Lack of men cheating on wife stories

[Svenskaflicka]

Dirt Man made what I think is the best point. It's a double standard, but I think it has less to do with men being expected to cheat, or women being in love with anyone.
The double standard bites us in the ass here, I think: When women pursue, or playfully accept the pursuit of, a man then she is "exploring her sexuality", regardless of whether her actions violate any moral standard. When men do it, we're just being ass holes. In the end, it yet again sucks to be male...

So you get one or two backlashes, and you immediately start crying?

I'd like to quote from the Swedish poet, Sonja Åkesson, who wrote about the double standard between men and women.

You get fat.
I get impressive.

You grow old.
I become distinguished.

You bitch and whine.
I state my opnion.

You gossip.
I am being social.

You're pining.
I'm horny.


The poem is muuuuuuuch longer, but I can't remember it all by heart.

 

[NoJo]

I'm still anxious to hear what ReturnedOne thinks of the aforeposted scrawlings.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Most women think Men are pigs, so therefore all men act like pigs, right? Another generalization, but one that furthers women's supremacy over men, right? Watch any sit-com, and you'll see every subtle hint possible about how every male from puberty on is dumber than dog shit, and ruled by their dick. How they rationalize this after having the boy previously as a mensa student is beyond me, but again, women love it so it stays that way.

*snip*

Because women say they need a reason to cheat, and men only need another warm body to cheat. This generalization, also a falsehood, is kept alive because it benefits women's ideas of their own self worth, and inner thought processes.

This is what I call the False Compliment. It's mostly common on TV, but you also see it in daily life. Women may not get equal pay for the same jobs, and they may not get fair credit for their academic endeavours, but in sit-coms and commercials, (where women always see through men's boyish attempts to escape boring duties to have fun with the other guys or get inside a woman's panties) they get patted on the back with the fact that atleast they're more clever than men, even though they never get credit for it.

This is a False Compliment. First of all, because it's not true, and the men who try to tell women that they are more clever than men don't really mean it. Second, because being clever isn't worth very much if you still can't get what you want.

So why do women buy this crap? Why are we so eager to, as Dirt Man says, keep a generalization alive in order to boost our own self worth? Could it be because we desperately NEED that boost, as Reality throws in our face every day that we're not regarded as being men's equals?

If men would stop patronizing women, women would stop doing the same about the men - and then sit-coms would show men and women showing respect for each other, being open and honest with each other, and being able to enjoy sex at the same level and for the same reasons.

 

[NoJo]

If men would stop patronizing women, women would stop doing the same about the men

I'm impressed -- That's a pretty astute observation, for a woman. Well done!

 

[pop_54]

hmmmm

I cheated at strip poker once, had her naked in minutes, does that count.

Oh and Svenska love, when I came clean and admitted it to her, being honest like, she smacked me in the gob.


pops................

 

[MathGirl]

Re: Re: SHs

not even someone elses?

Nope. One man woman here.

EmmGee

 

[MathGirl]

$#%&^*!!

I'm impressed -- That's a pretty astute observation, for a woman. Well done!

%#$^&(*!!patronizing sob&^%!$#%&^!!

 

[Svenskaflicka]

I'm impressed -- That's a pretty astute observation, for a woman. Well done!

I can turn YOU into a woman, if you'd like...

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: hmmmm

I cheated at strip poker once, had her naked in minutes, does that count.

Oh and Svenska love, when I came clean and admitted it to her, being honest like, she smacked me in the gob.


pops................

I'm not sure what a "gob" is, but I must say that I think you deserved being smacked in it.

 

[NoJo]

I can turn YOU into a woman, if you'd like...

Svenska, PM or mail me,and we can discuss the details...

 

[Quiet_Cool]

So you get one or two backlashes, and you immediately start crying?

What? One or two? First off, I'll take credit if you misunderstood when I said "the double standard bites us in the ass." I meant "us" as in those of us here who are trying to figure this thing out, not men. As for the comment about it sucking to be men, well, it does, even though I was making the statement more as a joke than anything else.
You have a habit of jumping to conclusions when it really isn't necessary...

As far as the peom goes, it's interesting how the examples posted all made men look to be on the better end of the standard. Truth is, neither side gets the better of the other, at least in terms of the standard. Where men gain an advantage here, women gain one there...in the end, it sucks from either perspective.

Svenskaflicka:

"If men would stop patronizing women, women would stop doing the same about the men - and then sit-coms would show men and women showing respect for each other, being open and honest with each other, and being able to enjoy sex at the same level and for the same reasons."

