Occasional same sex encounters- male vs female

[SweetSam42]

I suppose my thoughts on why it's more "acceptable" or "survivable" in a hetero relationship if the woman has a same-sex encounter fall into two categories:

1. Women's sexuality tends to be a bit more fluid than a man's over the course of a lifetime, in my understanding. I used to have a slight attraction to women that has since passed.

2. Women's bodies are strongly associated with sex, at least in western culture. I think that because of this, we are conditioned to enjoy watching a woman's body and being aroused by it, regardless of our own sexual identity. I think that makes intimacy between two women more "forgivable."

 

[lordbleh]

Has someone fallen for a lady?

 

[tiny_tits]

Has someone fallen for a lady?

No, more like what I described in post #4.

I suppose my thoughts on why it's more "acceptable" or "survivable" in a hetero relationship if the woman has a same-sex encounter fall into two categories:

1. Women's sexuality tends to be a bit more fluid than a man's over the course of a lifetime, in my understanding. I used to have a slight attraction to women that has since passed.

2. Women's bodies are strongly associated with sex, at least in western culture. I think that because of this, we are conditioned to enjoy watching a woman's body and being aroused by it, regardless of our own sexual identity. I think that makes intimacy between two women more "forgivable."

SS, best answer yet!

 

[curiousdreamer51]

We all know Lit is a poor poll sampling place- we are not a true reflection of society. I mean, how often do you even speak the word masturbation, outside of here? Me, next to never. Here, daily.

That being said, I only have here to ask such a question.

Why do you suppose it is more acceptable for a female to be in a heterosexual relationship, desire and fulfill a same sex encounter, then be able to easily step back into the heterosexual relationship?

It's my feeling this would be way more difficult for a male (to have an occasional same sex encounter). I'm not so much talking about society's acceptance (but I'm sure that plays into it) but more the survivability of the heterosexual relationship.

So is my premise correct?

If so, why?

(I didn't post this in the GLBT section because I didn't want just that perspective, this isn't 'How To', and not Playground or GB material)

I think the way you set up the situation up in your question -" being in a heterosexual relationship" - I do believe the survivability of the relationship is a very strong factor, but I also believe that men that identify as heterosexual but may be curious, struggle with being labelled if they test the waters. My situation matches that description. I will probably just remain curious but do enjoy the fantasy side of the curiosity.

 

[Paul_Chance]

A good question with some very good answers. What follows is my two cents worth, from the perspective of my experience in this life. I could be completely wrong.

Societally induced male homophobia.

When a man sees a woman making it with another woman his primary thought is - how can I get into that. Some men do not see a same-sex encounter among women the same way they seek a same sense encounter among men. Men - Bad. Women - Hot. Grunt. Grunt. Grunt. (LOL - that is my very poor macho imitation.)

Another woman is another potential sex partner for the man. Men, especially in western society (and America in particular) are heavily conditioned to not express sexual or sensual attraction to other men. We can openly admire an athlete for their athleticism. We cannot openly admire them for their sensuality.

Society allows men to fantasize about woman on woman. Society does not allow men to fantasize about other men except under certain circumstances. However, I think their as many bi-sexual men as their are bi-sexual women, they're just more deeply closeted.

I've often just wanted to point out to men who put their cock picks online - there are just as many (statistically) men looking at your cock pick and fantasizing about sucking it or being fucked by it or fucking you as their are women. In every hetero porn there is a beautiful woman and a beautiful man and like it or not, you're spending a lot of time watching cock.

Take a deep breath and admit - the whole damn thing is hot when done right.

 

[bicuriousairman]

I could totally have homosexual encounters since I am bi curious.

However, I have no romantic attraction to men...it is purely physical.

I'd really love to share a man with my wife but I've only just learned about this part of my sexuality and it is a bit of a shock to her. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experience in this realm and has eventually fulfilled their fantasies!

 

[coati]

I could totally have homosexual encounters since I am bi curious.

However, I have no romantic attraction to men...it is purely physical.

I'd really love to share a man with my wife but I've only just learned about this part of my sexuality and it is a bit of a shock to her. I'd love to hear from anyone who has experience in this realm and has eventually fulfilled their fantasies!

