Lesbian story feedback requested

[JasonClearwater]

If he didn't want to read it, he shouldn't have read it. It's hard for me to not think he read and critiqued it because he wanted to tear it it based on the subject matter.

I've seen him write some very good commentary. It is often unnecessarily brutal, but usually well reasoned. This just looked like a hatchet job.

Fair enough. I suppose it never occurred to me that someone would put effort into deliberately being a bastard, but it does happen. But he had more technical feedback than I could provide, some of which I didn't agree with. Nitpicking, sure, but MD's a very competent writer, who takes these things into consideration. Very little is there without intent, which I appreciate.

I just think there's a line between harsh critic and bigot. You get a mixed bag when you ask for criticism. If someone hasn't understood the story, makes it hard for them to give you feedback that's valuable.

MD's helped me out before, which I very much appreciate. I'd like to give some useful feedback back (later tonight). Well, as useful as it can be from me.

 

[AwkwardMD]

I accepted the criticism. His bigotry doesn't make all of the flaws he pointed out invalid, but it does make the motivations behind some of the ticky-tacky ones questionable.

I put my big girl pants on this morning, but this feels like one of those things that's bigger than me.

 

[KeithD]

I think it always unwise, and here as in years past in on this board, for someone who regularly gives critique on the board to also ask for it on the board. It often leads to defensiveness and fighting and usually involves mostly people sucking up to the requesting critiquer in hopes they will receive praise in the future when they ask for critique and also the occasional "Oh, yeah, you ain't so hot" from folks who has gotten unfavorable critique and "this is how to do it" instruction from the requestor in the past. And then, it also frequently leads to defensiveness and detailed rebuttal and ends with "well, so is yours, so stick up your youknowwhat."

I would think that one who usually gives critique would be savvy enough to pick out authors whose work they hold up as instructive for them just to ask for help privately. That way nobody has to bleed unnecessarily.

And now I expect to be attacked as well, for suggesting this. But, you know, I didn't just pick this concept out of the sky.

 

[AwkwardMD]

In most cases, when I'm asking, it's because I'm worried that my friends might be an echo chamber. Have I surrounded myself with too much like-mindedness, or did I actually pull of an unreliable narrator and a genuine plot twist?

I don't give very many good reviews out, but I always try to be fair about it and root the criticism is helping others improve.

I would love it if you would take a look at this, even given our combative past. Even if you just kept your opinion to yourself (although I would value that too).

 

[LWulf]

Are we rationing hads? Also, doesn’t saying “She never understood” turn that into an indictment of Des’ ability to comprehend love over the course of her entire life, where “She had never understood” captures her incredulity in the moment without condeming her to never get there?

If you got all of that from "had" then perhaps I am wrong.
I see had as the past tense of; to possess. Thus:
"She never possessed understanding"
to me is the same as,
"she never understood"
with one less, unnecessary word.

You are totally right on this, but I don’t honestly know how to fix that except to state at the beginning that this takes place in 2018.

...how about two years ago and six years ago? Regardless of the readers date, that would allow the story to be read as concurrent.

I think the word you intended here is correct, and you would be right.

No, I fell asleep because I was seriously lacking sleep when I started it and when I awoke, I found I totally lost my train of thought. I couldn't pick up where I left off and hoped I could pick it up again later. I didn't. What I was going to write was something much more verbose than "correct." However, "better suited" is what I was driving at.

I'm exceptionally skilled at splitting hairs, nuances that most people casually overlook.

If I’m reading this right, then it seems that you don’t understand how a woman can simply slide her hand down the front of her pants and touch herself. We don’t need to open our pants to pull anything out, and we can do it standing up.

Nope, you missed my point completely, but it was a small point anyway. My point was the furniture and your use of "in" in relation to which type of furniture.

Unhelpful. Is it or isn’t it a mistake?

