old rules versus new rules

[watergirl]

Thank you, Bunny

I hate crying in front of people, and I am incredibly good at silent, motionless crying. I used to cry growing up and I didn't want my parents to know, for various reasons.

My last serious guy used to hate it that he couldn't tell when I was lying next to him in bed crying after we fought - he'd just get mad at me for not telling him what was wrong... but I think it reinforced my unwillingness to let someone know I was crying - I don't like people being angry with me.

Since my dad died, I do cry more often, or tear up - but I can summon the willpower to turn off the tears and harden back up. I'm working on letting myself cry in front of people and need them, and not live with the certainty that they'll be unable to help , or unwilling to help because it will teach me to be more self-reliant.

Bunny, this was very good timing for me in my life to see this thread - thank you.

 

[bunny bondage]

so glad, watergirl! ^_^

 

[snoozebutton]

Thank you Snooze ... this one hit home, but for different reasons.

Pardon me, the rest of you, for quoting the entire thing, but i found it touching beyond measure.

i can't decide if it's the part about the pet, the parent/grandparent, or the "pet." i've been hammered by them all within the last two years. i find myself surprised on other occasions like a good story that touches the heart.

Don't get me wrong. i understand the hiccup with the release of the tears, that "lock" has stuck for me on occasion as well. When the lock sticks, for you, or your partner, think Fuel Air Explosive. The "eventual" release can be just as destructive if not channeled correctly, but then again, the theme of control covers this part of the board, if i'm not mistaken.

Thanks again Snooze. i mean it.

Your welcome, I don't see myself as a statue. I do hold a lot in and it is a long process working through that behavior. Sometimes being a Dominant is a crutch that allows me to hold back. I know how to love and that is no problem but letting them inside to see all of me just isn't how I'm wired. I'm a great listener but you have to gleam what little I show of my struggles.