Angeline]

Edited Version

I've edited this poem down some and and will probably repost it. Think it needs further editing? Any suggestions or feedback appreciated!

Sea of Soapy Love

Step delicately in, back straight,
hair pinned with tortoiseshell
in raven twist atop my head.
My hair is as you want it
for I know that your delight
is in the artifice we make tonight:
this lovers’ game, this water play
in sloping claw foot porcelain.

The Nag Champa burns sweet,
its mild scent imbuing humid air,
the room aglow with candlelight,
reflects on bubbles' fair and
insubstantial prismic orbs
that foam in fragile rainbows,
eddy clinging drifting
with each breath or shift
revealing or concealing
tender heat pink flesh.

Rivulets are slipping, sliding,
snaking beads of steam that
stream down arcs of skin
or patter dripping drops of
gentle rain that falling
plip and plop in spatters
from the sponge you hold above.

And Oh your eyes are shining
on my arching smile
seraphic senses swimming
in a sea of soapy love.

 

[christcat69]

Angeline

Noo editing needed on this one. I really like it. Maybe you could shorten the first stanza a bit but besides that, it exudes cleanliness.

 

[Rybka]

Edits?

Angeline, it is very good as it stands. I just have two things. You write:

in sloping claw foot porcelain.

I have trouble with "sloping". It is too close to "slopping", which happens in a bathtub too. - Maybe you wanted that, but to my ear it detracts the mood of the rest of the poem.

reflects on bubbles' fair and

Are the bubbles having a "fair", or are they "fair", as in "My Fair Lady"?

The only other thing I can think of is perhaps the title. Have you considered Soapy Sea of Love instead of Sea of Soapy Love? - Just a thought. I'm not even sure I like it better.


Regards, Rybka

 

[Angeline]

Thank you both.

Christcatt, I'm a wordy girl as you may have noticed. I'm working at reducing my verbosity in my poems--beginning to get a better sense of how to cut back extraneous stuff. I may do some more paring based on suggestions from you and Eve.

Rybka, you are a damned scary fish! Your eye went unerringly to the two words I knew weren't working! "Sloping" is close to "slopping" and not the image I want to project, haha. And "fair," well you you know I meant as in pretty, but maybe they were having a fair--an anthropomorphic little bubble fair, lol! You know, sometimes I write this stuff and, when reading it aloud, think I need words to fit some rhythm. But you're right. They're outta there!

I appreciate the time you both took to help me fine tune this!