Lachrimae Challenge

[darkmaas]

Damn Fool

I'm impressed. A malt soaked sonnet. Thanks

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

I hate frigging sonnets.....


Smoke and music circle through the night.
Whiskey freely flows and sets the tone.
I’ve had enough to get me feeling tight
While sitting at my table all alone.

A Melancholy measure fills the air.
I listen to that lonesome moaning song.
My thoughts are full of sadness and despair,
It seems that everything has gone all wrong.

That Tenor sax puts out a lonely moan,
It wavers through the room with one long note,
A sound so blue it makes me want to groan.
A lump of sadness clutches at my throat.

Her scent is one that I can never miss.
My blues are gone with her first loving kiss.

Muttering Foolishly

Well you may hate them, pal, but you sure can write them. I know the Elizabethan sonnet form; it's the one trad form I can write without significant frustrated muttering and teeth gnashing.

This, my dear man, is a splendid sonnet--not only is it iambic (I checked, lol) and articulate, but it's thematically sound as well. And it's about blues, and even plays with image. Gosh! You waited way too long to write one.

I do hope you realize that showing me you can write such a wonderful sonnet is a mistake, a beeg mistake. Muhahaha.

 

[The_Fool]

I do hope you realize that showing me you can write such a wonderful sonnet is a mistake, a beeg mistake. Muhahaha.

Sonnets are like a locust plague. One every twenty-one years is more than enough.

 

[Angeline]

Sonnets are like a locust plague. One every twenty-one years is more than enough.

Didn't seem to take you very long to produce it.

Maybe a nice vilanelle or sestina instead?

 

[The_Fool]

Didn't seem to take you very long to produce it.

Maybe a nice vilanelle or sestina instead?

Not tonight honey---I've got a headache...

 

[Angeline]

Not tonight honey---I've got a headache...

Disposa needs to rest quietly after those poems.

 

[The_Fool]

Didn't seem to take you very long to produce it.

Maybe a nice vilanelle or sestina instead?

Angeline,

Just quoting you to let everyone know that it is all your fault...

Angeline,
have you seen
what life’s got
out there
for you.



Drink the Villanelle, Hear the Blues

I never knew I had so much to lose.
That you would leave me all alone tonight.
I got that feeling Mama called “The Blues.”

I’d stepped out with the guys from work for brews.
I got that need to get a little tight.
I never knew I had so much to lose.

I know you hate it when I smell of booze.
You came along and tried to pick a fight.
I got that feeling Mama called “The Blues.”

You told me there was no excuse to use.
And that I really wasn’t very bright.
I never knew I had so much to lose.

You hit me hard enough to leave a bruise,
And told me I had best stay out of sight.
I got that feeling Mama called “The Blues.”

I couldn’t stand it when I heard the news,
Her Sis told me she left that very night.
I never knew I had so much to lose.
I got that feeling Mama called “The Blues.”


Trumpet Triolet

That rising note was sweetly crisp and clear,
But left no doubt that sorrow sang it out.
That trumpet player held all that he held dear,
That rising note was sweetly crisp and clear.
From far away that ragtime band drew near,
From one to many a cry became a shout.
That rising note was sweetly crisp and clear
But left no doubt that sorrow sang it out.


Hey Bartender, Pour Me Another Sestina

That upright piano sings out its tinny song
An old black man lends to it his whiskey voice
A half drank beer holds his sheet music in place
A cigarette, half ashes, makes him a wreath of smoke
His eyes, half closed see only far away
The music that he makes can only be called the blues

I listen to him play, I know all about them blues.
I hear what he's a singin', but already know that song.
I wish this bottle of whiskey would help me get away.
The singing that I hear is not that haunting voice,
The tears that fill my eyes are not because of smoke,
What makes me want to cry is no one in this place.

She left me. She left me an empty place.
"She left me, She left me longin' for the blues.
I look around and see her face in trails of smoke.
She left me. She left me singin' a sad, sad song.
I'm haunted. I'm haunted by her sweet, sweet voice.
I done said it, whiskey, take me far from here, take me away.