We don't patronize you any more than you patronize us, truth be told, and now and again, even on the boards here, it should be told. And no matter what we did about whatever patronization, if we managed to take it to a total halt, the sit-coms would still not have the characters acting toward each other with respect, because that's just not funny to most people. That's where a lot of our societal problems have come from nowadays. Art imitates life, but in a more up front manner, then we imitate it, then it imitates us. By now, we've gotten to the point where few things are sacred in the media, and fewer in our personal lives, including things such as this double-standard, among other things.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

And no matter what we did about whatever patronization, if we managed to take it to a total halt, the sit-coms would still not have the characters acting toward each other with respect, because that's just not funny to most people. That's where a lot of our societal problems have come from nowadays. Art imitates life, but in a more up front manner, then we imitate it, then it imitates us.

It reminds me of another poem, a short one:

Oh, so there it is.
The Sea.
Just like in the Louvre.

At this point in history, we don't only have art imitating life, but also life imitating art, just like you said.
Media reports what it sees in real life, (or so they claim) and then people act like the people they see on TV, thereby reinforcing the media's claim that "that's how people act", and it goes round and round like a rat in a treadmill.

The only way to stop the clichés, is to stop laughing at them. Freeze them out.

 

[MathGirl]

Television (ugh)

The only way to stop the clichés, is to stop laughing at them. Freeze them out.

Dear Svenska,
You could also take my approach. Don't watch television.
MG

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Re: Television (ugh)

Dear Svenska,
You could also take my approach. Don't watch television.
MG

The only TV I watch is Swedish satire programs, like "The Parliament"(political satire) and "Time Out" (sport satire).

 

[TrinaT]

Having been on the receiving end of the feelings resulting from cheating husbands, I pose this question. Why do men feel it is quite alright to cheat on their wives but if their wives cheat, they get insulted and angry?

It would seem that this is a double standard, one that has been experienced by many women I'm sure. I've read many articles that indicate women react emotionally and men react physically. If a woman just wants to go out and just fuck no strings attached a physical urge needing to be satisfied, she's considered sluttish, where as a man acting in the same manner is considered a player with a pat on the back from his friends.

Trina T.

 

[MathGirl]

What double standard?

It would seem that this is a double standard, one that has been experienced by many women I'm sure.

Dear Trina,
Double standard? What a novel idea. I'm sure there must be some reasonable explanation. Something like that surely couldn't exist in this day and age.
MG

 

[Dirt Man]

And finally my point is made perfectly clear...

Having been on the receiving end of the feelings resulting from cheating husbands, I pose this question. Why do men feel it is quite alright to cheat on their wives but if their wives cheat, they get insulted and angry?

And there you have it, the reason there aren't that many husbands cheating on wives stories written.

If a woman just wants to go out and just fuck no strings attached a physical urge needing to be satisfied, she's considered sluttish, where as a man acting in the same manner is considered a player with a pat on the back from his friends.

Personally, I consider that kind of a man to be a slut also Trina. But that's just my opinion. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and the trust that supports it. Even when both partners are into swinging with others it is a mutual decision, or it shouldn't be done at all. And that's just my opinion. And by the way, some of my best friends were sluts right up and until they got married, and settled down.

DM

 

[Svenskaflicka]

That's the whole point, Tina. Men have been told that the best thing in the world to be, is a man. Not being a man is a horrible punishment. Being less than 100% manly means that you risk becoming labeled "not man", and to avoid this horrible destiny, men are eager to act as manly as possible. In order to draw clear lines about what is manly and what is not, men want men to act this way, and women the exact opposite way. Then there's no confusion. So, if a man wants to fool around - which is a rather nice activity that most men enjoy - then women must be discouraged from doing the same thing, or the activity looses its status of being a thing for the men. A man who's slutty is manly. A woman who's slutty is moving in on male territory, making the sluttiness less manly, making men who enjoy being sluts seem less manly, and this, ofcourse, mustn't be.
So, in order to scare women away from sluttiness, they sneer on female sluttiness, saying that it's wrong and unnatural, compared to male sluttiness, which is natural and wholesom.

In order for a man to feel really manly, a woman must act the exact opposite of a man. In order for a man to feel like a man, women have to act like queers.

What if we would stop focusing so bloody much on gender, and concentrate on being human beings instead..?

 

[TrinaT]

Re: And finally my point is made perfectly clear...

Personally, I consider that kind of a man to be a slut also Trina. But that's just my opinion. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, and the trust that supports it. Even when both partners are into swinging with others it is a mutual decision, or it shouldn't be done at all. And that's just my opinion. And by the way, some of my best friends were sluts right up and until they got married, and settled down.

