bluestoneriver
Virgin
- Joined
- Nov 6, 2013
- Posts
- 10
Having kids is the thing...they are tiring, demanding, and suck the life right out of you. How old are the kids now? If you've been married 15 years, they must be out of baby/toddlerhood, so I am hoping sleep deprivation is no longer a factor.
As for your misjudgement and the financial instability...what are you doing or have you done to help alleviate this? Is it still an issue? Have you guys done any couples counselling to discuss these issues? Grudge holding is a sure fire way to put the pilot light out in the bedroom
When you say you are touchy and flirty, are you talking about with her, or with other women? If it's with other women, I can see why that might piss her off!
Definitely with her... And part of the reason I do it less is because I dont get any return of affection. Its one thing to give a back rub, rub her feet, her head and work out her work aches and pains, then have her to fall asleep; its another to do it for months and months with nothing in return.
If it is with her, but she doesn't like PDA's then I guess you need to respect her boundaries. However, is she also against little displays of affection, such as coming up behind her and putting your arms around her, or a playful slap on the ass, when you are at home and alone? If so, then see point A about the counselling. From my perspective, at least, sex has to begin long before you take the clothes off, and loving touches are a big part of that.
Why is it you do it much less? When you do have sex, what happens? Does she shut you down? Tell you to get on with it? What?
Sex is like- just get it over with... I am told to relax when I get in bed
Here's a thought...can you pleasure her without expecting anything back? I'm thinking can you make it all about her, and not just as a prelude to getting your rocks off? That way, you are not "using" her body for your pleasure, but for hers? I don't know what the bible says about female sexual pleasure, any good theology students able to help me out?
Our work schedule is tough, we work mostly opposite hours because we never wanted anyone except us to "raise" our kids. So up until the last few years (oh kids are ages 13, 14 and 7- oldest ones watch younger one now when needed) we saw very little. I would come home excited to see and be with her and it felt as if she wasn't interested in seeing me. She does work hard and have tried to be as loving as supportive as possible.... I know I havent been perfect in that regard, so I am sure as I showed her less attention, it contimued to spiral down
Has she actually said she does not like these things? Is it because she seems unresponsive to you that you think she doesn't like them? How did she used to respond to you sexually, pre-kids?
She will take my hand and place it on her body then hold it there during our intimate times. She blocks me from ever touching her vagina. During intimate moments, she is constantly on guard and if my hand gravitates towrds that area, then she will block my hand pull it to her breast and hold it there by locking my arm up. We have had discussions and she states she does not like being touched there and prefers for me not to rub on her hips (unless I am giving her an after work massage
Body issues and insecurity. Guaranteed. If she gained weight with pregnancy, has stretch marks, maybe boobs that are not as perky as they once were, she may think she is not as attractive to you anymore. She has brought that up. I have countered with the paintings I used to masturbate to paintings of nude woman form the Renaissance era (it's all I had) Those paintings had her hips, her belly... everything. She knows that doesn't bother me- she should. I am not wording it here, the same way i did with her, but I have laid a lot out to her...I let her know exactly what turns me on about her, I admitted every desire All respectfully of course and open up some deep areas hoping to show her how much it really turns me on. No, its not a hollywood body but its a body that I desire immensely.
Well, I can see why that didn't go well! Kinda incongruous to go from having unsatisfactory sex once a month to honey I want to have a night of kinky bondage sex! I really think this is something you have to work up to.
That resulted from us taking a day to get everything out, she wanted to get us fixed and so thats when it came out.
Although I am not part of the BDSM board/community, I wanted to respond to you.
Heck, for me, Dom is what goes with Perignon…
However, I used to be “that wife” who didn’t want sex. In fact, I used to be the goddamn desk clerk at that wife-won’t-fuck-me adult hotel Midwestyankee referenced!
Sex was something to be gotten through as quickly as possible so that I could get some sleep, and if we did it, then I would think “well, good, that should hold him for at least a week or so”. It’s a long story, and feel free to PM me if you want all the gory details about how things changed and what I did to change them.
For those who are saying that you should go all head of the household on your wife, and demand sex from her because the bible says it’s her wifely duty…well, good luck with that. Sure, you could demand, in fact, even rape her and tell her that it’s your right as a husband. But is that really the kind of sex you want? You could buy one of those sex dolls for all the responsiveness you are going to get. I don’t think in the long run this will prove in any way satisfactory. It sounds to me that you want your wife to desire you as much as you desire her.
Not me, I mean if she asked me to be like that, I would have to go all oscar moment, put on a performance and do the deed for her
Sex starts in the head, not between the legs. So somehow, you have to figure out a way to get into her head. If the lack of sexual interest is about your marriage on a larger level, then yeah, you may need to go back and revisit where things went wrong and try to fix them. I’d consider marital counseling of some sort if there are lots of past hurts and grudges that are possibly getting in the way. Women are notorious for hanging on to stuff that you did that pissed them off from ten years ago…so you have to try and figure out how to help her let that stuff go.
I agree with midwestyankee in that I think you love your wife, and want sex with her to be as passionate and fulfilling as it was with during your experimental college days more than just wanting one night to tie her up and spank her. Again, I am not speaking from a sub/Dom sort of perspective, but as a woman who was once "that wife" in the "don't-fuck-me-hotel". I really hope you can find a way to fix your relationship and your sex life in the process.
To some point I may agree... but this is too complex to answer right now. Thanks for the thoughts, will chew on them