I'm not cognizant enough to know. I was simply reiterating my College English Professor and she said: whenever you see "that that" it's typically, but not always wrong. It can almost always be phrased better without the reiteration.
[/professor reiteration]

This is one of the moments of foreshadowing that I feel like I failed the most. It’s disingenuous to third person, AND it’s disingenuous to the twist that comes later. I should have done better.

Don't go beating yourself up. You asked for a constructive critique. I gave one; some fair, some arguable. "Should have done it better" is a good attitude. It sounds like you are rallying to the challenge to do it better next time, which is the ultimate desired outcome of a constructive criticism.

No. I do not spoon-feed readers. Never have, never will. I write stories like jigsaw puzzles, and actively attempt to leave pieces out for the reader to make logical assumptions about. Right or wrong, that is my style.

My goal is not to write for the reader. They are not my purpose. I write as therapy, and I share my work because I’m proud of it. For me, the value of a story is in the catharsis of the tension and the crafting of the art. At least half of my submitted works are experiments like this.

First, your comment was regarding two unrelated thoughts.
Second, to use your analogy, I tried to express that I see your as being blank; a 10,000 piece white faced puzzle, with only the shapes to guide you what goes with what. Not as harsh as that, but your story needs a little more definition for people to recognize what parts to piece together.

Third, If you do it for therapy and catharsis, and don't give a toss about the reader, then why ask for a critique???

All writer's write for themselves, but more than that, they want someone else to understand. To read and interpret in a succession of order that the writer plays to. To me, this is what you were asking a critique for, not a bunch of glad-handing. Was I wrong?

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

(Mounts a High Horse)

One thing that Lit has given me is a wider perspective. I read Lesbian erotica for a different reason than I watched (mostly contrived and fake) lesbian porn years ago. Then I found it titillating. Now I appreciate the story and the beauty. I have recently read gay male stories and enjoyed the characters and story. I will never see a gay male story as a stroker, but I appreciate it because I took the trouble to see the humanity. There's way too much hate in the world for me to be concerned about who somebody loves and what body part(s) they put in what other body part(s). You can't catch gay. I still get aroused by Lesbian sex scenes. (I'm just a man, sometimes I think with my penis). But I also appreciate the story.

There are categories I am not interested in. Incest, non-con some fetishes and loving wives are not of any interest. The reasons are unimportant, but whatever floats your boat.

In the mean time Doc, you've got some great stuff.

 

[Alice_Rosaleen]

I see a critique as an opportunity to get the reader's perspective on what I've written because if I'm publishing it (even on Lit) I'm presenting it to an audience. I'm holding out my hand and saying "follow me on this journey". If I disagree with someone's criticism, I don't argue the point because that often discourages the kind of honest feedback I'm looking for.
I'm not calling anyone out for being passionate about their work. It takes a lot of bravery to show something so personal to the world. But it can also take a lot of bravery to tell someone what they truly think about it so you can be better at what you have a passion for.

 

[LWulf]

I glossed over this part here before in the spirit of being appreciative, but over the course of the day it has come to bug me more and more. If I wanted to be perfectly polite, I’d point out that it's fine for a specific fantasy or circumstance to not resonate strongly with the background of different readers. Responses to narrative are, of course, highly subjective, and that's a good thing. That's the point. We write narratives to explore our beliefs, biases, and subjectivities, and here on Lit those tend to manifest as porn/power/sex fantasies. Reducing critique to a clinical examination of objective story quality on a word-by-word basis is a reductive, shallow and unhelpful form of analysis.

Actually, I was simply trying to be honest by saying first and foremost why I wasn't all manner of "Oh my gosh! this is the bestest story evers! 4 realz!"

I didn't connect with an erotic tale about two women because, I don't relate to a woman diddling herself, and that's all I saw. I don't like a woman on woman porn as well, for the same reason. I like to see cock, because I like to imagine that I am that myself (However, even in that instance, I will still critique and say "I didn't like this because blah blah blah"). If I can't solidly insert myself as one of the characters, then I don't find it enjoyable. However, you don't need to enjoy "queer eye on the straight guy" to reach out and help someone, which is what I was trying to do.

