Just a quick question....

[AvaAdore]

3 of my close friends know, 2 of whom are into it themselves (though they have never done anything in RL). i dont know whether other not so close friends know, but both me and my SO joke about whips and the like...others may think we're just joking and nothing more...we find it amusing. however, i dont share details of what goes on in the bedroom (and other places )

i would prefer that my parents and other relatives didnt know, after all, it's not really their business i think. however i have always wondered what they would think if they walked in on a scene at the same time i really hope it never happens.

 

[TigerClaw]

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[WynEternal]

This is my first post so please forgive me my errors...

I am currently in what I consider a vanilla marriage with a little kink. As to family members knowing about my interest in BDSM, I'm sure my sister-in-law knows. I think hub told her that he met a great gal who was currently a Domme's houseslave.

Would I tell my family? My private life is just that. Private. And my dad is respectful enough not to pry, other than to ask if I'm happy. I doubt my dad knows, and I'm not sure if my mom knew, but she was ever observant.

My brother got into my email account once (the little snoop) and probably figured it out by my list. He will mention it sometime but it's none of his buisness.

As for children, I have a wee one, and another one on the way. I never discussed my parents sex life with them, and I won't do it with my children. The birds and the bees talk, maybe, but not D/s. If my relationship should change out of it's vanilla one, I would never do anything to outwardly display it to them.

As to a divorce, I don't know if it would be used against me. I hope it doesn't have to come to that.

 

[lektra]

Re: Re: Just a quick question....

This makes me think of a very good point -- child custody. Has anyone had any experience in custody battles involving BDSM? It seems like something one could use against one's spouse (what a nightmare!).

Lain

I haven't seen any specific cases of BDSM lifestyle being used, but HAVE seen lots of things used against women about their sexual past in family court. Strictly speaking it is legally irrelevant (unless the person is making a claim that it creates an unhealthy environment-and i've seen some pretty flimsy stuff get through), HOWEVER judges tend to notice these things, and often will formulate their opinions on them, especially when dealing with women. There is still a pretty big gender bias in the courts, and that means women are painted in a lot of uncharitable ways. I wouldn't want to test it in court anyway.

L.

 

[thedirtypoet]

My experience

I'm a 30 y/o male who's into tying partners up, handcuffs, mild spanking etc but have a big thing for watersports and peeing games. I'm also bi-curious. I prefer my lovers to be aged 18-25 which for some introduces the showing new things to side of it which is good.

My best friend who is the nearest I have to family (I have family - somewhere I think havent seen most of them for over ten years) knows a little of what I like but I could NEVER admit to the peeing side of it or the bi-curious. He is a serious prude and would freak.

Another friend found about it when they borrowed my computer and found my secret stash of pics including some of me in a wet action shot! They where fine about it.

I share a flat with a friend and he knows about some of what goes on but he to would freak if he knew about the peeing side and the bi curious side.

I nearly always end up admitting to gf, lovers about the watersports and my last serious gf dived in at the deep end .... excuse the pun! My last lover is experimenting with it at mo.

E

 

[Justina123]

Evolving thought patterns

My thoughts on the openness of my d/s relationship have really evolved. I am a 46 year old single mom with 3 kids at home (8,10, and 15), 2 kids in college nearby, 1 married daughter, and 3 small grandchildren.

When I first started in this "lifestyle", it was basically a sex choice only in my dating preferences and so of course nothing at all was said or evident to family or friends. As I got deeper into it, I did open up alot to one vanilla girlfriend, one of those good friendships where anything goes, anything can be shared on both sides, etc.

But since I have met Bruce and we are now living 24/7 3 days a week ('cause we live in different cities and at least for now are tied to jobs), I have become more open at least about the d/s side. So much of the dom/sub relationship is, really when you think about it, just plain old fashioned! Lots of respectful "yes sir", serving, etc. A whole pervasive attitude which I think is a good and wonderful sample to my kids and others! And Bruce is a gentleman, and this is as much part of his dominant personality as anything else, in public he opens doors, etc. and in general treats me like his cherished girl, very obviously my protector and watcher. (The sadistic, sexy sides of him yes, we keep private, just as any couple keeps their sex life private- except when at play parties, of course!) I wear my anklet, or even my newly acquired "slave bells" every day and all my friends and co-workers know Bruce gave them to me and my closest friend or two know the deeper meaning of them. And nearly everyone knows that I "consult" with Bruce about most outside-of-work decisions. I think most folks know our relationship is unusual- but I cannot tell you the number of people who mention how they think I "glow" since being with him .

So anyhow, I can see a real evolution of my own thoughts on this topic and really am enjoying reading everyone else's, thanks so much for the great thread.

- justina

 

[pet petra]

Luckily My Sir and I don't have any children so we really don't have to hide it too much. There are only a very select few who kind of know what we engage in. I prefer to keep that to myself. Oddly enough, a friend of mine gave me a tarot reading and had made a big case because the cards said I'm submissive. She acted like it was a bad thing. Well, instead of arguing back, I got this look on my face and said "yeah, so??" Let's just say that even though she's my friend, I think it's really none of her business, and I let her know it.. Why do some people feel as if this lifestyle is threatening?

Petra

 

[Ebonyfire]

Luckily My Sir and I don't have any children so we really don't have to hide it too much. There are only a very select few who kind of know what we engage in. I prefer to keep that to myself. Oddly enough, a friend of mine gave me a tarot reading and had made a big case because the cards said I'm submissive. She acted like it was a bad thing. Well, instead of arguing back, I got this look on my face and said "yeah, so??" Let's just say that even though she's my friend, I think it's really none of her business, and I let her know it.. Why do some people feel as if this lifestyle is threatening?

Petra

People fear what they do not understand.

 

[kayte]

Well I have to say my brothers and sister know I am in the lifestyle. I get the occasional joke but it's just family being family. As to Mom well saw no use in her knowing as it took her a long time to accept that I had an interracial relationship. She may not take the shock of her baby boy being a Dom lol. As to friends I'm open as I like who I am and have no shame in what I do.

Was reading this thread and thought it should be made a little more visible.

I have a couple of friends who know I am in the life. None of my family does. Don't think I could explain it even to my brothers. Now Mom and Dad, nope, no way!!!

SB Sir's Mom may not take the shock of Him being a Dom. My Parents definitely would not take the shock of me being a sub.

I do wonder how may more people are in this position? This thread got quiet awfully quickly. Hope this brings the question back to the forefront.

Have a good evening all!!!

 

[cellis]

No one in my family knows. I do think that my son and daughter-in-law suspect... but it has not really come up in conversation as yet.

I do have a couple of friends who know, but I am very careful who I let into my life. It is not that I am afraid. It is only what I do is no one's business but mine.

Oh yes and all you pervs at Lit know too!!!!



~s

 

[kayte]

People fear what they do not understand.

And yes then they lash out. We have seen that so often with so many things in the world.

 

[Ebonyfire]

The advantage of having no parental units alive, is that you have no one to shock anymore.

It is freeing.