losing it to a hooker

[horny_giraffe]

...
I think it's also true that all relationships involve 'exchange', though I would not say wives, in general, are whores. The point has been made many times that a woman typically keeps a baby and raises it, and has fewer options, here. It is only good sense to look for a 'good provider' and part of that is money. So she is, in many cases, trading sex for the male being committed and hanging around and paying the bills for the kids. One might equally say, 'Husbands are Johns' if their primary interest in the woman is sex, and they merely pay the bills and put up with the kids and with her requests of 'talk to me.'

You are so right. Every exchange is two-way--so if one person is a prostitute, then the other is a John. Actually, for me, I can imagine that an above-board, clear exchange could be acceptable. As anyone would, I would only object to unspoken, implied agreements into which I have been unknowingly placed.

There's an unethical pressuring sales technique that some salesmen use which is sometimes called "an implied closure" of the deal. The salesman behaves and talks as if the deal is already completed, as if the customer has already made the deal.
This places a sense of guilt on the customer as the customer wonders "Have I made this agreement implicitly? If so, it would be wrong for me to back out. It would make me look like I'm not a person of my word." But of course, the customer never did give his word. It's a trick.

Sometimes, I feel like men and women get caught in this trap, except for it's two-way. It feels artificial and awkward to explicitly state our expectations and hopes, so we agree to arrangements that we have only inferred from our upbringing and culture--not realizing that our partners have not agreed to the same deal. It's as if we have trapped ourselves into arrangements that we are not even aware of.

I have often felt that my sexual arrangements have been of this fashion. Somehow, I feel that I have somehow agreed to some undefined and unspoken contract of whose rules I have no clue. It has been very disturbing.

Prostitution is attractive to me because of this idea of the above-board deal. Whatever "deal" might be implied, at least I can hope that when the money is gone--we are done.

 

[abashed-dreamer]

To H.G.

You do seem to have a lot of insight, and yes, people get trapped into arrangements they may not have wanted. From the common male view, marriage is a trap, and that's shown in the thousands of jokes, and phrases like 'the old ball and chain.' Some marriages have been entered into out by the man, since he hears, 'we are engaged aren't we? that's been implied for so many months by our sleeping together, visiting parents, etc.'

So the idea of putting everything out front does have its appeal.
Yet how many friendships could survice such a cold, 'cash register' view.? Suppose a male friend said, 'Look, here's the deal, you're a bit handsomer, so I'm hanging with you to help me get laid, and on my side, I'll pay for most of the drinks'?


It's certainly true that the prostitute generally does not 'follow up'. You may walk out of her life after one time, or ten. But the down side, is 'what are you buying'. OK, you SAY, just sex. But talk to any 'working woman' and you'll find out most of her customers are lonely, or such. At the website you mentioned, the fellow mentions divorced guys going to pros to tide them over.
Surely that isn't all sex. So again, there are things that are going on, that may be implicit. For not many guys want to say,
'Look, I'm lonely, and I'll give you 150 dollars to talk to me as if you enjoyed it, and to seem like you're interested in me.'

This is true with any therapist, too, by the way. No client says,
'I'll pay you and you pretend to want to listen and to be concerned with my problems.' The client says 'I want a therapist with a REAL interest'. But then why would that person with a real interest charge 75 dollars an hour.??? Surely only a friend has 'real interest' since he or she will listen for free. Similarly the John wants to buy 'real affection' and a 'real orgasm'. In his fantasy, somehow the pay is not primary. Just as a person in therapy says 'MY therapist isn't listening to me just for the money. S/he is *really concerned.'

 

[horny_giraffe]

To H.G.
...
So the idea of putting everything out front does have its appeal.
Yet how many friendships could survice such a cold, 'cash register' view.? Suppose a male friend said, 'Look, here's the deal, you're a bit handsomer, so I'm hanging with you to help me get laid, and on my side, I'll pay for most of the drinks'?

It's true that these deals are almost never made explicit. Yet, when I was in the Marines, I knew guys who seemed to have pretty much exactly this arrangement. It was implied that, once one of the guys had "hooked up," that the other guy needed to find his own way for the rest of the night. Personally, I found this to be the sort of arrangement that left me hanging one too many times, however.

...
It's certainly true that the prostitute generally does not 'follow up' ... Surely that isn't all sex. So again, there are things that are going on, that may be implicit. For not many guys want to say, 'Look, I'm lonely, and I'll give you 150 dollars to talk to me as if you enjoyed it, and to seem like you're interested in me.'