Simply that and nothing more.

As far as what literotica is about, it's about writers and readers, and sometimes one helps the other. I don't know about you, but that's what I'm here for. If you only want people who enjoy the topic to comment, then might I suggest you specify that at the top of your future requests for critiques.

I will endeavor to remember that and never comment on your requests again.

By the way, I do hope you posted your story under psychodrama, as that is really the defining category when all else is brushed away. If you had said that instead of "lesbian," then not only would I have said "I'm not a fan of psychodrama stories" but I never would have started reading it to begin with, nor given critique.

 

[LWulf]

My impression is that he didn't care for the subject matter, so he wrote a hypercritical review in which he criticized phrases he had lifted out of out of context, made incredibly nitpicky complaints and misconstrued things that were perfectly clear.

I walked in on my NYIT English Lit class (LATE, so the class was underway), the professor was exasperated because he was extolling the virtues of Hemingway, who wrote in a fashion that confuses the average reader, and even some highbrow ones, but all the students were giving him was a confused look.

Within one minute of listening to him, I understood everything he was trying to say, raised my hand and reiterated it back to him, and he expressed that he was overjoyed that at least one person understood him.

Ever the ballsy and brash person I am, I raised my hand and said "Everyone probably understands you, they just don't believe you."

As to what, you've said, I didn't take things out of context. For instance, have you ever, or had done to you, where someone grabs your hips, or cupped your butt cheeks, and pulled you towards them to kiss you? That's how I read it, and almost instantly I thought, "wait, what? I must have read that wrong," and read it over and over until I understood how she meant it.

THAT is what I want to know when a reader has issue with one of my stories, and therefore gave comment. I MAY be hypercritical, and ALWAYS nitpicking, but I RARELY misconstrue what someone has written well enough to be understood. As I am with my own work.

 

[LWulf]

For the record, I stopped reading and commenting on this story, because I realized that I was potentially going to be making a lot of comments. Nobody could humanly appreciate that much, and therefore stopped. It wasn't because of the subject matter, which I could e̶a̶s̶i̶l̶y̶*̶ have read through to the end.

I was going to send a PM saying if you want to see more comments, I could do so, but only via e-mail and give a full concise critique of the whole story. Essentially, being an editor, or a... there's a term someone used that I keep forgetting.

*Some passages I had to read and re-read before I understood what Awkward was trying to say. Not a lot, just a few.

 

[AwkwardMD]

As winedarksea notes in her commentary, it's a balancing act, and I'm not sure I could say, "there's the point where it became too much or too obvious for me" because I don't think there is one. Doing it as you did, right from the outset, is the right way, I reckon. If the twist was delayed I think it would be seen as "too clever" - you caught the unease of the people around Des really well, and that was necessary for the story's foundation.

I think you say it yourself, you write your stories as puzzles, making each piece fit. And they do fit, extremely well, but it also shows; the construction and the seams. You and I have shared an amiable understanding of our polar opposite writing styles and approaches, and I acknowledge that, when I read anything new of yours, I approach it perhaps as an academic thing, "What writerly challenge has MD set herself this time?"

Which I shouldn't do, let my knowledge of your (very) structured approach get in the way - in that sense my reading isn't fair to the work itself. Because, as others say, you have some wonderful sentences and your joy for the sensuality shines through - dare I say it, when you relax into your prose, when it becomes less mannered.

Your Literanarrative Agreement theory - thanks for the explanation - I figured it was something like that, zeroing into heightened moments. Just for me, it actually broke the moment. Possibly because, when I write my intense sex scenes, I find myself doing the complete opposite - I forego punctuation and it becomes one long stream of words, often repetitive, trying to conjure up the rush of approaching orgasm. So I get what you're doing there, but my brain works differently, so I noticed it. Don't get me wrong, it didn't jar, it didn't throw me out; but it did make me think, "oh look, I see what she did there."

