Intentional vs Accidental shame/humiliation?

[midwestyankee]

It seems as if I didn't make myself clear which is always a problem when one is typeing in short bursts rather than discussing a concept at length. I didn't mean to be seen as micro managing but rather pointing out that any situation can be used as a teaching/lesson point.

Can be, but not necessarily should be. Teaching is not all it's cracked up to be.

Let's say that I'm walking on a sidewalk with my partner and she is suddenly drenched when a window-washer's bucket of water tips over from ten stories above the sidewalk. It's a warm day and the accidental soaking has turned her into a one-woman wet tee shirt contest - and the winner is... - much to her dismay and embarrassment. I enjoy every moment of her embarrassment but I have to ask you, what would you have me teach her from such a moment?

Would you have me teach her to avoid walking alongside buildings whose windows are being washed? Would you have me teach her something about taking pride in showing her body to strangers? To say that every moment can be a teachable moment may well be true, but not every bit of teaching is worth doing. After all, if I were to seize on the opportunity to train my submissive partner to feel less humiliation under such circumstances, I would be depriving both of us of future pleasure. What's the point in doing that?

Furthermore, teaching one's submissive partner is not universally a part of all power-exchange relationships.

 

[Netzach]

Can be, but not necessarily should be. Teaching is not all it's cracked up to be.

Let's say that I'm walking on a sidewalk with my partner and she is suddenly drenched when a window-washer's bucket of water tips over from ten stories above the sidewalk. It's a warm day and the accidental soaking has turned her into a one-woman wet tee shirt contest - and the winner is... - much to her dismay and embarrassment. I enjoy every moment of her embarrassment but I have to ask you, what would you have me teach her from such a moment?

Would you have me teach her to avoid walking alongside buildings whose windows are being washed? Would you have me teach her something about taking pride in showing her body to strangers? To say that every moment can be a teachable moment may well be true, but not every bit of teaching is worth doing. After all, if I were to seize on the opportunity to train my submissive partner to feel less humiliation under such circumstances, I would be depriving both of us of future pleasure. What's the point in doing that?

Furthermore, teaching one's submissive partner is not universally a part of all power-exchange relationships.

The only teachers I ever listened to were the ones who gave advice based on their experience, probably why I wound up in the art department. "Yeah I did it that way, if you really want to save yourself a headache, you'll want to cut some shims even if it's a pain."

Random "shoulds because you're paying my salary" are basically pompous and forgettable.

 

[midwestyankee]

The only teachers I ever listened to were the ones who gave advice based on their experience, probably why I wound up in the art department. "Yeah I did it that way, if you really want to save yourself a headache, you'll want to cut some shims even if it's a pain."

Random "shoulds because you're paying my salary" are basically pompous and forgettable.

As well, random shoulds because I get to choose whose dishes get swept off the table when I decide that we'll fuck now are just as likely to be of minimal value. I have a decent share of ego and more than a passing acquaintance with some of life's wisdom. But I don't have enough ego to believe that I am the rightful and only teacher in my relationships just because I can insist on getting the first serving of Corn Flakes in the morning or the last cup of coffee.

 

[3113]

I found it's most powerful when she did something accidentally and then I intentionally drew attention to it. You could see the pang on her face and the red smile would soon follow.

Wow. That's having the cake and eating it, too! Sounds very powerful. I can see why you're a Dom.

 

[3113]

Art was kinda freaky in his pursuit of the motif. I've heard that panties tended to do that a lot more often till elastic got better, but it still seems like such a stretch.

It does come across as more like one of those bad, novelty jokes (like fake dog doo) than an honestly sexy fetish, doesn't it?

 

[karma9]

Intentional humiliation/ shame is a big fetish of mine. Just think for example when I make my sub get dressed in a short skirt without panties when we go out. As she sits on the bar stole, she gets so shy and looks on the ground knowing she is the hot spot…

 

[the captians wench]

Many thanks for the honesty--and honestly, I wasn't expecting to get any "yes" answers at all, so I'm finding this interesting.

So, let me ask you this, when you do find it hot--is it hotter if Dom was there to witness? (and, in Dom's case, hotter because it happened to sub?). Or, as Midwestyankee put it, is it an omnivore thing? Any experiencing of it (for sub) and any witnessing it or hearing about it gives one a hot flash?

This brings to mind, by the way, the very stylized and rather silly Art Frahm 50's pin-ups of women accidentally and publicly humiliated because their underwear (magically!) fell down as they boarded the bus or stepped out of a phone booth. There is always a male witness, and they're always blushing and trying to tug at their skirts if they can, though usually they're carrying some bundles and can't.

Likewise, similar pin-ups by other artists of women with skirts flying up in a breeze offering a glimpse of stocking tops and garter belts to the public, sometimes with a wink, but often with a blush.

So I get invited to go to a company event that is suposed to only be for people in the position above mine and up. Both CoOp and Owner Operaters at this function. A river boat cruse. And I was told to dress nice, so I wear my pinstripe skirt suit with a read button up and stockings/garter.

Dinner and presentation over, we're all free to mingle and wonder around the boat. Me not knowing hardly anyone and being the shy thing I am, I end up wondering around the groups.

I head up to the upper deck, and as I am climbing the stairs a gust of wind passes and shoots up the stair well like it's some sort of vortex and with it up goes my skirt so the hem hits my nose flashing my bare ass to every one below me.

I can't think of any specific examples, but I'm of the mind that should something accidental happen, I'd be utterly mortified, and not in a sexy frame of mind whatsoever.

And this was my reaction. I was mortified, as I heard a male voice or two whisper about what happened. I was beet red, quickly ran to the back of the boat and hid the rest of the night until it was time to go home. Fortunately no one I work closely with witnessed the incident.

Jounar on the other hand (as well as a few other domly types in my aquaintence) found it quite amuzing and the blush I still form telling the story as amuzing as if they had been there. Him (and the other domly types) teased me a bit, and I could tell they got a certian kick out of my "I wished I was dead" reaction.

No reasurances, no cuddles, just chuckles and being refured to as a slut for not wearing panties (which I never do) in a light hearted fashion. I think if I had reacted to the teasing in another way it might have gone further, but seeing as I was calculating the consiquences of quiting my job so I never run into one of the people who did happen to look up at just the right moment, they chose to drop the subject.