This is true with any therapist, too, by the way...

I agree that generally one is buying the illusion of at least a casual relationship from either a therapist or prostitute.

... The client says 'I want a therapist with a REAL interest'. But then why would that person with a real interest charge 75 dollars an hour.??? Surely only a friend has 'real interest' since he or she will listen for free. Similarly the John wants to buy 'real affection' and a 'real orgasm'. In his fantasy, somehow the pay is not primary. Just as a person in therapy says 'MY therapist isn't listening to me just for the money. S/he is *really concerned.'

But couldn't sex or therapy just be seen as another service, like getting your car fixed? I want my car's engine to be well taken care of. I want the oil changed as if it was the mechanic's own vehicle. But what I pay for is the service, not the motives of the mechanic. In the same respect, when I pay for a therapist, I want to pay for results. Maybe I want to be happier, or develop some new life strategies, or lose a chemical dependency. Of course I want the service to be done with care--but caring can be a behavior, too. Caring isn't only about motivation.

Does it really bother me that a professional mechanic doesn't actually care about my car if I find that he works hard to make my car function as well as it possibly can? It's the action that counts.

But I'll say one thing, hypothetically speaking. It would be a hell of a lot easier to have a good experience with a mechanic that I already trust. I would rather take my car to be serviced by my brother-in-law, the expert mechanic--whom I would also pay for his services, in that case. I would want to be sexually serviced by someone that I trust, as well. But that doesn't mean that a professional implicitly cannot do a good job, does it?

I just want to add that I have (so far) never patronized a prostitute--and at this point the argument is just hypothetical. I like a spirited debate, but let me know if the tone is becoming too adversarial or uncomfortable, abashed-dreamer.

 

[abashed-dreamer]

Hello, H.G.
No, I don't feel uncomfortable. I don't mind non-hostile arguments.

(You said)
But couldn't sex or therapy just be seen as another service, like getting your car fixed? I want my car's engine to be well taken care of. I want the oil changed as if it was the mechanic's own vehicle. But what I pay for is the service, not the motives of the mechanic.

**[marks my reply] Yes, it's a service, but you picked things a bit distant, like your car, or getting your lawn mowed. How about someone whom you hire as a nanny for your kids? Is that fulfilled by just 'skills', independent of caring?


(You say)
In the same respect, when I pay for a therapist, I want to pay for results. Maybe I want to be happier, or develop some new life strategies, or lose a chemical dependency. Of course I want the service to be done with care--but caring can be a behavior, too. Caring isn't only about motivation.

**Interesting point. Returning to the nanny, you might say the 'result' is that your kids feel safe and happy. 'Care' is a **very interesting concept, since it implies looking after detail
(careful) and affectionate (caring). Will someone look after all the details, if they don't, in the other sense, 'care' ? Yes, clearly in some cases. But taking the example of the team of mechanics backing up a race car driver. Wouldn't the best ones *care, emotionally, want their driver to win? Would they do so much if they were neutral to him or hated him?

(you said)
Does it really bother me that a professional mechanic doesn't actually care about my car if I find that he works hard to make my car function as well as it possibly can? It's the action that counts.

**see above. see note below about the Manner.

(you say)
But I'll say one thing, hypothetically speaking. It would be a hell of a lot easier to have a good experience with a mechanic that I already trust. I would rather take my car to be serviced by my brother-in-law, the expert mechanic--whom I would also pay for his services, in that case. I would want to be sexually serviced by someone that I trust, as well. But that doesn't mean that a professional implicitly cannot do a good job, does it?

**Yes, trust does seem important, in both directions: she not worrying if you are a crazed killer or a cheater-on-paying, and you not worrying if your wallet will disappear if you go to the bathroom. Did you see what your website person said about 'regulars'? But yes, to some extent a job, including sex, can be done without exceptional trust. The 'drift' of your example, though, is interesting. Find a 'pro' who is known, who is a friend or relative, or known to one. This is the best approach to mechanical or sex problems.

(you say)
I just want to add that I have (so far) never patronized a prostitute--and at this point the argument is just hypothetical. I like a spirited debate, but let me know if the tone is becoming too adversarial or uncomfortable, abashed-dreamer.

