on childhood sexual abuse and desire for bondage/submission

[Richard49]

Hi Richard,

I don't think I could honnestly say I've ever really been domed. I had one very negative experience when I was 16 who took some role playing too far and I got scared. Yes, I've been spanked as an adult women and I really do enjoy that. Most of my thoughts are based on fantasy. However, fantasies that I want to explore.

BTW I am glad that you are responding.

I guess the point of my questions
was to put these answers with other information
not for me
but for your own thought process to decide what
and if you want to try
and what you can "live " without

I am sorry that "Lance the moron" has showed up with his ass open
commenting without all the information
but in real life these know it all do wellers also exsist

Here I am dying
with maybe days to live
and those that think they are morally supior show up in my and your living room ...... but that is life.. they are unhappy with there own life and ather than find themselves, there dreams and reality they
try to stop others from having theres

Look inside your self and decide who and what you are
test the waters and enjoy

 

[lancemanyon]

I am sorry that "Lance the moron" has showed up with his ass open
commenting without all the information
but in real life these know it all do wellers also exsist

Here I am dying
with maybe days to live
and those that think they are morally supior show up in my and your living room ...... but that is life.. they are unhappy with there own life and ather than find themselves, there dreams and reality they
try to stop others from having theres

Look inside your self and decide who and what you are
test the waters and enjoy

Yeah, that's a nice diatribe Richard.....and I am truly sorry to hear that you are dying. But, the fact remains that you are a predator. Let me once again repost her words:

This is kind of hardto write about... but for about a dozen years of my childhood various members of my family (male) sexually abused me, my older brother mostly, who would tie me up and leave me suspended, beginning when I was 6 yrs old, in the little playhouse in backyard. As this went on and he drugged me, let his friends use me, etc., it became almost natural to have these rapes occur, usually about twice a week but sometimes more.

Anyone like you....any worthless, spineless, cowardly predatory sonofabitch who would post this:

Have you ever really been domed?
spanked as an adult woman?

I am trying ot understand how much of your
thoughts are based on adult experence
and how much is fantasy?

BTW I am glad you are posting


__________________
Richard

....deserves to be arrested. I'm glad you posted your phone number and address. I'm notifying the FBI so your ass can be taken off the street.

 

[Lady Godavino]

Sorry to interrupet Lance & Richard but....

Lance, I don't know if you know, but you are quoting two different people. The first quote :
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This is kind of hardto write about... but for about a dozen years of my childhood various members of my family (male) sexually abused me, my older brother mostly, who would tie me up and leave me suspended, beginning when I was 6 yrs old, in the little playhouse in backyard. As this went on and he drugged me, let his friends use me, etc., it became almost natural to have these rapes occur, usually about twice a week but sometimes more.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't know who wrote, but the second,

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Have you ever really been domed?
spanked as an adult woman?

I am trying ot understand how much of your
thoughts are based on adult experence
and how much is fantasy?

BTW I am glad you are posting


__________________
Richard

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

was a response to what I said. Here....

Quote :
"After getting through all of that, I forgot to include one of the most important parts. In the last couple of years...since I was 15 or 16 I suppose (the activities as above stated lasted until I was 12) I've been wanted, craving sometimes, to be dominated. I absolutly love a good spanking. In my fantisies I crave being used, tied up, spoken to with harsh words and language, being spanked, used by several men one after the next...and so on.

So I beleive that it is because of A. that I want these things. I don't know if it's true or not, but it's my best guess. So, I guess that's how this whole big story related to the board topic of "childhood sexual abuse and desire for bondage/submission" even though it was entirely abuse...or was it... im not sure anymore...."
____________________________________________________
.....Sorry, that's just how I interrpreted things. I don't know what else you have seen Richard post or if you have seen him act in a predatory fashion before, but I just thought I would through my two sence in..

 

[ammre]

Lance,
You need to lay off the insulting. You are earning little respect as is, but resulting to name calling and threats is just childish and will loose you that little respect you have.
Also, stop twisting quotes around, taking them out of context, and making them misunderstood.
"Have you ever really been domed?
spanked as an adult woman?