As always, MD, your passion for the craft is evident .

I appreciate that. I fucking agonized over the foreshadowing, and I by no means think I necessarily got it right. At different times I had more clues, and at others I toned thing too far down. It was a lot of work, and probably not something I'll try again unless a specific plot calls for it.

Most importantly, it was a learning experience. If I did it again, I would plot it out in even more detail than I did, and try to stretch the story a little so it wasn't all so jammed together. Sex scene right into weirdness right into sex scene right into funeral. It's a little dense, without a lot of room to breathe.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Nope, you missed my point completely, but it was a small point anyway. My point was the furniture and your use of "in" in relation to which type of furniture.

I don't know what else you would call a standing computer desk/station with a medium height privacy divider behind it except a kiosk. It seems like the kind of thing where explaining it more to be more correct would add more words where, in reality, the shape of the desk in the mental image of the reader is largely irrelevant to the actions. She can touch herself while sitting or standing.

Don't go beating yourself up. You asked for a constructive critique. I gave one; some fair, some arguable. "Should have done it better" is a good attitude. It sounds like you are rallying to the challenge to do it better next time, which is the ultimate desired outcome of a constructive criticism.

Exactly. I really do want to improve. And even though this piece is only 11,000-ish words, it took me quite a while to tweak and fine tune because this is just a hobby. If I learn and write better, making more finished product with just the first draft, I can produce more stories and spend less time in the tedious editing phase.

A lot of THAT starts with helping me identify bad phrasing and poor sentence structure. The writing itself has always been my biggest weakness. I always feel like I'm trying to perform surgery with a hatchet.

All writer's write for themselves, but more than that, they want someone else to understand. To read and interpret in a succession of order that the writer plays to. To me, this is what you were asking a critique for, not a bunch of glad-handing. Was I wrong?

I'm way more interested in critique. I want to improve. It's just in my nature to work at hobbies with passion.

That being said, I almost always have logical reasons for the stylistic choices, so if I'm going to accept new information I also need to understand why the proposed change works better than the existing decisions. That usually involves defending the choices I'd made, but it's in the name of objectively trying to resolve which option is better.

 

[TANSTAAFL58]

Most importantly, it was a learning experience. If I did it again, I would plot it out in even more detail than I did, and try to stretch the story a little so it wasn't all so jammed together. Sex scene right into weirdness right into sex scene right into funeral. It's a little dense, without a lot of room to breathe.

Changing the structure would make it a different story. The Density, to use your term, makes it work the way it does. It is frantic. The mood swings are extreme. Look at the ride the first three scenes take us on. Hot sex, to family confrontation to work. Work gives us mundane job stuff, a sext, then leads to "what are you doing here?" I admit I mistook that clue the first time. But the next sex scene served to distract me again. Like I said, you played the reader like a skilled magician. The structure is a necessary part of that.

My $0.02. (Note, there are no pennies in Canada, so that rounds down to zero).

 

[AwkwardMD]

Changing the structure would make it a different story. The Density, to use your term, makes it work the way it does. It is frantic. The mood swings are extreme. Look at the ride the first three scenes take us on. Hot sex, to family confrontation to work. Work gives us mundane job stuff, a sext, then leads to "what are you doing here?" I admit I mistook that clue the first time. But the next sex scene served to distract me again. Like I said, you played the reader like a skilled magician. The structure is a necessary part of that.

My $0.02. (Note, there are no pennies in Canada, so that rounds down to zero).

In this particular instance, I chose an approaching funeral to give a hard limit to how long Des can maintain her denial. I didn't have to choose a funeral, or a dead lover as the source of said denial, but I do think they work together along with the pacing. If I were to write this story again I would change nothing, but that's a purely rhetorical question.

What I meant was "If I choose to do another unreliable narrator plot, I will pick different plot elements that allow me to spread the foreshadowing over a wider area."