**I agree with the general drift (as I understand it). One may be satisfactorily taken care of by a therapist or a prostitute, provided they act 'professionally.' Your choices are yours; I'm not trying to influence your behavior. I'm not going to get confessional here; clearly customers are satisfied or there would not be 'regulars', those who come back year after year. But what does that mean? Here's one possibility, the prostitute actually likes most of the 'regulars', just as a good therapist likes most of the long term patients, and this makes a big difference. For one is not just buying a 'result', like a fixed engine, a depletion of semen. The WAY it happens is key.

Although there is a peculiar eroticism--so I hear ;-) -- in being made to cum by a cold technician, like a nurse taking a sperm sample; it's much better if the MANNER is nice and warm and friendly, iow how you get to the emission. (None of this is to imply that a prostitute could not be so; yet, as your web author appreciates, she must be well treated, etc. .... which is to say, almost make friends with. So we come full circle. You will get the best 'service' if it isnt just 'service' and if she, the server, is a bit of a friend.)

What does this mean for the original questioner? Well, he focused on one occasion, a pro who 'takes' his virginity, and he implied (iirc) 'never again.' Yet the drift of this exchange is that he might well get satisfactory sexual services and experience, not just to 'lose his cherry', but after; and none of this is to say that unpaid and loving circumstances mightn't be better (but sometimes they just aren't there.).

 

[Jessica Lynn]

Losing it (your virginity)

Losing your virginity and gaining the physical, emotional and spiritual insight and pleasure from that experience is a once in a lifetime experience, be you male or female. Choose your partner(s) wisely! Know the difference between a hooker and a whore, it can make or break your "professional" sexual ecstacies! And do remember "the first time" will be with you forever! Use a condom, it could save your life! And most of all ........ have fun!

 

[SilverVeil]

My, my, my. How jaded a lot of us sound.

If you just want to lose your virginity.. and are not particular about who you do it with, then if you can afford it, go with the hooker.

HOWEVER .... you can pay a hooker and take your chances with a professional in the flatbacker profession, or as someone said, hang out in a bar till closing time and find a woman and say something cute. You will prolly get lucky and also save some bucks. ( God I can not believe I am posting this.) Remember, by going with a hooker, do you know how many others she has been with before her meeting with you ? No matter what you choose, hooker or other .... protect yourself and your partner and use a condom. I know a couple of people who are now called parents just because of a one night stand without using a condom. It only takes one time.

Most women are intrigued ( although a bit disbelieving in this day and age that they are gonna pop a virgin cherry ) at the thought of being the first with a guy. My advice is look for a woman who is a little older than you. More experience. And if she is married to a " slug-in-bed " man, she will be more receptive to an invitation.

I also agree with the post about the louder the talk, the less action the talker has really had. Or what they have done is greatly enhanced by telling... like the fish that got away story.

Some people look on their first time with great sentiment and fondness. Some with embarassment, and some with pain.

But you only have one first time. I suggest you make it something you want to look back on in the future and want to remember.

 

[abashed-dreamer]

SV,

I'm not sure 'jaded' is the right word. Consider all the sex that takes places between true lovers, or faithfully married spouses.
Surely that's about 1% of all the sexual activity that is occurring.

Probably most of the sexual 'releases', at least with males, are through masturbation. From feedback, it seem clear that many readers here at Lit. have some pretty intense experiences in reading some of the stories--and not just one a month, either.

So while *some* sexual experiences are going to be--if we're lucky-- loving and magical, most are likely to be 'satisfactory', and it's my position that a conscientious professional 'sex worker' can provice satisfactory even good sex, just as a professional therapist can provide satisfactory, even good, conversation, empathy and advice.

I suppose that sounds jaded, but it's no different from saying, *Most meals you eat will not be memorable, or at five star restaurants with good friends. They will simply 'do.' '

 

[SilverVeil]

.

Probably most of the sexual 'releases', at least with males, are through masturbation. From feedback, it seem clear that many readers here at Lit. have some pretty intense experiences in reading some of the stories--and not just one a month, either.

Heh .... perhaps "jaded" is too strong a word.

But from reading through the postings here at Lit over all. I would say that more females masturbate for sexual release than men. That would make a good poll to find out which has a higher ratio. Men or women.

I just got the impression that a lot of people were in favor of the hooker option over the opportunity to have something emotionally memorable. A lot of people seem to be saying that the first time for men is less intense and emotional than for women. It depends on the people involved I guess. And who is to say that the guy can't get a great hooker who makes it a night he will NEVER forget ?

 

[Dynamite]

You don't know where that hooker has been. Do you really want to cut your "sex" life short? Try someone not so shady. Someone you love. Wait for marriage. I wish I had.

 

[TigerClaw]

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