I am trying ot understand how much of your
thoughts are based on adult experience
and how much is fantasy? "

With you're acute psych training you should know that he is not advancing upon her as if he wants to do this to her but, is asking if she has had this experience to understand her desires better. Some people dream about bsdm and find when they do it they are not as interested in it as they were when it was simply a fantasy.

If you want predators go to yahoo chat. There's enough old, twisted, perverts preying on young girls there to last any crime group's lifetime doing paperwork just to file them all. This place is meant for those with the maturity of adults and the intent on learning knowledge. The only thing close to "preying" here is flirting, and that will produce no undesired violent reactions.

What are you trying to prove here anyway?

 

[ammre]

And by the way, In response to the topic at hand, I have never been abused as a child. I lived a rather great childhood.

(The following section is just facts to back up my idea of what my "great childhood" was. Don't bother reading unless you're bored.)

Hell I won the science award back in 8th grade and than back in my senior year I was a prom queen. I've lived in a great old farmhouse where you will see height markings on the molding around the kitchen/hallway door-frame from when i was growing up. Both me and my sister know how to change a tire/oil/oil filter/headlights/and other things on a car because our father wanted us to grow up knowlaged. I also know how to cook, garden, sew, draw, arch, photograph and develop, sing, play piano and harp, and give myself my own haircuts (you have no clue how hard it can be). I was raised in a house with constant animals. I was born on the feast day of the patron saint of animals (st francis of Assisi). I've been to Assisi, Italy. My parents are both great wonderful people who are still together after 24 years of marriage. My mom snores. My dad loves it. I'm a dean's list student in college, and in my all girls catholic high school I won the technical drama award. I take programming classes and I've gotten better marks in my Discrete math class than most of the other guys (i'm one of 2 girls in a 15 person class). I have a loving boyfriend of 10 months who dabbles with me in the bsdm lifestyle. We share great friends and we're growing stronger every day, even while dealing with the distance my college puts us through. Never have i felt pressured or abused by him. The one and only time he ever said a harsh word in a mean way to me I pulled the car I was driving over and laid down the law that if he ever says something like that to me again I will drop him so fast he won't realize what hit him. He has never done it since. We have respect and love for each other. We also have trust. If anything our trust is reflected in our bsdm efforts.

Now that i sound like marry poppins...
What's my excuse for being "deviant" because it's not childhood abuse.


(I still have my tiara.)

 

[Lady Godavino]

haha - you do sound like mary poppins
but it's all good

 

[lark sparrow]

Good God, Richard. Can't you confine your predatory antics to people who are at least aware of what is going on???? In my opinion, for you to come on this thread and prey upon people who are new to this, and discussing past abuse is just more evidence to support my position....that predators abound on this site.

This position?

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=155297

 

[lark sparrow]

or this one?
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?s=&threadid=156874
It's rather telling that you choose to attack and disrupt on a thread which actually covers the topic you've been desperately seeking and profess to care about, lancemanyon.

 

[Tiestheknots]

Enough about Lance. The best thing is to ignore him.

What I have read so far arouses my curiousity. Do a lot of subs have a history or sexual abuse as children? How does being in a D/s relationship affect your feelings about the past? Does being in a D/s relationship somehow "help" (?) you with whatever troubles are in the past?

Tying up a grown woman and giving her a proper spanking is one of the more exciting and gratifying things I have ever done. We are doing something we both want to do. The idea that somebody did something similar to this woman as a child gives me the willies.

Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice said.

 

[pierced_boy]

Here Here TTK lance who?

No I never had anything close to abuse as a child. I am submissive because I am submissive. I like senstaion play and bondage and service because it stimulates my brain which gives me pleasure and makes me think.


Ammre
Your post was anything but boring. What an exciting and fullfilling life so far. I hope my son finds somebody like you to share his life and love. And Mary Poppins should eat here heart out. She never felt the caress of leather on skin, never quaked at the sight of BDSM eqwhipment.

Harry

Enough about Lance. The best thing is to ignore him.

