Good question. I can only attempt at an answer from the pyl side, since it's the only side I've had active experience in. So far, I would say no, from my side alone. The more my emotions are involved, the more attached I become, and the deeper I care about someone, the more vulnerable I am willing to be and desire to be around that person. That vulnerability is a necessity to complete submission for me (perhaps not with everyone, but for me, yes). I can tolerate more pain from someone I love and trust, and the entire situation involving physical pain goes so much better for me when it's with someone I love. I know that when the scene is over, he will be there to essentially put me back together. Hopefully that scene will have increased our bond because it will have allowed him to get past yet another layer of defenses. S&M for me really is a bonding experience, so I don't really see how love would decrease that. If anything, in my limited experiences, love has nurtured the BDSM side.
Good question. I can only attempt at an answer from the pyl side, since it's the only side I've had active experience in. So far, I would say no, from my side alone. The more my emotions are involved, the more attached I become, and the deeper I care about someone, the more vulnerable I am willing to be and desire to be around that person. That vulnerability is a necessity to complete submission for me (perhaps not with everyone, but for me, yes). I can tolerate more pain from someone I love and trust, and the entire situation involving physical pain goes so much better for me when it's with someone I love. I know that when the scene is over, he will be there to essentially put me back together. Hopefully that scene will have increased our bond because it will have allowed him to get past yet another layer of defenses. S&M for me really is a bonding experience, so I don't really see how love would decrease that. If anything, in my limited experiences, love has nurtured the BDSM side.
Soumis
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2006
- Posts
- 357
Sometimes it is just about the smack of crop against bare skin.
CutieMouse
Meticulously Flighty
- Joined
- Apr 7, 2004
- Posts
- 8,493
Yup; sometimes the need to be used (in the good way, which is to say "bad" way) trumps the whole love thing, completely. Having said that, though, I find myself far more open to being "used" by someone I consider a friend, at the very least; someone with whom I have a long term emotional (loving, on some level) connection at best. The former takes as long as the friendship takes to develop; the latter tends to take several years [for me].
Side note - yay insomnia.
*sigh*
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 39,700
This.
