October Poetry Challenge

[twelveoone]

Can you be a grammar police squad member and still be an ovalian? I think m. le twelvo-onio is currently a team leader of the punctuation office.

laughs

 

[UnderYourSpell]

And here is something to make you all criiiiiiiinge!

You return and curse my reeling head
but do you expect in all fair honesty
to find me waiting lying on the bed.

Yes lick your lips and leer into my face,
you'll only make me count the cracks
and will myself into another place.

Passion although a very earthy thing
should come from wanting you and
each take, one more heart breaking.

So woo me like you did those years ago
coax back desire and make me want you so.

 

[Temple of the Heart]

Poetry feed back for Temple

Can I get some feedback and some of your wonderful attention on this poem?
Thanks, Temple

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=181154

"Opening to Eros"


Eros has ripped me
rapid for years

Eros rapacious in me
devouring my attention
consuming my reflective capacity

Never did voice nor thought
enter in --
enter in to disrupt
his having a way with me
his way.

Eros sped - fled with certainty
through my precious flesh
Eros - wicked penetration
that gave no rest

Galloped through my flesh
taking me by storm
taking me to
exposure and vulnerability

There leaves me ravaged
and destroyed
flattened in his wake

A tornado of passion
that sucked me in
and spit me out

Eros on the rampage
Yes, I a woman crazed
in your clutch.

Yes, yes, I scream
it is too much
just too much
as I fall into the
oblivion
the universe
of my ecstasy

I am drowned in
orgasmic pleasure
I am devoured by you Eros
dredged in your sublime

I beg from rest...
I beg for your gentleness
of great repose

Of your nudgling nose
nestling my ear
my left nostril
gentled inhales your
nose warmed breath

I rest..
graced with your
wetted skin on mine
devastated in the beauty
of your attention
devastated in the
love of your Peace

I rest...
Eros ravaged
and raw
I rest.

 

[unpredictablebijou]

There certainly is some good stuff in this thread, despite the very difficult nature of this particular form.

UnderYourSpell, quit that self-deprecation this instant!

As to Temple's piece, one thing I want to say is that it typifies one of the primary reasons I like to practice working in form. The point is not necessarily to come up with a piece that slavishly follows every single rule of the prescribed meter or rhyme scheme, but to create a framework in which one can stretch and play, and come up with something that might be different from one's normal comfortable style. Practice like this breaks me out of my comfort zone and makes me think about language and rhythm in new ways.

I don't see the challenges here as "win-lose" games; (although if someone wants to actually pick a winning piece or something you're welcome to -- I wouldn't dare try) but rather just another way to exercise. What comes out of this may not be the World's Most Perfect Terza Rima but it may be something new, something that stretches us out of our regular style and voice.

Temple, I haven't read enough of your work to see if it happened that way for you but I can see ways in which playing within that form seems to have informed your rhythm within the lines, so I would bet that like others you found this exercise an interesting way to shift your voice and style.

Y'all did spectacular work this month, everyone. It's still not closed; you can still put up a poem anytime today or tonight, you know! Or even tomorrow, or maybe the deadline can be whenever the next monthly poetry challenge gets posted... whaddya think?

bijou

 

[twelveoone]

From our unpredictablebijou, and I'm repeating it here so it has its own thread:

Okay then I will go so far as to UNOFFICIALLY propose the October challenge.

Form: Terza rima
Theme: Costumes and disguise. And sex.
Deadline: um, how does November 1st grab ya?

wow i feel so powerful and famous now.

bj

as an FYI, Eliot wrote an essay that covers some of the problems of Terza rima in English entitled "What Dante means to me". I don't think he ever tried one.
Good job.