What I have read so far arouses my curiousity. Do a lot of subs have a history or sexual abuse as children? How does being in a D/s relationship affect your feelings about the past? Does being in a D/s relationship somehow "help" (?) you with whatever troubles are in the past?

Tying up a grown woman and giving her a proper spanking is one of the more exciting and gratifying things I have ever done. We are doing something we both want to do. The idea that somebody did something similar to this woman as a child gives me the willies.

Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice said.

 

[lark sparrow]

Enough about Lance. The best thing is to ignore him.

What I have read so far arouses my curiousity. Do a lot of subs have a history or sexual abuse as children? How does being in a D/s relationship affect your feelings about the past? Does being in a D/s relationship somehow "help" (?) you with whatever troubles are in the past?

Tying up a grown woman and giving her a proper spanking is one of the more exciting and gratifying things I have ever done. We are doing something we both want to do. The idea that somebody did something similar to this woman as a child gives me the willies.

Curiouser and curiouser, as Alice said.

I don't have any history of sexual, mental or physical abuse as a child. It is an interesting topic, and one most worthy of discussion for those who live with both - the history and the present involvement or desire for BDSM... but I do wonder if it's like asking all Honda Accord car owners if they have been sexually abused as childrem - some have, some haven't, though with sexual abuse and specific sexual desire as an adult they are certainly more linked. We could also ask those who enjoy vanilla sex only if they have a history of childhood sexual abuse and we may very well get about the same averages and feelings of conflict.

 

[Netzach]

I entered the scene as a Dominant, then bottomed to learn/submitted, then considrered myself a switch, and a very versatile one, now I'm more full circle, a Dominant with the rare bottoming jones.

As a kid, no sexual abuse.

Some inappropriate parental hitting, but not a daily occurance.

Some mental-emotional abuse.

The only thing I find weird, and not in a bad way, that goes back to my childhood, is that my mother would sometimes grab me by the hair, even in public, and drag me down the street, it was intensely degrading and the worst thing she ever did to me. I finally hit back when I was about 20 and she never tried again. (bear in mind it took me that long)

The weird part:

Well, you'd think I'd hate the hair pull thing, especially paired with berating language, but surprise, it was really hot for me at one time in my life.

I don't think that's really more than parenthetical for me, and it is not a source of any consternation or problem.

 

[Tiestheknots]

I tried the sub thing once and had a really ugly (and dangerous) experience. Been a Dom ever since. What gives me the willies is the idea that a sub could make some sort of connection between me and some guy that abused her as a child. Or perhaps having the sub relive a childhood experience, with me as the substitute abuser. Grown women that want to explore their submissive side are exciting. Little girls are not.

There are a lot of variations, correlations or possibilities here. Yes, being abused as a child could make you prefer Honda Accords. Perhaps not.

I wonder how "Unregistered" feels about the subject?

 

[Richard49]

I wonder how "Unregistered" feels about the subject?

In the second post of the thread "unregistered" tells us who she is

 

[Richard49]

When I came into the lifestyle many moons ago
and where I came into it at

It was highly suggested that a person who thought they were a Dom should spend a year training with another Dom and that training was being there submissive

I spent my year as the submissive of a Dom couple.
I walked away after that year with many things

one was that I was very pleased I had done it that way
secondly I can relate to what I do to a submissive
three the importance of consent

 

[shelleb4]

Yes, maybe you are a domme, im sure you would be able to play a very convincing part, you have had ample opportunity to observe them. But ask yourself this, run the same scene through your head being the Domme, then again with you being the sub.
Whichever scene is more arousing is what you truly are.

It would seem ridiculous to suggest that your early rapes have had no impact on your sexuality, so i wont.

You are very lucky to find a partner who will go with you on that journey.

