My second story: 'The Christmas in July Luau' - feedback requested!

[8letters]

8letters has given some great advice for category-first authors, but I'm pretty sure you're a story-first kind of writer. Your scores will take a hit for that

I view this much differently. Holly has posted her erotic fantasy to LitE and it's done well. There's definitely an audience for that kind of story. It kind of reminds of silksockingslover's stories, which don't get the greatest ratings but Jasmine is hands-down the most popular author on this site.

Let me digress for a moment. I am very much a plotter and to me, writing is like downhill slalom skiing. Before I start writing, all map out all the essential scenes in my head - the gates - and I make up the connections to them - the approaches - as I write. So I write a "gate", then start writing my approach to the next "gate".

So what kind of advice is Holly looking for? If what Holly wants to do is to get a better rating on her sex fantasies she publishes on LitE, there's little I can offer. Her style is so different than mine. I'm sure an expert wordsmith could help her tighten her prose, but I'm not an expert wordsmith.

If on the other hand, she wants advice on how to take her sex fantasies and tweak them to get more LitE candy (higher rating, more views, etc.), then I think I can give her some good advice. I think her essential scenes are for the most part fine. It's the approaches that need to be done differently if the story is going to get more LitE candy. SimonDoom has already given lots of good suggestions.

From Holly's responses, she wants to publish her sex fantasies. That's fine. They'll do very well. There's definitely an audience for them.

I'm not very familiar with I/T but from forum discussions, I get the impression the reader expectations are a mite rigid there.

I/T has a huge readership, and each of them bring their own likes/dislikes. I view them as each having a list of story attributes with different levels of importance and some level of like/dislike. One of things that I think is highly important and highly liked to a lot of I/T readers is hot sex between two family members where both partners are loving getting down and dirty. I think Holly did a really good job of writing that, and that's how her writing reminds of silksockingslover. Colleen comes across as someone who loves hot sex.

But what is probably the most important attribute of most I/T readers is for the story to be an old-fashion romance, where the two main characters talk, flirt, develop feelings for each other, fall in love, have sex, and then walk off hand-in-hand to the sunset. With the slight twist from the old-fashion romance in that the two main characters are blood relatives. My stories get top ratings because I provide that type of romance. Holly didn't provide that in her story. At the end, she doesn't have hot sex with Glen, the guy she's fallen in love who just so happens to be her dad. She instead creates her version of the Christmas luau sex show with her dad, who is more of a role than a person. If you look at SimonDoom's suggestions, you'll see they are about how to create a romantic relationship with Glen.

Again, there's nothing wrong with Holly's ending. There's an audience for that kind of thing. If she wants to keep writing sex fantasies like "Luau", the more power to her.

Note: I quoted just a small part of a long, thoughtful post from Bramblethorn under the assumption that people who are reading this have read it. If you've not read her full post, you should read it to get the full context of what she was saying.

 

[lovecraft68]

I read Part 1, up to the middle of Page 3. I intend to read the rest later this week, but I thought I'd drop some preliminary comments.

There are two ways you can go about writing a Literotica story. One is to pick a category and write for that category's expectations; the other is to write the story first according to what you as an author find compelling, and then try to figure out where it belongs afterwards.

8letters has given some great advice for category-first authors, but I'm pretty sure you're a story-first kind of writer. Your scores will take a hit for that - I'm not very familiar with I/T but from forum discussions, I get the impression the reader expectations are a mite rigid there. You may have to work harder to find the readership for the kind of stories you write, since the category system is not on your side - I like what I've read of this one but I don't usually read in I/T, so I would never have seen it except for this feedback request and having seen your posts in AH.

(By "work harder" I mostly mean - write more stories, when you have a choice of categories perhaps try to put them in cats where you haven't previously posted, and eventually your readers will see one and then follow the breadcrumbs to your other work.)

Simon mentioned overuse of "fuck"/"shit". I half agree with this. I think the way you use them, they don't carry a lot of weight in terms of adding emphasis. But they do help establish your narrator's voice and personality - she's brash and foul-mouthed, without a lot of time for conventions. That fits in well with her choices so far and, I suspect, those I haven't got to yet.

Beyond that, you write really well. You have a great turn of phrase - "he was on Viagra... but he might as well have been on rabies". I hadn't encountered "beducation" before but I love it. You do a good job at making it believable that your protagonist wants to get into this work and I'm interested to see where it goes next. Maybe more feedback after I finish it.

I think a couple people here are over complicating things. I don't know if that's their nature or they're trying to sound like they know a lot, but I always try and keep things more simple.

The I/T category has a lot of factions, some like all types of 'pairings' some just like siblings, others are here for mom son etc...there's also the faction that wants the taboo pairing together exclusively with love involved, others want mindless fucking with as many family non family as possible...some like slow burns some like one handed...

But whatever their likes dislikes the I/T crowd is fairly laid back. Short of non con they usually won't bomb you-most incest bombs are from the category trolls who show up and bomb everything I/T- the only other time they're generally not happy is if there is no 'real' taboo and its step or implied or not 'straight up'

Its not a hard category to get an H in and an easy one to build a following. Like any other category the more you post there the better you'll do especially if you display a certain style that readers find they enjoy.

Nothing here-in any category-is rocket science. Write it, they will come(pun intended) everything else is just preference and in some people's cases some pretentiousness.

 

[Gator66]

Fantasy - Suspension of Disbelief

I'd give your story fists-full-o-stars.

My biggest problem with your story is that there has never been a prostitute in the history of the world that wasn't adamant about the money. During the interview process and well into the story there is hardly any real discussion about money. I know that there is some reference to an hourly rate but prostitutes fuck for money. It is the type of thing that kills the fantasy.

It is sorta like a story where an attorney tells the judge to fuck off, it just would never happen.

I only read the first 3 pages, I'm not a fan of f/d stories.

Hope this helps! Truly you're off to a great start!