Okay, so your heart breaks...

[cellis]

I think that in the last few months I have learned that everything is finite... nothing is forever. Life has a way of throwing a curve ball at us when we least expect it.

I think back and reflect on the men I have known in my life and I have maintained a relationship with a couple of them after we were no longer lovers/SO's. But not in the beginning, not if my heart was deeply involved.

I have always needed some time to heal before I tried to have a relationship with any of them. And then some of them were so angry with me that they could not get past their stuff and let go.

It is hard for any kind of relationship to end, but somehow I think this D/s thing makes it just that much harder. I have a tendency to allow myself to be more open, to trust more, which I think creates a much deeper bond.

 

[cellis]

I forgot to say, that I am really very sorry that you are going through this.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I forgot to say, that I am really very sorry that you are going through this.

Absolutely, you DO rock Cellis.

thank you so much for your post.

 

[Richard49]

and it is over.

Can you remain friends? Is it possible for you to retain that part of a relationship which has also been sexually intense?

I am not able to do this. But I would like to hear what others have to say.

I think it depends on how honest the realtionship was/is

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

I think that in the last few months I have learned that everything is finite... nothing is forever. Life has a way of throwing a curve ball at us when we least expect it.

I think back and reflect on the men I have known in my life and I have maintained a relationship with a couple of them after we were no longer lovers/SO's. But not in the beginning, not if my heart was deeply involved.

I have always needed some time to heal before I tried to have a relationship with any of them. And then some of them were so angry with me that they could not get past their stuff and let go.

It is hard for any kind of relationship to end, but somehow I think this D/s thing makes it just that much harder. I have a tendency to allow myself to be more open, to trust more, which I think creates a much deeper bond.

Well stated Cellis. I am friends with my former lovers, one of them rents the apartment attached to my house.
Was it hard to get over the pain of breaking up? Yea. But I slogged thru the pain to see the wonderful times I had with them and came to realize that they were an important part of my growth.
I also agree with it being somewhat more difficult to get over a Dom vs. a "nilla" lover. Not saying that in any "nilla" relationship I've had I didn't trust my lover, but submitting to a Dom is more intense I think.
Whatever the answer Rose; Know that this too shall pass and you will be stronger from it. Best wishes in your growing stage.


-kym- Moving on with my life as well.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Richard: this is a very true statement. And to some extent it was not a totally honest relationship. It will take time to get past that part of it.

MY-Sir's-k-: Thank you for your thoughts on this. I have to agree that it is harder. Or I am older. Or my feelings were more intense this time. I just don't know for sure.

I do know that this has been a tough 2 weeks, with many needed distractions. And as you all have said in one way or another... it does and has gotten easier, every day. Thank you all for your posts and thoughts.

 

[Little Girl]

and it is over.

Can you remain friends? Is it possible for you to retain that part of a relationship which has also been sexually intense?

I am not able to do this. But I would like to hear what others have to say.

Desert Rose,

Wanderer and I were a couple for 3 years. Suffice to say things got ugly and we both got hurt, but we did manage to keep the friendship and even continue living together as room mates and best friends. It isn't easy, but we felt that the friendship was worth the effort.

Of course after ending my 14 year marriage when I found my husband was bringing women to the house, I still put forth the effort to remain friends with him as well. We now say, "We almost ruined a great friendship by getting married" I guess the first thing you have to decide is whether the friendship is worth keeping and if you both believe it is, then work to that end.

Just my 2 cents worth, hope it helps.

 

[Lancecastor]

and it is over.

Can you remain friends? Is it possible for you to retain that part of a relationship which has also been sexually intense?

I am not able to do this. But I would like to hear what others have to say.

Generally, no.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Re: Re: Okay, so your heart breaks...

Generally, no.

I am afraid I have to agree with you..... for me at least.

 

[Richard49]

I am 53 years old and am going through something very new

In all my past relationships when they have ended I have not had to deal with day to day encounters with the EX. Even my childrens mother and I had little to do with each other.

I always had distance and few shared "interests" and "social" contacts.

This time it is different. My Ex So ened our "coupleship" and "D/s" relationship because she believed that it was bad for her son. (no commnent).

Well she and I live and hour a part which would be far enough to avoid each other but.......

We attend the same function 4 times a week. A function where people think of us as a couple.

I also am concern about her safety driving these country roads. Also with this bad weather her safety even at home. Like last night we had 6 inches of snow. I finally called to make sure she was safe. Turns out that she was by the time I called but her furnace had gone out and she was stuck in her drive way.

She had got furance lite when guy who ploes her drive showed up.

Can we be freinds?
Can we redefine ourselves?
Can I handle the additional stress?

