O/our first meeting in person

[Loverskitten]

Thank you, Sir. W, for saying what I wanted to say but in a much nicer way that I was going to. OP, listen to him

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

I have been lurking on this thread since its inception and I really do not understand OP's behavior at this point. How many different ways can one say 'STOP CONTACTING THE GUY'. A novice who has no experience with BDSM is being told by experienced, and often times clearly sincere and caring, participants that OP's partner is both WRONG and DANGEROUS. And despite the repeated warnings, OP still slept with the douche bag. Still gave him permission and access to her personal information. And still is distraught about 'losing' him when the fuck clown has given her more than 50+ red flags to run the other way.

I get that people get lonely. I understand that not everyone has everything, or everyone, that they desire. I relate to being able to enjoy experiencing what one has read or seen in print/media and have it play out in real life. And I def get that everyone has sexual desires and needs. But what I do not understand is the point of this behavior that is clearly blinding you to obvious truths. Is the OP's lust for companionship, touch, and just general interest that great that she is willing to become nothing more than a play thing?

'Oh, well, I have no one, am borderline suicidal, so I might as well degrade myself to be someone's shitty something than nobody's nothing.... '

I am not trying to attack or disparage the OP, but for fuck's sake, why is everyone coddling and pussy footing around this??? Fucking go see your psychiatrist. Tell them what has happened. Tell him/her what you are thinking/feeling. And freaking work through whatever personal issues are driving you to this self destructive behavior.

OP you think you are alone, but dammit all, you have plenty of posters who are offering their support. And even if its not the best support, that attention should be enough to at least get you back on your meds or seeing a doc. And if you psych is not able to help find a new one. My guess, and again all my opinion without knowing you for anything, is you really have some traumatic issues to resolve and your years of solitude, coupled with age, have only been compounding these feelings and traumas over time. Logotherapy or even Freudian, trauma based counseling, really is going to be better for you as I suspect that is partially why you are also being driven towards BDSM culture. You like the abuse and interest, but for the wrong reasons and that's why you are PRIME for ass hat predators like your douche of a would-be Dom to exploit. They know you're vulnerable and they know they keep treating you like shit under the guise of 'oh its BDSM'. This is exactly how pimps treat their hoe's.....and that's fucking abuse, NOT LOVE, NOT INTEREST, and sure as hell NOT BDSM.

You want attention and support, see a psychiatrist, learn to love yourself for who you are, what you are, and what you can be. If its the sex you want, freaking get a vibrator or set up a Match.com profile. But stay the hell away from online ads and Fetlife/Lit/etc unsolicited PMs. I am telling you, you are giving off so many signs that the absolute scum of the earth wish to find. You are better than that. When you get this shiz sorted out, and I promise you this, you will find and attract the right sort of people who will nurture, support, and love you.

But what do I know? You're a grown woman...do whatever you wish, but stop doing stupid shit and expecting different results.

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/i-feel-like-im-taking-crazy-pills.gif

 

[Sebastian_Plz]

And just because this on my mind...one last thing, a recent comment I made to another poster here...I think its worth posting. Disagree? I don't care... block/delete/ignore my comments.

Dude, that gal is not posting looking for guidance. She's posting, and behaving, for one reason and one reason only: ATTENTION. She has clear mental health issues and without doing a full on psycho analysis on her I can be perfectly candid in saying she's manifesting self destructive tendencies because of her lack of self esteem/worth, solitude, and a history of traumatic/victim driven events.

Without sounding like I am judging, look at this way. This woman is 50yrs old. Single. No kids (assuming here..). Prob just some cats. Prob has a less than fulfilling job. Is in the middle of the bible belt with literally nothing to do. And to toss it all off is a BBW. She does not get attention from men, she does not get attention from women. In the work place or home, she is just a 'body' floating from one room to the next.

Enter Lit/FetLife or the internet in general and now just posting a pic of her tits or some kado-mask outfit and 'BAM!' all the internet pervs are on that like white on rice. For the first time, she's receiving attention. For the first time in a while, she's being seen as more than a 'something' and as a recipient of sexual lust and desire.

So what does she do?

She responds to the requests. She does not care what the intentions are, she's just happy for the interaction, attention, and some fucked up version of sex. I'm telling you, the fact that the woman is ignoring, has ignored, all the other warnings of others....she is not going to change. She's posting at this point for the simple reason of feeding her desire to be the center of attention. At least online, she's receiving 'nurturing' comments and 'love'...no matter how insincere, or misdirected, its filling that void and she's content in perpetuating b/c if she fulfills the warnings of the posters, well, she goes back to what she had before....nothing.