Again, though, purely hypothetical because I probably won't attempt this again (and certainly not in the near future).

 

[beerlovr88]

There's no way to beat around the bush; this is a powerful, emotional and well-written story.

I liked how, immediately after mentioning Paige to her parents, we get this reaction: "Her father nearly choked on his coffee." This forces the reader to consider; are these homophobic parents or is there a deeper, underling issue at play? Of course we get a pretty good idea that the reaction might be more than just homophobia when she behaves as follows: "Des grabbed the back of one of the kitchen chairs and came charging around the couch with it drawn back over her shoulder." And I mean... yikes. Of course this is a hallmark feature of alarming and red flag behavior, so it's almost 'cute' that her partner doesn't seem perturbed in the slightest.

"You know, I kind of like the idea of you running around threatening her."

Des blushed and rolled her eyes.

"Desdemona. Queen of the Amazonians. It has a ring to it."

In fact such a forgiving reaction -- however 'cute' it may be -- seems almost too good to be true, and it reminds me of how, considering your posting history and overall propensity to imagine things, I can't say that it's all that surprising that you'd be so motivated to glorify such an extreme level of mental derangement, which of course there is plenty of in the story.

That said, as a personal preference I don't like it when authors jump straight into erotic content when starting a story; I like to be 'wined and dined first,' at least in the sense that I very much prefer some type of development or background before it's showcased. The later scenes that again featured erotic content didn't seem to flow all that well with the rest of the story, almost as if you wanted to write an emotional, powerful and thought-provoking story, but then when you realized that you were writing on literotica you felt you had to showcase a few explicit scenes just to have a reason for posting. To this end I don't think these scenes added anything to the overall story, and I'd be curious as to how the story could have played out if their connection was showcased through other means or even if it was otherwise presented with a bit of subtlety.

 

[beerlovr88]

Be fair. LWulf read at least some of the work and tried to give feedback. This is a good thing, yeah?

You'd think so, but try and realize that Awkward more or less self-identifies as the 'feedback police' around here; she believes feedback must be presented in a very specific manner, and if any feedback isn't up to her standards then she throws a fit.

For an example, if I try and say that I was thrown off by a story's specific use of first person and present tense then she'll accuse me of 'not being objective,' but at the same time she'll still say that the same story should have been written in third person past tense. If you think this might be a bit hypocritical of her then rest assured she's one step ahead of you; she later accuses me of being a hypocrite simply because I provide solicited feedback for others (many of which have thanked me and said that they found my feedback helpful) while I simultaneously don't care to receive unsolicited feedback from the feedback police.

Which, to be fair, such a wild imagination doesn't seem to inhibit her story telling.

 

[AwkwardMD]

There's no way to beat around the bush; this is a powerful, emotional and well-written story.

Thank you! I did not expect to get so many compliments from you in this.

I liked how, immediately after mentioning Paige to her parents, we get this reaction: "Her father nearly choked on his coffee." This forces the reader to consider; are these homophobic parents or is there a deeper, underling issue at play? Of course we get a pretty good idea that the reaction might be more than just homophobia when she behaves as follows: "Des grabbed the back of one of the kitchen chairs and came charging around the couch with it drawn back over her shoulder." And I mean... yikes. Of course this is a hallmark feature of alarming and red flag behavior, so it's almost 'cute' that her partner doesn't seem perturbed in the slightest.

"You know, I kind of like the idea of you running around threatening her."

Des blushed and rolled her eyes.

"Desdemona. Queen of the Amazonians. It has a ring to it."

In fact such a forgiving reaction -- however 'cute' it may be -- seems almost too good to be true, and it reminds me of how, considering your posting history and overall propensity to imagine things, I can't say that it's all that surprising that you'd be so motivated to glorify such an extreme level of mental derangement, which of course there is plenty of in the story.

There are quite a few compliments in there too! Thank you for those.