Who knows.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I can't imagine being friends with someone that I was that deeply in love with. I'd need to get out and get as far away from them as I could.

This shit did teach me one thing. I used to panic when a wave of pain or loss or jealousy rolled over me because I thought it would never let me up and I was going to feel that way forever. Then I learned that I could just go along with it like a surfer wiping out and sooner rather than later I'd be back on top and breathing fine. Heartbreak is like a bad case of food poisoning. You keep getting these nauseating bursts of discomfort, but as with any bad feeling, the feeling about the feeling is usually worse than the feeling itself.

 

[Richard49]

ADR, I don't know the answer. After the breakup, I thought I could be friends with a former Dom. A part of me still wants that friendship but the anger about how things ended is strong. For now, I need distance but I hope that time will allow us to recapture our friendship.

Lack of honesty and anger seem to be two biggies
Another is the feeling that they did not value you enough

 

[Desdemona]

Lack of honesty and anger seem to be two biggies
Another is the feeling that they did not value you enough

Very perceptive observations, Richard.

 

[Richard49]

Very perceptive observations, Richard.

It is just what I have experenced personally

Why can't relationships be easy ?

 

[Desdemona]

It is just what I have experenced personally

Why can't relationships be easy ?

In the past, I experienced it personally, also.

During a recent discussion about our relationship challenges, my Dom said to me that anything of value is worth working hard to achieve and to nurture. Like a garden, a relationship takes alot of effort but you have a real sense of accomplishment when it blooms. I think that was a pretty wise observation.

 

[Ebonyfire]

In the past, I experienced it personally, also.

During a recent discussion about our relationship challenges, my Dom said to me that anything of value is worth working hard to achieve and to nurture. Like a garden, a relationship takes alot of effort but you have a real sense of accomplishment when it blooms. I think that was a pretty wise observation.

I have to agree. It sounds like you have found your magic at last. Congrats, Des.

 

[Desdemona]

I have to agree. It sounds like you have found your magic at last. Congrats, Des.

Yes, Eb. I believe my magic found me. Thank you.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Yes, Eb. I believe my magic found me. Thank you.

I am smiling very wide now!

 

[Desdemona]

I am smiling very wide now!

So am I, my friend.
The real message is, your heart may break (and mine did), but you never know what wonders are around the corner. There is hope.

 

[Ebonyfire]

So am I, my friend.
The real message is, your heart may break (and mine did), but you never know what wonders are around the corner. There is hope.

Yup!

 

[Amfig]

and it is over.

Can you remain friends? Is it possible for you to retain that part of a relationship which has also been sexually intense?

I am not able to do this. But I would like to hear what others have to say.

It would be both my observation and experience that couple do not break up and still like each other. So I think not.

 

[tendril]

It is just what I have experenced personally

Why can't relationships be easy ?

Gosh Richard, such a simple little statement "why can't relationships be easy" has finally got me to post on this board for the second time (after lurking for most of last year !)

Well the answer for me has to be that the rewards are so great with success that there has to be an equal effect on the down side when it goes wrong.

And I guess I couldnt turn my dial from lover to friend in one smooth movement.

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

The real message is, your heart may break (and mine did), but you never know what wonders are around the corner. There is hope.

And a true message that is Desdemona! Where I had nothing after the break up with MY-Sir; I now have 4 men vying for my attention. Each one having his own qualities that makes them all desirable.
The moral of this??? Never give up hope!!


-kym- My cup runneth over

 

[Cirrus]

I figured I'd chime in here again.

My very recent ex and I actually seem to get along better now that we don't have the pressure of maintaining an intimate relationship. It's almost like being a couple was destroying our friendship.

However, we have had an interesting problem crop up. We kicked around the idea of being "friends with benefits" since we're still VERY attracted to each other physically. Yet, he says this is something he can no longer do because he believes I still have romantic feelings for him, and if he does anything physical with me, he thinks he'll be "feeding" that.

Well...I don't and he won't. Yeah, I still feel a connection to him of some sort. When you're with anyone intimately for any length of time, you do form a bond. But I don't want to get back with him. I no longer have a romantic connection with him. I even wonder now, in retrospect, if I ever really did or if it was all just lust to start with. Even so, I'm over him. Yeah, it hasn't been long at all, and I didn't think I'd be over him so fast, but I am. I can't change that.

So...can you be friends? Yes, I think so, if the split was relatively amicable. But is the journey toward a friendship always easy? Obviously, no.

 

[Goddess Helena]

It is just what I have experenced personally

Why can't relationships be easy ?

Because nothing worth having is easy.

Because if it was easy, everyone would have one.

Because some of us are not meant for happiness.

Because I said so.


Helena