It's not really working out, but...

[Cirrus]

And yes, I have been honest with my Dom, he knows all of this and more. He also knows that I am a submissive because, I believe, I'm sick of always "battling" for control when I want something. Submitting allows me to enjoy a relationship and enjoy sex while not having to be "responsible" for it. If that makes any sense...

 

[Richard49]

No, I was not abused sexually by anyone, either inside my family or outside. Not that I suspect it matters much.

The thing is, I KNOW that my life is mine, I KNOW that I am a product of my past, I KNOW that I'm a worthwhile person, I KNOW that I can love and be loved, yet I cannot BELIEVE it.

Another kicker is I have no health insurance. Therefor, no $60 an hour therapy for me.

your mother hiting on your boyfriends is sexual abuse

 

[monster666]

Cirrus, try the Catholic Family Services in your area. They have competent therapists, and are not going to give you sermons; they are regular therapists. The good thing about them is that they have a sliding rate, meaning that they accept what you can afford to pay. I have heard of some cases where they go as low as 10 or 15 an hour instead of the usual 60 - 125 elsewhere. The church subsidizes the rest, and you don't have to be Catholic.

If that doesn't pan out, please don't stop trying to seek real help. You aren't crackers, you just have a big load you are carrying around. You'll be amazed at what a difference dumping some of that stuff can make in your perspective and in your life, particularly where relationships are concerned.

No, I was not abused sexually by anyone, either inside my family or outside. Not that I suspect it matters much.

The thing is, I KNOW that my life is mine, I KNOW that I am a product of my past, I KNOW that I'm a worthwhile person, I KNOW that I can love and be loved, yet I cannot BELIEVE it.

Another kicker is I have no health insurance. Therefor, no $60 an hour therapy for me.

 

[SexyChele]

Cirrus, try the Catholic Family Services in your area. They have competent therapists, and are not going to give you sermons; they are regular therapists. The good thing about them is that they have a sliding rate, meaning that they accept what you can afford to pay. I have heard of some cases where they go as low as 10 or 15 an hour instead of the usual 60 - 125 elsewhere. The church subsidizes the rest, and you don't have to be Catholic.

If that doesn't pan out, please don't stop trying to seek real help. You aren't crackers, you just have a big load you are carrying around. You'll be amazed at what a difference dumping some of that stuff can make in your perspective and in your life, particularly where relationships are concerned.

Yes, to all that Monster said. Plus, check with the county you live in. Most have a health services department, and a part of that will be mental health. Normally, these are also on a sliding scale. Could be free, depending on where you live and what types of programs are available.

Don't let a price tag stop you from healing. There are ways around that. All you need do is ask.

Keeping you in my thoughts.