Lesbian sex : The Thread

[SophiaY]

“Femme” has become shorthand for those of us who don’t affect either an androgynous or “masculine” look, but the terms does come out of the butch/femme community (both labels became popular starting in the 1940’s) with the very specific meaning that I wrote about.
Femme has become adopted because there is a lack of a suitable label (lipstick lesbian is a pejorative) – why we seem to need labels is a whole other, depressing, comment on society.

Most femmes, particularly older ones, that I have known are not interested in other femmes (there are exceptions, there always are), as most butch are not interested in other butch women. There is more crossover than there was, when say a butch who dated another butch would be ostracized. There’s more “gender-bending” among younger lesbians. However, that is on the margins.

Most of us conform to mainstream ideas about how and woman should look and act, outside of our emotional and sexual involvement’s, and those in butch/femme community conform to traditional roles – they duet with their counterparts, butch with femme.

Yeah, in a lot of ways it is silly -- but the deisre to fit into a niche, society's desire to place us into a niche, can be powerful. Very few of us can be like Whitman:

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then. I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes...

 

[danae03]

I just love everyone!!

“Femme” has become shorthand for those of us who don’t affect either an androgynous or “masculine” look, but the terms does come out of the butch/femme community (both labels became popular starting in the 1940’s) with the very specific meaning that I wrote about.
Femme has become adopted because there is a lack of a suitable label (lipstick lesbian is a pejorative) – why we seem to need labels is a whole other, depressing, comment on society.

Most femmes, particularly older ones, that I have known are not interested in other femmes (there are exceptions, there always are), as most butch are not interested in other butch women. There is more crossover than there was, when say a butch who dated another butch would be ostracized. There’s more “gender-bending” among younger lesbians. However, that is on the margins.

Most of us conform to mainstream ideas about how and woman should look and act, outside of our emotional and sexual involvement’s, and those in butch/femme community conform to traditional roles – they duet with their counterparts, butch with femme.

Yeah, in a lot of ways it is silly -- but the deisre to fit into a niche, society's desire to place us into a niche, can be powerful. Very few of us can be like Whitman:

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then. I contradict myself.
I am large. I contain multitudes...

 

[SophiaY]

"The heart doesn't always follow the body.

The body doesn't always lead the heart..."


Said the wise woman living in the forest...

 

[Anniejustagirl]

Ok lets talk fav positions. Discuss.

So many moods so many positions....
i think today i'm in the mood for seeing her on her tummy, her hands cradling her face... a hot day... you can see the sweat trickling down her spine to pool at the small of her back, just above that glorious ass. I quietly approach the bed and let my tongue and fingers begin their exploration of her heals... her ankles... the backs of her calves... lingering behind her knees... teasing... tasting...testing. She shivers but does not move. Slowly wandering up her thighs and then sinking my teeth gently into one cheek while my hand kneeds the other. My sweat mingles with hers as i slowly stradle her hips and lean to nibble her nape. More sweat... laced with her subtle perfume which never fails to drive me to distraction... i lower my length fully onto hers and revel in the electric contact of hot wet skin. My hands trace the curve of her shoulders and slide between her and the mattress to cup her breasts and together we melt in the heat.

and that's where i want to start today.... with a mood... more than a position....

 

[SophiaY]

with a mood... more than a position....

The architecture of desire -- form following function.

Or, more aptly, "Form and function should be one, joined in a spiritual union."

 

[orestes_19]

Femme or butch?

OK, all this femme/butch stuff confuses me. I'll tell you guys what I'm like and you tell me...

I have long hair, gorgeous nails and a lot of shoes. I always wear heels. But i like the way I look best in my ice hockey cap (go leafs).

I am a mountain biker, a competitive sportswoman and I work at a recreation center. But I will cry if some one yells at me. My feelings get hurt easilly.

I top women. I love femme girls. Even when i like androgenous/boyish looking girls i want to top them. Most of my friends are men and i am happiest in a male environment (i.e. law school). But, my closest friends are girls.

I don't want to outwardly look like the 'man' (or butch) in the relationship.

So it really makes no sense to me to be one or the other. Is it an outdated concept? Do you notice that younger lesbians don't seem to define them selves as one or other now? All ideas, not opinions...

 

[pinktequila]

i feel the same way often.. i like to look and feel feminine but i mostly only like other femme girls, and i definitely like to top i would be comfortable in a switching role but i think i lean more towards the top. i cant see myself changing anything to fit into a norm.

 

[SophiaY]

OK, all this femme/butch stuff confuses me. I'll tell you guys what I'm like and you tell me...

I have long hair, gorgeous nails and a lot of shoes. I always wear heels. But i like the way I look best in my ice hockey cap (go leafs).

