Looking for feedback?

litmlove said:
+ I don't read bondage but even I know a proper Mistress never fucks her clients. You are going through the motions of a BDSM story and missing the point of BDSM. It is about control, submission and all that. You audience is always smart enough to recognise these problems in a story, unfortunately they don't know how to tell you.

I think this is the root of the problem here. You say you don't read bondage, then go on to assert that "even I know..." Well, how do you know if you don't read that subject? Later you say you're getting what knowledge you do have from a guy you know. Why should we trust him, or you, to know what you're talking about?

BDSM is no doubt different things to different people, as are so many other things. So you can't say that the "point" of BDSM is any one thing, because it isn't. Just because you think SexyDaemon's story has a "fetish" as opposed to being more generally under BDSM doesn't make it so.
 
This is a fun jab, since PL, Bram, and even JBJ are posting the same thing I am. Wonder when you'll get over this little snit you have going. :rolleyes:

Perhaps when you stop posting to people in that arrogant prick mode you seem to think makes you some kind of special bad ass.
 
So, when did YOU plan on stop posting in the arrogant prick mode? I don't rattle YOUR cage. That's an obsession you have with me, not the other way around.

And, I repeat, More have posted to this thread in agreement with me on the BDSM issue than not. You're too much of a pussy to go after them, which just means that you don't really care about the substance of the thread, just with chewing on me in your longstanding snarky snit. You haven't bothered to post to the substance of the thread at all. Think that defines your sewer slithering quite well. ;)
 
Who says mistresses won't peg? All depends on the mistress and the sub (client if this is a pro session). Pegging is one of the more humiliating tactics you can use and....

I thought this was funny. I didn't tell her I like to get pegged so she can humiliate me. I told her I like it so I can get pegged by a pro so I could feel the difference between a novice and someone who knows what they're doing with a fake dick.
 
I had called her, everything was set. Every time we had spoken on the phone, she had been relaxed, nice (choose a better word, teddy bears and Girl Scout Cookies are "nice"), laid back. Tonight seemed as if it was going to be fun. She had told me to meet her at a hotel. A fetish party was going on that night, some sort of "Fetishpalooza" or something. It wasn't too late at night that we were meeting. (why is this sentence here? It adds nothing to the story)I had never been with a dominatrix before. I was so nervous about making a mess, I hadn't eaten for 24 hours.(what does this mean, is he/she planning on shitting himself? Also, we have no way of knowing the gender of your protagonist Is this intentional?) I wanted things to go smoothly.

I drove to the hotel, took the elevator to her room. I was about to knock when I heard a group of guys talking.(this sounds as if the "group of guys" are speaking the next sentence) "I appreciate you all coming to meet me, but I have a client coming any second." I quickly escaped down the hall. I waited to hear the elevator door close, then knocked .(are you sure you didn't knock on the floor?)

Your narrative is so full of unnecessary words and phrases that reading it is like trying to swim through molasses. Next time you write something, try to read through it at least twice. Try to read it as if you were a reader who didn't know what you wanted to say, cut out all the unnecessary crap like (on the door). You will find that phrases beginning with prepositions are often unnecessary hangers on. e.g. I sat (down on the chair)
 
Last edited:
Back
Top