Is it sick? Fuck yeah!
But fantasy knows nothing of societies norms

 

[ethereal~minx]

you're in the right shoes!!!

having had a similiar history but all self-inflicted--- and this is all hindsight.. I was not consciously just giving and I was not consciously denying my own boundaries, I unconsciously placed the other person's needs/wants/desires above my own at that time---- giving sex because that's what they wanted & because I didn't want to lose the ''connection/friendship/relationship" then I'd deal with my own conflicted heart at a later date (I wanted them to know me in my heart & I now see I thought that meant through sex/makinglove) I hold no one accountable for any experience I've been in--- had I not had them, I wouldn't be where I am now---okay, that said this is the rest_of_the_story *smiles*

I had been pondering these thoughts for awhile~~ thought maybe I should dominate to gain that sense of control--- it'd be on my terms[/] and of course by being the domme I wouldn't need to worry about losing any connections/relationships etc because I know what I got to give is highly sought and men want good sex *chuckling at the way the mind rationalizes* I'd never be hurt either because my heart reeeally wouldn't be involved---just my body (excuse me Dom's --I know this is NOT rational or true of who/what/where you are)
then I encounted a person that completely and unconditionally loved me--so much so that it felt untrue/I'd not ever felt that before-- & I wanted to push it away
what I came to realize is that I don't need to dominate, I need to submit to unconditional acceptance of me~~ even when it feels unnatural to me--- (the denial of such a gift is a mirror)

when you have someone that is consciously willing to accept you and sees in you a brighter light than you see in yourself, think twice about throwing it away---- cherish the friendship, be a friend in return ---who knows, that very person may turn out to be the one but you'll never know until you lay down that cross that you've unconsciously been carryin around & let yourself feel the fire, feel the pain and feel the benevolent kindness/love/acceptance~~ this is where it takes our strength---- we must submit to this higher acceptance of ourselves and for you and I and probably most of humanity, it's not an easy thing to do


you're in the right shoes, just be conscious of yourself and when in relationship w/ a dominant, or even before--- ask for a conscious commitment to be held within a benevolent framework

 

[shelleb4]

yeah, what she said.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

bump (back later, thanks!)

 

[Xelebes]

Time for me to post.

I have never been sexually abused but physical and mental abuse? Yes. Maybe not to such extremes as has been posted.

I don't know when or who started it. I know coming to Edmonton back in Grade 1 was probably a bad move - I was always in conflict with the fellow students all the way to a climax of brutality in grade eight. I think it was more of the atmosphere of the neighbourhood that caused me to be so hated.

I was constantly bullied in elementary school into junior high school where the swarmings (massive scale bullying - 10+ people surrounding one particular person) took place. Thankfully we moved to the other side of the city.

Cold comfort it was. My parents are profoundly religious (Baptist) and condoned discipline. Question, what was the limit? I don't think my dad ever knew the limit. When my younger brother finally got into school and I was in grade six, my brother's disabilities frustrated my parents to no end, not realising his disability of Asperger's Syndrome. Beatings, him first. It finally progressed to the two other young ones, I included. There was only one person in my family who was sexually assaulted and that was my younger sister who was molested by my dad's friend.

The biggest one that sticks in my mind was when I finally snapped and gave up when I was 17. I laid on my bed unresponsive. What was my father's reaction? First it was sincere concern but then progressed to smacking me around and then finally with the help og my mom dragged me over to a coffee table (which was in my room for convenient storage) and dropped me over it. That is still fresh in my memory, was more than a year ago. My parents finally saw something wrong and had sent me to see a psychiatrist, never telling of what happened in great detail that night. I don't know if that would have made a difference but could have as the shrink was of no use to me.

Yeah, I know I should probably see a different therapist but not until I can leave my parent's house.

In the end, this is what I have become relishing the idea of being led and cared for, to help me regain some sense of being. I realise that I am submissive.

 

[Texas_Rose]

I had similar experiences as a child. I was abused sexually and I can sympathize with you.

It is very confusing, having that kind of past and being into the kind of things we are into. You wonder if you are the way you are now because of what happened then? Did that trauma fuck you up for the rest of your life?

I cant answer those questions for you. I can only tell you that for people like us it is a very tangled web that someone else did weave. I urge you to talk to your therapist.

Therapists should be nonjudgmental. And if you don't like her response or you feel she doesn't understand where you're coming from you have the right to see a different therapist.

Keep going till you find someone you feel at ease with. And then talk to them. You'll be amazed at the compassion some people will have for you and what they will do to help you.