I've thought hard, I don't know why she went away.
Travelin', I've gone from place to place.
Every place I stop I keep listening for her voice.
Listenin' all the time, for a voice tuned to sing the blues.
The tears begin to flow, when the radio plays our song.
I just keep a dreamin', but my dreams scatter in the smoke.

Reaching for my cigarettes, I light me up a smoke.
A woman comes on by and takes my bottle away.
I'll stay here just a little while, I'll stay for one more song.
There's nothing for me here, there's nothing for me any place.
There's nothing for me anywhere, There's nothing for me but blues.
I can't hear no music, no matter how good the voice.

I've heard that call from that silent voice.
I've seen the words written in smoke.
I've felt in in my bones, that rhythm in the blues.
It's time for me to leave. It time to go away.
Its time to find me another place,
Its time to find another bar that plays a different song.

Blues help me hear her voice.
Song sung far away, hard to catch as smoke.
Away from here I'll travel, to find another lonesome place.

 

[Angeline]

oh.
my.
god.

i'm speechless.

a sestina even? a sestina? i've been trying to write one of those for a month.

just.
speechless.



pssst? darkmaas? look! a sestina, even....

 

[The_Fool]

Ya ya, formal poetry sucks. Almost as much as fool poetry.

Edited to include:

After thinking about this, I also wanted to state that I take pride in my work but know that it in no way reflects the quality and time required to provide a quality poem, formal or otherwise. I have a high level of admiration for those that take the time to write, edit and polish. My posted vilanelle, triolet and sestina are merely an affectionate tweek to Angeline's nose and are not meant to be taken in a serious context.

End of Edit

If you want, I'll give you (or anyone else) my method for writing that sestina from a technical standpoint. And I thought sonnets were bad.

On another but related topic. I found it interesting how many similarities there are between the vilanelle and triolet and blues. For instance, strong sense of rhythm, repetive phrasing, desire to show multiple points of view using the same phrase or words. Make someone a great master's thesis, maybe.

As for sestina's? I don't know other than they suck. If I ever write a real one, I'll let you know what I think.

Fool

 

[darkmaas]

Ah Fool,

Always too humble by half. This round's on me.

darkmaas

 

[Angeline]

After thinking about this, I also wanted to state that I take pride in my work but know that it in no way reflects the quality and time required to provide a quality poem, formal or otherwise. I have a high level of admiration for those that take the time to write, edit and polish. My posted vilanelle, triolet and sestina are merely an affectionate tweek to Angeline's nose and are not meant to be taken in a serious context.

My dear fool you are true to form, by which I mean that you are a classic fool in the Shakespearian sense of having no self-awareness of how good you are. These poems are not easy to write; it's hard enough to follow the rules, but to do so and still produce logically written, even marginally poetic writing (and yours is sure better than that) is a feat.

I prefer free verse to trad form, too, because my writing method is--I think--intuitive, and for me having to count syllables or check that words are in the right order in a line is inhibiting. I still write them sometimes though because they're good discipline.

I really respect people who enjoy writing this way; they produce some beautiful poems. Cordelia's ghazal is a great example.

And um, let go of my nose.

 

[BooMerengue]

Hey Bartender, Pour Me Another Sestina

That upright piano sings out its tinny song
An old black man lends to it his whiskey voice
A half drank beer holds his sheet music in place
A cigarette, half ashes, makes him a wreath of smoke
His eyes, half closed see only far away
The music that he makes can only be called the blues

I listen to him play, I know all about them blues.
I hear what he's a singin', but already know that song.
I wish this bottle of whiskey would help me get away.
The singing that I hear is not that haunting voice,
The tears that fill my eyes are not because of smoke,
What makes me want to cry is no one in this place.

She left me. She left me an empty place.
"She left me, She left me longin' for the blues.
I look around and see her face in trails of smoke.
She left me. She left me singin' a sad, sad song.
I'm haunted. I'm haunted by her sweet, sweet voice.
I done said it, whiskey, take me far from here, take me away.