I am a mountain biker, a competitive sportswoman and I work at a recreation center. But I will cry if some one yells at me. My feelings get hurt easilly.

I top women. I love femme girls. Even when i like androgenous/boyish looking girls i want to top them. Most of my friends are men and i am happiest in a male environment (i.e. law school). But, my closest friends are girls.

I don't want to outwardly look like the 'man' (or butch) in the relationship.

So it really makes no sense to me to be one or the other. Is it an outdated concept? Do you notice that younger lesbians don't seem to define them selves as one or other now? All ideas, not opinions...

Okay, maybe I can clarify some things for you all.

First, most women don’t identify themselves as either butch or femme – those are, and always have been, a minority within our minority.

During the 40’s to around the late 60’s, most of us were closeted, about the only open lesbian society was butch/femme. So if you came out, and wanted to be with others, they were the resource, the haven. Consequently, a lot of women tried to fit into that space – some more successful than others.
Starting in the 70’s, things changed. More and more women came out, and the feminist movement began to have a strong impact on attitudes – particularly to what was seen as “traditional” values among butch and femmes. This was a period when a lot of women adopted the “flannel dyke” persona – not butch, not femme, sometimes androgynous, sometimes just an avoidance of societal norms in terms of how women should look.
In the 80’s, things began to break even looser. From Joan Jett grrls, to lipstick lesbians (a sneering term, like Valley Girls), to Stevie Nicks lookalikes (raising a guilty hand), to early Goth, to “soft” butch (soft and butch weren’t words used together earlier), to power femmes, to just want-to-live-my-life-without lying woman next door – the last being the largest group, as they still are.
Butch and femme became part of the rainbow, a slender part in fact.
One thing that did happen in the 90’s is a certain reclaiming of validity (sheesh, that sounds so academic), by butch and femme women – they don’t want be considered outsiders, marginal by the rest.

As for top or bottom, that’s sexual preference, not really an identity. It turns you on to make a woman writhe and moan, fine. You like being the follower in the dance rather than leading, fine. You like both, depending on your mood and the woman, and the phase of the moon, fine. It doesn’t have anything directly to do with your psychological gender role.

Any clearer?

 

[Guest]

Okay, maybe I can clarify some things for you all.

First, most women don’t identify themselves as either butch or femme – those are, and always have been, a minority within our minority.

During the 40’s to around the late 60’s, most of us were closeted, about the only open lesbian society was butch/femme. So if you came out, and wanted to be with others, they were the resource, the haven. Consequently, a lot of women tried to fit into that space – some more successful than others.
Starting in the 70’s, things changed. More and more women came out, and the feminist movement began to have a strong impact on attitudes – particularly to what was seen as “traditional” values among butch and femmes. This was a period when a lot of women adopted the “flannel dyke” persona – not butch, not femme, sometimes androgynous, sometimes just an avoidance of societal norms in terms of how women should look.
In the 80’s, things began to break even looser. From Joan Jett grrls, to lipstick lesbians (a sneering term, like Valley Girls), to Stevie Nicks lookalikes (raising a guilty hand), to early Goth, to “soft” butch (soft and butch weren’t words used together earlier), to power femmes, to just want-to-live-my-life-without lying woman next door – the last being the largest group, as they still are.
Butch and femme became part of the rainbow, a slender part in fact.
One thing that did happen in the 90’s is a certain reclaiming of validity (sheesh, that sounds so academic), by butch and femme women – they don’t want be considered outsiders, marginal by the rest.

As for top or bottom, that’s sexual preference, not really an identity. It turns you on to make a woman writhe and moan, fine. You like being the follower in the dance rather than leading, fine. You like both, depending on your mood and the woman, and the phase of the moon, fine. It doesn’t have anything directly to do with your psychological gender role.

Any clearer?

oooooh i lurve the way you write late at night. Yummm, cupcake!

 

[SophiaY]

Blame it on listening to Joanie Mitchell at night -- her music makes me feel smarter

(yeah, laughing)

 

[orestes_19]

Okay, maybe I can clarify some things for you all.

First, most women don’t identify themselves as either butch or femme – those are, and always have been, a minority within our minority.

During the 40’s to around the late 60’s, most of us were closeted, about the only open lesbian society was butch/femme. So if you came out, and wanted to be with others, they were the resource, the haven. Consequently, a lot of women tried to fit into that space – some more successful than others.
Starting in the 70’s, things changed. More and more women came out, and the feminist movement began to have a strong impact on attitudes – particularly to what was seen as “traditional” values among butch and femmes. This was a period when a lot of women adopted the “flannel dyke” persona – not butch, not femme, sometimes androgynous, sometimes just an avoidance of societal norms in terms of how women should look.
In the 80’s, things began to break even looser. From Joan Jett grrls, to lipstick lesbians (a sneering term, like Valley Girls), to Stevie Nicks lookalikes (raising a guilty hand), to early Goth, to “soft” butch (soft and butch weren’t words used together earlier), to power femmes, to just want-to-live-my-life-without lying woman next door – the last being the largest group, as they still are.
Butch and femme became part of the rainbow, a slender part in fact.
One thing that did happen in the 90’s is a certain reclaiming of validity (sheesh, that sounds so academic), by butch and femme women – they don’t want be considered outsiders, marginal by the rest.

