Leahaven

[LeaHaven]

I was responding to a dm, and I wrote this:

Someone told me that I should consider creating a blog on bdsmlr. Never heard of it, but I went looking, and OMFG!! The pictures were horrific! I wish I had never seen them! So, I don't think we are bdsm people. I don't know what we are, but I am never going anywhere near what I saw in those pictures!

The person who made the suggestion warned me that I might see stuff I did not like, but he said I didn't have to visit those extreme sites. I could keep to my own blog. That is all fine and good, but the point is that, having seen all that, I don't think Robbie and I are bdsm people, and I not sure this thread is in the right place. From what I have read on here, I think we are flr.

I did not create a blog. I started this thread instead, and I really appreciate the comments and the dm's you all have contributed. Some of you have suggested I "train" Robbie, but I hope you know that you have trained me. Two years ago, I had never even heard of this stuff. Over a year ago, I saw a picture on this site of a guy's junk in a cage, and I was like, WTF??? Look where we are now.

 

[cascadiabound]

BDSM is a huge range of activities, preferences and behaviors. You might check the stickies at the top of this forum (BDSM talk) for some helpful resources and definitions. I think of the range of BDSM like a buffet. It has lots of options - stuff I love, stuff I wanna eat all the time, stuff I want occasionally and stuff I'm allergic to or just don't like. I get to pick exactly what I want and leave the rest.

I checked out bdsmlr (quite awhile ago) - it's not a site that works for me either. And similarly there are some threads I avoid on Lit and boards I rarely if ever visit. There are people who post things I find to be not of any interest to me (and actually upset me because of the violence or extreme kinks) and I have put them on iggy so I don't have to see their posts.

I know you are trying to figure out if you put this thread in the right place. I think you did. While you could have the mods move your thread to Fet or to the Playground, I don't think you'll get the useful comments and encouragement you are getting here.

I am definitely a kinky girl. I like lots of things on the BDSM buffet while other things squick me out (there is a new thread on that topic here in the Cafe). This thread is a place for you to try to sort out sexuality and more in your marriage and get some input/feedback from the kinky community.

You and your husband are exploring power dynamics in your life/sexuality. You are using toys that help reinforce those dynamics. It is, IMHO, a flavor of BDSM. However, it doesn't matter what you call it. Labels are only useful as far as they help you to have language to discuss things and try to understand yourself and others.

You do you. Figure it out. Try things. Adjust. Figure it out some more. Adjust again. As long as we are alive and curious we keep changing in these things. There are things I'm still discovering about what gets my engine running.

May your evolution be long, fun and fulfilling.