I've thought hard, I don't know why she went away.
Travelin', I've gone from place to place.
Every place I stop I keep listening for her voice.
Listenin' all the time, for a voice tuned to sing the blues.
The tears begin to flow, when the radio plays our song.
I just keep a dreamin', but my dreams scatter in the smoke.

Reaching for my cigarettes, I light me up a smoke.
A woman comes on by and takes my bottle away.
I'll stay here just a little while, I'll stay for one more song.
There's nothing for me here, there's nothing for me any place.
There's nothing for me anywhere, There's nothing for me but blues.
I can't hear no music, no matter how good the voice.

I've heard that call from that silent voice.
I've seen the words written in smoke.
I've felt in in my bones, that rhythm in the blues.
It's time for me to leave. It time to go away.
Its time to find me another place,
Its time to find another bar that plays a different song.

Blues help me hear her voice.
Song sung far away, hard to catch as smoke.
Away from here I'll travel, to find another lonesome place. [/B]

I am in awe... I am slammed... This is my favorite type of poetry, and I have written 2 but wouldn't dare post them. Yes I would like all the help I can get on this form of writing. Maybe I can re do what I have, and make it right... Please send to me any help you can, Fool(NoFool) you are a god! and those who know me know I don't say that lightly...

 

[The_Fool]

Re: Ah Fool,

Always too humble by half. This round's on me.

darkmaas

Hey DM. Thanks for the kind words. And I am always up for a drink...

Fool

 

[The_Fool]

My dear fool you are true to form, by which I mean that you are a classic fool in the Shakespearian sense of having no self-awareness of how good you are. These poems are not easy to write; it's hard enough to follow the rules, but to do so and still produce logically written, even marginally poetic writing (and yours is sure better than that) is a feat.

I prefer free verse to trad form, too, because my writing method is--I think--intuitive, and for me having to count syllables or check that words are in the right order in a line is inhibiting. I still write them sometimes though because they're good discipline.

I really respect people who enjoy writing this way; they produce some beautiful poems. Cordelia's ghazal is a great example.

And um, let go of my nose.

Thank you for the kind comments.

Sorry about the fingerprints on the nostrils...

Fool

 

[The_Fool]

I am in awe... I am slammed... This is my favorite type of poetry, and I have written 2 but wouldn't dare post them. Yes I would like all the help I can get on this form of writing. Maybe I can re do what I have, and make it right... Please send to me any help you can, Fool(NoFool) you are a god! and those who know me know I don't say that lightly...

I'm almost embarrassed to say. Almost. I am still a fool. When I first started researching what a sestina was, ummm, last Friday. I was struck by how this poem resembles data in a database. I know, I'm weird. Now to make it even more weird. I wrote this poem in Excel Spreadsheet. As soon as you get done laughing hysterically I will explain the madness to my method. With the repetition required, I needed visual cues on what went where. So I set up my spreadsheet in this fashion:

1. First Column was poem line number, 1 through 39.
2. Second Column was numerical index for the repeated word, 1 through 6. For the triplet, I used the value pair associated with each line. I used 2-5, 4-3 and 6-1.
3. The Third Column I reserved for the six repeated words in the five sestets and the starting words for the triplet.
4. The Fourth Column I reserved for the ending words for the triplet.
5. The Fifth Column I used to write the poem. One line per cell.

Once I built the column headers and populated the first two columns, I wrote the first sestet. From what I had read, a sestina works best if a noun or strong verb is used for repetition. I tried to keep this in mind. Once I had my first six lines, written in the fifth column, I went back and populated columns three and four with the appropriate words. This was my first sestina so I was learning as I was doing. After I finished the second or third sestina, I decided that visual cues were needed to separate the stanzas. I inserted lines to separate cells for stanza breaks. Then I just finished it. Looking back, I would do things differently than what I actually did. Once the poem is finished in draft form, save the document as an excel spreadsheet for later reference. Now do a “save as” to a different file of type *.TXT. Delete the first four columns, leaving only the body of the poem in the fifth column. Save what is left and open in any standard text editor. You now have a standard file that you can read, but you still have your original spreadsheet as well. That spreadsheet gives you a quick method to do word and line replacement for your wording. Your text editor allows you to make special formatting changes.

