Latest kinky poem now out. feedback please

[Maria2394]

oops!! my 2 cents was WAAAY overvalued and in the wrong thread...sorry Sissy adele

 

[flyguy69]

I suspect what you really wanted was attention. And you have gotten a good deal more than this text deserves!

Best of luck with your trilogy.

 

[Angeline]

Looks like you pulled one out for the thread. No worries starting over YET. There are 24 poems/days still left

Bastard.

 

[flyguy69]

Bastard.

Nice juxtaposition!

 

[Liar]

Well, for what it's worth, here's what I think:

1. Using literary devices (metaphors, assonance, similies...) does not a poem make. Those are used frequently in regular prose too.

2. Dividing text into stanzas does not automatically a poem make either. It may appear to look like one, but is it?

3. You could work on the punctuation a bit, I guess.

4. But really...poetry or prose...WHO CARES?!? As prose I fucking love it. Not the content (Not my bag, yuck and ew!) but the style. It swings like an Irish drunken brawl and makes no excuses for anything. Flash fiction that packs a punch, and then some.

 

[Angeline]

Nice juxtaposition!

Sneaky, aren't you?

 

[flyguy69]

Sneaky, aren't you?

Just giving you one more reason to procrastinate on the thirty thread!

 

[Angeline]

Just giving you one more reason to procrastinate on the thirty thread!

Hey, I'm good to go until tomorrow. Neobolical said so.

I have a new approach. I wake up early (ok I always do that anyway), but then I allow myself only a bathroom trip before I write the poem. I have a feeling that writing before my head clears enough to think is good for my poetry. I only fell down on the job today because I felt too crummy to do much of anything until--well erm fairly recently.

 

[annaswirls]

My brain needs steel wool too!

hmm... I do not have any steel wool, but could improvise with something besides I like your brain as is

 

[annaswirls]

Hey, I'm good to go until tomorrow. Neobolical said so.

I have a new approach. I wake up early (ok I always do that anyway), but then I allow myself only a bathroom trip before I write the poem. I have a feeling that writing before my head clears enough to think is good for my poetry. I only fell down on the job today because I felt too crummy to do much of anything until--well erm fairly recently.

um maybe you should write during your bathroom trip, I know one poet who would be very interested in the results

 

[eagleyez]

Hey, I'm good to go until tomorrow. Neobolical said so.

I have a new approach. I wake up early (ok I always do that anyway), but then I allow myself only a bathroom trip before I write the poem. I have a feeling that writing before my head clears enough to think is good for my poetry. I only fell down on the job today because I felt too crummy to do much of anything until--well erm fairly recently.

Reminds me, sort of a Dream Journal.

You are the dream and Im the dreamer.

I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours.

(and you thought I was only sleeping)

 

[eagleyez]

um maybe you should write during your bathroom trip, I know one poet who would be very interested in the results

Is that so?

I never considered you...for lack of a better term, basic.

Live and learn, I reckon.

 

[Angeline]

Reminds me, sort of a Dream Journal.

You are the dream and Im the dreamer.

I'll let you be in my dream if I can be in yours.

(and you thought I was only sleeping)

You must be the poet Anna referred to in her post.

I dreamed about you last night, you know. And then I woke up...and you were right there.

 

[wildsweetone]

You must be the poet Anna referred to in her post.

I dreamed about you last night, you know. And then I woke up...and you were right there.

some people have all the luck.

i tried doing that with Brad Pitt once, and it didn't work.

maybe i should try it with ee instead.

 

[annaswirls]

You must be the poet Anna referred to in her post.

I dreamed about you last night, you know. And then I woke up...and you were right there.

I was actually referring to the poem in the thread, but my potty humor is not what it used to be.

I dreamed that I was being eaten by a bear and woke up and there was my cat, attacking my hair like it were a wild beast that had to be killed.

 

[annaswirls]

Is that so?

I never considered you...for lack of a better term, basic.

Live and learn, I reckon.

basic, acidic, guess I have been both
thrown into a 5th grade science project
bubblin volcano
pop rocks
alka seltzer magic pens
all comes out neutral in the end.

