Kinked or Mundane?

[Netzach]

It's very interesting but not sure that I agree such behavior comes to the fore due to stress. As I wrote in the previous post, I also see it as a matter of wiring. For some, the need for intimate/intense emotional/sexual contact may become greater in some people when they are stressed. Conversely, my ex of 8+ years withdrew when she was under great amounts of stress. And it may be that when some are under stress, their inhibitions regarding desires they see as "unacceptable" may weaken. However, as I mentioned in my last post, I also believe that the prediliction for BDSM is also a matter of wiring. The more I explore BDSM, the more I am coming to understand it as intrinsic to my own sexual desires, regardless of what my mood is at any given time.

Oh, I think I'd argue and he'd agree that there's stress to the kinking point and stress to the breaking point. Add enough stress and the libido will go away in most people, sometimes only after a long bender, but even then...

I also believe I'm hard wired, but I think that sorting out the impulses to the point of being able to do anything about them took some kind of forging in the furnace of adult sexuality and some pounding from the influx of information we are constantly getting to give it shape - it's almost like I had to "get over" the novelty of bodily friction per se long enough to consider that there must be more to this.

It's not water-tight theory, but it's a really interesting counter to what I still define kink as (see politics above)

 

[neonflux]

I also believe I'm hard wired, but I think that sorting out the impulses to the point of being able to do anything about them took some kind of forging in the furnace of adult sexuality and some pounding from the influx of information we are constantly getting to give it shape - it's almost like I had to "get over" the novelty of bodily friction per se long enough to consider that there must be more to this.

This definitely makes sense - having to have something "occur" to begin exploring desires that are counter to what one is taught is acceptable.

I will admit that while I have for years included some aspects of S/m and B/d and more recently aspects of D/s in my sexual relationships, and had explored somewhat formally with one GF, I only jumped "head first" after I asked a friend to do a BDSM cleansing for me, in response to getting HSV and going through a major break-up all in a very short period of time (wasn't unbalanced enough to be allowed weekly therapy by my HMO). That said, I am not so sure that my "jump" was so much predicated by the stress, since I'd never felt shame about my desires...

It's not water-tight theory, but it's a really interesting counter to what I still define kink as...

"kinked" for me is a political construct.

Would you get fired, strung up, shunned, or marginalized by a great number of people if everything about your sexuality were tattooed on your forehead?

Y - kinked

N - not

Now that is sheer brilliance. And isn't ALL sexuality in this patriarchal, hyper-religious society inevitably a political construct? It would be a luxury to let go of labels... In this place at this time, I believe that they are actually important to adopt AND assert, thus the importance of this thread's discussion.