Different methods work for different people. I just found this one easy because I had the visual cues available without affecting the body of the text.

Hope that helps. Feel free to beat me up if further clarification is required.

Fool

 

[Angeline]

Now to make it even more weird. I wrote this poem in Excel Spreadsheet. As soon as you get done laughing hysterically I will explain the madness to my method.

*snort*

 

[champagne1982]

Dear Fool (and Al) et al,

I read your poem at 6:45 this morning and was inspired to try it. By 7 am I'd read through a sestina web site and had the form. At 8:45 I had the rough cut of this poem, which I'd finished editing when I got home this afternoon . . .

The Little Boy Blues

He burned with the notes of a melody,
And hoped that maybe this time,
Perhaps he'd find those wished for riches,
Great cities his to plunder.
He laughed as he thought about the blues,
And bid his momma goodbye with a kiss.

One day he hoped to feel a kiss,
Like the notes of a melody,
In the voice of a woman who sings the blues,
In a bar forgotten by time,
His lips hers mercilessly plunder,
In their love, they find their riches.

Maybe love will provide life's sweet riches,
Or maybe wealth's not found in a kiss,
To survive need a man seek plunder?
Death waits its turn in a melody,
It seeks those lovers forgotten by time,
And teaches them the blues.

With the lessons he'd learned he wrote the blues,
His song earned well deserved riches,
His friends had said 'twas a matter of time,
For fortune to grant him a kiss.
It came on the notes of his melody,
A talent was his to plunder.

They made their music and love was their plunder,
The boy kept makin' the blues
The lady sang the notes of a sweet melody,
The wealthy showered them in riches,
Each morn, they retired with their lovers' kiss,
Two souls mated through time.

Would they love forever, to the end of time?
Could wealth and success be their plunder?
Were they satisfied with true love's kiss?
Was happiness found in the blues?
Did they spend their time best with life's great riches?
Did they sing a timeless melody?

A sorrowful melody floats across time,
The sought for riches just empty plunder,
And he found the blues in a woman's kiss.

 

[Angeline]

Carrie that is just lovely! You know I can produce a sonnet pretty quickly because the meter is in my head like a song, but these forms where words move in patterns from line to line are really difficult for me. Like Fool, I need to create a chart or diagram to do something like this.

In any case, I love it when we inspire each other this way.

 

[Cordelia]

I'm almost embarrassed to say. Almost. I am still a fool. When I first started researching what a sestina was, ummm, last Friday. I was struck by how this poem resembles data in a database. I know, I'm weird. Now to make it even more weird. I wrote this poem in Excel Spreadsheet. As soon as you get done laughing hysterically I will explain the madness to my method. With the repetition required, I needed visual cues on what went where. So I set up my spreadsheet in this fashion:

1. First Column was poem line number, 1 through 39.
2. Second Column was numerical index for the repeated word, 1 through 6. For the triplet, I used the value pair associated with each line. I used 2-5, 4-3 and 6-1.
3. The Third Column I reserved for the six repeated words in the five sestets and the starting words for the triplet.
4. The Fourth Column I reserved for the ending words for the triplet.
5. The Fifth Column I used to write the poem. One line per cell.

