On Being Tamed

[Literotti]

Re: CollarMe

Whew! I haven't been skewered by the BDSM community after my first post. And I even get compliments on my panties. (Although ass comments would have been nicer, but I'll take what I can get.) And I thought BSDM people were supposed to have a mean streak. You guys have been sweet as pie.

Thanks for the reassurances that perhaps I can step into the BDSM community without selling my soul.

Been dabbling in CollarMe a bit. The thing that irks me most are the "purists" ... as if you have to follow some special doctrine ... and the rest of us are posers. I may be a poser, for all I know (although more likely a "wannabe" than a "poser"), but I would prefer to give myself some latitude until I feel otherwise.

You really need to take CollarMe with a grain of sand/salt. There are so many different factions there, most of whom cannot get along with each other on a good day. Nothing is ever etched in stone, and what is good for some might just be bad for others. If you are uncomfortable going to a place that doesn't accept you just because you and new and just learning, then it's THEIR loss and not yours. Just remember to be yourself. All of us have to begin somewhere.

BTW, both your panties AND ass are beautiful!

 

[sunnii]

thanx mernie99

First of all, a bit of an introduction. I'm someone thinking about BDSM (quite a bit) ... the role of a sub. I suppose you could consider this is my "coming out" post on this board. Be gentle, please.



Now, I know that BDSM means a lot of things to a lot of people, but that it usually involves "training" or "discipline." I'm having a hard time cozying up to this concept, perhaps because I'm so strong willed. It's more than that, though. I think a wise and understanding master should look into our hearts, forgive much, and will be able to patiently express his lessons through other methods. At least, that would be most effective for me.

Is it possible for a romantic-at-heart such as myself to really come to terms with discipline? Or is it hopeless? I suspect that the best I can hope for is to be "tamed" (in a "Little Prince" sort of way) after a period of trust-building.

In other words, should I run back to the other boards?

By the way, vanilla is a lovely taste, too. I just crave something new. And there's so much about BDSM that appeals to me.

from one newbie to another i would like to thank you for this thread.

your comments really expessed something i was having a hard time describing.
(at least not openly). the chapter from The Little Prince was marvelous. it's funny how images from childhood can pop up in the strangest places and inspire the most delightful thoughts of fancy.
it always seems to happen when i'm on Lit.
but i digress, what i really wanted to say was i too find that while trying to see if this is something i want to explore (and i really think i do). my biggest concern is that some folks seem to have a 0 to 60 in 2.1 secs mindset. i think that's why i haven't explored this (sub) side of myself in RL when it was offered. i simply scampered off to the internet.

i am VERY strong willed and controlling in my day to day. some might use the term "bossy bitch". i really have no desire to change that part of my life.
but sexually...........

i must admit the most mindblowing sexual experiences have always been when i was not in control and just submitted to my partner. the more he made me do the more i wanted to do. i tend to keep myself restrained normally and, i wanted to be pushed just to see how far i'd go.

when this happened i always got very freaked out. i didn't help that guys usually were not very respectful afterwards. they seem to think that if i liked it that much i wasn't "good girl" and treated me accordingly. (at least they tried).
the concept of taming just seems to feel so much better than training IMO. the word just feels better in my mouth. maybe i'm just trying to make more palateable so i can wrap my brain around it.
anyway thanks for your thoughts. and thankyou to those who offered suggestions and advice. it good to know that others have some of the same concerns.​

 

[liberatedslave]

It's service. It's total lack of control, entrusting my fate to someone else. This may seem like it feeds the desire to feel secure, but to me such ties are a hell of a lot scarier than a roller coaster free fall. It's so risky, and that risk appeals to me.

Even under ideal situations, I think I would be a hard one to train. I won't accept punishment without reason, just for the sake of punishment. I wouldn't expect my master to be perfect, but he would have to be someone I would look up to.

I want my master to test me, to take me to the limits. And through those extreme tests will I demonstrate my devotion.

I can empathise with all this Mernie. Don't let the following story scare you off!

My Sir considers me his property and that takes a huge amount of trust. It's risky, as you say quite rightly and that is definitely part of the appeal but I did get my hands burned last time. I'll try and be brief.

My ex Sir (who was also my first D/s relationship) Was very controlling and I found a certain degree of security in that but as our relationship began to deteriorate 18 months later it became very scary indeed. He became nastier and would perform acts of domination that had no love behind them at all. It took me a long time to realise just how far from consensual BDSM I had allowed myself to drift (I know that others will say that I consented by staying but at the time I was putting up with malevolent mind games, had lost my self confidence and didn't feel ready to leave. I also lived in hope that things could be healed between us and would then improve) He even used to lock me in his flat when he went out with friends. That would have been fine if I was ok with it but I wasn't and even became violent to him on one occasion when he wouldn't let me out. I knew he wouldn't make it easy but in the months following my split with him I actually moved house and changed my phone number twice. I now have a restraining order on the guy.

All this made me wary of embarking on a new D/s relationship but I knew I could never go back to a purely vanilla one.

I thought I'd be hard to train because I knew that when I started out I had this kind of "I want to submit but I only really want to do stuff that turns ME on" mentality and it took a while to shift. I also had trust issues because of my last relationship but these were quickly dispelled. As for punishment, with my ex I used to feel more secure if it was for a specific wrong-doing and there was consistency with it. Now I feel a bit silly when I get minor punishments because we both know I want the beating and will throughly enjoy it. Sir 'punishes' me when he chooses, whether that be as a reprimand or a reward or simply for his own amusement and this works well for us now. He also loves to move the goalposts on me and so what may be acceptable one day may piss him off the next. I like his unpredictability and also the submission of knowing that he'll treat me as he likes and change the rules as he likes too.

Wow, that was a bit of a ramble, hope some of it makes sense to you

You deserve chocolate just for reading all this, hope you end up kissing a prince x