This woman needs help that online forums will not fulfill. But she needs to recognize that. And frankly, my opinion, she won't get it because she doesn't want it. She will continue to endure the abuse and whatnot, prob have a breakdown/episode, OD on some pills when the moment comes that she realizes that she is just being used and not 'cared' for, and that will be the end of that.

All the while she will keep posting on the thread just to illicit reactions. Posters putting in their two cents (myself included) are only adding to the problem....the more you look at it, the more you feed the troll (so to speak) the greater the problem becomes. She knows what she is doing wrong, she just doesn't care.

The fact that she's meeting this poser-Dom on the 3rd...is asking for guidance and directions and then blatantly ignoring it only to respond with further destructive comments...again, WHAT THE HELL?!? She doesn't want help. She doesn't want guidance. She just wants more attention. And everyone is buying into it. You can only tell someone not to put a gun in their mouth so many times. My guess, assuming she replies, she'll try to do something 'extreme' and either go beyond balls deep into these dangerous BDSM situations or do a half assed attempt at 'ending it all' while bemoaning in a public forum (here or somewhere else..maybe even direct emails/PMs saying 'see this is what you made me do' or 'this will show you how serious I am' in, again, half assed attempts of attention).

You want to help this poster? Ignore her thread, tell her to get professional medical help, and then simply ignore her until she gets help and actively shows she's receiving assistance. Not adding to her trap of seeking attention by describing clearly stupid and destructive sexual situations.

I have seen too many people that actually want help get injured/hurt/die. I don't need to follow a dangerous person into the beyond just because I/we are being morally exploited into assisting her self-loathing behavior.

But again, the fuck do I know? I'm nobody of consequence. We're all adults and we all live with the choices we make.

I'm done following the thread.

 

[Stormie64]

Boy you fucking told me off. Let me just clear up a few things. I do NOT want
attention. I was just wanting someone to let me know if the shit going on was normal. Fuck! I didn't expect to get attacked as badly as you have done. Holy shit.

I am on medications. Yes, I am a fucking loser!!!!!! No kids no husband. 50 years old and a fatass to top it off.

I know the people here on this site are a step above lots but son of a bitch. Did you have to be so fucking cruel? Oh well.

Take care and have a wonderful life!!!

PEACE OUT!!!

Thank you & have a nice day.

 

[Stormie64]

Seriously. Why the fuck such a HUGE ass nasty post (sorry I mean 2 nasty posts) from you Sebastian_Plz?

I mean, why fucking waste your breath on a fucking bitch like me? Some of the shit you are saying is so far from the truth. You don't fucking know me!!!!!! I have a very high paying job that I LOVE & have been at it for 30 years. Congrats to me.

I know you won't read this because you are done following this thread. But on the off chance you come back...........................well, ya know.

Thanks for making my night. Seriously! Have a good one everyone. Hugs & love to all.

 

[SexyTabby]

I think when people see a train wreck about to happen they want to save the damsel in distress. But when it happens again one questions if they can be saved or even want to be. The fact that you went from one bad situation to another potentially dangerous one to me means you should take a step back and see what everyone else is seeing. Honestly, I think you are so wrapped up in "oh this is great", "this is wonderful", "this is what I want", "how could this go wrong", "I can do this" that you aren't truly seeing the big picture and one abusive relationship turns into more abusive relationships. My sister is male dependent and did the same thing always convinced her self worth was below the man who preyed on her but that it was in some way okay. It is not.

A relationship is built on mutual trust and respect. Though initial magic may ignite between people it doesn't mean it will automatically be a healthy relationship. Time and communication are required for what it seems you are looking for. Trying to hurry it up to get to the end game only hurts you. That's not fair to yourself.

Others don't want to witness your crash they want to see the happily ever after as much as you do but experience knows it doesn't happen overnight. Overlooking the advice here and continuing the abusive relationship feels like wasted breath to those wishing to offer help.

The best advice is to slow down and realize you don't need these bad relationships to find solid ground or happiness. That takes time and effort. No one can make your heart happy or fill empty voids until you find peace in yourself and allow a relationship to grow instead of just jumping in.