Once I built the column headers and populated the first two columns, I wrote the first sestet. From what I had read, a sestina works best if a noun or strong verb is used for repetition. I tried to keep this in mind. Once I had my first six lines, written in the fifth column, I went back and populated columns three and four with the appropriate words. This was my first sestina so I was learning as I was doing. After I finished the second or third sestina, I decided that visual cues were needed to separate the stanzas. I inserted lines to separate cells for stanza breaks. Then I just finished it. Looking back, I would do things differently than what I actually did. Once the poem is finished in draft form, save the document as an excel spreadsheet for later reference. Now do a “save as” to a different file of type *.TXT. Delete the first four columns, leaving only the body of the poem in the fifth column. Save what is left and open in any standard text editor. You now have a standard file that you can read, but you still have your original spreadsheet as well. That spreadsheet gives you a quick method to do word and line replacement for your wording. Your text editor allows you to make special formatting changes.

Different methods work for different people. I just found this one easy because I had the visual cues available without affecting the body of the text.

Hope that helps. Feel free to beat me up if further clarification is required.

Fool

Oh my god!

Fool...you really know how to get straight to the heart of an accountant/mathematician who happens to write in poetic forms.

I thought I was the only one who thought this way.

Go figure.

Your new fan,


Cordelia

I really should read these threads more often...

 

[The_Fool]

Dear Fool (and Al) et al,

I read your poem at 6:45 this morning and was inspired to try it. By 7 am I'd read through a sestina web site and had the form. At 8:45 I had the rough cut of this poem, which I'd finished editing when I got home this afternoon . . .

Amazin' how that shit works, huh? Very good job.

 

[The_Fool]

Oh my god!

Fool...you really know how to get straight to the heart of an accountant/mathematician who happens to write in poetic forms.

I thought I was the only one who thought this way.

Go figure.

Your new fan,


Cordelia

I really should read these threads more often...

Golly shucks ma'am....*scuffs toe* Thank you for the kind words.

*L* I design computer networks all day. I have to be twisted. I also quite often have to think outside the box.

It's kind of funny, a lady that designed one of the keys to modern network wrote a poem about it as a way to explain her concepts.

 

[BooMerengue]

Well I am more than ever lost... the math side of my brain hasn't worked since I discovered LSD 25 at a Bluegrass festival in 1972! Besides... was Elizabeth Bishop a mathematician?? LOL

What I've done is just try to pick 6 words that can serve as verbs and/or nouns... I set a page up and make the first sestet... then on the right of the page I list the end words as they should be used... and try and make the story fit. This has worked for me but I haven't found my 'sucker punch' theme yet... Now I'm trying a bit of a change as I'm writing my last 3 lines after my first 6... I'm getting a poem, but not the quality I'm looking for... but Fool and Champagne- I have now redoubled my efforts... Thank you!

 

[Cordelia]

Well I am more than ever lost... the math side of my brain hasn't worked since I discovered LSD 25 at a Bluegrass festival in 1972! Besides... was Elizabeth Bishop a mathematician?

Are you saying mathematicians can't write? <pout>

Remind me to post my math sonnet some time...


Cordelia.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

I'm almost embarrassed to say. Almost. I am still a fool. When I first started researching what a sestina was, ummm, last Friday. I was struck by how this poem resembles data in a database. I know, I'm weird. Now to make it even more weird. I wrote this poem in Excel Spreadsheet.

[...]

Hope that helps. Feel free to beat me up if further clarification is required.

Fool

You know, that's exactly what I do when I attempt more complex and/or rigid forms, too. It's the best way.

I also like to colour code the different rhymes and print out the entire list of possible words for a given sound, from some online rhyming dictionary.

For the record, I think mathematicians have the most creative minds of all.


Cord-

Post your math sonnet, please. I'd love to see it

 

[Maria2394]

oh God, since ya'll are confessing all this stuff, I feel compelled to do it too..see whatcha started ya sexy Fool?? I love math, but don't understand it the "right" way, but give me a formula and I am in heaven, except when it comes to poetry. I have been trying the triolet since I saw jsthera's Nocturne, which was lovely...

I'm working on a poem about, ( cringe) the periodic table...did I hear somebody say :GEEK:?? lol... oh well, I totally enjoyed your form(s) fool..more, more, Im a piggie, and Cordelia. I wanna see your math sonnet too