On glorifying mental derangement, though, that brings up an interesting question. The story ended with Des being brought back to reality. All the things she tried to deny came back around anyway. She wasn’t rewarded for her behaviour; she only managed to delay the inevitable, and that made the funeral that much harder for her to process.

A story can explore bad behaviour without venturing into glorification if it explores the ramifications of that behavior as well. If I were to write a story about a blatant racist who, at the end of the story, learns nothing, rapes a black girl, and gets away with it, that’s glorification. If I were to write a story about a blatant racist who, at the end of the story, is humbled by the compassion of others and strives to make changes in his life, then that’s a completely different animal. At that point, there’s a lot of merit in discussing how an author conveys those late-stage lessons and whether they payoff the setup.

Did I show Des’ grief in stark enough contrast considering she spent the first two thirds of the story trying to numb the pain with dopamine highs? I definitely tried to show Des forcing sex as often as possible (to the point that even her subconscious is like ‘damn girl’) as a function of ignoring the changes in her life that seemingly everyone else around her has noticed or accepted. I also tried to really cram a lot of pain into the those last few scenes, but because grief is such a long-term process I felt like I had to just touch on a few highlighting moments given the nature of the story (erotica) I honestly don’t know if I succeeded in avoiding glorifying her actions.

And I think, in the back of my mind, I kind of wanted to land in that gray area between glorification and life lesson. Given the choice, I think I’d rather let the reader come to that decision on their own.

That said, as a personal preference I don't like it when authors jump straight into erotic content when starting a story; I like to be 'wined and dined first,' at least in the sense that I very much prefer some type of development or background before it's showcased. The later scenes that again featured erotic content didn't seem to flow all that well with the rest of the story, almost as if you wanted to write an emotional, powerful and thought-provoking story, but then when you realized that you were writing on literotica you felt you had to showcase a few explicit scenes just to have a reason for posting. To this end I don't think these scenes added anything to the overall story, and I'd be curious as to how the story could have played out if their connection was showcased through other means or even if it was otherwise presented with a bit of subtlety.

I prefer build-up as well. 70% of my posted works spend a lot of time exploring the relationships between the characters, and then the eventual sex is a resolution for the interpersonal tension. Overcoming conflict or whathaveyou.

That being said, this particular story was more of a writing experiment than an exercise in putting my preferred storytelling style on display. I had a series of writing prompts that I tried to put together into a story. Dream Girl has more sex per wordcount than any other story I’ve ever written, but it’s not because the characters are so hot, or because their relationship is built on any inherent sexiness. It’s a function of Des’ denial. She is a lab rat who has found the button that gives her sugar water, and she is mashing it as hard and as frequently as she can.

The sex within the story isn’t mutual. Des never gives Paige an orgasm. She thinks about it, and different moments within the story might have gone that way under different circumstances, but within her lucid dreams, all Des wants is to be brought to orgasm over and over and over because A) it helps her feel close to a thing she has lost because sex is inherently intimate, and B) that dopamine high helps her keep her spirits up. The intention was always to make it so that it was technically hot, but at the same time kind of empty and lacking in emotional depth.

This is one of those features that I tried to write in such a way that, if one were to read it a second time, it would be really apparent that Des is uninterested in making Paige feel loved, and only in making herself happy. It’s entirely one-sided. The reader, since we are following Des in a limited perspective, only sees what Des sees and is happy to have this attention paid to themselves via their in-story avatar, but it’s supposed to look unsustainable. That was part of the design.

You'd think so, but try and realize that Awkward more or less self-identifies as the 'feedback police' around here; she believes feedback must be presented in a very specific manner, and if any feedback isn't up to her standards then she throws a fit.

I don’t think you understand how self-identification works.

To be fair, the sum of my actions on this forum could easily be interpreted as policing the feedback of others. If you wanted to call me the feedback police (and isn’t that the point you were trying to make?), then I don’t think anyone would really argue with you. I wouldn’t either, but that more stems from my general dislike of identity politics. It’s not a conversation I enjoy at any level.

