Isn't there always some element of power exchange?

[intothewoods]

All sex is about power.

 

[neonflux]

All sex is about power.

*nods head in agreement* Foucault, anyone?

 

[VelvetDarkness]

I've been in both nilla and D/s relationships and I find this a very interesting thread.

I think all sex is about power but in a healthy nilla relationship the power is passed back and forth, shared more or less equally. Power reaches no extreme on either side.

A nilla person feels unhappy if their partner ends up having more overall power because they feel it devalues them to be percieved as less than equally cherished or less than equally in overall control. OTOH if a nilla partner is left with most of the burden of decision making and the initiating/lead role in sex they often view the other partner as failing to pull their weight in the relationship. Failing to be an equal.

I think most nilla couples would agree that there are constant power shifts. One is better at some things and therefore more willing to take the lead in those areas and vice-versa but the important point is that the relationship as a whole remains healthy and happy if there is a good balance of power overall.

 

[FurryFury]

Depending on how you define it, there has always been some form of power exchange in every relationship I've ever been in or observed, the question is was it consensual and conscious on the part of both parties.