Love, trust and happiness come when we least expect it not when we try to force it. Good luck in your endeavors but remember a forum is full of different opinions and everyone has the right to express their thoughts good bad or indifferent (within the rules) - the life of a forum. Don't let them define you but grow from them.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Stormie wasn't asking for love advice. She was asking about some specific things that some guy told her were normal in the BDSM milieu.

 

[SexyTabby]

Stormie wasn't asking for love advice. She was asking about some specific things that some guy told her were normal in the BDSM milieu.

Oh I realize that, but she reminds me so much of my sister that I get the impression she's trying to find some kind of alternative in what some guy says is normal. I could be wrong but the similarities are staggering.

My own definition of love could be different too. It tends to be overused to describe varying levels. It doesn't mean permanency in marriage or whatever, my opinion, love would encompass trust and respect even friendship which all seem to be needed to make BDSM relationships work. My point was they all take time.

I'm new to all this so yeah I could be wrong. That's how we learn

 

[Loverskitten]

Stormie wasn't asking for love advice. She was asking about some specific things that some guy told her were normal in the BDSM milieu.

Yeah...... and when everyone told her these we NOT normal, she went ahead with the hotel meet up, continued even after he said he's married, and gave him her Fet password. Who does that, for crying out loud?
Then she asks advice again, and again people give her advice, so what does she do? The opposite.
Hot Mess.

 

[Stormie64]

When did I CONTINUE after knowing he was married? I have seen him ONCE. He told be about that after we played. I mean fuck. I realize that you all are better then most but shit, I was just asking questions. I have learned my lesson. No more questions from the Hot Mess << I kinda like that description

BUT I AM NOT ASKING FOR OR TRYING TO GET ATTENTION!

 

[Stella_Omega]

When did I CONTINUE after knowing he was married? I have seen him ONCE. He told be about that after we played. I mean fuck. I realize that you all are better then most but shit, I was just asking questions. I have learned my lesson. No more questions from the Hot Mess << I kinda like that description

BUT I AM NOT ASKING FOR OR TRYING TO GET ATTENTION!

Yeah, I know.

Some people really truly believe that a girl would deny herself an experience -- that she really wants-- on advice from strangers... And they will always be shocked and blame-y when she goes ahead and tries it anyway. Because no girl should be that curious or reckless, the little darling damsels that they are.

My only question is, have you gotten your fetlife profile back? I like practical remedies that keep us going.

 

[Stormie64]

Yes. I changed my fet password just this morning.

 

[unregistered]

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yes. I changed my fet password just this morning.

Yay! Now you can get yourself back on track for your explorations.

 

[sonicely]

Love, trust and happiness come when we least expect it not when we try to force it. Good luck in your endeavors but remember a forum is full of different opinions and everyone has the right to express their thoughts good bad or indifferent (within the rules) - the life of a forum. Don't let them define you but grow from them.

Communication, boundaries, intimacy all help dispel the building of resentments...I say ask for what you want and why is matters and be prepared for rejection... don't convert rejection into resentment, maybe journal about it, realizing that at some point a relationship replete with rejection is either becoming less adequate/healthy, you're demanding too much

 

[sonicely]

Love, trust and happiness come when we least expect it not when we try to force it. Good luck in your endeavors but remember a forum is full of different opinions and everyone has the right to express their thoughts good bad or indifferent (within the rules) - the life of a forum. Don't let them define you but grow from them.

Communication, boundaries, intimacy all help dispel the building of resentments...I say ask for what you want and why is matters and be prepared for rejection... don't convert rejection into resentment, maybe journal about it, realizing that at some point a relationship replete with rejection is either becoming less adequate/healthy, you're demanding too much

 

[Prof Bill]

As some know, I was introduced to the scene a while ago and was trained very carefully. One of the principal attractions for me was the care and respect participants showed one another. For example, I never met a "real" Dom or Domme who did not accept that subs were the ones with real power--they were the ones who could say "no" and have it stick. Safe, sane and consensual were watchwords, also. So I backed away from the scene after I split with my last sub. It was her choice, it wasn't easy to accept, and I did not want to go through something like that again. However, after a few years, the urges seem to be reappearing and I have been browsing. And I have been, for the most part, disappointed. We have always had pretenders and wannabes and idiots, but their tribe seems to have increased (or it may simply be that I've been reading in the wrong places). Anyway, as I've read through this thread and the advice asked for an offered, I've been most impressed. Here are people who know what they're talking about, who seem to have walked the walk as well as talked the talk, and who care about others. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what the initial attraction was all about for me. Oh, yeah--that and the great sex!