DM

DM,

Your opinions are just as valid as anyone else's. I also believe in the sanctity of marriage although I may write about the opposite. I also agree that swinging should be a mutual decision. In my humble opinion, I do believe that stories about cheating husbands would have interesting twists.

It is also my opinion that there are just as many men out there that have been hurt by cheating wives; they just don't talk about it as much as women talk about their cheating husbands.

Trina T.

 

[Quiet_Cool]

That's the whole point, Tina. Men have been told that the best thing in the world to be, is a man. Not being a man is a horrible punishment. Being less than 100% manly means that you risk becoming labeled "not man", and to avoid this horrible destiny, men are eager to act as manly as possible. In order to draw clear lines about what is manly and what is not, men want men to act this way, and women the exact opposite way. Then there's no confusion. So, if a man wants to fool around - which is a rather nice activity that most men enjoy - then women must be discouraged from doing the same thing, or the activity looses its status of being a thing for the men. A man who's slutty is manly. A woman who's slutty is moving in on male territory, making the sluttiness less manly, making men who enjoy being sluts seem less manly, and this, ofcourse, mustn't be.
So, in order to scare women away from sluttiness, they sneer on female sluttiness, saying that it's wrong and unnatural, compared to male sluttiness, which is natural and wholesom.

In order for a man to feel really manly, a woman must act the exact opposite of a man. In order for a man to feel like a man, women have to act like queers.

What if we would stop focusing so bloody much on gender, and concentrate on being human beings instead..?

Nicely said...
I mean the last phrase (the one I put in italics), the rest is horseshit (not that Svenskaflicka and I ever disagree... ).
Truth be told, women and men alike (not that anyone necessarily contradicted this in thier statements) both support this double standard, as is the case with most of those standards. Case in point: A guy I know (who happens to call himself a "player") has been with the same girl for nearly 12 years. He has children to other women that are younger than 12, he has slept with more women in the last year than I've desired in the last year (and that's a notable number of women) and the women around him, at least those that both he and I know, don't disapprove of his behavior any more than the men do. It isn't that his behavior is totally accepted, but accepted and forgiven to the point where they'll defend him to others who disapprove. Now, we both used to know another who sleeps around, who happens to be female, and the same girls referred to her as a slut and a whore. I agree that men are expected to be "manly" but what really makes us men isn't what tends to be associated with "manly" behavior by either gender. In fact, it tends be a good bit different than what is generally respected by people in general. You're expected to fight when someone calls you a name? A man puts his pride aside walks away is what I was always taught. Why risk getting hurt or hurting someone else over pride? Isn't walking away the most responsible thing here? And being responsible is a key point to being a man, yes? Problem is, people in groups are dumb, and social acceptance is too important. So what you should be, and what society wants you to be (or appear to be, as the case usually is) are two very different things.
As a wise man (or woman) once said: Life's a bitch, then you die. Not quite a Scandanavian poetic reference, but it makes a solid point.

 

[Svenskaflicka]

Nicely said...
I mean the last phrase (the one I put in italics), the rest is horseshit (not that Svenskaflicka and I ever disagree... ).

The thing I like about our discussions is the respect you always show my opinions even though you don't agree with me...

Truth be told, women and men alike (not that anyone necessarily contradicted this in thier statements) both support this double standard, as is the case with most of those standards.

Ofcourse both men and women have double standards! Now why would a woman defend a man's sluttiness but call a slutty woman a whore? To show that she's not like that woman! That she has recognized the hidden message, that it's OK for men to sluts, but not for women. By showing contempt for the slutty woman, she seeks the approval of the patriarchic society.

As a wise man (or woman) once said: Life's a bitch, then you die. Not quite a Scandanavian poetic reference, but it makes a solid point.

I prefer the Reincarnation theory.
Life sucks, and then you die, and then life sucks again...

 

[Quiet_Cool]

The thing I like about our discussions is the respect you always show my opinions even though you don't agree with me...

I mean no disrespect in my arguments...it just happens to fall that way with my wording. And I mean, really. Is horseshit such a bad thing?

I prefer the Reincarnation theory.
Life sucks, and then you die, and then life sucks again...

*shaking head vigorously*
This is why I am not religious (well, one of many reasons why). I don't like the idea that life continues to suck after death, and I surely don't like the idea that life will end just to start sucking all over again.

I hear what you're saying about her wanting approval, but many men act that way for the same reasons, and those of us who defy that, face the ridicule of both, which is sad in this day and age. As far as the double-standard goes, you were right. We need to focus on being individuals instead of submitting to gender based (or should I say "biased") stereotypes.