As for top or bottom, that’s sexual preference, not really an identity. It turns you on to make a woman writhe and moan, fine. You like being the follower in the dance rather than leading, fine. You like both, depending on your mood and the woman, and the phase of the moon, fine. It doesn’t have anything directly to do with your psychological gender role.

Any clearer?

Yup, clearer. Definately the bit about sexual pref and gender role being different. cheers.

The writhing and moaning bit was good too....

 

[Anniejustagirl]

So it really makes no sense to me to be one or the other. Is it an outdated concept? Do you notice that younger lesbians don't seem to define them selves as one or other now? All ideas, not opinions...

Yeah?! but what if you are a soft butch in appearance.... i'm not a huge fan of labels, but....

online in particular... i shout soft butch to the heavens as i don't like getting slammed for the fact that i 'look gay' (yeah right) when i do see a girl in face time or exchange pix. Just because i have always been comfortable dressing the way i do...does not mean that i am not ALL woman... just not a girly girl... and as i have seen stated over and over again, both here and all over the net... so many girls are looking for femme or girly girls... well i ain't girly.... can't do frou frou... never have been able too.... i'd shuck the girly clothes and go nakey from the time i was old enough to squirm out of them.

If labels are outdated why do so many define and label me simply because of the clothes that i choose to wear or the short hair that i have.... I ride a bike... short hair just Works better.... seriously.... i'm still all woman

and that's my rant for now

 

[Guest]

bumpity

:d :d

 

[Anniejustagirl]

:d :d

Tribbing are we?

 

[Guest]

Tribbing are we?

trippin

 

[ammre]

I'm the asshole who hasne't read all the posts yet, so i don't know if this was mentioned but along the idea of STI's, HSV (herpes) is easially spread. It's a skin to skin infection so if you have it on your mouth and you're going down on someone you can give them the disease there... it's also possible to spread it into the mucas areas of the nose and eyes.
I've also known some people who don't realize that cold sores are herpes.

then on yeast infections, i get them whenever i take antibiotics, i find taking probiotic pills will counter the effects (i don't like yogurt), i wonder if taking the pro-biotic pills will help for the eating out/ yeast infection connundrum.

 

[SophiaY]

Pillow Queens

"A Pillow Queen is someone who likes to be on the receiving end of sex. She likes to be pleasured and not reciprocate."

There are some who are happy with a partner who only asks to receive, but it can be an almost literal pain otherwise...

Personally, I haven't had that lack of pleasure since college days -- girls who thought if they were completely passive in bed that would be mean that they weren't really queer.

 

[Nirvanadragones]

"A Pillow Queen is someone who likes to be on the receiving end of sex. She likes to be pleasured and not reciprocate."

There are some who are happy with a partner who only asks to receive, but it can be an almost literal pain otherwise...

Personally, I haven't had that lack of pleasure since college days -- girls who thought if they were completely passive in bed that would be mean that they weren't really queer.

Would that be the opposite of a stone butch? Enquiring minds want to know...

 

[SophiaY]

Pretty much so, although that might be unfair to Stones -- from my understanding, most at least prefer some emotional dialogue in bed if not physical reciprocity and their partners know that.
A pillow queen is simply a taker, if she gets off, then she asssumes that is all that is wanted, or needed.

 

[LaFemmeNicole]

Crash Pad

Oh my god, I've got to have a copy of that movie!! Where can I get it. The trailer looks like a scenario of my deepest desires. I want and need that kind of erotica and if it takes a short haired butch fisting me or two women taking turns on my face I got to have that kind of passion!!!

But, normally I like the "pillow girls"



Okay – I must have been channeling my college days (laughing).

On a different, more enticing note -- "Crash Pad" has to be the most erotic film in years![/COLOR]

http://216.69.170.64/crashpad/crashpad.mp4[/QUOTE]

 

[SophiaY]

I've been mentioning this film myself as one of the best.

This is their website:

http://www.pinkwhite.biz/Web/Pages/about.htm

 

[LaFemmeNicole]

Crash Pad review

I tell when I saw Roxie walk into that room I knew I wanted to be the one sitting in the bed waiting for her. Its the greatest girl/girl flick Ive ever seen

I've been mentioning this film myself as one of the best.

This is their website:

http://www.pinkwhite.biz/Web/Pages/about.htm