My First Experience. Are we on the right track?

[SusanWetnWild]

No, honey- for some people public dungeons, humiliation, slave sharing, etc is part of this Lifestyle. It isn't fiction or simple fantasy. For some people BDSM is fun sex; for others it is a 24/7 Life. Catalina, OwnedSubGirl and Sinnocent come to mind almost instantly.

Know yourselves. Keep communicating. If you both know you are in the kinky sex frame of mind then it shouldn't necessarily make this gigantic shift in the rest of your universe, but also be aware that BDSM can be quite serious for some people.

BTW age doesn't give perspective nor does it provide context. People are people; adults are equals; even a 80 year old can find something to learn from a 20 year old.

I dont think either of us wants to get into the darker aspects of BDSM atleast now. I agree with you regarding the age aspect. I hope things do pan out well.

 

[SusanWetnWild]

I think so long as you're both adults, and both in posession of full mental faculties, that you'll be more than capable of discerning what is 'too much' for you, and what you're comfortable with.

If it never progresses beyond the realm of roleplay sessions in the bedroom, with a little bit of dirty talk and kneeling, but that makes you -happy-, then that is what makes you happy, and you are not depraved, or perverted, or sick for it.

At least no more so than the rest of us, and if that means you're going to hell, well, at least you'll have company. I'm bringing s'mores!

IF, however, it does grow into more than that, just be sure at each step that you're okay with it. Be communicative and open with each other, and you'll do just fine.

(Psst... wanna bring hot dogs to roast? *grin*)

After further chats with my bf, I think this is what we have concluded:

1. We will do whatever gives us pleasure, whatever be the label attached to it, BDSM or whatever.
2. We shall study this lifestyle further on the net etc. but not discuss it with friends unless we know that they are also inclined in that direction.
3. We shall progress only when what we are doing is comfortable for boh of us.
4. What we do shall be within our bedroom and not spill over outside.

 

[CutieMouse]

It sounds to me like y'all are making pretty well reasoned decisions with lots of communication sprinkled throughout. Good.

 

[SusanWetnWild]

It sounds to me like y'all are making pretty well reasoned decisions with lots of communication sprinkled throughout. Good.

Thanks so much. As and when doubts arise, I shall keep disturbing you and the other friends here.

 

[HawkEye38]

Thanks so much. As and when doubts arise, I shall keep disturbing you and the other friends here.

lol, disturb away! It's what we're here for, I personally believe that that's why the majority of us are here, for confirmation of the fact that we're not as fucked up as the world would like to tell us we are.

 

[Tollo]

After further chats with my bf, I think this is what we have concluded:

1. We will do whatever gives us pleasure, whatever be the label attached to it, BDSM or whatever.
2. We shall study this lifestyle further on the net etc. but not discuss it with friends unless we know that they are also inclined in that direction.
3. We shall progress only when what we are doing is comfortable for boh of us.
4. What we do shall be within our bedroom and not spill over outside.

From this it sounds to me like you are certainly off to a good start down your own path.

One question though, what would constitute "spilling over outside"? - - Why is this off limits?

Tollo

 

[SusanWetnWild]

From this it sounds to me like you are certainly off to a good start down your own path.

One question though, what would constitute "spilling over outside"? - - Why is this off limits?

Tollo

In the course of my "research" on BDSM in the last week I very frequently came across scenarios where the activity is enacted at a party or club or in the presence of third persons, and only comparatively rarely in private between two consensual adults. What I meant was that we would do whatever we are comfortable doing only in the privacy of our bedroom as anything other than that makes us uncomfortable. It is off limits atleast as of now. Tomorrow whether both I and my bf would be comfortable playing some elements of this Lifestyle at a club or a party or with other people who have adopted a similar lifestyle, is impossible to say as of today.

 

[HawkEye38]

In the course of my "research" on BDSM in the last week I very frequently came across scenarios where the activity is enacted at a party or club or in the presence of third persons, and only comparatively rarely in private between two consensual adults. What I meant was that we would do whatever we are comfortable doing only in the privacy of our bedroom as anything other than that makes us uncomfortable. It is off limits atleast as of now. Tomorrow whether both I and my bf would be comfortable playing some elements of this Lifestyle at a club or a party or with other people who have adopted a similar lifestyle, is impossible to say as of today.

hmmm... kinda makes sense when you think about it. that the most proficient and visible "research" would be from the people who enjoy being visible.

 

[jadefirefly]

Sounds to me like she's got her head pretty much screwed on straight, though.

Congrats, and you two keep on doing whatever -you- feel like doing.

 

[HawkEye38]

Sounds to me like she's got her head pretty much screwed on straight, though.

Congrats, and you two keep on doing whatever -you- feel like doing.

I hate it when that happens, I spend 20 mins making up elaborate posts and it all could have been said in a post that took 5 seconds. ::sigh:: I'm going to bed

 

[SusanWetnWild]

Sounds to me like she's got her head pretty much screwed on straight, though.

Congrats, and you two keep on doing whatever -you- feel like doing.

Thanks. I hope you really feel that way and are just not being nice. Thanks.

 

[FurryFury]

Thanks. I hope you really feel that way and are just not being nice. Thanks.

Don't worry about that. People here usually say what they think period. You'll find that out for yourself after you've been here a while.

You're last few posts do sound like you and your BF have some good communications and understandings between you right now. Good for you!

Fury

 

[SusanWetnWild]

Don't worry about that. People here usually say what they think period. You'll find that out for yourself after you've been here a while.

You're last few posts do sound like you and your BF have some good communications and understandings between you right now. Good for you!

Fury

I believe that open communications sorts out most hassles. It also prevents misunderstandings and promotes empathy. On the General Board, I just saw a thread as to whether the bfs going to strip clubs was OK. I had a similar question with my bf some months ago, and he told me that he really liked to go. So now the two of us go together, have a ball and return. If he cant avoid going, its atleast better that the two of us go together and have a nice time.

 

[FurryFury]

I believe that open communications sorts out most hassles. It also prevents misunderstandings and promotes empathy. On the General Board, I just saw a thread as to whether the bfs going to strip clubs was OK. I had a similar question with my bf some months ago, and he told me that he really liked to go. So now the two of us go together, have a ball and return. If he cant avoid going, its atleast better that the two of us go together and have a nice time.

I agree about the open communication!

As for strip clubs, I would so love to go to one!

The only strip shows I have seen were of males and once, at a bachorlor party, the later left something to be desired as there was no finese or art to it. *grr*

So if you don't mind, tell me do the strippers put on acts, with music and costumes that go with it or do they merely take off their clothes?

Fury

 

[SusanWetnWild]

I agree about the open communication!

As for strip clubs, I would so love to go to one!

The only strip shows I have seen were of males and once, at a bachorlor party, the later left something to be desired as there was no finese or art to it. *grr*

So if you don't mind, tell me do the strippers put on acts, with music and costumes that go with it or do they merely take off their clothes?

Fury

I have been there a couple of times with my bf. I think that more tham putting on acts their main intention is to sell private dances. And ya, they mostly just take off their clothes and dance.

 

[FurryFury]

Oh well, that is not interesting to me, I want a show.

Thanks for the answer.

I like your sig by the way.

Fury

 

[SusanWetnWild]

Oh well, that is not interesting to me, I want a show.

Thanks for the answer.

I like your sig by the way.

Fury

Thanks.