For an example, if I try and say that I was thrown off by a story's specific use of first person and present tense then she'll accuse me of 'not being objective,' but at the same time she'll still say that the same story should have been written in third person past tense. If you think this might be a bit hypocritical of her then rest assured she's one step ahead of you; she later accuses me of being a hypocrite simply because I provide solicited feedback for others (many of which have thanked me and said that they found my feedback helpful) while I simultaneously don't care to receive unsolicited feedback from the feedback police.

Which, to be fair, such a wild imagination doesn't seem to inhibit her story telling.

If there is one thing I work really hard on, it is my storytelling. I know you didn’t mean it as a compliment, but it means a lot to me to see that as a big takeaway for you. It makes me feel like the work I put into Dream Girl was worth it.

Thank you.

 

[beerlovr88]

Thank you!

There are quite a few compliments in there too! Thank you for those.

it means a lot to me to see that as a big takeaway for you. It makes me feel like the work I put into Dream Girl was worth it.

Thank you.

Wow, who would have thought that you'd be physically capable of extending me such gratitude. After all, according to you I am dishonest, hypocritical, mean spirited and need to be kinder and more supportive, and yet despite these allegations, you (like many authors before you) still go out of your way to repeatedly praise my commentary. To this end, I will say that the initial draft of my first post in this thread had been quite lengthy, and I ended up taking much of that initial content out simply because you came across as so hostile towards my previous posts. Which is a pity because my favorite part of the story (in terms of making me thinking the most) ended up being omitted:

"Hey," she typed into her phone. "I know you won't be able to respond to this, but I just got done with a woman whose ass looks JUST LIKE YOURS. Hers was not so firm as yours, but it still took all of my formidable will to not spread her legs right there on my table and lick her..."

"...lick her ass for the full hour. Every time I looked at her, all I could see was you. I think she could smell how turned on I was."

I thought this was very powerful on multiple fronts. For one, as a behavior that deviates from the traditional norm, I've heard my fair share of snide commentary that attempts to undermine the legitimacy of lesbianism as a sexuality (i.e. they're simply going through a 'rebellious phase', or 'they're just doing it to impress guys'). On top of this is wasn't all that long ago that homosexuality was listed as a mental illness in the DSM, and even today we still have sodomy laws that are still on the books in many American states.

As such, not only did I think that this served to help solidify lesbianism as a legitimate sexuality, but I also thought it was 'beautiful' with how Des was so willing to share that information with her partner. As a guy I would have been most reluctant to share a similar text with any of my previous partners, in part out of the fear of being seen as 'just another stereotypical guy with an excessive fixation with certain physical traits'. Or in other words, if I can only think about a girl's ass I feel like I'm portrayed as a bit of a 'perv/ pig/ what have you', and yet when she can only think of a girl's ass she's suddenly a free spirit who's rising above the expectations of those around her, and all in the face of anyone who'd dare to question the legitimacy of her attraction.

 

[AwkwardMD]

I think that it is bogus the way Men get treated nowadays, and that the modern feminist thinks that women can't or shouldn't own their sexuality. I think it's bogus that we all have to hide how we feel about things, and that there is this misconception that women don't want or think about sex.

I think that modern feminism is taking us in the wrong direction, and I try in my own little way to normalize more egalitarian behavior. That doesn't mean that I think people should just be assholes to each other all the time, but relationships between consenting adults should have room for the appreciation of bodies beyond the ones we are in committed relationships with.

My husband and I are poly. This is a lifestyle I approve of and get value from, and I try to reflect that open-mindedness in my writing.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Two people in a committed relationship should be able to share a thought or an urge like that, and if they can't then it is a problem of insecurity. We don't treat it like an insecurity problem, though. We make it an evil thought to have, and make everyone feel guilty for having a sex drive. I hate that.