If you are just at the curious stage, then you have no idea whether you could be romantically involved with another man. You have not even gotten to the stage of physical intimacy with another man.

In their essence, men are really not that different from women. We just have a lot of pressure on us to be studs, and not necessarily to really connect with other men and women. Women, on the other hand, are expected to connect and be empathetic.

As far as the original question on this thread, most parents probably put as much pressure on daughters to be straight as they do with their sons. However, on a broader societal basis, there is way more pressure on men to deposit their seed in the "right" gender than there is on women to limit their sexual pleasures to men only. Like I said, its OK for women to be affectionate with anyone, but not so for men.

This is all a shame, because as a species, we no longer need to procreate like mad. In fact, our real need at this point is to reduce conflict in the world. If men were liberated from medieval societal pressures and encouraged to be more expressive, maybe we would spend less time competing and fighting for mindless economic growth, and more time experiencing the pleasures of life.

It does not take too much material wealth to be happy in this world. Quality experience is so much more valuable than accumulating a bunch of stuff by being an aggressive individual or an aggressive and economically polarized society.

 

[tiny_tits]

Bumping, with an update.

My BF and I have both crossed that boundary (sort of) with just a couple of small 'speedbumps'.

I had an actual relationship with a woman that lasted a couple of months, with his full knowledge. This had little to no impact on us as a couiple (he had some concerns about the intimacy aspect, but none whatsoever with the sexual part).

His was the "sort of"- it was all part of a three day weekend MMF encounter (yes, a "3 day 3 way") but there were times when just they were together. A first for him.

That might not be a good test of the premise, but probably as close as will ever happen for us.

I felt fine with it; he seemed a bit distant and reluctant to discuss it afterwords (short two to three word answers, etc). I took the hint and dropped the subject. It clearly made him uncomfortable.

 

[tseliot001]

In my mind, it has less to do with sex and more to do with power. Traditional gender roles have men as strong, dominant "takers". Women are submissive receivers. Two women together typically does not upset that gender narrative (although this is more complicated in reality, e.g. ferocious lesbian stereotypes as "butch" etc.--attempt to reinforce gender norms). Two men together, on the other hand, does--primarily because one man typically must be passive. This dynamic demands submission and is therefore feminine. More precisely, it's considered weakness. That, in western cultures currently, is something men must never be. For example, in American jails, the giver in a male-male relationship is not considered gay--the receiver is. And that distinction is a power distinction. Two women do not upset traditional gender power narratives through their same sex relations--two men do.

 

[tiny_tits]

In my mind, it has less to do with sex and more to do with power. Traditional gender roles have men as strong, dominant "takers". Women are submissive receivers. Two women together typically does not upset that gender narrative (although this is more complicated in reality, e.g. ferocious lesbian stereotypes as "butch" etc.--attempt to reinforce gender norms). Two men together, on the other hand, does--primarily because one man typically must be passive. This dynamic demands submission and is therefore feminine. More precisely, it's considered weakness. That, in western cultures currently, is something men must never be. For example, in American jails, the giver in a male-male relationship is not considered gay--the receiver is. And that distinction is a power distinction. Two women do not upset traditional gender power narratives through their same sex relations--two men do.

So then I wonder if this is more prevalent in the USA, less so in Europe?

 

[RobfromLit]

We all know Lit is a poor poll sampling place- we are not a true reflection of society. I mean, how often do you even speak the word masturbation, outside of here? Me, next to never. Here, daily.

That being said, I only have here to ask such a question.

Why do you suppose it is more acceptable for a female to be in a heterosexual relationship, desire and fulfill a same sex encounter, then be able to easily step back into the heterosexual relationship?

It's my feeling this would be way more difficult for a male (to have an occasional same sex encounter). I'm not so much talking about society's acceptance (but I'm sure that plays into it) but more the survivability of the heterosexual relationship.

So is my premise correct?

If so, why?

(I didn't post this in the GLBT section because I didn't want just that perspective, this isn't 'How To', and not Playground or GB material)

In a word, penetration

 

[MissBlondie]

Bi-curious may be more appropriate. But I do agree, there is a difference between what one does in the heat of the moment and what one actively goes out in search of. But it sounds like most of us have a level of acceptance and yearning for a same sex encounter. And there's nothing wrong with that.

I agree -