 

[Angeline]

basic, acidic, guess I have been both
thrown into a 5th grade science project
bubblin volcano
pop rocks
alka seltzer magic pens
all comes out neutral in the end.

my ph is all over the map.

it was the fruitfly and ether experiment

*zonk*



edited to add ee here on whatshernames puter *whoops*

 

[wildsweetone]

my ph is all over the map.

it was the fruitfly and ether experiment

*zonk*



edited to add ee here on whatshernames puter *whoops*

did that have anything to do with a giraffe perchance? why do i recall a giraffe?


Eve???

 

[Angeline]

did that have anything to do with a giraffe perchance? why do i recall a giraffe?


Eve???

The giraffe is *Catbabe's* fault. Totally.

ee didn't know about the giraffe...until now. He's taking it well, which is to say he has no idea what I'm talking about.

 

[eagleyez]

some people have all the luck.

i tried doing that with Brad Pitt once, and it didn't work.

maybe i should try it with ee instead.

Well, ya know, I've always wanted to tromp around NZ, Austrailair, Tazzy, etc.

Have a friend who regularly goes to Melbourne on Biz, my ex lived in Alice Springs for a couple of years. Nothing but great reports by them, as well as all the reading Ive done about the region.

As for Brad Pitt, well, Ange dreamed I had Steve Martin helmet hair the other night. She woke up cackling, and I wondered what all the who-ha was about.

We could sit by a stream and conjure up automatic raunchy poems, eh?

I travel light, complete with Baloney Feet. And plaid jammy pants, and last I checked, I still have a pulse.

So sure, WSO, click your heels 3 times and I'll dream a little dream.



T.

edited to add: sorry for the incessant hijacks in your thread. Im with Liar on this one. Dont know really what to call it, but WTF, it has a kneeslappin sort of swing to it. I sure as hell aint a purist, and my advice is to keep writing.

 

[wildsweetone]

The giraffe is *Catbabe's* fault. Totally.

ee didn't know about the giraffe...until now. He's taking it well, which is to say he has no idea what I'm talking about.

of course it was *Catbabe*! i just thought that Eve would know all about it too. Sorry you had to tell ee, i hope it didn't give him nightmares.

 

[wildsweetone]

Well, ya know, I've always wanted to tromp around NZ, Austrailair, Tazzy, etc.

Have a friend who regularly goes to Melbourne on Biz, my ex lived in Alice Springs for a couple of years. Nothing but great reports by them, as well as all the reading Ive done about the region.

As for Brad Pitt, well, Ange dreamed I had Steve Martin helmet hair the other night. She woke up cackling, and I wondered what all the who-ha was about.

We could sit by a stream and conjure up automatic raunchy poems, eh?

I travel light, complete with Baloney Feet. And plaid jammy pants, and last I checked, I still have a pulse.

So sure, WSO, click your heels 3 times and I'll dream a little dream.



T.

edited to add: sorry for the incessant hijacks in your thread. Im with Liar on this one. Dont know really what to call it, but WTF, it has a kneeslappin sort of swing to it. I sure as hell aint a purist, and my advice is to keep writing.

i just have to say... of course the Aussies are going to say great things about their continent... did they mention the snakes and flies? ---no!!! i don't want to know! lol

Baloney Feet and plaid jim jam pants would probably fit right in here. you'd (both!) be welcome anytime you wanted to tromp around here.

*clickin' heels* and dreaming nice-as-pie dreams

 

[WickedEve]

did that have anything to do with a giraffe perchance? why do i recall a giraffe?


Eve???

After all this time I still don't know what the giraffe is about!
Did you know that giraffes give birth standing up? They drop the baby six feet to the ground. I should have had my kids that way.

 

[wildsweetone]

After all this time I still don't know what the giraffe is about!
Did you know that giraffes give birth standing up? They drop the baby six feet to the ground. I should have had my kids that way.

good grief!

i know some kids who might've been born like that, lovely lil darlin's they are

do elephants stand up whilst giving birth too?

i always thought it was wicked enough for calves and sheep and deer but that giraffe thing just makes me cringe.

 

[annaswirls]

does the giraffe come with vegamite?