Introductions

[AlinaX]

Hi all, new to writing here. I've been reading on here for years, but I recently decided to start writing. I'm always appreciative of feedback. I hope you're all well

Not a bad start, but you need to take your time a little, add details, explore the inner conflict (terror at being abducted, perhaps even a little anticipatory fear of walking home alone; humiliation at not only being aroused, but very obviously so; desire vs denial; anger vs lust) and the outer conflict (you have the assault as efficient and smooth, but I think an element of cruel crudity is needed: a hard cock smacking her cheeks, leaving her face smeared with its wetness; multiple fingers worming their way into her virgin ass, stretching her painfully, and even more painfully open; saliva and cum dripping from her ring-gagged mouth onto the floor beneath her along with her tears). But all that aside, I wanted to *see*. I wanted to see the toys that were being used on her. I wanted them to show her the thing that would raise her hips and open her to them. I wanted them to show her the toys and explain how they would be used...

... and to awaken in the morning still feeling everything that had happened, aching in a dozen different ways, and shamefully aroused despite it all.

 

[AlinaX]

Yeah, that one was a commission.

I was waiting for the sister to be a futa also, and for them to basically portal each other, cock in pussy, cock in pussy.

 

[MalevolentMolly]

Not a bad start, but you need to take your time a little, add details, explore the inner conflict (terror at being abducted, perhaps even a little anticipatory fear of walking home alone; humiliation at not only being aroused, but very obviously so; desire vs denial; anger vs lust) and the outer conflict (you have the assault as efficient and smooth, but I think an element of cruel crudity is needed: a hard cock smacking her cheeks, leaving her face smeared with its wetness; multiple fingers worming their way into her virgin ass, stretching her painfully, and even more painfully open; saliva and cum dripping from her ring-gagged mouth onto the floor beneath her along with her tears). But all that aside, I wanted to *see*. I wanted to see the toys that were being used on her. I wanted them to show her the thing that would raise her hips and open her to them. I wanted them to show her the toys and explain how they would be used...

... and to awaken in the morning still feeling everything that had happened, aching in a dozen different ways, and shamefully aroused despite it all.

Thank you for your feedback! I'll work on adding those details more, I was worried it was getting too long, so I trimmed some and I didn't want the assault to come off traumatic. I'll work on balancing those things out in future stories. Maybe Callie will get a follow up.

Thank you again!

 

[AlinaX]

I was worried it was getting too long, so I trimmed some and I didn't want the assault to come off traumatic. I'll work on balancing those things out in future stories.

Bear in mind that 5000 words is seen by many readers as a reasonable minimum length. There's nothing necessarily wrong with shorter stories - I've written plenty myself - but don't ever be afraid to explore more and go deeper.

Rape is a problematic theme, for certain, but if you're going there then don't pretend it isn't traumatic. Make the trauma fuel for the eroticism.

There will be many readers who stay clear of non-con, but many also who want to feel that loss of control and the humiliation of helpless arousal.

 

[MalevolentMolly]

Bear in mind that 5000 words is seen by many readers as a reasonable minimum length. There's nothing necessarily wrong with shorter stories - I've written plenty myself - but don't ever be afraid to explore more and go deeper.

Rape is a problematic theme, for certain, but if you're going there then don't pretend it isn't traumatic. Make the trauma fuel for the eroticism.

There will be many readers who stay clear of non-con, but many also who want to feel that loss of control and the humiliation of helpless arousal.

All good points, I'll keep those things in mind for the future. I didn't necessarily want it to be a rape story, it started as an assault but I wanted her to enjoy that loss of power. That was the main theme for me, helplessness and surrender.

I have another story pending, consensual this time, but I may need to work more of those descriptive details. Again, I was worried about the length. I'll see if I can edit it and try to paint a more colorful picture.

I appreciate all the feedback so much!

 

[Rustyoznail]

Don't worry about trimming your story too much. Stories here can go from 750 words to many, many thousands. Make it tell a good story.

 

[Mastered_again]

Hi all, new to writing here. I've been reading on here for years, but I recently decided to start writing. I'm always appreciative of feedback. I hope you're all well

Welcome to the village idiots convention. Good luck and good writing

 

[litfan10]

Hi all, new to writing here. I've been reading on here for years, but I recently decided to start writing. I'm always appreciative of feedback. I hope you're all well

Wonderful! Have fun and enjoy yourself.

 

[lovecraft68]

Welcome to the AH and best of luck with your work here on Lit.

 

[orangecurious]

welcome new people

 

[MalevolentMolly]

Welcome to the AH and best of luck with your work here on Lit.

Thank you

 

[visioneer]

Hi all, new to writing here. I've been reading on here for years, but I recently decided to start writing. I'm always appreciative of feedback. I hope you're all well

Welcome to the sprawl that is Literotica. I read your story and left a comment. Others have left good advice, to which I will add that an important way to improve one’s writing is to read stories from authors that leave you jealous and wishing you had written them. Good luck, and keep writing.

 

[MalevolentMolly]

Don't worry about trimming your story too much. Stories here can go from 750 words to many, many thousands. Make it tell a good story.

Thank you, I edited the story I have pending, hopefully it reads better. I appreciate the feedback.

 

[MalevolentMolly]

Welcome to the sprawl that is Literotica. I read your story and left a comment. Others have left good advice, to which I will add that an important way to improve one’s writing is to read stories from authors that leave you jealous and wishing you had written them. Good luck, and keep writing.

Thank you so much for the feedback! I will definitely look into working on shaking up the wording and into an editor.

 

[orangecurious]

Don't worry about trimming your story too much. Stories here can go from 750 words to many, many thousands. Make it tell a good story.

*looks at current 45,000+ worder*

Uh huh. very true

 

[MalevolentMolly]

*looks at current 45,000+ worder*

Uh huh. very true

I'm sure it's a fantastic read!

 

[MillieDynamite]

Welcome to the tribe of Liter authors!

Just a general introduction. I have been writing and posting other places for a few months now and recently decided to start posting here as well. Not much to say, just saying hi. So. Hi!

 

[StillStunned]

Welcome to the tribe of Liter authors!

I like to think of myself as a Literotter.

 

[orangecurious]

I'm sure it's a fantastic read!

you've not read any of my stuff, have you!

 

[MillieDynamite]

I use Liter cause it is cute and short. I'm a lazy person and need to save my writing for my writing and not waste words here. Which you just made me do with my explanation !

I like to think of myself as a Literotter.

 

[MalevolentMolly]

you've not read any of my stuff, have you!

Not yet, but I will

 

[Tambi_the_elephant]

I was waiting for the sister to be a futa also, and for them to basically portal each other, cock in pussy, cock in pussy.

She was. The self-pleasing, getting stuck, the buildup and all that was what the commiissioner wanted. Not my characters so I can't be adding more. They might ask though, who knows?

 

[orangecurious]

Not yet, but I will

love your new one.

 

[Areala-chan]

Welcome, all ye new writers and forum dwellers!

 

[MalevolentMolly]

love your new one.

Thank you