my secret confession

[LatinChulo]

Here's a corny joke for ya'. I know this will be EXTREMELY CORNY, so beware!

Ready.....?
Don't say I didn't warn you....
It's a dirty joke, here we go....


"The horse fell in the mud"

Sorry if it's too dirty for your ears. I told you it'd be corny. LOL

~LatinChulo

 

[Ghost]

A man was driving his car on the interstate when a policeman pulled him over.

When the policeman got to the car door, he looked in and said to the driver, "You know, you can't drive around town with those three penguins in the back seat. Take them to the zoo!"

And with that he returned to his patrol car and drove off.

The next day, the man is spotted by the same policeman on the same highway with the three penguins still in back, each wearing wide floppy hats and sunglasses.

The policeman asks, "What do you take me for, a fool? I told you to take those penguins to the zoo and here you are still driving them around town."

The driver responded, "But officer, I did exactly what you told me to do. Yesterday I DID take them to the zoo. And today I'm taking them to the beach!"

Eeeeuuuuwwwwww.

 

[Hecate]

*chuckling* I ADORE penguin jokes - thanks ghost , you made me smile when I neede it

 

[Lajo]

What's the difference between kinky and perverted.

Kinky is when you do it with a feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.

 

[Magic Merlin]

A man goes to see his 85 year old father in hospital. "How are you dad?" he asks. "Fine" says the old man "the nurses are great and really look after me".

"How is the food?" asks the son.

"Its great, just like home cooking".

"And are you sleeping OK?"

"Yes, every night at 10 the nurse gives me a mug of cocoa and a Viagra and I sleep like a baby".

The son, concerned, goes to see the nurse: "My father tells me that you are giving him Viagra with his cocoa every night. Are you sure that this is the best way to treat an 85 year old man!"

"Oh yes" replied the nurse, "The cocoa puts him to sleep and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed".

 

[Golden]

LMAO @ Beebeeblue ... brilliant!

 

[Shylady]

you people are soooo great!
I forgot to tell y'all my favorite!
what does a snail say as he rides on the back of a turtle?
*WHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE*

 

[Say My Name]

These are some of the BEST jokes!

Hope you guys like these:

What do you call a boomerang that dosent work?

Give up? A STICK!!!!


All right. I know you cant stand it, but Ill give you one more:

What do you call cheeze that does not belong to you?

This is a gimme. Well....Wanna know?

NOT-CHO CHEEEEEZE!!!

Now i need to get back to my house warming party..

See you there!

 

[Laurel]

LMAO! I dunno why, but corny jokes always slay me...

 

[April]

Originally posted by Say My Name:
NOT-CHO CHEEEEEZE!!!

LMFAO! Terrible joke, but oh, so funny!

 

[Sxxyangl]

This is my first official post as a registered user...so be kind. But after reading all these hilarious jokes, i had to share my favorite. So here goes.

Theres a very attractive woman who hasn't had a date in a very long time, for reasons unknown to her. In a last desperate attempt she decides to place an ad in the newspaper. In the ad she writes:

LOOKING FOR THE PERFECT MAN
Someone who wont beat me, wont run away and is great in bed.

She didn't feel as if she was asking for too much.
Many days go by and her phone is ringing off the hook and her doorbell hasn't had a rest. On a very quiet day, the doorbell rings. She sighs and goes to answer it. She looks around out the door, but doesn't see anyone. She looks down and gasps as she sees a man with no arms and no legs laying on her mat.
"Can I help you?" she asks.
He replies with, "You're search is over, I am the perfect man!"
She looks down at him skeptically and he goes to prove himself.
"Well," he says," I have no arms so I can't beat you, and I have no legs so I can't run away."
Again skeptically, the woman asks" Well, what makes you so great in bed?"
And the man replies...

" I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"

Thanks guys, i hope you liked it, it makes me laugh every time.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Originally posted by sxxyangl:
Thanks guys, i hope you liked it, it makes me laugh every time.

Great joke, sxxyangl! (and are you a sexy angel or a sexy ANGLE by the way? I'm always hot for acute angles. hehe)

Here's my favorite joke:

A woman gets into a terrible automobile accident and falls into a coma as the result of her injuries. Her loving, devoted husband goes to the hospital each and every day to be with her, talk to her, and hold her hand, but she never as much as moves a muscle...

One day, he gets an idea and decides to reach out and touch her left breast and as he does it she remains unconscious, but lets out a happy sigh. Encouraged by this development, he reaches out and caresses her right breast and is met by a satisfied moan...

At this point, he's so estatic that he rushes out of the room to tell her doctor. "Doc, I touched my wife's left breast and she sighed, and then I touched her right breast and she moaned!"

The skeptical doc goes back to the room with him and asks the husband to repeat his caresses, and sure enough the same thing happens. The doctor, sensing a breakthrough (and the possible fame and fortune of discovering an effective new treatment for the comatose), gets an idea and broaches the subject with the husband:

"She seems to be responding to you and I'm just wondering if there wasn't something else you could try... I'd like you to try oral sex. I know this is a very personal and private thing between a husband and wife so I'll go out in the hall and close the door. When you're done, come out and tell me what happened."

The husband agrees enthusiastically, saying "I'm willing to try anything, doc!"
and the doctor nods and walks out into the hall, closing the door behind him.

He sits down in a chair and waits for the husband who emerges about 5 minutes later, looking terribly shaken and pale. The doctor, startled by his appearance asks, "Mr. Johnson, what's wrong?"

The husband just looks at the floor and says in disbelief, "My wife... my wife... she's dead."

"Dead!? What happened? How did she die?"

"She choked".



The luv doctor is IN!



[This message has been edited by Oliver Clozoff (edited 06-10-2000).]

 

[Weird Harold]

Originally posted by shylady:
ok this is my secret confession: I love corny and lame jokes!

Shy Lady,

Check out your supermarket checkout line for the Summer 2000 edition of Disney Adventures. (the one with the Dinoasur on the cover and the red banner across the top that says "Bonus Joke book inside."

It has a hindred or so timeless calssics like:

What do you call a polar bear in a jungle?

A: Lost.

 

[Shylady]

thank you weird harold i will do that!
I have to confess that some of these jokes have made me laugh so hard i snorted (i know it isn't lady like but i couldn't help it! )

 

[Guest]

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer
said," I am here because my house burned down and everything I owned was
destroyed. The insurance company paid for everything."

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I am here because me
house and all me belongings were destroyed by a flood, and me insurance
company paid for everything."

The lawyer looked somewhat confused and asked, "How do you start a
flood?"