Annisthyrienne
Drive-by mischief maker
- Joined
- Oct 17, 2010
- Posts
- 11,435
Doh!!!! Sorry, was trying to get the story typed up and didnt multitask well.
Here goes your giggle for the night....
When I first got out of school, I started off in a job that had me developing requirements for an HR / payroll system for half the time and helping man a help desk for a government customer the other half.
One of my frequent 'customers' on the help desk side was a really really hot Major in the Air Force (we called him Major McCreamy). The poor guy had the worst luck with computers, software, network connectivity. If something was going to go wrong, it would happen to the major.
One day, as I was sitting in my cube (picture cube farm from Dilbert), my private line rang and it was him. I was a little surprised because normally help desk calls came in via a group number, but asked what I could do to help him.
Apparently he said as trying to access a web-based tool and it wasn't starting. I had to ask him which tool he was trying to get to as there were multiple launch points. I told him to close everything down and give me a minute.
I did a couple of test runs and when I thought I had a good idea of what might be happening, I told him I was pulling up the tool and to do the same.
My tool opened as expected and I waited a moment or two before asking if he was still there.
When he said yes, I asked him if he had it up yet. < insert awkward silence while I realize what I had said >
I rushed into add "the tool.... Have you, um, launched the tool?@
There was a very weighted silence before I heard a low chuckle and "So you do realize what you said..."
Of course by now my cheeks are flaming, my head is on my desk and I'm ready to crawl under my desk, but I swallowed and admitted, "Yes sir, but I'm thankful that only you heard it"
And then I heard two distinct voices from the adjoining cubes say, "Nope, I heard it too"
*Laughs* Yes, that was indeed a good one!
My story is not so much a comedy, except maybe a comedy of errors.
Okay so my workplace had a surprise drug testing on Wednesday. Now I was already having a bad week because of car repairs, my Australian cattle dog coming up lame, and the stupid cat that my niece came home with over Thanksgiving last year decided it was time to go into heat.
I had just found out the day before that the car repairs were going to wipe out the last of my tax return, just when I thought I'd have a little financial breathing room and maybe get some doctor bills paid. No such luck. I managed to pay a dept to my handyman friend who helped me get my other house ready to sell, and I bought a cheap twin mattress for one of the kids to sleep on so they didn't have to share a double bed with Jullie. All of the rest of the 1900.00 I got back from Federal was going to go to the car repair for Jullie's car. Not only that, but I was tired already from having to stay up late to go pick her up when she got off work late at night.
So you can imagine how I was feeling. On Wednesday morning I had just talked to a co-worker about some of the car repairs and found out the mechanic would have been ripping me off if I'd been able to agree to have all the work done that he said needed to be done. That was just another aggravating factor in my mood; even with wiping out my tax return, I could still only get fixed about half the stuff that needed fixing.
So I get done talking to him and head back to my office in the other building to find that they were conducting drug tests. Well the way I found out is that I needed to pee anyhow, and they were using both bathrooms for the testing. So I had to wait a little bit until they could take me next, but I finally got to pee. Angel if you've ever had drug testing, you know how much fun it is to try to aim into that damn little pee cup they give you. Especially when you have to go really bad and it shoots out with force.
But I didn't think I had anything to worry about. I've never done any illegal drugs, only prescription ones, and even my doctors will tell you that I don't take as many of them as they want me to, nor do I take the ones I do have the way I'm supposed to. So I finally get to pee and get it all over with, go back to work and carry on with my day.
Except that my supervisor comes to me a couple hours later and asks to see me outside. (he doesn't have a private office, we are all inn one large design room.) He tells me that I tested positive for pot and have to be sent home.
Well, I am shocked, because as far as I am aware, I've never even been exposed to marijuana, let alone used any myself.So I go home and they let me know via text that I have to come back in the next day at 9 for a retest. I take that, and my General Manager (an Indian woman who is a good friend to me) comes back and tells me, "Don't worry about it, you're clear." I think it's all over then.
But later, she confides in me that really I tested positive again, but that she was ignoring the results of the test because she was convinced the tests were not accurate or reliable. You see, she had tested positive for Meth of all things. And to top it off, the woman doing the drug testing said to her, "It's probably not really positive for Meth, you might just be pregnant. Get your doctor to check it out."
Nothing convinces the boss of the inaccuracy of the drug test so much as when she tests positive herself.
The whole thing still makes me angry
because if this drug testing company knows full well that their method is inaccurate and gives false positives like confusing a possible pregnancy with a meth addict, and yet they still go around taking money from companies to do this testing, knowing full well that people could lose their jobs over the results, it is completely and utterly unethical! They should be out of business, or forced to use a more reliable means of testing at least!
